13 yr old grounded for life-20 months later~post 258!!

[kmp1191]

PDfM~Thanks...I'm trying to handle the situation....beautifully...oh, I don't know...just trying to survive it!!

Took DS to the eye doc this morning....he's nearsighted! We'll go back later today to pick out his glasses. I'm still going to make sure he sits in the front row in each of his classes.

He's at work today....

 

[shortbun]

I'm going to suggest that you go back through and read all your own posts. There is a lot going on here and Rome was not built in a day. You think YOU are overwhelmed-what about your 13yo son? You are trying to change every single thing about his life in 30 days. I don't mean to be critical but 'easy does it.' Think maybe now that you have the vision issue, the stealing and homework issues being worked on you might take a minute and let everyone catch their breath? LOL! I wish you could feel the good natured ribbing I am trying to get you with 'cause I have a 13yo and I know that it is normal for them to be clueless and irresponsible and thoughtless. They are at a wild age and we MUST let some of that be allowed because they are human and flawed. You need a break too. You may be on a mission that is setting you all up to fail. Ask for improvement, not perfection out of your 13yo, male child with ADHD. He doesn't know why he's doing what he's doing either. Ya know?
I would imagine that with al distractions at home gone, he might start to change his homework patterns on his own. The taekwondo is all about self-discipline. I thought the sensei was helping you. He, your son, may need that outlet.

 

[kmp1191]

I'm going to suggest that you go back through and read all your own posts. There is a lot going on here and Rome was not built in a day. You think YOU are overwhelmed-what about your 13yo son? You are trying to change every single thing about his life in 30 days. I don't mean to be critical but 'easy does it.' Think maybe now that you have the vision issue, the stealing and homework issues being worked on you might take a minute and let everyone catch their breath? LOL! I wish you could feel the good natured ribbing I am trying to get you with 'cause I have a 13yo and I know that it is normal for them to be clueless and irresponsible and thoughtless. They are at a wild age and we MUST let some of that be allowed because they are human and flawed. You need a break too. You may be on a mission that is setting you all up to fail. Ask for improvement, not perfection out of your 13yo, male child with ADHD. He doesn't know why he's doing what he's doing either. Ya know?
I would imagine that with al distractions at home gone, he might start to change his homework patterns on his own. The taekwondo is all about self-discipline. I thought the sensei was helping you. He, your son, may need that outlet.

You're right. About all of it. I've been thinking about everything going on, and I know that it's been VERY overwhelming for me...so I can only imagine how he's feeling. I've decided not to take away the taekwondo. He needs it. He does need that release/outlet.
I just hate to see him struggle. He is such a good kid.
Honestly, next week is going to be a good week. I'm going to lighten up. He needs to put forth some effort here too, and I'm going to PATIENTLY assist him with it.
He knows what he's done wrong these past few weeks....and he's gotten his punishment. He knows that I have a meeting at school, and he will be coming with me to it. I think when he sees that we are BEHIND him and not AGAINST him, that it will help his attitude....ALOT.

Ok....I will tell ya'll later about his "work" day today!
TLSnell.....OMG!!! I WISH you could have seen his face!! PRICELESS!!

marie

ps~thank you Shortburn....perspective...what a concept!!! Oh...I could "feel" the good natured ribbing....I don't take offense to very much! Really ticks my husband off!!! LOL

 

[RUDisney]

I think what you're doing with lightening up a little is wise. The therapist told me about my DS that we want him to remember why he received consequences for his actions and not just remember the consequences. If he just remembers his punishment and not the reason behind it, you will have done everything for naught. Ease up a little and hopefully you'll see more results. Just let him know that you're still watching him.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

I'm going to suggest that you go back through and read all your own posts. There is a lot going on here and Rome was not built in a day. You think YOU are overwhelmed-what about your 13yo son? You are trying to change every single thing about his life in 30 days. I don't mean to be critical but 'easy does it.' Think maybe now that you have the vision issue, the stealing and homework issues being worked on you might take a minute and let everyone catch their breath? LOL! I wish you could feel the good natured ribbing I am trying to get you with 'cause I have a 13yo and I know that it is normal for them to be clueless and irresponsible and thoughtless. They are at a wild age and we MUST let some of that be allowed because they are human and flawed. You need a break too. You may be on a mission that is setting you all up to fail. Ask for improvement, not perfection out of your 13yo, male child with ADHD. He doesn't know why he's doing what he's doing either. Ya know?
I would imagine that with al distractions at home gone, he might start to change his homework patterns on his own. The taekwondo is all about self-discipline. I thought the sensei was helping you. He, your son, may need that outlet.

