3 weeks out and I don't want to go now.

[violetmonarch]

Yep, I get the DM guilt trip too. It's not fun.

Stand up and say, this is what I and the kids are doing. Then find a few things you all can do together. I'd tell her, I already booked, sorry, you have to find your own fun. Show her the daily guide, and say we marked off what we are doing, find what you can do. Book the spa and relax by yourself. The rainroom is really nice.

Please enjoy the cruise if you decide to go. The ships are big enough to have room to roam.

Stress is no good. Please keep see the fun you will have and you may even click with some DISers and make new friends.

And, you will be on a Disney Cruise! That is something to always look forward to.

Thanks for that, I guess I just feel hurt about it all. I didn't want to seem like I was mean and leaving her behind, but I regret caving.

 

[disney314]

I told her that to which she rolled her eyes and said she will not spend HER cruise reading when she can read at home, lol....I think that's funny because I am so busy around here that I look forward to quiet so I can read. I guess maybe I was adopted? I am not the fruit that fell close to this tree? lol

Oh I love reading on the cruise too! So relaxing! I would just tell her, it is only for one afternoon. We are going and I am sure you can find something to do.

I will say as someone whose children are now grown, I would not 'waste' the chance to make a family memory while they are little if it is something you really want to do. I had planned to take my kids to Discovery Cove sometime, but never got around to it....and now....it won't happen. The chance to make the family memory past.

Your mom will 'get over it', and will probably find something else to be upset about. But your kids will have that memory with you forever and for that alone, it would be worth letting your mom 'pout' for an afternoon.

 

[violetmonarch]

OK, here's my 2 cents worth.

I think you need to sit down (just you and the kids) and do a basic plan for each day of the cruise. I know you won't know the specifics of when things are happening, but it might help.

I agree with telling your mom what time to be ready to leave and what things she may need to pack.

On the way to the ship, give her a copy of your "pre-planning" schedule. Tell her that every night you all are going to sit down with the Navigator for the next day and plan what the next day's events are going to be, keeping this schedule in mind. She's welcome to have input at these sessions.

I also agree, you should see if you can add back in the excursions you want to do. Tell her you are, and tell her that she can go as an observer or not, her choice. When she makes the choice (regardless of how much she rolls her eyes!) go with it.

I totally get the guilt trip thing between moms and daughters (especially once they are moms themselves), but you are the grown up now. As Judge Marilyn Milian (People's Court) says, "It's time to put your big girl pants on now."

She invited herself along on your vacation. It should still be your vacation.

Here's a little hug for you.

Good luck

Thanks dear, you are right.

 

[tinkertaylor05]

First off huge hug

As someone raised in an all female extended family home and who has carried on the tradition with my own family, I know all about the complications of mother/daughter relationships and guilt trips!

You need to get back to the heart of this trip, why you booked it in the first place and not be railroaded out of that dream. What's the worst that can happen if you say no? Put you and your children's feelings first that's what this is about.

Good luck I hope you can work this out

 

[violetmonarch]

Oh I love reading on the cruise too! So relaxing! I would just tell her, it is only for one afternoon. We are going and I am sure you can find something to do.

I will say as someone whose children are now grown, I would not 'waste' the chance to make a family memory while they are little if it is something you really want to do. I had planned to take my kids to Discovery Cove sometime, but never got around to it....and now....it won't happen. The chance to make the family memory past.

Your mom will 'get over it', and will probably find something else to be upset about. But your kids will have that memory with you forever and for that alone, it would be worth letting your mom 'pout' for an afternoon.

Thanks, you are right also. I never went anywhere as a kid, and so when I had my kids, I make sure to go places and see things even though it may not be expensive and glamorous, but I make a point to make memories with them. That's what this was to be for my kids and I. I thank you for your insight.

 

[luulu1999]

I don't know much about the cruises but I would give her a brochure say here is the stuff you can do and tell her your kids have already picked out what they want to do i.e dolphin excursion and its there trip and you are going to do things that they want and have some time for you too....I am sure there is tons of stuff she could do by her self!!

 

[MissDaisyofTexas]

I'm so sorry. Take a deep breath. I'd recommend laying out your expectations with your mom before the cruise.

We invited my MIL to cruise with us on our 4-night in a few weeks. She strongly hinted after our last cruise that she wished she could go next time. Our plan was to do a week-long Fantasy cruise in 2014 (which we are still going to do) but I didn't want to have her along for that. So when we jumped on the rates for this 4-nighter in our home state with no air fare, we decided to invite her.

