1st Birthday - Party or no party?

[smkiya]

My son will be turning one next month, and I have been constantly debating with myself about how to celebrate. If it were up to only me, I would have cake and take the family for an outing that day (zoo, playzone, etc.). DH wants to have people over at the house, mainly his mother, sister and her kids. If they come, I'd want to invite my family too. Then the neighbors would want to come, etc. etc. I do not want a "party", and don't think it's necessary. I know people who rent halls for first birthdays, or have mega parties with pony rides, characters, etc. DH wants his family over because "You're supposed to have a 1st birthday party". I just don't want to socialize with his family, I think it will take away from the real celebration of his birthday. His family is influencing his decision of course as my family would go with whatever I decided. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just suck it up and invite them over? Really, it would just be a bunch of adults sitting around with nothing in common, talking. BORING!

 

[minniecarousel]

I say: do both!

Plan something with just you and DH with your DS - hopefully on his actual birthday.

Have a party with family to celebrate turning a year old. It doesn't have to be a big blow-out affair. (I've never understood that!) Do you really need to invite the neighbors? I would think just family would be nice. As a Mom who would like to be a Grandmother some day, I'd be pretty upset if I weren't invited to a first birthday celebration.

Good luck!

 

[All American]

My son will be turning one next month, and I have been constantly debating with myself about how to celebrate. If it were up to only me, I would have cake and take the family for an outing that day (zoo, playzone, etc.). DH wants to have people over at the house, mainly his mother, sister and her kids. If they come, I'd want to invite my family too. Then the neighbors would want to come, etc. etc. I do not want a "party", and don't think it's necessary. I know people who rent halls for first birthdays, or have mega parties with pony rides, characters, etc. DH wants his family over because "You're supposed to have a 1st birthday party". I just don't want to socialize with his family, I think it will take away from the real celebration of his birthday. His family is influencing his decision of course as my family would go with whatever I decided. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just suck it up and invite them over? Really, it would just be a bunch of adults sitting around with nothing in common, talking. BORING!

Based on the first part, I'd say "yes". It seems like you're using the birthday as an excuse to not have to "sit around" with his family. It's his son's first birthday too, and unless his family is dangerous in some shape, way, or form, his wishes need to be considered as well.

I hope you can find a compromise, and don't worry about the neighbors. Just keep it a small family thing. Maybe you could all meet at the zoo for a few hours then go back to the house for cake and presents. This way, you get your day out with your family (it's a big outdoor area, so you won't feel so "stuck inside" with them/his family and can chit chat over the zebras) and he gets to have his family for a party at the house if they want to come over after the day at the zoo or whereever.

 

[npmommie]

My son will be turning one next month, and I have been constantly debating with myself about how to celebrate. If it were up to only me, I would have cake and take the family for an outing that day (zoo, playzone, etc.). DH wants to have people over at the house, mainly his mother, sister and her kids. If they come, I'd want to invite my family too. Then the neighbors would want to come, etc. etc. I do not want a "party", and don't think it's necessary. I know people who rent halls for first birthdays, or have mega parties with pony rides, characters, etc. DH wants his family over because "You're supposed to have a 1st birthday party". I just don't want to socialize with his family, I think it will take away from the real celebration of his birthday. His family is influencing his decision of course as my family would go with whatever I decided. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just suck it up and invite them over? Really, it would just be a bunch of adults sitting around with nothing in common, talking. BORING!

I say do something special on his actual birthday, and plan a family get together to celebrate it on another day.
keep it small and simple, just the family

 

[smkiya]

I say do something special on his actual birthday, and plan a family get together to celebrate it on another day.
keep it small and simple, just the family

This will probably be what we end up doing. His family is just so nit picky and judgmental. I just don't like drama, and will be super mad if they ruin his day.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

We don't "do" birthday parties. We do something special instead.

 

[smkiya]

We don't "do" birthday parties. We do something special instead.

Like what?

 

[cheermom1]

Based on the first part, I'd say "yes". It seems like you're using the birthday as an excuse to not have to "sit around" with his family. It's his son's first birthday too, and unless his family is dangerous in some shape, way, or form, his wishes need to be considered as well.

I hope you can find a compromise, and don't worry about the neighbors. Just keep it a small family thing. Maybe you could all meet at the zoo for a few hours then go back to the house for cake and presents. This way, you get your day out with your family (it's a big outdoor area, so you won't feel so "stuck inside" with them/his family and can chit chat over the zebras) and he gets to have his family for a party at the house if they want to come over after the day at the zoo or whereever.

