18 yr old is suing parents for college education

[Mkrop]

I love how her attorneys had her dress in her school uniform...give me a friggin break. As someone who wore 12 years of uniforms and my kids now wear them every day, there was no reason except theater for this and to portray her as a "poor" school girl.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

That's exactly why she wore the uniform, and it's actually very common for lawyers to tell their clients what to wear to court.

 

[Poohforyou]

We'll see how this plays out. The judge merely refused to rule immediately and asked that the parties focus on reuniting. I hope they do but I saw the video and the dad faked some tears then sat like stone in the court. It looks like his daughter has inherited his genes. The mother looks like a battered wife to me and I've worked directly with battered women and daughters. She looked frightened and sad, not just sad. This was her first child. Did you hear the context of the last email she sent them before she moved out? Sounds like they/he refused to allow her to take the time to make amends....so who forced the move? Seems like it was daddy trying to prove a point. As parents of very young children, we ALL had to learn not to threaten consequences we were not prepared to deliver. This guy painted himself into a corner with his fury and has lost his daughter because of it.

I think you're projecting a lot into this situation. I think what you have here is a teen that wants to be treated like an adult when it suits her but doesn't want any of the accountability that goes along with being an adult. I think she's used to getting what she wants and her parents were probably too indulgent over the years. Both sides have dug in their heels.

I'm the parent of a teen and I'll admit that I've painted myself into a corner before and probably will again. My dd can be very strong willed and it sometimes gets the better of me.

 

[JanaDee]

http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/v...bts-student-sues-parents-new-jersey.pool.html

Yeah, the judge ain't buying it.

 

[JanaDee]

Looking at the video:

Mom looks spent. My heart breaks for her. She knows the family is broken.
Dad looks like he is done with the little brat.
And the teenaged daughter looks just like, well, a little brat.

You want to drink, skip school, come in at 3am? Prepare to suffer the consequences.

 

[Mkrop]

We'll see how this plays out. The judge merely refused to rule immediately and asked that the parties focus on reuniting. I hope they do but I saw the video and the dad faked some tears then sat like stone in the court. It looks like his daughter has inherited his genes. The mother looks like a battered wife to me and I've worked directly with battered women and daughters. She looked frightened and sad, not just sad. This was her first child. Did you hear the context of the last email she sent them before she moved out? Sounds like they/he refused to allow her to take the time to make amends....so who forced the move? Seems like it was daddy trying to prove a point. As parents of very young children, we ALL had to learn not to threaten consequences we were not prepared to deliver. This guy painted himself into a corner with his fury and has lost his daughter because of it.

Have you ever had a teen like this in your home...one who thinks they can do no wrong, who thinks they should have all the freedom in the world yet none of the responsibility. I saw firsthand my mom go through this with my brother, a good kid who was indulged and spoiled bc my dad died when he was 13, who then at 19 had a GF who was manipulating him to stand up to my mom and demand certain things and yet skipping class for college my mom paid for. My mom said things I never heard her say before bc she was backed into a corner. She had a younger child at home that was being subjected to the constant fighting. She made many mistakes with my brothers but she thought they were the right thing at the time bc they had no dad and she felt guilty about that. I was 10 years older and was actually MUCH harder on my brother than she was. The situation got ugly at times, and for anyone who knew my mom when she did find her backbone they were shocked but it was necessary. And there were times when she was emotionless bc her emotions were just spent, from all the crying when she hung up the phone or all the crying when they argued on the front lawn for the whole neighborhood to see.

So I am not surprised that dad might have been stoic during the proceedings, he may just be emotionally spent, plus he is an officer of the law and probably knows how to conduct himself in court.

I think you're projecting a lot into this situation. I think what you have here is a teen that wants to be treated like an adult when it suits her but doesn't want any of the accountability that goes along with being an adult. I think she's used to getting what she wants and her parents were probably too indulgent over the years. Both sides have dug in their heels.

I'm the parent of a teen and I'll admit that I've painted myself into a corner before and probably will again. My dd can be very strong willed and it sometimes gets the better of me.

