12 year old afraid to fly

[tres besitos]

We are leaving on Saturday and do not have a direct flight so take off and landing x2. My son has flown several times in his life, our last trip was 2 years ago and he was nervous and actually crying before boarding on the flight home, but he managed it fine(I thought he just didn't want to leave). But now his is 2 years older and a bit more anxious about certain things. He is already talking about how scared he is to fly this time. We are talking about ways he can relax, sit in the aisle, bring his ipod, close his eyes, deep breaths etc. I feel that he is too young to take any type of anti anxiety med so I didn't talk to his pediatrician about it. Wondering if anyone has gone through this with their children and how did you manage it?

 

[tartemis]

Aw, poor guy. I haven't dealt with this with my kids, but I actually developed anxiety re flying in the last couple years after LOVING flying and even training to be a pilot myself. Unfortunately, I have to fly for work a couple of times a month and often have to go straight to a meeting when we land, so I've been hesitant to try medication as well.

In addition to the things that you mentioned, having a seat toward the front of the plane really helps me. Also, you didn't mention what airline you are flying on, but I have noticed that I have less anxiety when flying on United -- I think the lighting is different and it seems more "open" to me. Also, it helps me to talk about my fears -- not in any deep way, but simply to acknowledge to a FA or someone that I'm a nervous flyer. Finally, distractions are key -- if I can watch a movie or get engrossed in something else, I don't have as much anxiety.

Good luck!

 

[dragonfly08]

My older DD gets a little anxious about flying. I've taken to letting her chew gum during takeoff and landing...it helps with ear pressure (which is a major part of her problem) and, as something she's not otherwise allowed to do, is a nice treat that helps keep her mind off the flight. She likes going with me to the store beforehand to choose a flavor and all that.

Between that and making sure she has a bag full of new books, toys, etc. to keep her occupied, she manages ok.

Good luck!

 

[ZehnJahren]

I started flying young and by myself, but always loved it. I still love flying very much but have anxiety related to the taxi-ing before and after taking off and landing related to an incident I dealt with.

I suggest first to find out why he's afraid. It's much different to be afraid of being so high up in the air vs. being enclosed in a small space with no escape vs. being afraid someone bad will be on the plane vs. not liking the feeling in his head when his ears are "stuffed up". Some you may have to just face (no way to fly without being thousands of feet up in the air), some you can explain (that we have the TSA and they protect us from anyone bad getting on the plane), and some you can mitigate (gum and meds like Benedryl for stuffy ears or noses).

Then, do talk to the pediatrician; a phone call should do. Sometimes they will tell you to try Benedryl before boarding the plane, or once seated. Sometimes they will have the child take it the night before.

If nothing sounds appealing to you, you can then do distractions, distractions, distractions. A comic book or book is great to read while taxi-ing before takeoff. Gum helps ears pop on the way up and down, but I chew throughout because I like gum. Once you're in the air, there's nothing like a specially picked out movie - especially one he's picked out himself and never seen, or a favorite that always makes him happy. Apps on an ipad/ipod, or a video game console like a DS or even a GBA (I still take mine sometimes) keep the mind stimulated and actively focused on something else. A new book is also great for readers. Travel games work well too.

I would not ask him "how he is" during the flight, because if he's not scared you'll remind him, and if he IS scared, he'll have to talk about it. Let him tell you how he's feeling, because he WILL if he's having problems.

 

[luvmy2babies]

I agree find out what specifically is bothering him about the experience. My daughter showed signs of being afraid to fly prior to our 2012 trip. She had been flying since she was a toddler. When I asked her specifically why she didn’t want to fly, it was because of her ears. We had juice to deal with it on our 2010 trip, but she said her ears didn’t hurt, but still felt stuffy and it really bothered her. I needed a backup plan for my son anyway because getting him to drink at the right time had not really been easy. So I got them each some gummy bears. They did the trick.

 

[tres besitos]

Thanks for the advice, you all had very good points. I have talked to him about what his fears are as he initially showed anxiety when we booked the flight. He was amendment that he wanted to take a night flight on jet blue, so he couldn't see out the window and he could watch TV. I explained that flying as a family of 5 we take the best pricing we can regardless of airline and time. But that led me to understand he is scared of being so high up, he can't wrap his brain around how the plane stays in the air and is very scared to fly over water. I think this is coupled with a fear of someone dangerous being on the plane. We live in the Boston area and the events last spring at the marathon, coupled with the increased security they have seen in their schools this past year has had a deep and lasting impression on him. We were at a mall in Cambridge last weekend and a alarm went off, police and fire trucks arrived (it was a kitchen fire) but he panicked, heart pounding, stomach hurting asking to just get out of mall and go home. Sixth grade is old enough to hear the news stories and know what happened, but their little minds and hearts take a long time to process the events and I think sometimes the fear gets misplaced.

Thanks for the tip about sitting near the front of the plane and mentioning it to the flight attendant. I also agree with the point about not asking how he is doing, letting him talk to me if he needs to. I didn't think of it in that way.

I thought of the Benadryl too. Although I have never given it to the boys to fly, I know it does knock him out. So we will do some more talking, I will get him some special books and down load some podcasts. I packed some gum and a surprise of mentos in his bag along with a couple of small lego sets. Thanks for all the help.