I have to agree, I get the feeling that you just don't want to be around his family. I have always done what is best for my kids. You don't have to like your in laws but you do have to respect your dh and his wishes as he is the child's father and he should be included as well. I guess I am not understanding the big deal in just having a party.

you can go to the zoo or somehting like that on his birthday then have a family party on that sat around his birthday.

 

[smkiya]

I have to agree, I get the feeling that you just don't want to be around his family. I have always done what is best for my kids. You don't have to like your in laws but you do have to respect your dh and his wishes as he is the child's father and he should be included as well. I guess I am not understanding the big deal in just having a party.

you can go to the zoo or somehting like that on his birthday then have a family party on that sat around his birthday.

Have you ever seen "Everybody Loves Raymond"? Well dmil and dsil are just like Marie. I am the 'butt' of their jokes.

 

[cheermom1]

Have you ever seen "Everybody Loves Raymond"? Well dmil and dsil are just like Marie. I am the 'butt' of their jokes.

then tell then they can stop or they are not invited and if they start in ask them to leave! that is what I would do and I have to my own brother. He got the point and didn't do it again. Your house not theirs!

 

[smkiya]

then tell then they can stop or they are not invited and if they start in ask them to leave! that is what I would do and I have to my own brother. He got the point and didn't do it again. Your house not theirs!

If it were my family, no problem... It's different because it's dh's family and he won't say anything. This is the source of my anxiety and why I'm questioning the whole thing. If they come I'll need a big enough buffer so not to have to associate with them. Because his birthday is on Memorial Day weekend, maybe I'll just have a barbecue with an open house... Hmmmm...

 

[cheermom1]

If it were my family, no problem... It's different because it's dh's family and he won't say anything. This is the source of my anxiety and why I'm questioning the whole thing. If they come I'll need a big enough buffer so not to have to associate with them. Because his birthday is on Memorial Day weekend, maybe I'll just have a barbecue with an open house... Hmmmm...

See I'm such a different person I have NO problem telling anyone what I think and/or to stop doing somehting or stop saying something or they can leave my house! I don;t care if dh will say something or not I'll do it if he won't and I will warn my dh what will happen. Except for my stepsons I try my best to let dh handle all situations with them.

 

[HunnyPots]

For a 1st birthday, I would have a small party with a cake and a few gifts for immediate family and grandparents only. Neighbors? Why would they even want to come? A one year old's party is not a terribly entertaining event unless you're the parent or grandparent. Take the all-important pictures of your child digging into the cake and smearing it all over his face, and call it a day!

 

[laurie31]

We had family only first birthday parties for both our girls. It never occurred to me to invite neighbors. Especially with your first child, what you're really celebrating is your first anniversary as parents.

We are fortunate that both sides of our family get along, so I didn't have the problem you're trying to avoid, but I agree that these are your DS's grandparents, so just have a short ice cream and cake deal so everyone can get the pics of the baby with the cake, and then they can go home. You don't have to sit around talking for hours. Babies get tired, after all.

If you want to be devious, plan the party for an hour or so before his nap time, then you have a built-in ending time for the party. "Thank you so much for coming! I can't believe DS is already a year old. It's time for his nap now, so we'll see you all later. Thanks again for coming!" as you usher them towards the door. Also, putting the start and ending times on the invitation (or stating them, if you just invite people by word of mouth) is a good idea too.

We had our girls' parties at the exact time they turned 1, but I could do that since they were born in the late afternoon and evening, and both their first birthdays fell on a Saturday. Now, they get a party on which ever Saturday is closest to the actual date. I don't have weekday parties. Way too much stress!

 

[castleview]

Have you ever seen "Everybody Loves Raymond"? Well dmil and dsil are just like Marie. I am the 'butt' of their jokes.

That's so nice of them to come to your house and pick on you. Yeah, I wouldn't want to deal with them either. I've been there. If you go through with the party, remember that there's only "year old" birthday and you don't need to do it again. Does DH support you in your issues with his mom and sister?

ETA: As I had more kids, I cared less and less about the in-laws. You'll find it very easy to do what's in your family's best interest as your baby gets older, so hang in there.

 

[harleyquinn]

This will probably be what we end up doing. His family is just so nit picky and judgmental. I just don't like drama, and will be super mad if they ruin his day.

You mean ruin the day for you right? Not for him, because he's not going to remember!

