.................................

[Maryr1]

C.Ann-I think you were correct all the way. First, all you did was answer a question truthfully. Your DD and DSIL asked you what the woman bought.Second, you are not the grandma police. She purchased those items all on her own-and told you about them. She also did not tell you not to tell them what you bought. She bought them, you answered a question that was asked of you and those are the consequences. You got stuck in the middle, but to not answer the question truthfully would of been wrong. Had the woman asked you "not to tell" then that is a bit different (IMO). I usually answer that with-don't ever tell me something that cannot be repeated. If you are not comfortable with this information being out in the open, I'm not comfortable knowing it." If this woman is angry at you,too bad. Her actions, her consequences!

 

[dzneprincess]

Okay... She said she bought all of these things because she "asked DGD if she was allowed to have them and she said yes.." Not likely, because DGD knows they would be taken away..

Then she tried to say that she picked out things that weren't "that bad".. SIL reiterated their stand on Bratz items - it's a "no"..

She then went on to say, "How about if I bring them over tomorrow and you can look at them to see if they're okay?" SIL said, "Fine - if you want to go through all of that trouble, but don't be surprised when we tell you they all have to go back.. We're very firm on this.. We don't want her having Bratz items.."

She started crying and hung up..

It's going to be a loooooooong time till Christmas!

Who's going to cover my back for ratting her out?

I am sorry you are in the middle of this C.Ann...but what shocks me more than anything in the situation is the fact that your DD and SIL are controlling the gifts their child will get. I can understand from the get go saying, we dont like X brand of toys so please dont purchase them, but to tell someone not uh no way will you buy my child that toy, take it all back and exchange it? That doesnt seem very gracious. I was always taught that if you received a gift you were not pleased with, you thanked the giver, because it is the thought that counts. I have 4 children, and while there are certain things I would prefer the family did not purchase for them, I would NEVER say X toy is FORBIDDEN in my home, and if you buy it you will take it back and exchange it for something that *I* think is more appropriate. What ever happened to Thank you so much, and exchanging the gifts on your own time? Trust me, I am know Ms Manners, but seems to me that your DD and SIL are being just as rude to your MIL by telling her she must exchange the gifts. She was being passive aggresive by purchasing them, they are being more direct. It seems so wrong to me. But what do I know.
BTW I have no problem with the Bratz dolls and I think it is so silly that so many people are against them. I think it is what some people see through adults eyes that have them in a tizzy, but your avg 8-10 rd girl is looking at thses dolls through a childs eyes and is not seeing the things some of you have pointed out. Example, when I was a kid and even now, my favorite movie EVER was GREASE. Do you know how much sexual inneundo there is in Grease? I never ever ever picked up on it until I watched it again with my "adult" eyes and ears, because I knew nothing of that world. Ever listened to the words of Greased Lightening? Never once did it hit me the wrong way as a kid, again not until an adult..

Anyway back to the dolls,to see girls dressed and made up like that , the DDs of today do not need to look at the BRATZ dolls on the shelf, but look to the left or right and see one of many young women of todays times dressed like that. That has been around since way before Bratz dolls.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Dzneprincess, I'm wondering if the DD & SIL are having her return the items to make a point. They may be thinking since she purposely went against their wishes that returning them will be a hassle and she'll "remember" to not purchase them in the future.

IMO if parents feels strongly about an issue regarding their child(ren), it should be taken seriously.

 

[barkley]

I am sorry you are in the middle of this C.Ann...but what shocks me more than anything in the situation is the fact that your DD and SIL are controlling the gifts their child will get. I can understand from the get go saying, we dont like X brand of toys so please dont purchase them, but to tell someone not uh no way will you buy my child that toy, take it all back and exchange it? That doesnt seem very gracious. I was always taught that if you received a gift you were not pleased with, you thanked the giver, because it is the thought that counts. I have 4 children, and while there are certain things I would prefer the family did not purchase for them, I would NEVER say X toy is FORBIDDEN in my home, and if you buy it you will take it back and exchange it for something that *I* think is more appropriate. What ever happened to Thank you so much, and exchanging the gifts on your own time? Trust me, I am know Ms Manners, but seems to me that your DD and SIL are being just as rude to your MIL by telling her she must exchange the gifts. She was being passive aggresive by purchasing them, they are being more direct. It seems so wrong to me. But what do I know.
BTW I have no problem with the Bratz dolls and I think it is so silly that so many people are against them. I think it is what some people see through adults eyes that have them in a tizzy, but your avg 8-10 rd girl is looking at thses dolls through a childs eyes and is not seeing the things some of you have pointed out. Example, when I was a kid and even now, my favorite movie EVER was GREASE. Do you know how much sexual inneundo there is in Grease? I never ever ever picked up on it until I watched it again with my "adult" eyes and ears, because I knew nothing of that world. Ever listened to the words of Greased Lightening? Never once did it hit me the wrong way as a kid, again not until an adult..