Sage advice indeed! I bet you are the "hit the nail on the head" person for your friends...me...sometimes I need the "hit me upside the head" kind of friend (LOL)!

 

[TLSnell1981]

Mom is doing fine. She's gotten a handle on things and they have calmed considerably. Kudos to Mom!

So much for OP's DS's "punishment" at the barn. He's actually enjoying it! I'm not surprised. I always hoped it would be more of a character building experience anyway. He's doing a good job and he's a good kid.

 

[kmp1191]

Mom is doing fine. She's gotten a handle on things and they have calmed considerably. Kudos to Mom!

So much for OP's DS's "punishment" at the barn. He's actually enjoying it! I'm not surprised. I always hoped it would be more of a character building experience anyway. He's doing a good job and he's a good kid.

Thanks L! I appreciate that!
He has cracked me up this weekend! Between "E", and the new boots...he's doing juuuust fine! He asked me this morning if I thought he would have horses when he got older! I told him I hoped so!

It's been a good weekend!

marie

 

[TLSnell1981]

Could you have ever imagined.....a couple of weeks ago.... how much he would "want" a pair of muck boots?

 

[kmp1191]

Could you have ever imagined.....a couple of weeks ago.... how much he would "want" a pair of muck boots?

He asked if he could wear the work boots to school....he said they were pretty comfortable...and looked pretty cool with jeans!!
Oh...and when I asked him how his day was he said..."I helped fix fences...that was hard!"

 

[kmp1191]

Just a quickie update~
DS has been doing pretty good this week. Just the typical teenage boy crap that everyone deals with. Fightin w/ his sister, homework arguements, blah blah blah.
I had the meeting with his teachers this morning. It went ok. One of the teachers didn't make it, and I was rather disappointed because I had a LOT of stuff to go over with her. DS attended the meeting with me and I made sure he understood that it wasn't a "gang up on you" meeting. I wanted him to understand that we are behind him and we are here to help him!
I asked that he be moved to the front row in each class due to sight issues, and distraction issues. I told the teachers that if he is "hidden" in the back, then he won't pay attention, and they won't see him reading or drawing or staring off into space. They agreed to move him....but when I asked DS today after school, no one had. I also asked the teachers to update their websites...that's the only way I know what's going on. We all gave DS ideas on how to remember to do stuff and turn it in. All of them told him to turn it all in and if they didn't need it, they'd give it back to him. Sounds like a plan to me! I liked all the teachers that I met with today.....hopefully we will see some positive results w/ DS.....soon!

DS also went had to work tonight....he did pretty good. I think "T" had to tell him to redo a couple of stalls....not getting all of "it". DS hasn't complained once about working there. I'm really glad! The horses are so sweet, and the area is BEAUTIFUL!! Also....this weekend when DS went to work....he met L & T's granddaughters..... Let's just say when DS realized that "E" was his age....well..... ........ He REALLY doesn't mind the work now!!

I think everything will be ok....in time I'm sure he will earn back some privileges, and his phone.....and eventually, the iPOD. He will have to continue working and his grades will have to stay up....as I told him all along....everything he does, depends on him.

If anything changes, I'll yell.....you'll probably hear me!!!

Thanks for all your support and advice...the DIS is the best!!!

marie

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Cool updates! I am glad that things are working out.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Marie,

Good job mom! Sounds like DS is on the right path and my hunch is he will stick to it.

K

 

[mookie]

This has got to be the most brilliant form of parenting I have ever seen. Bravo to you for sticking to your guns. I know right now this is hard on the both of you, but someday (yes, years and years and years from now) you'll be able to sit down and remember this as a good lesson. Maybe even have a good laugh!

My parents were very strict with me. I would have never said this then, but I am definitely a better person and a better parent for it. My kids are 5 and under, but I can already see how difficult this parenting thing will be as the years go on. The advice and suggestions from all of you will help me stick to my guns in the future as the challenges get harder....and I'm sure they will!

Good job, OP. Your son is not happy right now, (And I know neither are you!) but when this is all over you'll both be better for it. Thanks for taking us along for the ride!