When I called her to ask if she wanted to join us, I said there were 2 conditions I wanted her to know about up front. First, I said she'd either have to get her own room or sleep in the room with the kids (we got 2 inside cabins). Second, I told her I wanted one date night with DH at Palo by ourselves. (We don't live near family and we hardly ever get out by ourselves). At first she was like, "But I want to go to a nice restaurant too!" But I said you can, the main dining rooms are really nice. She doesn't have to watch our kids while we're at Palo. We booked nursery time for one and the other 2 can go to the Kids Clubs. Or, she can choose to go to dinner with them if she wants. Hopefully she won't lay a guilt trip on us when we're actually on the cruise. 2 hours alone is all we're asking for!

Good luck. Try not to focus on her and have fun on your cruise!

 

[kcashner]

I know what my daughter (and probably yours too) would say to all this. This is my version--my DD would be more blunt. Ummmm.... you need to grow up a bit. This is a vacation for YOU and your kids. Tell your mom what you are doing; don't ASK her and don't let her bully you. You have YOUR vacation with YOUR kids. She is welcome to participate, but you don't need to do things her way. You are a big girl and a mommy. You paid for this trip. DO it your way.

I'm not advocating being mean to mom....just not letting her bully you!

 

[violetmonarch]

I know what my daughter (and probably yours too) would say to all this. This is my version--my DD would be more blunt. Ummmm.... you need to grow up a bit. This is a vacation for YOU and your kids. Tell your mom what you are doing; don't ASK her and don't let her bully you. You have YOUR vacation with YOUR kids. She is welcome to participate, but you don't need to do things her way. You are a big girl and a mommy. You paid for this trip. DO it your way.

I'm not advocating being mean to mom....just not letting her bully you!

Yeah that's hard to stand up to my mom....she is kind of a bully in the sense that she uses all she can to get her way. I try to think, look for the good in people, give a second chance (as I have been given many). I am running out of cheeks to keep turning.
You are right, of course.

 

[kcashner]

You know, after two cruises that I took with "extras," I decided that I wasn't going to be a babysitter for anyone on my trips any more. That could hypothetically change if/when the someone is a grand child, but that is hopefully many years in the future.

I didn't have a BAD time when I was with people who needed to be cared for or looked after, but it wasn't the vacation that I wanted.

OK, you have mom....but as long as she is competent, she doesn't need a babysitter.

As to the bed...on the Magic, the big bed divides into two twins, so you'll each have a real bed. If you stick to one cabin, the kids will have the sofa and bunk. One verandah vs. 2 inside.....um....in my book that would be 2 inside. You need your space and mom needs hers. That also makes the FE stuff easier--her cabin won't be on the list. Too bad. If you get some junk that you don't want, give it to her.

 

[MAJPLO]

Get mom her own copy if the navigator each night. Bring her a highlighter in her favorite color and you and the kids can mark yours and plan for the next day and she can make her own plan. Point out things you think she might enjoy and when they fall during a time you aren't booked, consider joining her. I like kcashner's post it suggestion too.

 

[love280mickey]

first off...hugs!

I know this won't be the first time you've heard this...you have to grow up too. I say that gently. You DO have to stand up to her and not let her bully you, it's not good for you and not a good example to your children. I'm sure you already know this.

The other posters have given you great ideas to enjoy your cruise with your children. If you keep the one room, you definitely need to request that those beds are split into two so you each have one. That is a must.

Please enjoy your cruise.

Regrets are a terrible thing. I wanted to take my mom with us to a beach when my daughter was very young. My DH wouldn't hear of it. Within a couple of years, though, she was in no shape to travel at all, and now sadly, she's been gone almost 4 years already. How I still wish I had insisted on that beach vacation with my DH, Mom and DD!

 

[AquaDame]

It sounds like she will not be happy no matter what you do. You booked her on the cruise in her own cabin, then she got to join yours and had you cancel a very special experience for you and your kids. And it sounds like she STILL isn't happy.

It started with 1 unhappy person and 3 happy people, now it is 4 unhappy people. If it were me, and it very much isn't, I would call my Mom and have a talk about something you are planning, and when she complains (and it sounds like she will) tell her she has a choice in the matter. She can come, or she can stay home, but what she cannot do is get in the way of anything else. If she ends up mad who cares? You have already bent over backwards three times. She is mad anyway, and then you can go have a good time and have a deep breath. Or maybe she will be reasonable, who knows.

I've heard begging forgiveness is better than asking permission... generally I don't agree but in this case 100% behind it.