Anyway back to the dolls,to see girls dressed and made up like that , the DDs of today do not need to look at the BRATZ dolls on the shelf, but look to the left or right and see one of many young women of todays times dressed like that. That has been around since way before Bratz dolls.

i understand being 'gracious' about accepting a gift and deciding on the dispostion of the item after the fact, but when children are involved and the event is one in which the expectation is that they will be able to immediatly open and play with a gift-the person who gives a gift they know is not acceptable within your home is putting you (the parent) in the position of creating a likely scene when the gifts are deemed unavailable-and 'no' you don't get to play with them later. depending on the age of the child-if they know that elder family members are aware of the 'house rules' and defy them, it calls into question the parent's authority in decision making matters of this type.

i have a family member who thinks it is the MOST hilarious thing to purchase totaly inappropriate items for our children. he will go out of his way to select items that he knows will cause permanant damage to our home (instead of marking pens-he will buy sets of permanant markers, instead of children's paint sets-he will buy oil based paint sets). he has also in the past purchased things that he know may have endangered our tenancy in rental properties-heavily amplified kids electric guitars, children's 'power tools' (while they do not injure the child they can when used by a young child gouge wall board, pull paint off the wall and scratch surfaces). he thinks it's 'funny' to buy items that will upset us. he has no regard for the fact that the children are incredibly upset at holiday events when gifts given by him are automaticly removed for disposal or return-he is placing us in the position of being the 'bad guys who hate uncle x' because his gifts are always the only one's the kids can't play with.

call us rude for requiring him to show us gifts before holidays, and if he brings an item unscreened by us (we've literaly had to tell him gift bags only so we can check the contents before he enters our home) refusing it entry, but if he is truly intent on the spirit of gifting our children, he would not purposely embark on purchasing items he knows they will experience disappointment from seeing but having immediatly taken away.

 

[C.Ann]

[----------------------------

 

[craps7or11]

Isn't the holidays fun when it comes to family drama?

Seriously, you did nothing wrong so don't feel bad.

To the above poster, I agree it would be gracious to accept a gift, but when the grandmother knows her son and dil's feelings and still deliberately goes and purchases what she knows is taboo, then it is she who is being ungracious and putting her son in a terrible position. She is deliberately causing a rift and letting them know in no uncertain terms that she will not be told what to purchase. I would personally rather someone not purchase an item for my child if it totally goes against my belief system or what I am trying to instill in my kids. I am not saying one way or another about Bratz Dolls. I personally don't like them but my child does have a few. Irregardless, it is the grandmother who is out of line and now she is the one who will look like the victim because of the ungrateful son and dil. Yes they could go and return all the gifts after Christmas, but maybe they were trying to spare their child the disappointment of having the carrot dangled on the stick right in front of her nose and then having it be torn away from her. In my opinion, the grandmother is being cruel, whether intentional or unintentional, to the granddaughter. It is like giving her the forbidden fruit and then not letting her eat it. So not right. It is the parent's wishes and they are entitled to raise her anyway they would like.

 

[HelenePA]

I can understand from the get go saying, we dont like X brand of toys so please dont purchase them, but to tell someone not uh no way will you buy my child that toy, take it all back and exchange it? That doesnt seem very gracious. I was always taught that if you received a gift you were not pleased with, you thanked the giver, because it is the thought that counts.
.

What if you told everyone NO rap with curse words in it... dd or ds says to grammy OH sure I'll be able to have it!... So they go out and buy some hardcore rap for a 12 yr old.. would you still say Thank you... or would you say.. OH no way can they have that??

 

[dzneprincess]

What if you told everyone NO rap with curse words in it... dd or ds says to grammy OH sure I'll be able to have it!... So they go out and buy some hardcore rap for a 12 yr old.. would you still say Thank you... or would you say.. OH no way can they have that??

