4th baby shower

[I believe]

I am SO glad to hear someone else say this because I feel the same way. And not because I have a house full of kids myself--I just have one. But I send gifts to every family member and friend who has a new baby whether they have a shower or not. And when they have siblings, I send Big Brother or Big Sister gifts, too.

I think having a baby is reason enough for me to send a gift, no matter how many kids they have.

But...to the OP...if you don't like the idea, then just send your regrets.

I also totally agree. If you aren't happy or excited about their baby definitely don't go to the shower.

 

[hipchickie]

while we are trading links...

Dear Word Detective: What is the origin of the word "shower" as it is used in bridal shower, baby shower, etc? -- Bill, via the internet.

.... about 1914, we find "shower" being applied to a heap of gifts "showered" all at once on a lucky bride or incipient mother, usually at a females-only social event (which was originally known as a "shower party").

 

[Laura]

In which Bible is this written???

You write this like it's the end all know all of celebrations! For goodness sake, if someone wants to have a celebration for the birth of a baby, let them call it a shower if they want to. Get-together, party, celebration, shower, banquet.........doesn't matter what you call it, it's still a recognition of new life.

But a shower is not supposed to celebrate the birth of the baby. Most of the time the baby isn't born yet when the shower is held. No matter what you think, showers are for giving presents, not celebrating a birth or marriage. I celebrate a birth of a baby when the baby's born, not at the shower. I celebrate a marriage at the wedding ceremony, not at the shower. It's really not that hard to grasp this concept. I've given presents to babies after their birth and also at christenings. There will also be birthdays.

It's nice for me to give gifts after the birth, because often the parents don't reveal the baby's sex or name before birth (we have friends who had a baby last month and did this). I can give them things with the baby's name on it, clothes that are for a boy or girl and not just a yellow onesie, etc. I'd say that's celebrating the baby, whether the first or the tenth.

But you see, there's this thing called etiquette. It's there so that we don't offend others. From my "Bible" (aka Emily Post's Etiquette), page 550:

Showers may be given for second babies, but the should be restricted to very close friends and family or to people who were not invited to showers for the first baby. They are appropriate if the mother has moved to a new area and has a new circle of friends or if a number of years have passed since the first baby's birth.

Nobody's saying subsequent children should not be celebrated. But people shouldn't be asked to a gift-giving party every time a woman gets pregnant. That's just asking for gifts, and it really isn't fair to people to be expected to do it. And if they don't go, they're seen as not being happy about the new baby? That's really sad.

 

[talulabelle]

But a shower is not supposed to celebrate the birth of the baby. Most of the time the baby isn't born yet when the shower is held. No matter what you think, showers are for giving presents, not celebrating a birth or marriage. I celebrate a birth of a baby when the baby's born, not at the shower. I celebrate a marriage at the wedding ceremony, not at the shower. It's really not that hard to grasp this concept.

You see, there's this thing called etiquette. From my "Bible" (aka Emily Post's Etiquette), page 550:


Nobody's saying subsequent children should not be celebrated. But people shouldn't be asked to a gift-giving party every time a woman gets pregnant.

I LOVE the idea of the "meal shower" for a subsequent babies. That woudl have been the best thing in the world for me when I had my third. I had mine in rapid fire, so by the time the third came, he didn't get alot of attention. Though I didn't expect (or need) gifts, I did feel a little sad that no one treated his birth as special, because he was very special to me. If people had put a meal calendar together for me , I would have been so grateful, not just the help of the meals, but having someone stop by each day to drop off the meal and see us would have been delightful. I could have used the company, and I had a bad case of the baby blues.

 

[Laura]

I LOVE the idea of the "meal shower" for a subsequent babies. That woudl have been the best thing in the world for me when I had my third. I had mine in rapid fire, so by the time the third came, he didn't get alot of attention. Though I didn't expect (or need) gifts, I did feel a little sad that no one treated his birth as special, because he was very special to me. If people had put a meal calendar together for me , I would have been so grateful, not just the help of the meals, but having someone stop by each day to drop off the meal and see us would have been delightful. I could have used the company, and I had a bad case of the baby blues.

Food is always a great gift! I would expect people just hadn't thought of it; I wouldn't come up with that idea myself, but I have no kids yet. I'll have to keep it in mind. So far most of my friends and family just have one or two kids (we know two couples who have twins!) and when we ask what they need after the baby's born, they usually have wanted clothes. I know several people who had big babies and needed larger sizes than the usual newborn soon after birth.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have to say that I am not a fan of the multiple shower thing. I have 4 kids and would have been mortified if I had a shower each time. My kids are very close in age. I do however believe that babies should be celebrated and would have loved a little get together with the girls to celebrate my child. No gifts- just maybe a tea party or something. I think all expectant mothers and babies to be should be celebrated- I just don't think you should be registering for your umpteenth shower. It has nothing to do with my happiness for the baby. I am always thrilled when someone I know expecting.

 

[dogluva]

I have had five "oops" babies-some more of an oops than others. I planned one child, my fourth.

My fifth and sixth babies are referred to as my "bonus" babies.

I had a shower for my first after he was born. My fourth (the one planned) was my second boy and he was ten years younger than my oldest boy. SO my sister gave me a surprise shower and I recieved small items-mainly boys clothes. It was nice but not something I expected.

 

[swilphil]

I didn't have a shower with my 2nd child, planned 2 years after the first, but I do think that a 4th baby, especially an Oops, warrants a shower and a whole lot more.

If you are one of those people who has taken a solemn vow to follow all etiquette rules, instead of being a killjoy at the shower offer to babysit the three older children some time or make a meal for the family of 5. I'm sure Emily Post would approve at such a nice gesture.

