4th baby shower

[Mono~rail]

This used to be an etiquette no no, but the times they are a changin'. The "rules" on this have loosened. I readily admit that I just don't like going to showers of any kind for anyone. Unless it is a very close friend or relative, I just send my gift. Of course, I let them know ahead of time that I won't be attending.

There was a 12 year gap between my oldest dd and dd twins. I had many offers for showers, but I politely declined them all. I just didn't feel comfortable having one. Really, it was nice having people drop in from time to time to drop off their gift. I looked forward to the company. We had alot of friends give us their baby equipment that they were done with. Once we were done, I either gave it back to the giver or I paid it forward by giving it to another expecting mom.

 

[jenm2878]

I honestly don't see the problem with it. If there is a big gap between #3 and #4, it seems reasonable. When people get married for a second time they often will have a shower. How is this different?

 

[PrincessPAC]

There is a 3 year difference between my 2 boys, and when I was pregnant with my 2nd son, my friends threw a "diaper party". It wasn't a formal shower, just a small celebration, but people were encouraged to bring things like diapers, wipes, & formula.

Cut to 3 years later, when I was pregnant with DD - I didn't get anything! I really needed some "girly" stuff, but it's not like I could throw my own shower - I know someone who did this for her 2nd & 3rd pregnancies. Talk about tacky! She registered & was furious both times that people didn't get the stuff she registerd for. She wanted all new things like high chairs & playpens. BTW - She had 3 kids in 3 years, so it's not like her stuff was old or worn.

 

[talulabelle]

There is a 3 year difference between my 2 boys, and when I was pregnant with my 2nd son, my friends threw a "diaper party". It wasn't a formal shower, just a small celebration, but people were encouraged to bring things like diapers, wipes, & formula.

Cut to 3 years later, when I was pregnant with DD - I didn't get anything! I really needed some "girly" stuff, but it's not like I could throw my own shower - I know someone who did this for her 2nd & 3rd pregnancies. Talk about tacky! She registered & was furious both times that people didn't get the stuff she registerd for. She wanted all new things like high chairs & playpens. BTW - She had 3 kids in 3 years, so it's not like her stuff was old or worn.

That is just greedy! Does this girl have any friends left?

 

[Sleepy]

Maybe I am wrong, but I don't expect anyone but myself to provide the large items needed for my own baby (crib, stroller, etc). I always thought a baby shower was for every child and a way to celebrate the child's expected entrance to our world. I don't understand how it should be assumed every piece of clothing, etc that older sibling have used should be given to the new arrival and that child should be given nothing just especially for him/her. I give a new gift to every child regardless of how many siblings he/she has.

 

[Camicar]

I guess I do not view a shower as just a celebration or a party -- to me the point of a shower is to shower the honoree with gifts they need to set up house or a nursery. If the honoree does not need the gifts, then do not call it a shower, -- call it a party and do not imply that gifts are essential to attendance or register for them any more than you'd do so for any other party.

I find showers when the honoree doesn't really need anything to be tacky gift grabs. So yes, I decline those invitations. (Like the bride who had 5 different showers and actually had to go to new stores to set up registries bec everything had already been bought. Tacky gift grubber.)

In the case of the OP, I actually don't find anything wrong with a shower in that situation since they actually NEED stuff. So that is a shower I would attend and happily so.

 

[HelenePA]

maybe we should only have birthday parties for our older children, after all the younger ones can just have what the older ones go the year before right?

 

[Minnesota!]

You don't have to pay for anything. If you're so against it, don't go.

This is one of my giant pet peeves. I don't care if it's a shower for your 15th kid. A baby is a baby is a baby..........why should the 12th baby get any less of a celebration of new life than the first one?? Sure, they might not need a crib after the first baby........they may not "need" a dang thing. But I consider a shower to be celebration of new life, not "come and bring me a present".

agreed. I just hosted a shower (ok last year) for my BFF - her third baby. A third girl at that. A baby deserves a celebration no matter what!

 

[bluefairy13]

I just wanted to say how sweet some of these posts are to me.

I'm currently due in 6 weeks with #2. DS is 6 and we have next to nothing left. I'm not having a shower and no one has offered. While it isn't all about the presents for me, we've already gotten all the big stuff we need ourselves, I wish someone other than DH, DS and I wanted to celebrate this baby.

It has made me sad because I always want to celebrate new lives. It is just somehow reassuring to me that other people think new babies are something to be exited about. That's all.

As for the OP. Just decline the invite if you think it is 'too much.'

Hi Allison! We should have one for you here! It could be lots of fun. A virtual one, not sending presents, but fun stuff from the internet. Websites with coupons, sales, fun stuff to do?

Let us know! I think it would be fun. I would love to host it for you. Just let us know a good date, we could start it in the morning and party all day!

 

[Malificient Tater]

See alot of us were taught that it was tacky and greedy to have more than one shower, especially if you have kids close together or children of the same sex. Alot of showers now are not in celebration of the child, but greedy parents wanting brand new stuff because they want someone else to get it for them.

