5+ years between kids?

[Fintastic]

Does anybody have five or more years between two consecutive kids? What do you like/dislike about it?

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Does anybody have five or more years between two consecutive kids? What do you like/dislike about it?

My oldest is almost 15 and my middle child just turned 10. The girls get along sometimes but the age difference is huge at this point. They rarely play together because their interests are so different. They do love each other but tend to bicker alot. My youngest is 16 months old. The older girls adore their baby brother and fight over his attention.

It is interesting to have 3 at such different stages in life at the same time. They all love each other as siblings do but they don't get along all the time.

 

[BellyBaby]

Ha ha! I'm smokin' both of you so far! My oldest is 13 and my youngest is 3. Second marriage produced the second baby, after much pleading.

Anyway, what I love: My son adores and is very protective of his little sister. He does not consider her "half sister", but the only sibling he's ever going to have. He's old enough to appreciate the wonder that was the pregnancy, and then after she was born, the entertainment that babies provide. He likes to hear stories about how he was when he was "that age".

I love that I was able to spend soooo much time with my son one-on-one. I can't imagine having several tugging at me for attention. I'm not an overly energetic person! My friends have many little ones, and they're suited for it.

Plus, he's a great help when I need it. I don't believe in totally burdening him with babysitting duties, but I also believe that children help around the house and do chores - watching his sister is a walk in the park compared to the farm work we had to do growing up. Besides, I always give him an option: dishes or Maddie? He usually chooses his sister over everything else.

Love: It will be easier to finance their schooling with so much time apart. We will have years to recover from sending #1 to post secondary before #2 starts.

What I don't love: Not much. The only silly thing is this - I sometimes look at my son and get sad b/c I realize how quickly he grew up b/c he was my daughter's age what seems like only yesterday. Then I look at my daughter and get sad b/c I feel like I have to hang on for dear life b/c she's going to grow up too fast as well. They are constant reminders of how precious those baby years are. My husband thinks I'm a lunatic, but I'm getting sentimental in my years I guess.

I myself come from a family where my siblings are 5 years in between. I'm smack in the middle. Growing up I was close to each, (being the middle) but now more so to my sister than my brother. that's probably just a girl thing tho. Personality, too. I know many siblings that are close in age and never talk. wow! sorry for the book. Good luck!

 

[pigget74]

My kids are DS14, DD11, DS3, and DD1. We were finished after our DD and then we found out when she was 7 that we were expecting. We did not want him to be like an only child so we decided to have another. The older two adore their younger siblings, but also enjoy their time with friends. They are a great help when they want to be. The younger two adore the older ones and love the attention that they give.

 

[katiebug86]

Well I don't have any kids, but my siblings have HUGE age differences!

My sister is 7 years older than me and my brother is 17 years older than me. My sister and I fought a lot growing up.. for moms attention and just because we didn't have a lot in common back then. Now we are as close as can be. You would think with the huge age differences we would not be close, but I am so close with both my brother and my sister.

 

[powellrj]

My kids are 25, 17 and 12. My middle child has never gotten along with either child.

None of the kids are really anything alike, so that added to the age difference makes it hard to do things as a family.

I tell people I have 3 only children, because sometimes it seems that way.

Whats funny is many people don't realize we have 3 children! DD needed a speaker for her school for Veterans Day and she volunteered her older brother, most of the teachers knew our middle DS was her brother, but most had no idea she had an older brother, let alone one old enough to be a vet!

At times he is almost more of a parent to her, several of her friends have very, very young parents that are almost the same age as her brother, thats odd too!

Vacations we always split up when we went to theme parks because of the age difference with the kids. I always took the older kids and did the coaster and DH always took the younger kids and did the kiddie type rides.

The only real downside is that you are a parent for a very long time. We have been married for 30 years and it will be another 10 before we will be childless. By that time DH and I will be in our 60's and we will have spent the last 35 years raising children. It has just been in the last year that DH and I have been able to get away without a sitter or taking the kids with us because they are now old enough to have a social life. They go to ball games and have lots of extra curricular things to attend so we are getting a few hours alone which is very nice!

The plus side is they do keep you thinking young.

 

[SLK1]

I love this thread!! I had big hang-ups about my kids' age differences (14, 12, 7, 1). But, the oldest two are very close and although fight at home, they miss each other terribly when the other is not around. The 7 yo adores her 12 yo sister (cute story: the 12yo bought "Best Friend" necklace for her friend. The 7 yo hid the necklace because she later told me that SHE wanted to be the best friend!!). The baby adores her older siblings and gets so excited when they come home from school. It's all very cute really, and it's also nice to have built-in babysitters. We experience it all: from puberty to diaper rashes - it's all in a days work around here.

It doesn't come without challenges though...does anyone feel like they have been changing diapers or dealing with a baby for their ENTIRE life!??? We also have to strategize on vacations - we divide and conquer and make sure everyone gets to do something they want to do - no small task given their ages. But, I believe having the younger ones around helps make the older ones more responsible and also more sympathetic/empathetic.

