18 yr old is suing parents for college education

[GrnMtnMan]

She also has a history of posting extremely negative views about children and teens (and parents) on almost every thread that mentions children at all.

That's quite the reputation...

I also really think things are much easier on everyone involved when parents see their job as primarily about guiding and teaching and helping their kids grow into themselves and not about controlling and molding their kids into some preconceived idea of who they should be.

This rings true to me...and feels like the (subconscious) philosophy that my parents employed. I think they did a pretty good job with me and my 5 siblings.

One of the red flags I see with the family in this story was telling the teen she couldn't date somebody. (I have a niece who had a boyfriend like this, and we all tried to keep to the strategy of the best way to get rid of him was to let him dig his own hole. Making him the forbidden fruit makes a lot of his shortcoming forgivable.) I just sense that the parents are a little too much about control.

 

[Mkrop]

That's quite the reputation...
This rings true to me...and feels like the (subconscious) philosophy that my parents employed. I think they did a pretty good job with me and my 5 siblings.

One of the red flags I see with the family in this story was telling the teen she couldn't date somebody. (I have a niece who had a boyfriend like this, and we all tried to keep to the strategy of the best way to get rid of him was to let him dig his own hole. Making him the forbidden fruit makes a lot of his shortcoming forgivable.) I just sense that the parents are a little too much about control.

You dont know that...maybe they did play the wait and see game and hopt the relationship would fizzle in its own...maybe they only stepped in when they BOTH got suspended from school together.

 

[NHdisneylover]

That's quite the reputation...
This rings true to me...and feels like the (subconscious) philosophy that my parents employed. I think they did a pretty good job with me and my 5 siblings.

One of the red flags I see with the family in this story was telling the teen she couldn't date somebody. (I have a niece who had a boyfriend like this, and we all tried to keep to the strategy of the best way to get rid of him was to let him dig his own hole. Making him the forbidden fruit makes a lot of his shortcoming forgivable.) I just sense that the parents are a little too much about control.

I agree. While I do not think the girl should win her suit or has any right to demand private schooling for highschool or that any college be paid for (unless her parents were withholding funds left specifically to her by a grandparent, etc--which does not appear to be the case), I also thought that the parents do not parent in a way that I feel is very effective. Short of abuse, I cannot imagine telling either of my teens who they could or could not date.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

(unless her parents were withholding funds left specifically to her by a grandparent, etc--which does not appear to be the case)

This is an interesting legal question: when can parents revoke gifts? My in-laws helped with down payment on my home. Its pretty clear legally that they can't get this gift back. I'm not clear on how legally entitled I am to rescinding gifts to my young children. The teens transition to the age of majority over the course of this dispute makes it even more complicated. The whole thing is sad and interesting.

 

[AndyLL]

I also thought that the parents do not parent in a way that I feel is very effective. Short of abuse, I cannot imagine telling either of my teens who they could or could not date.

I am so amazed that so many people here feel the parents of a teen should not have a say in who they date.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

I am so amazed that so many people here feel the parents of a teen should not have a say in who they date.

If you haven't raised your child to see good from bad, right from wrong, telling them who they can and can't date is a moot issue. I think that idea is behind the opinion that putting certain people 'off-limits' is a bad idea.

 

[gwynne]

If you haven't raised your child to see good from bad, right from wrong, telling them who they can and can't date is a moot issue. I think that idea is behind the opinion that putting certain people 'off-limits' is a bad idea.

GrnMtnMan, you are wise.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am so amazed that so many people here feel the parents of a teen should not have a say in who they date.

I don't try to control who my teens are friends with or who they would date. I see that as controlling and likely to backfire anyway. I hold them accountable for their own behaviour, regardless of who they spend time with.

I was good friends with someone who had a lot of her own issues when I was a teen, but I was perfectly capable of behaving myself while being friends with her--I think had my parents tried to tell me we could not be friends it would have driven a wedge between us and made me much less likely to trust my parents to give me good advice, etc.

 

[NHdisneylover]

If you haven't raised your child to see good from bad, right from wrong, telling them who they can and can't date is a moot issue. I think that idea is behind the opinion that putting certain people 'off-limits' is a bad idea.

This explains it so much better than I did.

 

[Burnedout]

If you haven't raised your child to see good from bad, right from wrong, telling them who they can and can't date is a moot issue. I think that idea is behind the opinion that putting certain people 'off-limits' is a bad idea.

So very well said!!

 

[jdb in AZ]

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/loca...ncial-Support-Abuse-New-Jersey-249801051.html

 

[Lorelei Lee]

Interesting. I hope they're all getting counseling.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

If you haven't raised your child to see good from bad, right from wrong, telling them who they can and can't date is a moot issue. I think that idea is behind the opinion that putting certain people 'off-limits' is a bad idea.