I am all for showers, but some of us get burned out on having to buy a gift for someone with a shower for everything. I think it is ok if your friends want to throw a party to celebrate the new baby or a diaper party to get together with small gifts, but when people keep registering every other year is much.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

We used to throw "showers" for all expecting moms at my previous job, regardless of the number of children mom already had. If it was a pregnancy for a 3rd or 4th child, we would get a gift card for mom to a spa or a restaurant. We always treated the event as a celebration of the mom and new baby.

Different strokes...

 

[ZachnElli]

I was invited a neighbor's 14th baby's shower! Yes, 14th! LOL! I was a new neighbor so I don't know if there was one for all 13 kids. And no there wasn't wide spacing between 13 and 14, how could there be! LOL! They didn't need new stuff either, I saw their younger kids all the time and they had new clothes (I know they were new because my own daughter was the close in age as some of theirs and they had the same clothes). I went, bought the baby girl more clothes and had some yummy cheesecake!

 

[Disney Doll]

As someone who couldn't have kids, I think every child deserves to be celebrated.

I don't think the 2nd kid should get stuck with all the cheesy hand-me-downs from the first kid.

I also don't think there is any such thing as an "oops" baby...every baby is a gift.

OP, you got a real "thing" about this, so do everyone at the shower a favor and don't go. A simple "I have another commitment" will suffice. No need to go into a big song and dance about your opinion of showers for any other than the first child.

 

[mumzie2three]

I've had different scenarios for each child over the last 20 years. I had 2 showers for my 1st DD, both were surprises and back before registeries. Since I didn't know what I was having, I ended up with a ton of yellow blankets.
11 yrs later when expecting my 2nd DD, I organized a shower. Tacky but necessary. I planned it to eliminate friction between my MIL and my family.
18 months later with DD#3 there was no shower and I didn't expect one. If there was something I didn't have I bought it or borrowed it.
Now 7 years later I don't expect a shower. I'm lucky enough to have a niece who is lending me almost everything I will need. I have registered though. My sister mentioned a shower but I really don't expect one. But just in case I have picked out a couple of boys outfits, a monitor, and a baby bath.
I think there is no hard and fast rule these days.

 

[Pigeon]

If you can't go cheerfully, just don't go.

I'm not a fan of large families, so I tend to draw the line, too.

 

[aprilgail2]

I guess I do not view a shower as just a celebration or a party -- to me the point of a shower is to shower the honoree with gifts they need to set up house or a nursery. If the honoree does not need the gifts, then do not call it a shower, -- call it a party and do not imply that gifts are essential to attendance or register for them any more than you'd do so for any other party.

I find showers when the honoree doesn't really need anything to be tacky gift grabs. So yes, I decline those invitations. (Like the bride who had 5 different showers and actually had to go to new stores to set up registries bec everything had already been bought. Tacky gift grubber.)
.

I agree-anything after the first shower is just a big gift grab-I have only ever known 2 people that had the nerve to have a shower for more than the first child so it is so not the norm around here.

 

[C.Ann]

Wouldn't bother me in the least..

If you feel that strongly, please don't go with a bad attitude and ruin it for everyone else..

 

[talulabelle]

I guess I do not view a shower as just a celebration or a party -- to me the point of a shower is to shower the honoree with gifts they need to set up house or a nursery. If the honoree does not need the gifts, then do not call it a shower, -- call it a party and do not imply that gifts are essential to attendance or register for them any more than you'd do so for any other party.

I find showers when the honoree doesn't really need anything to be tacky gift grabs. So yes, I decline those invitations. (Like the bride who had 5 different showers and actually had to go to new stores to set up registries bec everything had already been bought. Tacky gift grubber.)

In the case of the OP, I actually don't find anything wrong with a shower in that situation since they actually NEED stuff. So that is a shower I would attend and happily so.

I agree. I can't stand showers for second weddings (or even ones for first weddings when they people are older and already have a house set up) I don't like being invited to a shower when both bride and groom own homes that are totally furnished, and they are selling one of the homes to buy a beach house etc. In these cases , if I want to "celebrate " their marriage, I will buy them an appropriate gift for their wedding, or if I want to "celebrate" thier engagement, I will send them a nice card telling them how thrilled I am for them. But a "shower" is intened to help someone set up house or set up wit hsupplies for a first baby when they are young and don't have money. Outside of that, I will give a gift on my own if I want, but I don't think and organized gift grab is in order.

(I have been invited to engagement "celebrations" for couple that are having their second wedding and already have everything and the invitation reads "the only presents we request is the gift of your presence" I think that is nice, they want to celebrate, but they don't expect gifts.

 

[buzzboys]

It is not the norm around here to have showers after the first baby. I think it would be nice though. My first DS got all of these cute momentos and keepsakes for his shower and right after he was born but DS #2 got none of these because there was no shower, but I did not expect one with him either. It is not the big ticket items but the little things that are special. I

 

[blana]

I think it really depends on the age difference between the kids. My SIL had #3 when #2 was 12. Well, you aren't going to have much at that point. (#3 was my brother's first child, so of course there were showers on our side.) However, if #3 in your case is a year or two older than #4, I'd consider it odd to have a shower for them. That's not to say I wouldn't get a gift. I get a gift for every child. It's just the first time I usually get a bigger gift than I do subsequent times. That time is for the parents. The others are for the child. Make sense?