 

[NaLisa]

I'm not saying that the girl is perfect, by any means, nor that her parents should pay for her expensive college education. But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

But by their own admission, these parents have spoiled their children, and now they're surprised at the end result. It also seems very obvious to me that the father is a major control freak who uses money to try to manipulate his children. And I believe that he gave his daughter alcohol at the wedding and always kept lots of alcohol at the house, but then he's shocked when she drinks alcohol without him. She's barely 18 and doing some stupid things; they're full-fledged adults and doing some pretty stupid things.

I very much believe that he took a "my way or the highway" approach, giving his daughter everything she wanted and then taking it all away when he thought that would achieve his desired result. Then going to the media and painting a terrible picture of her to try to make himself look like the good guy, no matter the permanent damage his words has inflicted on the entire family.

This girl learned her values from her parents.

 

[Mokat76]

While I'm glad the judge saw through this and ruled in favor of the parents, this situation is just sad for all concerned. I don't think there will ever be a day when they fully repair their familial relationship and that's just a shame. There are no winners here.

 

[mnrose]

If you read the court documents, you will see that both the parents and the teen acknowledge a years long struggle with an ED by the D. Anyone with any experience with this (deadly) disease understands that this probably plays a HUGE role in all this. ED is a sneaky, disgusting disease which is masterful at driving wedges in family relationships....all in an attempt to be able to continue the ED behavior.

I am more than willing to place $$$ on this family either getting inadequate treatment or worse, antiquated treatment (which does more harm than good), for the ED. Since the disease was still evident when this all started, it is not a good thing.

Of course, the mass media doesn't understand this, and indeed, it is NEVER even mentioned by the major outlets. I only saw it when I actually read through all the affidavits.

My DD struggles with an ED (currently in remission), and I KNOW first hand the number that it can do on an otherwise strong family relationship. My DD (actually her ED...not her) hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. She gravitated to my husband, but when he was just as adamant that she had to eat, she hated us both. She threw things, swore at us, etc....all behavior completely out of character for my DD. Once she was restored to a healthy weight, all those abhorrent behaviors subsided, and are now gone. We once again have a healthy, loving relationship....but if you would have walked into our home a year ago, well, I don't doubt someone would have called CPS on us!

Current best practice for treatment of ED says parents must very carefully separate the ED from their child. We loved our child, but hated the disease. When she swore at us, it was not her, but her ED. I don't think these parents have received proper coaching in how to manage this ugly disease. I feel badly for them. I feel badly for the daughter, who obviously is not thinking clearly....being in the throes of this disease makes that IMPOSSIBLE.

I don't think she's "spoiled brat." I think she is a very sick child. Very.

 

[Chin Chin]

I don't think she's "spoiled brat." I think she is a very sick child. Very.

I pretty sure you can have an eating disorder AND be a spoiled brat

 

[rickybobby]

Hurry CDC. We need the affluenza vaccine

I say again.......

 

[gwynne]

If you read the court documents, you will see that both the parents and the teen acknowledge a years long struggle with an ED by the D. Anyone with any experience with this (deadly) disease understands that this probably plays a HUGE role in all this. ED is a sneaky, disgusting disease which is masterful at driving wedges in family relationships....all in an attempt to be able to continue the ED behavior.

I am more than willing to place $$$ on this family either getting inadequate treatment or worse, antiquated treatment (which does more harm than good), for the ED. Since the disease was still evident when this all started, it is not a good thing.

Of course, the mass media doesn't understand this, and indeed, it is NEVER even mentioned by the major outlets. I only saw it when I actually read through all the affidavits.

My DD struggles with an ED (currently in remission), and I KNOW first hand the number that it can do on an otherwise strong family relationship. My DD (actually her ED...not her) hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. She gravitated to my husband, but when he was just as adamant that she had to eat, she hated us both. She threw things, swore at us, etc....all behavior completely out of character for my DD. Once she was restored to a healthy weight, all those abhorrent behaviors subsided, and are now gone. We once again have a healthy, loving relationship....but if you would have walked into our home a year ago, well, I don't doubt someone would have called CPS on us!

