If SHE doesn't show up at the port, you don't owe her anything. If she gets to 14 days and hasn't cancelled, she gets nothing back from
DCL. That's HER loss as SHE is the one who made the decision to not show. DCL already has their money--hopefully they got it from her and you didn't pay it.
Again, don't let her guilt you into anything. SHE is the one making these decisions and SHE needs to suffer the consequences.
I don't know what your plans are for getting to the port, but my guess is that at some point they involve a stop at her home to pick her up...either on the way to the airport or to drive to the cruise. I'd tell her that you'll be there at X o'clock. Show up ON TIME...as in to the minute. No scenes, no arguments. She is either ready and gets into the car with her suitcase or you drive off. You can't argue and you can't be late for your flight/cruise. If she is not ready to lock the door and get in the car, it's HER problem. She can call a cab and make it to the airport or not--her choice.
You have got to quit buckling under when this woman bullies you. She only pushes because she knows you always give in. And you can't allow her to bully your children. It is your job to protect them!
DO NOT TELL HER IF YOU REBOOK ON BOARD OR BOOK AGAIN!
.
You've received some excellent advice already. Undoubtedly, your relationship with your mother has always had these dynamics
, so I completely agree that it is up to
you to change them....mom never will.
First of all, STOP discussing so many details of the trip with her. Give her the TA's number, tell her to call if she wants to cancel, but then back off. Make it clear that she will not receive any reimbursement from you...Why in heck would you even consider that???
Tell her when and where you will pick her up for departure, and ask the TA to let you know if she actually cancels (which I seriously doubt she will). Then, STOP talking about it, unless she has an appropriate question (like which clothing to take). It sounds like you've made up your mind about excursions, which is great. You are under no obligation to include her if it will ruin your kids' fun. Put your kids first, and let mom's complaints go by the wayside. Trust me, your children will respect you far more than if you continue to be a doormat. It's a matter of explaining to them that Grandma has some emotional issues that are in no way anyone else's fault. I'm sure, by now, you've had some kind of discussion with them about her behavior. You are allowing her to push your buttons, which they observe and absorb
.
The wonderful thing about a cruise is that there is so much (or little, as you prefer) to do, so you don't really spend much time in the cabin. Keep the cabin you've already booked, since there is a financial loss otherwise, and make the best of the bed situation. As someone else already said, give her a Navigator and a highlighter, tell her what your plans are for the next day (if she asks), and include her as you choose (not as she demands). Feel free to book a Palo brunch for yourself, when the kids are otherwise engaged; just tell her you're taking a walk alone and make sure she knows where to get lunch. Same with the spa...explain what services are available and how to book, then do your own thing. I doubt she'll choose to spend the entire day in the cabin doing nothing.
Most of all, stop stressing so much over making mom happy....because you can't....no matter what you do....it's not going to happen. It's not you, it's her. I've spent years trying to make my DH understand his mom's narcissistic personality....developing Alzheimers has made her much "better" (more tolerable), but that's another issue.
We introduced my 72 yr-old mother to cruising two years ago, and she loved it! Our first cruise together was a 7-day RCI, followed that same year by a 14-day DCL TA (which she basically invited herself on, since she loved the first one so much), then the 14-day EBPC, which we just completed (on which she also invited herself). My special-needs niece (age 28) also sailed with us each time, and the two of them had their own cabin. My mother's husband refuses to travel. I made all the arrangements, incl. private tours/excursions, and my mother participated as she could (with some ambulatory issues). Planning would have been overwhelming for her, but my niece did some research online and kept up with our Dis thread, so they felt "in the loop". Yes, it limited us a little bit, but we still had a blast every time. If DM had behaved the way your mom did, the first one would have been her last
. She's now interested in doing Alaska, which we're considering.
I wish you luck (and fortitude!!!); you'll make great memories with your kids, I'm sure. Let us all know how it turns out
!