 

[NMAmy]

People are more than welcome to buy you a gift, and be excited for your new baby - it is not necessary to have a party to force them to.

And no one can force you to attend a party and bring a gift. If you feel that strongly about it, send your regrets.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I didn't have a shower with my 2nd child, planned 2 years after the first, but I do think that a 4th baby, especially an Oops, warrants a shower and a whole lot more.

If you are one of those people who has taken a solemn vow to follow all etiquette rules, instead of being a killjoy at the shower offer to babysit the three older children some time or make a meal for the family of 5. I'm sure Emily Post would approve at such a nice gesture.

Why? I have 4 children and they were all planned. Are they less important? To me they are not.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I don't mind attending a lot of "Welcome to the World" parties for babies but I do not attend multiple "Showers" for the same family. I guess its all in the terminology.

The showers I have attended did not include clothes or smaller ticket items but consisted of things for the nursery, such as, cribs, dressers, strollers, car seats etc...

The babyclothes, diapers and other items were usually given when we visited the family and new baby after the baby was home.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

while we are trading links...

Dear Word Detective: What is the origin of the word "shower" as it is used in bridal shower, baby shower, etc? -- Bill, via the internet.

.... about 1914, we find "shower" being applied to a heap of gifts "showered" all at once on a lucky bride or incipient mother, usually at a females-only social event (which was originally known as a "shower party").

Like I said, while gifts have been historically part of a shower, the giving of gifts is to CELEBRATE the birth of a baby. Not only that, but if you look into the history of showers you will see that the idea of "gifts" then and now are completely different. The showering of gifts was homemade trinkets and other things as a simple token of celebration.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I had a planned shower for my first baby and a surprise one for my 4th. It was loads of fun and about half the people brought gifts for me--bath products, gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure, etc, etc. I sure didn't expect that shower, but I did appreciate it very much. BTW, my 4th baby was planned...not sure what being planned or unplanned has to do with anything.

 

[Nancyg56]

What it is called does not matter to me, nor does the spacing between babies for a shower or if the couple has had a shower for a baby before. If I want to go I go, if I don't want to attend for some personal reason I simply decline. I stopped worrying about how things look a long time ago. If the invitation is sent in the spirit of including me in the celebration I go. There have been a few invitations that fell into "Emily Post Guidelines" that I would not have crossed the street to attend, and there have been many more that would never pass the test that I accepted and cheerfully attended.

OP: you feel strongly about this so I would suggest that you decline. There is no reason to attend any event that you feel is not appropriate.

 

[hipchickie]

Like I said, while gifts have been historically part of a shower, the giving of gifts is to CELEBRATE the birth of a baby. Not only that, but if you look into the history of showers you will see that the idea of "gifts" then and now are completely different. The showering of gifts was homemade trinkets and other things as a simple token of celebration.

No, the purpose of a SHOWER is to SHOWER gifts on the recipient. If you would like to celebrate a coming baby, do so, but don't call it a shower and then try to pretend it isn't a mad grab for presents

Of course the presents in 1914 were different than those given today The mall wasn't open yet.

I have to say that I am not a fan of the multiple shower thing. I have 4 kids and would have been mortified if I had a shower each time. My kids are very close in age. I do however believe that babies should be celebrated and would have loved a little get together with the girls to celebrate my child. No gifts- just maybe a tea party or something. I think all expectant mothers and babies to be should be celebrated- I just don't think you should be registering for your umpteenth shower. It has nothing to do with my happiness for the baby. I am always thrilled when someone I know expecting.

Egggggzactly!

 

[JunieJay]

This used to be an etiquette no no, but the times they are a changin'. The "rules" on this have loosened.

True. I was brought up believing you only got one shower, for your first baby. I really didn't want one for my second baby because I always in the back of my mind could hear my mother telling me it was tacky (she was already deceased at this point) but my friends gave me one anyway. And it was lovely. Ever since, I go to all baby showers I'm invited to, provided I can make it fit into my schedule. If not, I send a gift. I like the theory that all new lives deserve to be celebrated. But I do understand those who are still stuck in old traditions. Etiquette changes all the time, this is one of those things that has changed.

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

my ds is an "oops". I love him just as much as his sisters! Oops just means a surprise.. you know a surprise is right?? a surprise is something you didn't know you wanted til you got it.

I am with you on this, sister! None of my children were planned. Some of them actually came at REALLY bad times in my life but that did not mean that they were an OOPS or a mistake......they were simply a surprise. They were somethuing that I didn't know was missing from my life until they entered into it. . There has never been a day that I have ever regreted any of my children. We did not think that I could get pregnant with my 4th. He is a miracle baby.....another surprise. The doctors couldn't even find him on the ultrasound until almost 5 months because of all of my scar tissue. We all just thought that I was getting insanely fat and cantankerous for no reason! God doesn't make accidents.
Nicole

 

[northcapemaymom]

I've never been invited to a 2nd or subsequent baby shower, and I only know of one person who had one (given by family). Maybe the multiple shower thing is regional. The trend I'm familiar with in my "circle" was giving a gift after the baby was born that way one knew whether to buy girl or boy stuff. If I was invited to one, I would have to know the person really well - none of this casual acquaintence stuff with party games. Been there..done that too many times with first showers.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I think if you feel resentful about going to the shower or getting a gift, just don't do it.

I don't see anything wrong with having a shower for a child that is born 2nd or 3rd, etc. Doesn't matter to me. Each child is special and I enjoy buying something for people I care about. If I didn't feel close to the person in any way, I wouldn't attend the shower. So, if your heart isn't in it, and you don't feel comfortable going, just decline the invitation.