Current best practice for treatment of ED says parents must very carefully separate the ED from their child. We loved our child, but hated the disease. When she swore at us, it was not her, but her ED. I don't think these parents have received proper coaching in how to manage this ugly disease. I feel badly for them. I feel badly for the daughter, who obviously is not thinking clearly....being in the throes of this disease makes that IMPOSSIBLE.

I don't think she's "spoiled brat." I think she is a very sick child. Very.

Thank you for your insight. I also think 18 year olds are a work in progress. They make mistakes, they take bad advice, they..aren't mature.
This family will be damaged by all this for years, if not forever. Trust is gone.
So, so sad. The best thing that could happen is tons of sensitive family therapy. Neither the 18 year old or the parents should be firmly planted in a demand of my way or the highway.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't know any of the finer details of the inner workings of this family. What I do know is that this would never have escalated to the level it's at without the meddling of her friend's father, who should have been mature enough to stay out of it.

 

[mnrose]

I pretty sure you can have an eating disorder AND be a spoiled brat

Of course. However, until a victim of an eating disorder is fully weight restored for MONTHS (it can take years even) it is absolutely impossible to determine what behavior is the ED and what behavior is the child. The malnourished brain is not rational in the least. This is beyond dispute. Based on the timeline laid out by both the child and the parents, it is clear to me that the child is still affected by this disease.

Unless you have dealt with a child in the throes of this disease, I don't think you can fully understand how disordered the thought process and the actions can be.

 

[Poohforyou]

If you read the court documents, you will see that both the parents and the teen acknowledge a years long struggle with an ED by the D. Anyone with any experience with this (deadly) disease understands that this probably plays a HUGE role in all this. ED is a sneaky, disgusting disease which is masterful at driving wedges in family relationships....all in an attempt to be able to continue the ED behavior.

I am more than willing to place $$$ on this family either getting inadequate treatment or worse, antiquated treatment (which does more harm than good), for the ED. Since the disease was still evident when this all started, it is not a good thing.

Of course, the mass media doesn't understand this, and indeed, it is NEVER even mentioned by the major outlets. I only saw it when I actually read through all the affidavits.

My DD struggles with an ED (currently in remission), and I KNOW first hand the number that it can do on an otherwise strong family relationship. My DD (actually her ED...not her) hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. She gravitated to my husband, but when he was just as adamant that she had to eat, she hated us both. She threw things, swore at us, etc....all behavior completely out of character for my DD. Once she was restored to a healthy weight, all those abhorrent behaviors subsided, and are now gone. We once again have a healthy, loving relationship....but if you would have walked into our home a year ago, well, I don't doubt someone would have called CPS on us!

Current best practice for treatment of ED says parents must very carefully separate the ED from their child. We loved our child, but hated the disease. When she swore at us, it was not her, but her ED. I don't think these parents have received proper coaching in how to manage this ugly disease. I feel badly for them. I feel badly for the daughter, who obviously is not thinking clearly....being in the throes of this disease makes that IMPOSSIBLE.

I don't think she's "spoiled brat." I think she is a very sick child. Very.

Best practice for any difficult behavior is to separate it from the person, ie "I love you but not the way you're behaving". As in any argument, there's 2 sides and the truth. I hate how people in general are living their life via social media and this is no different. I commend the judge for trying to get the family to reconcile their differences. Hopefully they'll do this in private. The friend's father needs to back off.

 

[mnrose]

I don't know any of the finer details of the inner workings of this family. What I do know is that this would never have escalated to the level it's at without the meddling of her friend's father, who should have been mature enough to stay out of it.

Agreed. I know of other families who have experienced the same thing (child with ED moves out of the family home into a home with a "friend") ....the ED is a master of triangulation. They can even appear "rational" to outside adults. They talk convincingly and sweetly, and convince other adults that the parents are being abusive and controlling. And, you know what? Before my own family was affected by this, I could see how my actions might have appeared bizarre to an outside family. I was "forcing" my child to eat massive amounts of calories every day (nearly 5000). I gave her NO choice in what she ate, when she ate, or the amount. Surely that is abusive! In reality, I was saving her life. She thanks me now. At the time, not so much.