 

[bahacca]

I totally agree with giving her the navigator and having her choose what she wants to do. If it is the same as you guys, great. If different, great.
As for the excursion-that for me would be a no way in heck would i cancel. For most of us, that is a once in a lifetime splurge and for her to ruin that for you is downright awful. I would call her and say "After further thought and discussion with the kids, we've decided to do the dolphin swim. We would love to have you there as an observer so you can share the experience in the capacity that is appropriate due to your condition. So, if you want to observe, let me know. If you'd prefer to do another excursion alone, let me know and I can book it for you or you can find something to do on the ship like go to the spa or the like."
If she gives you guff about "Well you cancelled it once because I don't want to observe!" then say, "I realize this, but it has been weighing on my heart and the kids were really disappointed. This is a family trip that you requested to come along with. You can come with or go your own way. I'm just telling you our plan for Nassau."

 

[mom2aredhead]

Put on the big girl pants and make the best of it.
My mother died over the summer just after we returned from out cruise. I would love it if she were still here and my biggest issue with her was handling a vacation together.
Choose your battles and draw your lines in the sand wisely.

 

[iloverags2]

Oh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Family can be extremely difficult (trust me, I know...we have family issues with my DH's side). Just be sure to make it clear this is your vacation with your kids and she is just coming along for the ride. She can join you in anything she chooses to, but if she would rather not then it is up to her to find something to keep her busy (and trust me, there is plenty on the DCL ships and in ports to keep her busy!).

Rebook your dolphin encounter for you and the kids...if she decides she wants to watch, then add her on when she makes that decision.

Go and have a wonderful time making memories with your two children!

 

[neg58]

Definitely rebook the dolphins and if she doesn't want to go to just observe, she doesn't have to. I was an observer when my daughter did it and I was thrilled to just take pictures and watch. But if she complains, leave her on ship.

If your cruise goes to CC, sign up for snorkeling or the stingrays - lots of fun. Again, she can watch or sit. It is such an easy beach day. You are steps from the food and bathrooms. You can walk around or just sit. I could spend an entire week just on CC.

Just keep moving and you'll be fine. If your kids want to go to the club and you're 'stuck' with your mother, find a class for her or just go to the 4th floor and sit outside on the deck chairs. Pretend you're on the titanic! That is my favorite deck and I had a wonderful afternoon just reading out there.

Nancy

 

[sayhello]

It sounds like she will not be happy no matter what you do. You booked her on the cruise in her own cabin, then she got to join yours and had you cancel a very special experience for you and your kids. And it sounds like she STILL isn't happy.

It started with 1 unhappy person and 3 happy people, now it is 4 unhappy people. If it were me, and it very much isn't, I would call my Mom and have a talk about something you are planning, and when she complains (and it sounds like she will) tell her she has a choice in the matter. She can come, or she can stay home, but what she cannot do is get in the way of anything else. If she ends up mad who cares? You have already bent over backwards three times. She is mad anyway, and then you can go have a good time and have a deep breath. Or maybe she will be reasonable, who knows.

I've heard begging forgiveness is better than asking permission... generally I don't agree but in this case 100% behind it.

Excellently put!

Sayhello

 

[tinkerone]

haven't read the whole thread so not sure what all you have for advice but here's my cent and a half.......
put your big girl panties on and tell her what your plans are. if she decides she wants to or can come than that would be lovely but there is to be no whining or complaining about anything.
its your vacation, if she ruins it then you have allowed that to happen. stand your ground. your only obligation is to you and your children to have fun. your not your mothers keeper.
this is just imo. its what I would do but I can have a strong personality when it is needed. you can have fun with me, I will share, however you can not ruin my hard earned vacation, it doesn't come around all that often.
good luck what ever you decide.

 

[carolinamom]

I am so sorry to hear that the vacation you have worked hard to plan now has this cloud cast over it. It sounds like the issues you are having are clearly a very long time in the making. I think anyone can understand that patterns that develop over years are nothing to brush off. That being said, it may be helpful for you to (take a deep breath!) try to distance yourself a little from the emotional side of the situation. Remember she only has the power to make you feel bad if you let her. You can't control her words or motivations, you can only control your response. Maybe listing some potential problems would help you to be prepared with an arsenal of responses. (e.g: We are going to do this... I'd love it if you would join us., or "I'll be in an appointment until noon- want to meet for lunch at cabanas?, or I'll be BLANK doing BLANK, you should check out the cooking class going on at the same time). It may not hurt to recruit some back up. Try the meets board for your cruise to make a few connections with folks. Don't let her hold you back from meeting new people and having fun with your girls. Also, may help to have some thought out responses ready- "I" statements: "I am not able to change our excursion this late, but they have a great viewing area there" or " I am really looking forward to my spa appointment. It's not my intention to exclude you. There is a rainforest there you might enjoy"... Period.
I really hope you have a truly magical vacation despite the wrench in your plans. A deep breath and a cocktail go a long way (so do earplugs! Lol!)