15 yo boy going to be a father...wow

[SillyMe]

She could have lied about being on birth control pills. Yet, he could be lying about using a condom.

 

[wvrevy]

Couple thoughts...

1 - This should hardly be shocking. Wow...teens are having sex.

2 - If it were my son, I would not demand any DNA test. If the child could be his, that is all I would need to know (somewhat easy to say, since I don't have a son). The honorable thing to do is to behave honorably.

3 - I haven't read the whole thread, but I take it the "child support" issue has come up. It takes two people (in most situations, anyway ) to make a baby, and both should be responsible for it. It is the mother's choice (for the moment, at least) to have the baby or not, and to keep the baby or not. The father can't just decide, after he's had some fun, that he isn't interested. He is responsible for that baby in the first place. If he didn't want to take on the responsibility that is always a possible result of sex, he shouldn't have done it in the first place.

 

[andromedaslove]

If it were my son, I would not demand any DNA test. If the child could be his, that is all I would need to know (somewhat easy to say, since I don't have a son). The honorable thing to do is to behave honorably.

You are telling me that if your 15 year old son slept with a girl and she became pregnant, even though he swears he used a condom, that instead of demanding a DNA test to be certain that this baby actually is your son's you would just force him to do the "honorable" thing and raise a baby that may not be his? I am sorry but that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Let me tell you, I have two sons, and the day some girl comes and tries to saddle one of my boys with a baby for the rest of his life she is gonna have to prove that it is his kid. If it is we will do the "honorable" thing, or I should say the responsible thing, but I won't chance my sons life being ruined because some girl "thinks" he is the daddy.

Dana

 

[EthansMom]

2 - If it were my son, I would not demand any DNA test. If the child could be his, that is all I would need to know (somewhat easy to say, since I don't have a son). The honorable thing to do is to behave honorably.

I respectfully have to disagree with you on this one to some extent. There is NEVER any doubt as to a child's maternity so it's easy to determine whom should be held responsible on that end. However, there's a difference between behaving honorably and yet requiring proof of paternity before paying child support for 18 or more years and being foolhardy enough to believe everything someone tells you is the truth.

If this situation happened to my son (who is only in preschool right now), I would encourage him to behave honorably and responsibly in supporting the girl through her pregnancy, attending child care classes, etc... And I would also expect him to confirm his paternity with a DNA test before fully committing himself to financially supporting the child.

It would be extremely naive to think that everyone is faithful, especially as we seem to be living in an age of casual sex and one-night hook-ups.

Have you ever watched Judge Hatchett or Maury on t.v.? I don't care for either show, but on both, the girl/woman invariably swears upside down and backwards that the guy is the only possible man who could have fathered her child. From the bits that I've seen in passing, the DNA tests show that the guy couldn't be the father in an astounding number of the cases. Some women lie and some women just have no concept of the timing for pregnancy.

 

[poohandwendy]

Couple thoughts...

1 - This should hardly be shocking. Wow...teens are having sex.

2 - If it were my son, I would not demand any DNA test. If the child could be his, that is all I would need to know (somewhat easy to say, since I don't have a son). The honorable thing to do is to behave honorably.

3 - I haven't read the whole thread, but I take it the "child support" issue has come up. It takes two people (in most situations, anyway ) to make a baby, and both should be responsible for it. It is the mother's choice (for the moment, at least) to have the baby or not, and to keep the baby or not. The father can't just decide, after he's had some fun, that he isn't interested. He is responsible for that baby in the first place. If he didn't want to take on the responsibility that is always a possible result of sex, he shouldn't have done it in the first place.

1) The only reason I find it shocking is because I know the boy involved...I didn't say it was surprising, just a shock...like when you find out someone suddenly died, unexpectedly.

2) I also disagree. If it were my son, and there was any reason to question the paternity, I would definitely advise him to look into it. I would feel the same way if it were my DDs, if the father wanted proof..I think they are obliged to prove it.

3) I challenge that in theory, because I think it is unfair. However, in all practicality and in real life...it is definitely the responsibility of both parents. And the boy is at a disadvantage when it comes to 'choices'. Like it or not, that is just the way it is. I would expect my son to step up to the plate. Period. It is the right thing to do. Knowing this boy and his family, I would be very, very surprised if he didn't.