 

[powellrj]

I love this thread!! I had big hang-ups about my kids' age differences (14, 12, 7, 1). But, the oldest two are very close and although fight at home, they miss each other terribly when the other is not around. The 7 yo adores her 12 yo sister (cute story: the 12yo bought "Best Friend" necklace for her friend. The 7 yo hid the necklace because she later told me that SHE wanted to be the best friend!!). The baby adores her older siblings and gets so excited when they come home from school. It's all very cute really, and it's also nice to have built-in babysitters. We experience it all: from puberty to diaper rashes - it's all in a days work around here.

It doesn't come without challenges though...does anyone feel like they have been changing diapers or dealing with a baby for their ENTIRE life!??? We also have to strategize on vacations - we divide and conquer and make sure everyone gets to do something they want to do - no small task given their ages. But, I believe having the younger ones around helps make the older ones more responsible and also more sympathetic/empathetic.

I noticed you have 13 years between your oldest and youngest too. There is nothing more frustrating than teaching one child to drive while you are potty training another one!

 

[thelindysix]

Mine are 17, 15, 13 & 2. The older kids are awesome with their little brother, and it is nice to have 3 built-in babysitters! Some days are definitely more challenging than others, though, as we try to deal with everything from dating to diapers, but we love 'em all and wouldn't change a thing!

 

[StephMK]

Yep, mine are DD14, DD8 & DS6. It has it's ups & downs & would not have been my first choice in size of family (wanted 4) or spacing but I wouldn't trade any of them. Nothing is ever perfect anyway but the spacing hasn't been much of a problem.

Yes, DD14 is into her own stuff & sometimes wished for a sibling closer to her but she & DD8 have their special times together. DD8 & DS6 are very close & lots ask if they're twins. DD14 & DS6 aren't that close -there's a slight jealously between the two over the middle I think. DD8 is definitely the bridge that binds them all. Maybe that's partly why she's half girly & half tomboy.

DD14 babysits for us but sometimes the younger two give her a hard time. They go through stages of being really close and not so much but we divide & conquer for a lot of events. As the younger two are getting older, it's getting a little easier to find activities/shows we can all enjoy as a whole family.

Good luck!!!

 

[carrie6466]

We have a 19 yr old and a 5 yr old. It's not what we had planned, but it's what happened. The 19 yr old isn't living home at the moment, so they don't really bond too well. He comes home for holidays or the occasional weekend. The 5 yr old always talks about how she misses him, but I don't think I've ever heard the same from him LOL

I just hope as they get older, they get closer, because it really is just the two of them.

 

[Melrosgirl]

Mine are 7 years apart. If I could do it over, I wouldn't wait so long. The age difference is huge. They get along, but usually not. It's like starting all over again too as far as being a parent goes. You think you know it all bc hey, you've done this before, and the age difference is so much, you realize you have forgotten all the tips!

 

[minkydog]

DS22 & DD15 are 7 years apart. I lost a baby in between them and I worried about the age difference. I shouldn't have. Its been fine. They are very different personalities and they have many things in common. They get a long very well and I don't think they have ever had a fight. Sure, when they were younger we had some issues of "what movie can we watch?" and some bedtime whinings, but really it has been a piece of cake.

Interestingly, they have both ended up in music and theater. DD is a dancer/singer and DS is a writer/musician. OMG, I may never get them out of the house!

 

[WantToGoNow]

I think I'm in the lead. My "kids" are 24 (still at home), 7 and 4. There is a 20 year difference between the first and the last. But in my case, it's not like sibblings - it's like an extra parent in the house. Ashley is a 2nd mother to my little ones. Just recently, I've heard my ds7 tell her she can't tell him what to do because she's not his mother -- she took care of that right away. My ds7 and dd4 are starting the regular sibling bickering/arguing.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I have DD13, DS11, DD5, and DS2. This isn't the "spread" that I envisioned, but it's what we have. Suprisingly, right now, the closest are the middle two, despite their age gap.

As a pp stated, we split up a lot at WDW. We also have to have really clear schedules, as various activities have us going in opposite directions most days. It's important to me that each child get a share of activities and also mom and dad time.

Upside: DD13 adores the little ones and they really look up to her. The young ones help you to appreciate where the older ones have "been", while the olders help you to see where the little guys are going. KWIM? I won't be potty training forever , but I won't always be able to fix a boo-boo with a kiss and a bandaid, either

Downside: We all have to learn to compromise. Nobody gets their way all the time. Quiet time is precious. Sometimes the snarky teenage attitude rubs off on the little ones. I feel like the little guys get dragged to a lot of stuff, but they seem to enjoy it.

 

[pigget74]

I love this thread!! I had big hang-ups about my kids' age differences (14, 12, 7, 1). We experience it all: from puberty to diaper rashes - it's all in a days work around here.

I noticed you have 13 years between your oldest and youngest too. There is nothing more frustrating than teaching one child to drive while you are potty training another one!

I so know what you are talking about with these. DS was almost 11 when younger DS was born. The week before he was born oldest DS had a grown up experience and I rolled over and looked at my husband and said--Oh My God what have we gotten ourselves into. One is going through puberty and one is being born. My oldest is 14 and youngest just turned 1.