I dont require someone, who wants to buy any of my children a gift, to get clearance from me before buying said gift. But if that did happen, then yes we would smile graciously and say thank you. Then in private my kids and I would discuss whatever needed discussing..honestly though....I dont censor my kids....MUCH..so it would depend..I still cant imagine refusing a gift but again I am not in the DD position.
CAnn I hope that this doesnt fall on you like you feared
Merry Christmas!

 

[Serena]

I would expect my wishes respected.

 

[rie'smom]

The only Ho-Ho-Ho in our house at Christmas is coming out of Santa's mouth ...

At our house BRATZ dolls = hootchie dolls = Britney, Paris, Lindsay,etc. No,no and no

 

[C.Ann]

Hope you have a Merry Christmas too! Tomorrow we're going to attempt to get the tree up..

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Yet another reason why I am SO glad I have a boy and not a girl.

TOV

 

[minniecarousel]

Hey - one year my brother across the country sent my 2 year-old a pop gun that shot ping-pong balls. Everyone around here knew that I was a "no guns" Mom, but I guess he didn't (he wouldn't have considered it a gun anyway!) In all the excitment of Christmas, I discreetly took it away - he was never the wiser!

But a girl old enough, who may really want that particular toy - it wouldn't be pretty if she opened all those presents on Christmas, only to have the parents have to take them away!

 

[Disney Doll]

There is a difference between accepting a gift graciously, even though it is something you may not want or like, and someone buying your child something they know is taboo.

The first is good manners. The second is bad manners. Quite frankly, if the other grandmother is aware of the ban against these dolls, and bought them anyway, which sounds like the case, then "gracious" gift receiving goes out the window, because what you have there is a controlling, manipulative person who is trying to undermine the parents' authority.

Sorry, Grandma's wrong, and if she was my mother, she could pout and carry on all she liked...I wouldn't budge.

 

[Allison]

I would expect my wishes respected.

Me too. There is no way I would accept a gift that the giver bought against my express wishes, especially from someone deliberately attempting to bypass parental control.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I was always taught that if you received a gift you were not pleased with, you thanked the giver, because it is the thought that counts. I have 4 children, and while there are certain things I would prefer the family did not purchase for them, I would NEVER say X toy is FORBIDDEN in my home, and if you buy it you will take it back and exchange it for something that *I* think is more appropriate. What ever happened to Thank you so much, and exchanging the gifts on your own time? Trust me, I am know Ms Manners, but seems to me that your DD and SIL are being just as rude to your MIL by telling her she must exchange the gifts. She was being passive aggresive by purchasing them, they are being more direct. It seems so wrong to me.

While I do agree that when a gift is given you accept it graciously and thank the person who gave it the problem in THIS situation is that the grandmother went out and intentionally bought toy(s) that were specifically mentioned as being forbidden in the house - not for a holiday gift but in general grandma knew how the parents stood as far as Bratz products go. She intentionally overstepped a boundary that had been previously set. Now if the gift was given from a neighbor, school friend, acquantaince, etc. (someone who did not know) I would expect the gift to be accepted with a smile & thank you and dealt with later in private but when a family member knows the rules and disregards my opinion/stand on said item they should expect comments/conversation expressing my opinion. And yes I would express them prior to the child getting the item if I knew, so that come Christmas or whatever occasion the child is not the one being put in the middle knowing that #1 mom & dad don't like it/won't let me keep it but #2 grandma gave it to me so maybe they will.

Put it into terms of harm to the child. If someone is taking my child out I expect that person to make sure my child is in her/his booster seat and seat belt is buckled before the car is put into drive. I do not expect anyone to think that it is ok to do anything else other than my expressed wishes. I know a doll will not cause physical harm but if the parents want to keep Bratz dolls out of the house, no candy allowed, whatnot that is the parents decision and someone should not KNOWINGLY cross that line.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think this business between the MIL and the parents. If they really have concerns that she will buy the wrong gifts, they should have directly asked her and not involved C Ann. If I were her, I would be upset that everyone else was discussing it behind her back.
I would have told them to ask her. JMO

 

[mamajoan]

Tag fairy gave me my "gramma says no to ho's" after the Bratz discussion thread on the CB last Christmas....

btw.. this gramma still says NO to Bratz... aka the Ho's of dolls-ville....

 

[aprilgail2]

I would be SO not happy if my daughters grandmother did that! Everyone knows that its a big NO NO NO to those trashy bratz dolls. They look like little streetwalkers and I don't allow my duaghter to play with them.

 

[C.Ann]

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It's a normal swapping of lists that goes on every year - nothing out of the ordinary..