 

[ntburns22]

She could have lied about being on birth control pills. Yet, he could be lying about using a condom.

First off I will pray for all involved it is a sad situation.

He could be lying about using a condom but we were using condoms when we were blessed with DD. It does happen.

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

I believe the reason the father is held financially responsible is because the interests of the CHILD and the STATE are primary. Not the interest of the irresponsible father...or mother. Sure the woman has four choices and the guy only one and a half. The woman...abstinence, abortion, motherhood, adoption. The man...abstinence and consent or denial of adoption. But someone has to pay for the child and it is in the best interests of the STATE for the parents...both parents...to pay. We already see what happens when fathers are allowed (or finagle) to skip out...the mothers fall into poverty along with their children. Then we as the state really wind up paying...maybe just for 18 years...maybe for 20 to life.

That said there IS a way to allow men an escape clause. Why not let it be legally possible for them to wave their parental rights and obligations before having sex? Just say...here honey...sign this please. Of course there all sorts of problems with that so mebbe a temporary sex license that you have to pick up together at the 24 hour drug or convenience store (with photograph). No sex license? No getting off the hook. By the way one reason for the license purchased together is because without that it would be a great way to further undercut a rape victims story. Rape her then make her agree to let you escape your rights and obligations.

 

[SillyMe]

First off I will pray for all involved it is a sad situation.

He could be lying about using a condom but we were using condoms when we were blessed with DD. It does happen.

Oh, I'm not saying it doesn't happen. It does happen and it may have happened in this case. The only reason I said he may be lying is because it seems as though some people are saying the girl was lying about being on the pill, therefore she should be held more responsible than him. He could be lying just as well. Why is it always the girl lying about being on the pill?

 

[poohandwendy]

That said there IS a way to allow men an escape clause. Why not let it be legally possible for them to wave their parental rights and obligations before having sex? Just say...here honey...sign this please. Of course there all sorts of problems with that so mebbe a temporary sex license that you have to pick up together at the 24 hour drug or convenience store (with photograph). No sex license? No getting off the hook. By the way one reason for the license is because that would be a great way to further undercut a rape victims story. Rape her then make her agree to let you escape your rights and obligations.

Interesting idea, the problem with it is that no one can be sure exactly how they will feel until faced with a positive pregnancy test. And people often change their tune when really comes down to it.

For example...let's say they had a simlar contract for women to sign..like 'I will carry the child to term if you get me pregnant' (just giving a similar example of pre-choosing)...it would never fly as legally binding. There are just too many situations where people would disagree about whether or not the person was forthcoming at the time. He could say, I showed her the card, she could say he didn't.

It just would never be practical.

If we can't get people to take a few seconds to protect themselves from deadly disease and pregnancy...what are the odds they are going to be interested in contracts in the heat of things?

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

I believe the reason the father is held financially responsible is because the interests of the CHILD and the STATE are primary. Not the interest of the irresponsible father...or mother. Sure the woman has four choices and the guy only one and a half. The woman...abstinence, abortion, motherhood, adoption. The man...abstinence and consent or denial of adoption. But someone has to pay for the child and it is in the best interests of the STATE for the parents...both parents...to pay. We already see what happens when fathers are allowed (or finagle) to skip out...the mothers fall into poverty along with their children. Then we as the state really wind up paying...maybe just for 18 years...maybe for 20 to life.

That said there IS a way to allow men an escape clause. Why not let it be legally possible for them to wave their parental rights and obligations before having sex? Just say...here honey...sign this please. Of course there all sorts of problems with that so mebbe a temporary sex license that you have to pick up together at the 24 hour drug or convenience store (with photograph). No sex license? No getting off the hook. By the way one reason for the license is because that would be a great way to further undercut a rape victims story. Rape her then make her agree to let you escape your rights and obligations.

By far the best response to the entire debate. They chose to have sex. I don't give a fat rats behind who said/did/or feels what. There is now a baby to take care of and it falls to the PARENTS to provide that care. If you don't want the responsibility, dont have sex. Face it, life is not fair. Its a fact we all know too well and all the griping and bellyaching isn't going to change it.
Take care of the baby.

