5+ years between kids?

[SLK1]

Well, God bless whoever started this thread because I am so enjoying reading about all the families out there like mine. Our oldest will be starting college when the youngest starts kindergarten! No, it's not what I would have chosen, but sometimes you just can't plan out things and you manage what was given to you.

One more issue to watch out for...you have to be very careful about the mouths on the big ones and the ears on the little ones! I remember my 12 yo having a friend with older siblings and I would think, "Uh-oh, what might she learn from those older siblings..." and now I realize people are going to be saying that about MY little two!!! My big fear is that a mom will call me with some horrific thing my child said that they learned from their older siblings!! Last year, my kindergartner had "homework" - she had to draw something hot. Her older brother said, "Draw a hot girl!!". Oy.

But, it's cute to watch the older two go crazy over Santa and the Easter Bunny and do the little kid things that we wouldn't do if it weren't for the younger ones.

 

[brockash]

I have a DS almost 7 and DD 18 months. It is nice that the DS is able to help with things, like entertain his little sister. It's also nice that I think when she was born he was old enough to not really feel jealous, and he absolutely adores her. He loves to make her laugh and happy and she's his biggest fan. It's also nice, at least for now, that they don't fight about anything. I'm sure that'll change as she get older, but I think the closer they are in age the more likely they are to fight, because they'll have more of the same interest and more competition. I also like that I only had to deal with 1 kid in diaper's at a time. There are definetly times that I wish I had one in the middle of them age-wise. I keep thinking about how it'll be 5 more years and my DS will be almost 12 before our whole family is able to ride all the rides together at WDW. I know this is going to sound kinda crazy, but I also kinda wish that I had them close enough that they were both able to be in a double stroller together when we're out. I'm not really sure why, but... I also worry about how much they'll have in common, and if my DS will feel more like a much older brother than just being a sibling. I want them to be able to bond very well, and I'm not sure how that works when they're farther apart. I grew up with 3 sister's and we're all about 2 years apart, and they were and still are so important in my life, and I'm so grateful that I have them. That's something that was very important for me to give to my children, and I'm not sure how it works when the children are the opposite sex and farther apart in age. I'm sure they'll be close, but I just wonder if they'll be missing something/someone to bond to closer in age and who they have more in common with. Honestly, if I could do it over again, I'd probably try to have them closer in age, but there are advantages when they're farther apart.

 

[Missin'Disney]

I want them to be able to bond very well, and I'm not sure how that works when they're farther apart.

Well I just wanted to tell you that from personal experience, the bonding has more to do with personalities meshing then how close in age they are. My sis is 13 years younger than me & we're best buds. I'm 34 with 3 kids and she is a senior in college - just celebrated her 21st b-day

She really is the person in life whom I am closest to and she's been living in a different state for 4 years!

So you really never know!!

 

[tnd]

I'm glad you posted this! We don't have a second child yet, but chances are my son will be 5 or older when we do. He is 3 now, and I am in my last year of law school. I want to finish law school, pass the bar and practice for at least a year before having another. Also the firm I am going to work at may be offering 18 weeks of paid leave when I decide to have another baby, and I want to be able to take advantage of that, so I need to have been there for 1 year when the baby is born.

This was certainly not what we had planned. I had expected to be pregnant in my 3rd year of law school and take the bar at a later date, but I was very fortuante to get an amazing job opportunity that I really feel I need to take in order to establish my career. It really helps to read these replies and know I won't be alone!

 

[NY_MOM]

It's so funny that I saw this thread this morning. DH and I were just discussing this very issue last night. We have our wonderful DD who just turned 5 two weeks ago, and of course we would like one more. I am an only child, and now sometimes wish I had a sibling, and DH is the baby of eight and thinks at least one more is necessary. So we were dicussing when would be the "right"time. We will be finally buying our own home in a year and a half and figured that once we're settled there a year it will be an ok time for us. By that time DD will be 8 and we'll still only be 35. It's nice to see all the age differences and what we may or may not be in for. We just figured it would be good financially as well as give them their "own time in the sun", and I think that is so important when they are little. Good Luck to all you parents out there, it is without a doubt the most important job in the world.

 

[PrincessPoohsMom]

I only have one child at the moment, but if she ends up getting a sibling there will be at least a 4 year age difference, maybe more. Bless the folks that have little ones all close together, because I know I couldn't handle it. One toddler climbing the walls is almost too much some days!

I'm the oldest of three siblings. There's almost 4 years between myself and middle brother, then 8 years between myself and the youngest. My middle brother and I have never had a close relationship, and now I very rarely speak to him, and only see him at my parents' during the holidays. The younger one and I, despite bickering constantly as children, are now quite close. He's a college student, and when he's bored and wants someone to chat with on a weekday afternoon he'll call me, since I'm a SAHM. He adores my DD, and visits whenever he can. I feel like our relationship is pretty unique, since in some ways I'm like a second parent, yet at the same time he feels like he can talk to me about things he'd never feel comfortable discussing with Mom & Dad.

My honest opinion is that while age difference certainly plays a role in sibling relationships, the individual personalities of the children and the shared experiences growing up are far more important.