The other family should have stayed out of it. Or, if they felt like they MUST be involved, their involvement should have been limited to helping them get the therapy they so desperately need.

 

[Chin Chin]

Of course. However, until a victim of an eating disorder is fully weight restored for MONTHS (it can take years even) it is absolutely impossible to determine what behavior is the ED and what behavior is the child. The malnourished brain is not rational in the least. This is beyond dispute. Based on the timeline laid out by both the child and the parents, it is clear to me that the child is still affected by this disease.

Unless you have dealt with a child in the throes of this disease, I don't think you can fully understand how disordered the thought process and the actions can be.

But this can be said with any disease. Bi-polar, schizophrenia, ADD, ODD, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc.

People are fighting battles every day. Sometimes, people use these disease to validate bad behavior.

Like, if a woman said “Well, my husband stays out all night and runs up my credit cards and says horrible things to me because he is an alcoholic. He is a victim. I am going to stick by him. It’s absolutely impossible to determine what behavior is the alcoholism and what behavior is my husband.” And, let's face it, hubby isn't going to change.

There is only so much bad behavior loved ones can accept, no matter what the disease. At some point, the person who has the eating disorder, Bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, ADD, ODD, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc. has to accept some responsibility for their behavior.

Suing your parents? Well, she’s a big girl now, isn’t she? Eating disorder or not, she has opened herself up to this.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

This story reminds me of what my husband's co-worker/friend went through recently. His friend belongs to a very restrictive religion and found out 19 year old son was involved with a 17 year old girl. The father told his live in son that he could not continue this relationship if he still wanted to stay at home. (The son had snuck the girlfriend into the home a couple of times.)

Girlfriend's parents invite the boy to live with them! The son cuts all communication with his family. Family doesn't hear from him in almost 2 years.

The girlfriend's family encourage the boy to attend a technical college during this time. I guess to make him more suitable for their daughter. The boy blows it off...doesn't attend class. Girlfriend's parents push him to get a job, but he is not very motivated.

Boy doesn't like the tension so he contacts his mom. His parents agree to take him back, but he must agree to stop seeing the girl. He agrees and leaves without saying anything to girlfriend or her family.

A couple of weeks later the boy's parents were served with papers for a lawsuit from the girlfriend's parents, demanding reimbursement for his living and educational expenses. Boy's parents fought and "won" in mediation. Lots of money went to the lawyers though.

The son continues to live with his parents.

 

[Arielle22]

I have an 18 year old DD who is in her first year of college. She was accepted into 3 schools. 2 were 50k a year. Even after the 20k scholarship she got, we would not have been able to afford the school.

Likewise DD21's first choice was a 50k school with a 24k scholarship. Again, not happening.

DD18 was a good student her senior year but had her bratty moments so we had plenty of drama. DH and I had to put out foot down (as someone else called it backing her into a corner) and we told DD that if certain behaviors didn't change, the money train was ended. Her behaviors were minor compared to this girl's but still not acceptable. I am sure if outside people heard parts of our conversations, they would think I was a horrible mom.

I do not believe parents should be obligated to pay for anything for their children after they turn 18. If the parents do so, then the child should be grateful for the extra help.

I saw a video clip from the court hearing, The girl looked none too pleased when the judge was speaking to her. It seemed that she wasn't prepared for the possibility that things wouldn't go her way.

 

[PrncessA]

Girl seems spoiled and willing to do and say anything to get her way. She obviously threw a fit because she didn't like the rules that her parents had and moved out on her own, now she wants her parents to pay. She is 18, emancipated herself, and now doesn't want the responsibility that goes with it. ED or not, there has to be a point where a line is drawn on behavior, and I say that with much experience in my family.

I grew up with a mentally ill mother who made me move out at the age of 18 because my income from working would have reduced her money from the government. Should I have sued (and I didn't even throw a fit and run away)? Wouldn't have mattered on my end since my parents had no money. But her parents obviously do, and she saw an opportunity, fueled by other parents who should have never got involved.