$10 per student

[monorailsilver]

Wow-room mom here. I asked for any amount people feel comfortable giving. Today was the last day for collections and I've gotten 6 responses out of 20 kids. Do I really sign from the class for 6 kids? I'm still debating this one in my head. I'm also done trying to pull teeth to get people to donate stuff/food for the party. I do this so that all the kids can have a great party, but I tell you there's no love lost for most of the parents. Or they all show up on party day to take pictures of Susie or Jr. and are oblivious that there's other kids to consider. Oh I could go on for days. If you want to donate to a class gift, great...do it. If not, great...then don't. People are always making drama when there should be none.

I can totally relate. I have done group gifts & not group gifts & honestly I prefer the group gifts.

I am the room mom/room coordinator for my ds's K class. I thought about sending a letter for a gift but hemmed & hawed until one day a week before T-giving one mom approached me & asked me if I was going to do it. So I did.

There are 13 or 14 kids in my ds's class. I sent a letter stating if you wish to contribute to do so & that there is no set amount. This way if someone wants to give me a $1, that is OK. So far only 8 or 9 parents (including me) have responded.

I also included in my note to have each child make a card for the teacher.

 

[Stacerita]

If you are room mom at our school, you are required to do this by the school. I would guess that is the case with the majority of room moms who collect money for a collective class gift.

I had never heard that before. That the school requires the room mom to get a class gift. That was never done at our school. DD would always pick out a gift for her teacher.

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't understand why there has to be anyone organizing a "class gift". Why in the world would anyone take it upon themselves to assume that they should offer such a service?

Do it like they have always done it - people can manage to buy their own gifts and give them to the teachers themselves. Do we really think that teachers are that materialistic to want a big gift from the entire class...or will they truly be fine with what the individuals decide to do?

People make themselves more work than needed.

When you take the job as class parent you take it withthe understanding that you collect money from the class for a group gift- ours is a group end of the year gift, most usually don't do it for both christmas and the end of the year but its an option. When I was class parent I took the collection and gave the teacher a visa gift card- I signed it from the whole class but after the party the teacher asked me for the names of the parents that actually did contribute so she could send thank you cards to those parents.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I had never heard that before. That the school requires the room mom to get a class gift. That was never done at our school. DD would always pick out a gift for her teacher.

I never heard of it being required either. In my experience, it has always been something a few parents felt should be done. For some odd reason they always get upset with teachers that refuse to allow it.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP that is the way it is done where I am from. IF you chose not to part. your name shouldn't be on it. IT is totally your choice and no pressure since many like to do their own gift but some have no clue what to get or time to shop so they like the group gift.

 

[heimlichfan]

As a teacher, I just want to say...

THANK YOU ROOM MOMS!!!!!!

I don't have room moms for my class, but I do have tons of volunteers for everything that needs to get done. I really appreciate everything they (and you!) do!

After reading this thread, I can't imagine a few things:
1. All kids wouldn't be allowed to sign a group gift card
2. Some groups asking $20 - $30 per kid... what the?????
3. Teachers opening gifts in front of students (I always say if they want to see me open their gift, to stay after school for just a few minutes)

I have truly appreciated the years I have received group gifts, but I enjoy regular gifts too. This year I have actually requested that NO GIFTS be given...

At our Halloween party, each kid brought in one dollar. During the party they played the usual games, but instead of earning prizes, they earned coins that they could put in one of three buckets. Each bucket represented a different charity. Whichever charity had the most coins, the money collected for the party would go to that charity. IT WAS AWESOME and the kids had a ball! We will be doing the same thing for our holiday party, but the donation will instead be whatever the student was planning on spending on a teacher gift.

 

[richmond282]

Our homeroom mom requested $2.50 from each student for gift cards for the teacher and the teacher's assistant. With 20 children in the class, that will give each teacher a $25 gift card. I will probably send in more than requested.

 

[Amy&Dan]

You know it occurs to me that the class, the entire class, should make something for the teacher. Maybe a big card with their handprints on it. Something like that. Then they can put that and the gift card together and, Oila! The whole class did something for the teacher.

I have been a room mom. I agree it can be a thankless job. One of those things you have to look at as doing for your child and the other kids. Because alot of parents will end up not appreciating your efforts in the end. Like so many of the most important jobs/duties in life, being a room parent is sort of a silent, behind the scenes type of thing. Unfortunately, just as some parents don't appreciate the room parent's efforts, some room parents use this job as a way to wield some power around the school and to me this room parent in the OP's case, sounds like a sad example of just that. Its beyond me how anyone could possibly feel good about the job they are doing. if it includes excluding certain kids from any class activity.