 

[tzolkin]

My oldest and middle child are 5 years apart. I would not have planned this and was actually very worried about it. DH and I both went to college when the oldest was a baby and waited until we were finished to have another. I got pregnant the month we graduated.

In my family I am 5 years older than my youngest sibling, so my parents had 4 kids age 5 & under. We were all less than two years apart and so were all of my cousins. Kids being really close in age was all I knew, so I was scared of having a difference. DH is an only child, so he didn't know what to expect either.

It has actually worked out fine and I was overly worried for nothing. We have a third child and the two little ones are 2 years apart. (They're 9,4,2) We do alot of "special" things with our oldest to make sure she gets some time that's not centered around baby things, but she doesn't really seem to mind. DH or I will take her out for an evening to something educational or to a water park. When we were at Disney, one night she and I went to MK by ourselves while DH stayed at the hotel with the little ones. The other positives when I had my second were that my oldest had no jealousy issues and I wasn't changing diapers for two.

DH & I have decided not to have any more children partially due to the age difference. We would like to travel and do more educational/grown-up things, but if we had another baby that would add a few more years onto our "baby" stage. For now things are great, but if we had another baby it would become increasingly difficult to do age-appropriate things with our oldest.

 

[NMAmy]

I have one child so no experience as a parent of kids with a big age gap but one of my sisters is 10 years older and one is 3 years younger. I've always been closest to my older sister. She was like an extra mom to me when I was young and we have been extremely close as adults. We have very rarely fought in our lives. My younger sister and I, on the other hand, have bickered constantly forever and we have a very strained relationship as adults.

 

[dizneyluv]

Mine are 22, 15, and 5. The oldest was a junior in high school when I was pg with the last one and a senior during his first year of life.

Both older children adore and cherish the youngest, they were constantly wanting to hold him as a baby. Youngest ds taught them the one lesson in the best way that I never could have, the sweet love of a baby. Their love for him soared and the love and tenderness they developed because of him would never have happened were it not for his birth and life.

The oldest is now graduated out of college and a teacher in another town. She really misses us but at the same time loves her new life. The younger two REALLY miss her.

The 5 and 15 year old have nothing in common and everything in common depending on the day. Sometimes they'll will wrestle, play the playstation (something easy for DS5) hike the football, etc. Other days oldest ds is too busy for him. Youngest ds worships both his older siblings.

I hope they grow up to be close and their eventual families are close. They will be all they have as DH has a very small family and I have almost none.

My only regret is that DS15 is lonely sometimes. He has friends and activities but I know he wishes for a brother close in age too him.

Oldest DD22 is their guardian in our will should anything happen to us. This is comforting because she would raise them with the same love that I would.

It's not what I thougth I would have as a family but it's the one that was destined for me as a mother and there's nothing I would change.

 

[nosy parker]

Mine are DS22, DD19, DS7 & DS6.

It's a lot of love and a lot of challenge at times. The younger boys idolize their big brother. And the older ones have always been great with them, for the most part. Except for a while when DD was going through her mid teens and was as self-absorbed as girls are at that age. Then, she had no time for them, but then she had no time for anything but clothes, makeup, going out and friends. I do have to say that it was a wonderful help however, having the built-in babysitters. We never forced them to watch their little brothers for a Friday or Saturday night, but it is darn convenient when you have to run out for an errand and you don't have to take the little ones along. I remember what that was like when my oldest were young. Had to pack them up in the car just to run out for milk. Now I don't have to do that. And of course the older ones were home on school nights as teens, so DH and I could get away for dinner and a movie on occasion. Now that my eldest has moved out and DD is older (and not around as much) I miss that convenience. Although for us it's normal, I do see how strange it seems to be dealing with the entire gamut of child rearing all at once. Babies and big kids all at once. One was graduating from Pre-K one year, while his sister was graduating from High School!

The biggest plus of all is that it is the best form of birth control for teens. Believe me that big bro and sis got to see first hand what is involved in having a baby - and they wanted NO part of that as teens! They saw how much work is involved and how much time is required to devote to babies.

One big 'issue' for us however, was having to be up so early with little ones and then having to drive all over town really late driving/picking up the older ones at night when they were out. Never got much sleep - my DH is a saint for all that. Seems he was always the one getting the late pick-up of all the friends to drive home!

And you have to remember to advise the parents of the little ones friends about the age dynamic in your family otherwise the following could happen:

My little guy was 4 at the time and had a friend over for a playdate. His big brother (20) was home at the time. His little friend had been over a couple of times. Anyway, one day his mom was telling me that when her son got home he was telling her something about the playdate and was talking about my youngest son's "other daddy". So of course she says to him "what are you talking about, other daddy? He only has one daddy" and her son says "no he has two, one that gets dressed and goes to work, and one that stays home in his pyjamas" Guess who's the daddy that stays home in his pyjamas? Yep, big brother hanging out at home watching tv in his sweats! She said at first she was wondering "what the heck?!?" until she realized who he was talking about! I never laughed so hard.
And that, my friends, is how rumors get started.....