1 Year after a relatives wedding & still no thank you...WWYD?

[DisneyBamaFan]

No, of course it isn't. I'm not saying that I will feel contempt or derision for them because they don't appreciate the gifts I have given them. I'm simply not going to continue to waste my time, money or effort to give them things when they clearly don't appreciate them. Now it's true that I might feel scorn toward people who are always rude, but if they are simply not polite enough to acknowledge gifts it isn't going to inspire me to feel scornful about them. It is likely to make me feel apathetic about giving them future gifts, which is why I'm not going to bother with it in the future if they have never seemed at all grateful when I have given them things. If they don't care when I am giving them gifts, then they aren't going to care when I stop giving the gifts and I can save myself the effort.

A fair distinction. I was really just trying to be funny. Don't know how we got here...

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

Maybe someone with a good memory? I don't know about you, but I have a pretty good memory and if I chose a gift for someone and wanted to know what they thought of it I wouldn't just spontaneously forget about it. I'd probably occasionally wonder if they had liked the gift. If I had given a gift out of a sense of obligation (to a distant family member, my bosses child or something like that) and never got any acknowledgement I'd probably be reminded of that the next time a gift giving occasion arrived. And again, as I've said there's a difference between one gift being overlooked and a pattern of someone never thanking people for gifts. If Susie doesn't thank me for one wedding gift I doubt I would remember that forever. If Susie doesn't thank me for any gifts I'm going to be reminded of that each time I give her another present and I'm eventually going to chalk her up as being ungrateful and rude and I'll stop expending my time and money trying to find gifts for her.

 

[AKL_Megs]

This whole thread has got me thinking about whether or not I remembered to send out a "Thank You" to a late wedding card and money... perhaps I shall send out another???

 

[focusondisney]

You mean the appropriate response of two words upon receiving a gift? People are trying to be up in arms about written thank you notes. But not one person on this thread has said that a written thank you was the only acceptable form. In fact, it has been said over and over by numerous posters that the form the thank you comes isn't what's important. It's that it comes in some form rather than being omitted entirely. It could be said in person when the gift is received. Or if the giver is not there when the gift is received that a thank you goes out in some form to both acknowledge getting the gift and and to show appreciation for it.

This is not unreasonable, nor is it worthy of scorn.

I honestly can not believe that we are having such a lengthy discussion on the issue of it being okay to not thank someone for a gift. I really can't. I knew manners were flying out the window with many people as we become more entitled, but this really does go to show how far we've gone.

But it didn't only happen once. She gave gifts to the baby and got no thank you. I don't think she is wrong to be upset and IMO she should stop sending ANYTHING to this woman.

I would bet the OP wasn't focusing on the lack of a thank you for the wedding gift, until she gave the baby gift. If I gave gifts to the same person for 2 major life events within a year, I'd probably notice if they weren't acknowledged too!

No, of course it isn't. I'm not saying that I will feel contempt or derision for them because they don't appreciate the gifts I have given them. I'm simply not going to continue to waste my time, money or effort to give them things when they clearly don't appreciate them. Now it's true that I might feel scorn toward people who are always rude, but if they are simply not polite enough to acknowledge gifts it isn't going to inspire me to feel scornful about them. It is likely to make me feel apathetic about giving them future gifts, which is why I'm not going to bother with it in the future if they have never seemed at all grateful when I have given them things. If they don't care when I am giving them gifts, then they aren't going to care when I stop giving the gifts and I can save myself the effort.

I agree; you said it perfectly! Now that I know so many people don't notice if they get a thank you, I'm wondering how many wouldn't notice if they got no gift?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

This whole thread has got me thinking about whether or not I remembered to send out a "Thank You" to a late wedding card and money... perhaps I shall send out another???

You better...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...Now that I know so many people don't notice if they get a thank you, I'm wondering how many wouldn't notice if they got no gift?

I wouldn't. I don't keep score...

 

[AKL_Megs]

You better...

I guess!

Hopefully this thread isn't about me!

Sharon? Is that YOU???

 

[Scurvy]

A fair distinction. I was really just trying to be funny. Don't know how we got here...

Sorry, sometimes it's hard for me to tell on here whether someone is joking or being serious!

 

[focusondisney]

I wouldn't. I don't keep score...

Good to know!!! I was just wondering!!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Sorry, sometimes it's hard for me to tell on here whether someone is joking or being serious!

It's cool - we kept the debate civil and it prompted a pretty good discussion...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Good to know!!! I was just wondering!!

My wife might, though...

 

[focusondisney]

My wife might, though...

Also good to know!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Anyway, should I mention to my cousin that I think it's in poor taste that I never got any thank you's.......

Let's go back to the original post...

It is not about how the OP should feel... (everybody is entitled to their feelings!)

It is not about whether she should give any further gifts...
IMHO there is NO such thing as 'withholding gifts'...
Gifts are not something that are 'owed' or 'expected' anyhow....

Here is the question:
She wrote "Should I mention...."

My answer... NOW???? A YEAR LATER???
Like what good would you expect to come from it????
Unfortunately, IMHO, these days etiquette has been long lost on many people like this... It is just the way it is... So What???

Wow, I would hate to have to harbor this much negative energy for all of this time...

 

[OceanAnnie]

Again, completely agree...

In fact, I don't even see how they're even considered the same thing. One is showing a lack of gratitude, and the other is recognizing that lack.

That's what I meant.

 

[horseshowmom]

That's what I meant.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i know it's kind of OT but this does sort of remind me of when my DBIL got married and after the wedding when they opened up all their envelopes they kept complaining that they "didn't get as much as they expected/wanted"


i didn't even know weddings gifts/presents were EXPECTED. when i got married i didn't EXPECT gifts, i just wanted people to come and have a good time. i was surprised at what i did end up getting in the end tho, but it's probably because i wasn't EXPECTING anything, you know?

 

[pyrxtc]

It would be in poor taste for you to complain that you didn't get a thank you card. Let it go.

 

[Ember]

i know it's kind of OT but this does sort of remind me of when my DBIL got married and after the wedding when they opened up all their envelopes they kept complaining that they "didn't get as much as they expected/wanted"


i didn't even know weddings gifts/presents were EXPECTED. when i got married i didn't EXPECT gifts, i just wanted people to come and have a good time. i was surprised at what i did end up getting in the end tho, but it's probably because i wasn't EXPECTING anything, you know?

I adore my best friend, but her husband was like this, too. He figured that because they included the words "no boxed gifts" on their invitations they would get all kinds of money. Had it been anyone but my best friend, I wouldn't have attended the wedding. I can't stand when weddings are about greed and gifts rather than about celebrating love. (And, yes, before anyone says it, they do love each other. However, they, and him especially, are also entitled and very materialistic.)

 

[N&B'smom]

I wouldn't have even NOTICED?

Same here! I guess I just don't keep track of that sort of thing. As a matter of fact, I just got a thank you a couple weeks ago for my friend that got married in Sept and has since moved to Africa. When I saw the envelope I wondered what it could be! I don't worry about that sort of thing.

 

[ZuZugal]

What have we all been taught since childhood....it is so simple, really.

There are a few words, MAGIC words no less, that we should always remember and always use. Our parents and teachers told us these words are so important in life and we should use them every day and never forget how truly special they are. Use these words to show common courtesy, to show you care, to show something is appreciated, the list goes on.

Besides hearing "I love you" most children hear these same words over and over again when they are small so they never forget, and those words are "don't forget to say thank you!!"

I still believe those two words are that important. Always use them, never forget them.