1 Year after a relatives wedding & still no thank you...WWYD?

[TwingleMum]

Is this person important to you or a social obligation ( yes even family members can be catagorized as such). If you have a good relationship(which I suspect you don't) just joke with her and say I know its a pain to send thank yous but I really put a lot of thought into your gift knucklehead and you could at least call to let me know you liked it. Then drop it and understand you can't control other people's behavoir just your own. But if this person is not close cross them off your list and forget them. If asked say why. Your expending too much energy on them.

 

[Robinrs]

I wouldn't have even NOTICED?

 

[Belle Ella]

Honestly, maybe she doesn't know that it's considered rude?

I have to say, I was never taught growing up to say thank you for gifts. I know it seems like such a no brainer and common sense, but it just doesn't always click for everyone. It wasn't until another family member of mne told me that it had upset my grandmother that I didn't call her and say thank you for a birthday card & money that I ever really thougt about it. I was never intentionally trying to be rude. I just didn't know and I think a part of it has to do with the generation I was born in. I don't know.

 

[okeydokey]

I wouldn't say anything but I would be sure to teach my own children (as I do) that we should always thank others for their generosity. Maybe we can influence the next generation through our own families.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

There isn't a thing you can do.
After a year I would just let it go.

Her lack of manners really has nothing to do with you.

 

[ZuZugal]

Well since no one else had said this I am going to say it. YOUR COUSIN IS RUDE. YOU SHOULD EXPECT A THANK YOU. REALLY.

You have every right to be ticked for not getting an acknowledgment of your gifts. Period. Why do people think expecting a thank you is just too much? It isn't rude to expect a thank you for a gift but it is rude if a thank you is NOT given for a gift. I disagree with the posters who say you are out of line.

Where is common decency? We have so many means of communication available to us these days. Email, text, instant messaging, facebook, phone, and regular mail. You put the thought into purchasing cards/gifts and getting them to her. She has the time to sign her name on the back of your check and take it to the bank but not enough time to call and say thanks?

 

[manning]

Does she have a pattern of doing this?

About five years after we got married someone mentioned they never got a thank you from us. My wife is good at keeping records. She still had the lists she made when the thank yous went out. We sent them out in three different batches. She got out the lists and started calling everyone. Sure enough one of the lists everyone did not get thank yous. She had it recorded they were sent and the date. The post office lost the whole batch.

The funny part of this story is the maid of honor was recording who sent what to us. Those who sent money we wrote that the gift came in handy on our honey moon. One relative informed us that she couldn't figure out how a silver sugar bowl would come in handy on a honey moon. Upon checking that out we found out the maid of honor made more than one mistake.

 

[Feralpeg]

While I think saying thank you is the right thing to do, did you give the gifts because you wanted a thank you? If not, let it go. I think people worry to much about this sort of thing. I give gifts because I want to do something nice for the person. If a gift is given because the person feels they have to give one or because they want an acknowledgement, then the gift should not be given in the first place.

 

[focusondisney]

Op, I'd be ticked, too. Especially after you even gave her some of your own daughters things. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about the gifts you've already given. But I would not give anything else to this cousin. In fact, I'd probably hope to recieve another invitation that I could ignore & then say "I sent an e-mail" . Only kidding!

I have several younger relatives who solved their thank you's by just ordering the preprinted post card/ picture type cards. One of them even had her mom address the envelpoes. Thus the only thing she had to do was order the things(if she even did that.) And a business associate of my DH had totally generic, preprinted form letter thank yous sent after his wedding. Even the address was preprinted.

So as much as I want a thank you, I don't expect one anymore. Makes me proud that my DD hand wrote her shower & wedding thank yous, all mailed within 2-3 months of the wedding.

 

[J.Ryan753]

No, I wouldn't say anything NOW, however, I would not give another gift for any occasion, nor would I attend the occasions. When asked why, I would tell the truth.