If it were only that easy! As a social worker for teens to young moms I can tell you that even when you teach a child all those things they can still end up dating a jerk. For example, I teach my daughter about self confidence, domestic violence, right from wrong, but she still finds her self in a bad relationship. The relationship started out great. He was so sweet, nice, well mannered ....did all the right things and was a complete gentlemen to my daughter. Then one day he starts to control her and then as the months go on the relationship becomes more violent...... Most women well take that relationship and think what happen to my sweet man? What did I do wrong to cause his behavior? I can fix this relationship and he will become nice again. I have heard this story over and over.....

If she was dating an abusive guy and the parents tried everything to help her, sooner or later the parents have to say enough. These parents have other children in the home and maybe they needed to do something extreme to get Rachel to see the light.

Personally, Rachel probably would have been back home a long time ago if the other parents didn't get involved. Shame on the girls best friends parents and the boyfriends parents!

 

[barkley]

Interesting. I hope they're all getting counseling.

I hope so as well, but honestly after some of the allegations she made against her parents (abuse-including dad acting in a sexual manner towards her) I would have as a parent serious reservations about her moving back in without some kind of family plan already locked down and in place. this would especially be the case given there are younger siblings in the home (and wasn't one of the parent's original issues w/ her something to do with mistreatment of one of her younger sibs?).

the skeptic in me wonders if this is less 'let's all get along and move past this' vs. the father of her bff reading the writing on the wall that there's no big financial payoff (or reimbursement for the legal fees he put out on her behalf) coupled with all the negative press he's received, deciding to distance himself/cut his losses- and saying 'been nice having you visit-LEAVE'. I also wonder if the school that backed her so much has gotten backlash from the people who donated to the tuition fund for 'poor little rachel', only to hear the 'I want to s--- all over your face' voice mail message she left for her mom it's only been since this kind of stuff came out that someone else from the school let it be known she previously threatened to sue a teacher when confronted about drinking (seems to be her 'go to' response).


only time will tell.

 

[Robinrs]

As a PP pointed out, Disney Doll does not have children. She also has a history of posting extremely negative views about children and teens (and parents) on almost every thread that mentions children at all.

As a mother of two teens; I think a lot depends on the particular child and their personality--parenting is just not a one size fits all thing.

I also really think things are much easier on everyone involved when parents see their job as primarily about guiding and teaching and helping their kids grow into themselves and not about controlling and molding their kids into some preconceived idea of who they should be.

Lots of wisdom in this thread.

I haven't been keeping up, just visited after reading that she was going back to live with her parents and was wondering what you all thought of that.

I so agree that parenting depends on the child. I watched my parents raise 4 COMPLETELY different children, my 2 sisters and my aunt, and learned how to be a Mom from the skirt of what I saw was the BEST Mom ever! I was blessed to have that, and smart enough to be old enough to know that when I finally did have my child, I could see what worked and what did NOT work.

My sisters all had their kids young at the rebellious ages and they decided to reinvent the wheel. They wanted to be their kids' "friends" and be lenient because my Mom was tough.

DID

NOT

WORK.

My youngest nephew was 18 and being arrested the year I had my one and only son. By then I knew who did it right... and who did it wrong. I decided to follow my Mom's way, old school is best.

21 years later I am so glad I did. It's difficult, in fact it's VERY difficult to be the hard butt Mom who loves you to death but I know the end result. Too many new parents want to rewrite history and raise their kids in a way that is not proven to work....GrnMtnMan, if you want to learn, find a grown child who exemplifies what you want in your child to be and find out what his parents did. Don't just find one person, talk to many people and find that middle ground. Parenting depends on the persons involved and the methods used based on the type of child they deal with.

My Mom said she knew the personality of all her kids in the birthing room, base their training on who they are and always be consistent. Teach them the things school doesn't teach them, manners, respect, grammar and kindness. Teach them with influence, never with control. Be the person you want them to be, they will follow your lead.

 

[DopeyDame]

Teach them the things school doesn't teach them, manners, respect, grammar and kindness. Teach them with influence, never with control. Be the person you want them to be, they will follow your lead.

Your whole post was awesome, but this part made me both laugh and cry. Schools should teach grammar!!!!!!!!

 

[Bluestars]

It looks like she has moved back home.

ROSELAND, N.J. (AP) — The New Jersey honor student who sued to get her parents to support her after she moved out of their home has reunited with them, and the family is now asking for privacy.

The lawyer representing Rachel Canning's parents made the request during a news conference at his Roseland office on Wednesday.

Angelo Sarno said the 18-year-old's return is not contingent on any financial or other considerations. He said the suit had been settled "amicably," but refused to comment further on the litigation.

http://news.msn.com/us/honor-student-who-sued-parents-returns-home

 

[Mokat76]

Host parents probably saw their gravy train idea was drying up and didn't want her around without the big payoff.
I hope this family can mend

 

[Janepod]

Host father realized his law license was in jeopardy when the stories of him serving alcohol to minors came to light. See ya.

 

[Imzadi]

The spoiled brat has probably learned it's not good to kick the golden goose that has been paying her way. And that even if she doesn't like them anymore, she has to pretend to get along and fit back into her place within the family as the (adult) child, if she wants to go to college.