 

[Happy vacationer]

I have 10 years between my 2nd and 3rd child. Our first 2 were 11 months apart and then 10 years later we added a third . All 3 of our children are pretty close (the first two get along better now than ever - at times I was afraid they would hate each other for life). The best part about having a child that much younger is they keep you young. I would have a serious empty nest syndrome going on if it weren't for my youngest. She's brought a lot of happiness and joy into all our lives. The older two (18, 17) love having her around them and she loves to be around them. The hardest thing (which is nothing really) is sometimes the youngest is a little too young to do some things the older kids want to do. For instance - when we go on a family vacation to an amusement park she isn't tall enough for all the roller coasters so one of us will take her to do some age appropriate stuff for her while the others ride coasters and then we change off and someone else takes her for a while later on when there isn't stuff we all want/can do together. I grew up in a family where my sister was almost 6 years younger than me and we grew closer the older we got too. Don't ever let an age difference keep you from having another child if you want another.

 

[nosy parker]

One more issue to watch out for...you have to be very careful about the mouths on the big ones and the ears on the little ones! I remember my 12 yo having a friend with older siblings and I would think, "Uh-oh, what might she learn from those older siblings..." and now I realize people are going to be saying that about MY little two!!! My big fear is that a mom will call me with some horrific thing my child said that they learned from their older siblings!! Last year, my kindergartner had "homework" - she had to draw something hot. Her older brother said, "Draw a hot girl!!". Oy.

Oh my goodness - so true! From pre-school through kindergarten I always explained to the teachers on the first day that my child "may use colorful language" and that I wanted them to know about the older siblings in this context. I explained that any bad stuff was not due to the fact that we spoke like that at home but that there were often teens hanging out and if the little ones were around they might just have heard and picked up a few bad words. We would try to tell the older ones and their friends to watch it, but it's not always possible to be around, and believe me there was nothing cooler and more attractive to my little guys than to 'hang with the big boys'. And believe me that teenage boys enjoy 'teaching' the kids all kinds of things. Most cute....some, not so much.

 

[lucigo]

Mine are 20, 17, 13 and 5. First husband died, therefore the gap. I also now have 2 steps, 18 (who just had a baby) and 15. So I'm a step-grandma, and I have kids in college, high school, jr. high and kindergarten!

So our 5yo DS has autism. The older kids have been AWESOME therapists for him. They love him to death and have been in his face teaching him to socialize and talk since the day he was born. I attribute a lot of his success to them. They each bring something different to his life, and he in turn has brought an immense lesson to each of them on understanding, love, and even tolerance LOL

My DD20 is like a 2nd mommy to him and God forbid anything ever happened to me and DH, I know he would be in good hands with her.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

I have a 12 (13 in Dec) yr old DS, a 7 (8 in Feb) yr old DD, and a just turned 3 yr old in Aug. My first two are 5 yr 2 mos apart. This was not done by choice but I do have to say, God knew what he was doing. I love the age span that we have. My 2nd and 3rd living children are 4 yr 6 mos apart, but we do have a son who was stillborn in between the 2 girls.

 

[Dismom55]

My kids are now 35, 20 and 16, all from the same marriage and father. What I love about it, the oldest one got to see first hand how excited parents can be when expecting a baby. What I hate is one was out of the house by the time the 3rd came along, he has no growing up memories of his oldest sister as by the time he came along we lived in different states and never even met her until he was 10. So it seems I have two families the first, only child, then the other two, even my mind is set that I have two, when asked, it just pops out, I have 2 kids. The oldest one moved to our state, but only stayed a couple of years and off again, living in another state again, she does not keep in contact with her siblings. We have never even been to WDW all as one family, just once when she was younger and twice now with the other two, but never together. I have tried, but her hubby will not hear of it.

 

[parkers*momma]

My children are 8, 15, 21, 25, and 29. So what do I win???

Seriously, while the older ones were growing up there was bickering and never ending teasing but as they grew older they grew closer...phewwwww that was a blessing. As for my "OMG I'M pushing 40 and wanna baby" baby, she is way, Way, WAAAYYYY spoiled and not by us, but by her siblings as well.


One of the disadvantages of having such a wide age range of children it was definitely hard to plan vacations that everyone could enjoy. If we did theme parks, we always had to split up so everyone got to do what was considered fun for their ages. DH took the older ones and I had the younger ones. I have't gotten to ride a roller coaster for 29 years....NOT FAIR!

Some of the advantages:
*** I've never had to hire a sitter for the younger two, one of the older kids always volunteer.
***Santa and the Easter Bunny still come every year because we have a believer.
***It's kept us young at heart playing and enjoying life through a child's innocent outlook. Just last night we were playing on the ground watching a woolyworm. ( Getting down there was alot easier than getting up )
***Our grandchildren don't drive us crazy because there was no lapse from our youngest until they started coming. hahaha
***Having our children at such a large age range left us enjoy each of them as an infant. Once they started getting their independence with pre-school and K, we had another baby.

At the start of one school year, we had one starting K, one in middle school, one in high school, one in college and one having our first granddaughter. Talk about an exciting year!