I would do this.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

What would I do? If I knew she got the gifts, I'd do nothing. I don't give gifts for a thank you. If an occasion came again where I felt like I wanted to give a gift, I would.

Yes, she should have sent you a thank you note, but she didn't. I'd let it go.

 

[tuckerkeys]

Thanks everyone! My mom raised me right. When I receive a gift a thank you goes out. I am teaching my kids to do the same. It's just a nice thing to do, just like getting the gift was nice for the person to do....

The funny thing is my mom is the one who is ticked off beyond belief about this, b/c my aunt thinks this cousin can do no wrong, etc etc....So it is brought up over and over didja get it yet didja get it yet??

I'm gonna let it go, however, no more gifts for this cousin....The entitlement comment made sense , maybe this is her problem....anyway thanks!

 

[Pumbaa_]

Not a big deal to me, save the stamp and move on

I mean seriously, what do you do with a thank you card? You read it and toss it.

 

[C.Ann]

I would say nothing - nor would there be any "future" gifts.. If anyone asks why, I would tell them the truth..

 

[Art 1]

i would positively, absolutely do nothing. I'd move on. I don't sweat the small stuff.

+1.

 

[Dopey's twin Dippy]

i also think that it is rude....so rude.......people get lazy im telling you. I dont think it is Sweating small stuff." They prob. took the time to REGISTER somewhere for presents right??? i dont know whats wrong with people these days..........I would not give another gift, sorry...........

 

[Sparx]

i wouldn't worry about it. not only is this her first year of marriage, she's got a new born. she probably honestly forgot, and got more involved in her other day to day matters. its not like she didn't purposely not thank you, i'll chalk it up to forgetting.

 

[Ember]

I refuse to buy gifts for people who don't say thank you for them. I don't expect a formal thank you, but I do expect it to be said in some way. A written thank you is polite at a formal occasion such as a wedding, but I'd be happy with a phone call or an e-mail. However, no thank you at all shows a complete and utter lack of appreciation.

It never ceases to amaze me how selfish and rude our society has become that something as basic as saying thank you has fallen by the wayside and so many people seem to think this is perfectly okay.

 

[luvmy3]

I would never call anyone and tell them that its in poor taste that they didn't send a thank you (especially for things that recieved over a year ago), in fact I think that is in pretty poor taste. I also wouldn't stop giving gifts for certain occasions because a person didn't send a formal thank you. I'm not going to change the way I am because of the way someone else is, KWIM.
OP, from your (bolded parts of the) post it sounds like you really don't think very much of this cousin, why would you still be stressed over stuff that happened last year?

I'm just curious on what you guys would do in my situation...

My cousin got married last year. I gave a gift of money ( $150 to be exact ) 1 year has come and gone & I still have not gotten any thank you. no email, card, nothing. She did cash my check promptly tho after her wedding

In October, she also had her 1st baby. Yes, she was preggo while she was getting married, call it what you may. Anyway I sent baby gifts of new clothing, I'd say at least $75 worth of items all through the toddler years. I also included a few hand me downs that my daughter used that were too cute to just do away with. I know she got them b/c my Aunt commented to my mom how cute everything was. Yeah, no thank you for these gifts either. My mom did casually say something to my aunt, who then said my couz. sent me an email, thanking me for the gifts. I never got said email....

Anyway, should I mention to my cousin that I think it's in poor taste that I never got any thank you's? Her mom tells my mom she's VERY busy. Yeah, well so am I, WAIT so is the entire WORLD! She's a normal girl, nothing weird or anything regarding her situation. I guess she's just lazy? It just disappoints me I went out of my way & nothing.......

 

[ZuZugal]

It never ceases to amaze me how selfish and rude our society has become that something as basic as saying thank you has fallen by the wayside and so many people seem to think this is perfectly okay.

Absolutely!!!

Since when is it okay to receive a gift and NOT give a thank you. Is it really that hard? It is BASIC common sense and BASIC common gratitude.