To me that sends a very bad message to all the kids. And believe me, they will pick up on it.

 

[Tink888]

for teachers gift certificate...

Isn't that a little much?

And isn't that alot of pressure?

(we were told by the room mom's that only the kids that contribute will have their names added to the card)

I think that when it comes to gifts, it's a personal thing between the student/parent and teacher - you give what you feel is appropriate and can afford. Requiring anything defeats the purpose and spirit of gift-giving. IMHO

If the "class" is giving the gift, then the "entire class" should be included in the card, regardless of who contributed. That mom is clueless. And there's one like that in every room and in every PTA and no matter what the situation may be, for that mom, it's all about ego and never about the class or group as a whole. They just don't "get it" and most of them never will. It's about kindness and thoughtfulness - not who gets the credit.

 

[Stacerita]

I think that when it comes to gifts, it's a personal thing between the student/parent and teacher - you give what you feel is appropriate and can afford. Requiring anything defeats the purpose and spirit of gift-giving. IMHO

If the "class" is giving the gift, then the "entire class" should be included in the card, regardless of who contributed. That mom is clueless. And there's one like that in every room and in every PTA and no matter what the situation may be, for that mom, it's all about ego and never about the class or group as a whole. They just don't "get it" and most of them never will. It's about kindness and thoughtfulness - not who gets the credit.

If its a class gift then it should be from the entire gift.

 

[princesspumpkin]

I wonder if people stopped calling them "room moms", if more dads would participate. Sorry, off topic

 

[barkley]

just a suggestion to any 'room moms' who are involved in these things-you might want to find out if your child's class contains any jehova's witnesses. while you might think it's fine to include everyone's name or 'from the class of '09' on that christmas card (or bday or any other holiday for that matter) and gift-it is against the teachings and beliefs of that faith, and your choosing to include a child's name whose parent did not respond to your collection requests could cause great distress, embarrassment or upset.

btw-i too think that asking for $10 is excessive. if you've got 2 or 3 kids and each are asked to provide this IN ADDITION to providing a gift for the student exchange (the norm for those seem to run minimum a $5/maximum a $10 gift) AND a food item for the class party (so many schools have policies in place where homemade items are unacceptable-you have to send store bought SEALED in the original containers, so there's another $5 each for a dozen cookies) and your looking at $20-$25 per child. for allot of people that $50-$75 can be more than an entire day's wages (that's if they are fortunate enough to still have jobs) and a significant chunk of their household budget.

 

[aprilgail2]

I wonder if people stopped calling them "room moms", if more dads would participate. Sorry, off topic

ours are class parents and we do have three dads that are class parents!

btw-i too think that asking for $10 is excessive. if you've got 2 or 3 kids and each are asked to provide this IN ADDITION to providing a gift for the student exchange (the norm for those seem to run minimum a $5/maximum a $10 gift) AND a food item for the class party (so many schools have policies in place where homemade items are unacceptable-you have to send store bought SEALED in the original containers, so there's another $5 each for a dozen cookies) and your looking at $20-$25 per child. for allot of people that $50-$75 can be more than an entire day's wages (that's if they are fortunate enough to still have jobs) and a significant chunk of their household budget.

Not sure what that is but we don't have it here. Is that like a grab bag? If so they stopped that here years ago because one child would bring in a gift that was in the price range and in return they would get some dollar store trinket and some kids would end up crying because they did not like what they got-feelings were hurt etc so they stopped that one.
Food for the class parties are provided by the class parents- during open school night the class parents collect 10.00 per student to cover all class parties for the year. They usually end up with about 70 per party to spend. Its much easier than asking people to send in food for the party-some parents would forget and there would be no drink or cupcakes etc-

 

[Pin Wizard]

And I don't think $10 is at all excessive. I usually spend $25- $30 per child on my daughters' teacher. I am just not a fan of the class gift. We did this in Kindergarten for teacher's appreciation and it was a hassle. No one has attempted to organize such a thing in the three years since. I'd rather just buy something myself and be done with it.

I'm with you. I spent well over $10 for each of DS's teachers at the time. Ten dollars doesn't buy a whole lot.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Because there are plenty of people who expect to give a class gift-for most people it is less expensive than buying your own gift for the teacher.

So as room mom you are asked by part of the parents why you didn't get together money for a class gift-in their opinion it is easier for the parents to just throw in $5 and be done with it, than have to spend more money(usually) and go out and get something yourself.