 

[mmaikisch]

My oldest will be 8 in Dec., and my youngest will be 3 in April, and I just can't seem to seperate them...lol. When my youngest was born, my oldest would put her step stool next to the crib, just so she could sing to her or give her the pacifier when she started to cry. She always wanted to help with everything. I thought it was just a phase with having a new baby in the house, but almost 3 years later it hasn't changed. She still wants to help her get dressed, help her get on the toilet when she has to go, read to her etc. They love each other so much, I just couldn't ask for more =)

 

[Jenvenza]

Not my kids - I only have one - but my sister and I are 5 years apart. And we always got along great until she hit her teens and was too cool for me. Now she is 35 and I am 30 and we are best friends. I think the age difference was fine growing up. It never seemed to be a problem and I honestly cant think of it being any other way.

 

[amandaraye]

Not my kids - I only have one - but my sister and I are 5 years apart. And we always got along great until she hit her teens and was too cool for me. Now she is 35 and I am 30 and we are best friends. I think the age difference was fine growing up. It never seemed to be a problem and I honestly cant think of it being any other way.

OMG you're ME! my sis is 5 years older than me as well. got along great as kids, I (apparently) annoyed the heck out of her when she was a teenager and now I consider her my best friend.

Also, my oldest is 16, middle child is 6 and baby Allison is 2. I think the age difference is GREAT!!! My oldest is a great big brother and the middle son is now able to be a great big brother to Ally. Works out great. Plus Christopher is a live-in babysitter.

 

[Misty89]

I have 2 DD's
almost 17, and just turned 9.

mine fight alot, but it's getting better. ( i am glad, because she will be gone for college in a year and a half )

I am the baby in my family - i have a brother 9 years older, and a sister 10 years older.
again, as others have repeated over and over, it was hard to get along- but as i got older, my sister turned into my best friend/Mom (mom died when i was 10)

 

[mamacatnv]

Mine are almost 9 years apart. DS is almost 19 and DD just turned 10. Also same DH, funny how I feel the need to say that, so many people have asked over the years that I have become kind of defensive about it.

I would not change it. I love the age spread. DS was an only for 9 years and now that he is off to college DD is the only and she is enjoying the extra attention.

The day DS started high school DD started Kindergarten.

DD grew up with 3 parents She and her brother are extremely close and the only real downside is she does miss him terribly so he makes an effort to stop by the house once a week or so and see her, they also email and talk on the phone.

I will admit that while I was packing DS for his Freshman year of college and DD was having a meltdown over Brother leaving I did say to DH: You know, this whole 9 year age difference was a great idea 9 years ago, now.......do you think the Univ. would mind if he brought her along?

The only real downside I see is on my end as a parent. Example: I attend the PTO meeting with a whole bunch of "new" parents and I have such a hard time shutting my mouth since I have been there done that and they have no clue same with teacher conferences, sports etc.........

 

[disneykibbes5]

Mine are not that far apart. However my siblings and I are. I am 31 and I have a 16 yr old brother, a 14 yr old sister, a 7 yr old sister and a 5 yr old sister (the 4 youngest are from my dad's second marriage). there is a big age gap between us and I have children older then my youngest sisters, however we love each other and enjoy the age gapes and the fact that we are not all going through the same things in life. We are all extremely close for as far apart as we are.

 

[blessedby3]

My Dsis and I are 4 1/2 years apart. We fought a lot as kids, but at 41 and 46 we are close and have been for many years.
My kids are 18 1/2, 13, 10 and just turned 1. They all get along pretty well, but we have had times when they bickered constantly. My two oldest (Girl then boy) are much closer now that they are older and both have some of the same intrests- even at 5 1/2 years apart. They all adore the baby and my 10 year old.....she is another story!!! Sweet on minute and firey the next.

I think no matter what the age difference that siblings will have their close times and their not so close times.

 

[Colleen27]

My kids are 10, 7, and 2 months. It isn't the spacing we intended and for a while we gave up on trying for a third, but we got an extra spacial holiday surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test last fall.

I'm a bit worried about how the kids will relate to one another as they get older, but right now the spacing is great. During the day my older two are in school, so the baby gets all my time and attention, and in the afternoons when she's awake and playful, the kids are home to enjoy her. Both the older kids have been very helpful and eager to take care of the baby any way they can, and DD7 especially adores having a little sister. Having a newborn and school aged kids is much easier than having a newborn and a toddler - there's no whining because someone wants a snack or a drink while I'm nursing the baby, no leaving the baby to fuss because the toddler needs help in the potty right when the baby wants to eat, etc.

I really think in the long run, personality matters more than age difference in determining whether siblings will be close. DH is and has pretty much always been very close to his brother, who is 9 years younger. He & his sister, on the other hand, are only a year apart but not very close at all; they were close as kids and through high school, but don't have much in common as adults. I'm not really close with my brother and we really couldn't stand each other through our pre-teen/teen years, and we're only 3 years apart. My mom & aunt are practically best friends, and they're 8 years apart. They still talk about my mom being my aunt's scout leader, chaperoning school trips, etc.

I hope my kids will always be close and we're doing what we can to encourage that, but only time will tell how it works out.