 

[wvrevy]

You can find it as "ridiculous" as you'd like. Frankly, I couldn't care less. If it were my son, I would expect him to accept the responsibility that comes with having sex. In my opinion (which, last I checked, I'm still entitled to ), a "paternity test" is no more than a cop out in this instance. A way for the man to look for a way to dodge the responsibility.

Let me put it into different terms. If a girl I was dating and had a sexual relationship with became pregnant, I would accept parental responsibility for the child. I wouldn't do everything I could to dodge the responsibility, on the "hope" that she had been sleeping around and I might get lucky and have the kid not be mine.

Sorry, but that's the way I see it. Call it "ridiculous" all you want, but I don't see trying to find a way to dodge responsibility - even for something you might have done - as an "honorable" thing.

 

[VSL]

So you would expect your son to be financially responsible for a child that might not be his?



Surely a paternity test isn't about dodging responsibility - but rather assuring that the responsibility is actually yours? - especially in todays society where young people really do sleep around, have one night stands, etc.

ETA: How on earth is that honourable, anyway?

 

[poohandwendy]

After confirming that this is a for sure situation, I decided to send a card to the boys mother. I really don't know her well, only from talking to her and her parents on the soccer fields every now and again, but I do know she is a single mother, so she is dealing with this alone.

I just wanted to send out a note of support for her, her son and the family. I am sure this is a very rough time for them right now and knowing that the world is probably scrutinizing them too, has got to be a very lonely feeling.

Maybe she will need someone to talk to , maybe she will be comforted knowing that someone out there is thinking of her. Either way, I feel it is the right thing for me to do.

 

[SillyMe]

After confirming that this is a for sure situation, I decided to send a card to the boys mother. I really don't know her well, only from talking to her and her parents on the soccer fields every now and again, but I do know she is a single mother, so she is dealing with this alone.

I just wanted to send out a note of support for her, her son and the family. I am sure this is a very rough time for them right now and knowing that the world is probably scrutinizing them too, has got to be a very lonely feeling.

Maybe she will need someone to talk to , maybe she will be comforted knowing that someone out there is thinking of her. Either way, I feel it is the right thing for me to do.

I think it was a very nice thing to do. Unfortunately, there are going to be alot of people looking down on her and her son.

 

[poohandwendy]

Unfortunately, there are going to be alot of people looking down on her and her son.

Yeah, that is why I decided to do it.

 

[simpilotswife]

But you HAVE sympathy for the girl? Sigh. It is such a double standard. The boy says he used a condom. Says the girl TOLD him she was on bc.....
I think it is terrible to make the boy pay for something he did not want. Just my opinion. Why is it the GIRL's Choice to keep or not keep the baby and the boy has to go along for the ride?????

 

[Disney Doll]

I would have a paternity test to make sure the child was my son's.

If that turned out to be the case, then my son would assume the responsibility for his child, to the best of his ability.

I would not consider it statutory rape, since I assuming he was a willing participant. If I found out he wasn't a willing participant, then that would be a different story.

 

[simpilotswife]

He chose to have sex, so he did have a say. He could have chosen not to. The girl should not have to bear the entire responsibility; they were both there for the conception. And she should not have to terminate because HE wants her to.

And he shouldn't have to support a child for the next 18-21 yrs old because she won't terminate her pregnancy. At this point, with no decision available to him, it is her pregnancy and should be her responsibility.

If the girl is the only person who gets to make the decision about whether or not the child should be born then she should be willing to support it.

 

[simpilotswife]

Do you think a man/boy should have the right to DEMAND that a woman/girl have an abortion?

No but he should have the right to terminate his parental rights and walk away if she won't

 

[simpilotswife]

The problem is the only people who know his form of BC was used 100% is the boy and his girlfriend.

No trying to sound accusatory in the discussed situation, but men have been known to poke holes in condoms to get even with someone. There is no way to prove otherwise. Are you saying a man who pokes a hole and causes a pregnancy should be let off of responsibility because he used a condom and showed intent to prevent pregnancy?

Oh give me a break, how many of those do you think are really out there? There are many more girls who poke holes in condoms thinking that having a baby will tie a man to her.

And what about "Hey if she didn't want to get pregnant she shouldn't have had sex"?