Then there are the other parents who don't want to be part of a group gift and want to do it on their own, and decline to give any money toward a class gift, so you can't win.

totally agree. I'm a room mom for both my kids classrooms.

I'm not trying to make more work for myself, thats ridiculous. Around the holidays why would I even try to do that.

I wasn't going to do a class gift this year because I didn't have the extra time and I had numerous moms from both classes come up and ask me about doing a class gift. As PP's have stated, alot of parents like to throw in $5-10.00 and not have to worry about doing the leg work for a gift.

I ask for whatever a family wants to contribute. We 've had people contribute mostly $5.00 some $10.00 and a couple gave $15.00.

 

[BoyLovesBuzz]

I would feel MUCH worse getting a thank you note for something that I did not contribute on, than to be left out becuase I couldn't contribute.

 

[megthewonderful]

Maybe I am in the minority here, but I am a class mother and we asked for $20. But to be honest, it's a preschool and we are buying gifts for 6: The two main classroom teachers, the 2 aides, the school director and the music teacher. Most parents have gladly given the money so they don't feel pressure to buy 6 gifts. We have bought gift certificates to a local restaurant, cards for all of the kids to sign, and we plan on buying pine floral arrangements for them.

 

[PatsGirl]

Honestly, I didn't read past page 2 but I think it is highly inappropriate to ask students for $ for a teachers gift and even more inappropriate to deny the ones who don't/can't contribute from putting their names on the card.

DD will be giving her teachers, bus driver, art club volunteer the same thing she's given everyone every year: homemade Cape Cod Turtles. They are very yummy and much appreciated by all who receive them. She will add a homemade Xmas card for each as well. It takes us a full day to make enough for everyone and the cards but it costs less than $30 and we get about 10-12 gifts!

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I think that when it comes to gifts, it's a personal thing between the student/parent and teacher - you give what you feel is appropriate and can afford. Requiring anything defeats the purpose and spirit of gift-giving. IMHO

If the "class" is giving the gift, then the "entire class" should be included in the card, regardless of who contributed. That mom is clueless. And there's one like that in every room and in every PTA and no matter what the situation may be, for that mom, it's all about ego and never about the class or group as a whole. They just don't "get it" and most of them never will. It's about kindness and thoughtfulness - not who gets the credit.

I feel exactly the same way. I have been class mom at leat 12 times between my three children. I only volunteered three times (once for each of my children) in order to give other parents a chance. The other 9 times, I was called by the organizing committee and asked to do it because no other parent in the class wanted it.

I went into it each time doing it for the kids and to be of assistance to the teacher. It cost me money out of pocket every time. I got *****ed at plenty of times. I always made it fair - a class gift was a class gift. I fully understood that not every family can afford to chip in. I more than fully understood that there is a huge disconnect between many parents and their children and half the time things (money, food, craft items, etc.) weren't sent in because the parent was a flake. I certainly wouldn't take it out on their child and single them out for embarassment. I kept my mouth shut, made the teacher and the kids happy and any time a parent complained, I said exactly the following, "They called me to be the class mother because no one else stepped up to the plate. You let me know right now if you want it, and it's yours."

My point is this: if you are a class mom and you're collecting/creating a class gift - include all the children. You are the mom of the whole class, not just those who have parents that have the money to send in, give a crap, etc. Do not take your frustration you have with these other parents (and trust me - I know EXACTLY what that feels like) out on innocent children.

It's a thankless job. You know that going in. If you can't handle being the adult, then don't do it.

These are just my honest opinions coming from 20 years of parenting.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I think that is exactly the point. While I do not want to see a child hurt, I don't have the same level of concern for the parents. If you don't contribute to a shower/retirement/etc. gift at work, should you get credit anyway because anything less is "blackmail"? As an adult you have the choice to prioritize and give gifts as you see fit. Children do not have that option and I agree that they should not be made to feel bad because of things outside of their control.

But I don't assume all or even most of people who do not contribute to gifts are down to their last dollars and by giving $10 they are not going to eat that night. I think most don't contribute out of forgetfulness, apathy, because they don't think the teacher "deserves" it, or they simply want to give their own gift. They are making a choice and they should be comfortable with it. I think calling it blackmail is WAY over the top.

And yes, I know the economy is bad. All of my close friends here in CA (including myself) here have been through a job loss and/or foreclosure in the last 18 months.

You've obviously never been down to your last few dollars then.
Because I can tell you right now..I have. And $10 was ALOT to us. We are finnally in a situation where we can afford more. But I feel for those people that dd is friends with who I know CAN'T do it this year. They aren't forgetting..they just CAN'T!