 

[kmp1191]

This has got to be the most brilliant form of parenting I have ever seen. Bravo to you for sticking to your guns. I know right now this is hard on the both of you, but someday (yes, years and years and years from now) you'll be able to sit down and remember this as a good lesson. Maybe even have a good laugh!

My parents were very strict with me. I would have never said this then, but I am definitely a better person and a better parent for it. My kids are 5 and under, but I can already see how difficult this parenting thing will be as the years go on. The advice and suggestions from all of you will help me stick to my guns in the future as the challenges get harder....and I'm sure they will!

Good job, OP. Your son is not happy right now, (And I know neither are you!) but when this is all over you'll both be better for it. Thanks for taking us along for the ride!

Wow! This brought a tear to my eye....that doesn't happen easily either! Thank you so much Mookie~that is one heck of a compliment!
I do hope that a few years down the road we can look back and laugh about this....and I hope that he doesn't do anything else stupid for a long....LONG time! (I don't think my nerves can handle it!! lol)
Like I said before, he is a good kid...he has a great personality and a pretty good sense of humor....and that's why I hate riding his butt. But...if he realizes half the reason behind everything I do, then it will be worth it.

I really want to let all of you know what wonderful people TLSnell1981 are. They have taken the time to show DS how to be around the horses, how to take care of them and what hard work is all about. He is getting to know what working up a sweat really is, and how to do things right the first time!(T won't let him do anything half-a$$ed and I love it!) I couldn't have done this without their help, and (crap....i'm tearing up again!) anyway.....thank you so much T & L.

Ok....my emotions are running wild....gonna call it a day!
love ya!
marie

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

How awesome!

 

[KDIPIAZZ]

Don't sell the iPod. Make him work off the money through chores or some other form, I'm not sure how much you can actually do for actual money at 13?

i did n't read all the posts and am not sure whether I'd sell the iPod or not. However, my kids have done some things that have required them to earn money. the most recent involved stupidity rather than theft, but I was still out $$. Their option is to work for me......for $1 / hour. And trust me, these are not wimpy, clean jobs. Not one child has needed the Mom job more than twice ( 2 were slow learners).

 

[TLSnell1981]

Wow! This brought a tear to my eye....that doesn't happen easily either! Thank you so much Mookie~that is one heck of a compliment!
I do hope that a few years down the road we can look back and laugh about this....and I hope that he doesn't do anything else stupid for a long....LONG time! (I don't think my nerves can handle it!! lol)
Like I said before, he is a good kid...he has a great personality and a pretty good sense of humor....and that's why I hate riding his butt. But...if he realizes half the reason behind everything I do, then it will be worth it.

I really want to let all of you know what wonderful people TLSnell1981 are. They have taken the time to show DS how to be around the horses, how to take care of them and what hard work is all about. He is getting to know what working up a sweat really is, and how to do things right the first time!(T won't let him do anything half-a$$ed and I love it!) I couldn't have done this without their help, and (crap....i'm tearing up again!) anyway.....thank you so much T & L.

Ok....my emotions are running wild....gonna call it a day!
love ya!
marie

Now, you made me cry. It's not hard for me.....I'm a weeper. Thanks for the kind words.

 

[kmp1191]

Now, you made me cry. It's not hard for me.....I'm a weeper. Thanks for the kind words.

 

[kmp1191]

Hey guys~just wanted to let you all know DS is doing MUCH better these days. He still screws up....yelling & fighting with his sister,"forgetting" to feed the dog, giving me the "teenager sigh" when I ask him to do something....all typical teenager crap.
He is working every Saturday & Sunday and usually one night during the week for TLSnell. He is learning alot, and hasn't complained at all.....(except that first day of unloading hay!!lol)
I had to laugh tonight....it's been raining ALL day and is quite chilly out...about 48-50 degrees. I tell DS that he has to go to work tonight....he said "In THIS weather...you're kidding?!" I said nope...the horses have to eat whether it's raining, snowing or 100 degrees! On the way to the barn he says...."Are you sure you want me working in this weather?" I said "Yep...positive!"

I took some pictures this weekend.....beautiful area. If L says it's ok...I'll post a couple this weekend.

Oh....he hasn't asked about the iPOD, phone or computer use at all...he hasn't had the time to think about them!!

Thanks again....couldn't do it without ya'll!
marie

 

[TLSnell1981]

Wait until the water buckets start to freeze. Breaking ice is sooo much fun.