I'm planning my DD's 1st bday party too (she's 9 mo) and I can definitely understand not wanting to deal with the drama of a party. I am not a social person, and I hate family gatherings even though our family is wonderful (I have social anxiety issues).

That said, your baby is part of a family. Your DH wouldn't be here if it weren't for his family, and I do feel that they deserve to be able to celebrate their grandbaby's first b-day.

I think having a day for you and him might be a GREAT way for you to let the junk at his family party go. You can know that you will be celebrating your way with him and just count down the minutes until they are gone if you have to.

 

[EllenFrasier]

Does the zoo you were planning on visiting have a pavilion or picnic area? You could invite your family and your Dh's family to join you in the celebration there. That way if they got on your nerves or whatever, you could say "okay, time for us to go see the giraffes" and off you'd go. Take a break from the family for a little bit and then return to the party. Much better than having them at your house where you cannot simply say "okay family, time for you to go home" when you are ready to end the party. This way, you leave the zoo when you are ready. If they want to leave sooner or later than you, that's up to them.

 

[karibritt01]

If it were my family, no problem... It's different because it's dh's family and he won't say anything. This is the source of my anxiety and why I'm questioning the whole thing. If they come I'll need a big enough buffer so not to have to associate with them. Because his birthday is on Memorial Day weekend, maybe I'll just have a barbecue with an open house... Hmmmm...

That is an issue you need to discuss with your DH the next time he mentions the party. "Why don't you want to have a party?" "Because of the way your mother and sister treat me, and the fact that you don't care. I'd be willing to have the party if you would support me, and ask them to change their attitudes." But as an adult, it is also your responsibility to speak up for yourself with his family. Like it or not, they are his family, you will be dealing with them for a long time to come, and you might as well set some ground rules now. I would be very clear that if they come to the party, that they will behave themselves, or you will be limiting their visits until they learn how to behave politely.

 

[smkiya]

We had family only first birthday parties for both our girls. It never occurred to me to invite neighbors. Especially with your first child, what you're really celebrating is your first anniversary as parents.

We are fortunate that both sides of our family get along, so I didn't have the problem you're trying to avoid, but I agree that these are your DS's grandparents, so just have a short ice cream and cake deal so everyone can get the pics of the baby with the cake, and then they can go home. You don't have to sit around talking for hours. Babies get tired, after all.

If you want to be devious, plan the party for an hour or so before his nap time, then you have a built-in ending time for the party. "Thank you so much for coming! I can't believe DS is already a year old. It's time for his nap now, so we'll see you all later. Thanks again for coming!" as you usher them towards the door. Also, putting the start and ending times on the invitation (or stating them, if you just invite people by word of mouth) is a good idea too.

We had our girls' parties at the exact time they turned 1, but I could do that since they were born in the late afternoon and evening, and both their first birthdays fell on a Saturday. Now, they get a party on which ever Saturday is closest to the actual date. I don't have weekday parties. Way too much stress!

If his family is there, I'm not going to exclude mine. It's a hoilday weekend. There are kids involved. Dsil has 3 and I have my dd so the kids will play together. That's how the neighbors get involved, because they'll play with the neighbors kids outside who I'm sure dd will invite in for cake, and "ba da bing" party. Seems I'll just have to suck it up, and plan for a party. I do not want to sit around "talking" so I'll now have to come up with time waster things to do, because an hour to kids is like 5 minutes. It's Memorial Day weekend so I'll probably have to barbecue. *SIGH*

We took DD to Disney for her birthday. I think after this birthday, we'll make a family tradition of doing a family vacation/outing on birthdays. I think it's much more memorable and the money isn't spent on entertaining everybody else.

 

[castleview]

That is an issue you need to discuss with your DH the next time he mentions the party. "Why don't you want to have a party?" "Because of the way your mother and sister treat me, and the fact that you don't care. I'd be willing to have the party if you would support me, and ask them to change their attitudes." But as an adult, it is also your responsibility to speak up for yourself with his family. Like it or not, they are his family, you will be dealing with them for a long time to come, and you might as well set some ground rules now. I would be very clear that if they come to the party, that they will behave themselves, or you will be limiting their visits until they learn how to behave politely.

Boom! Boom! Boom! I bang the drum in agreement! Sometimes men don't realize a subtle catty remark or they are just so used to dealing with a high maintenance mother or sister that they can block them out. I know my husband was so used to appeasing his SIL so his brother wouldn't have to hear it. Well I came along, tried to play the game, and finally said "it's not my job to coddle this overgrown brat!"