"You're Not My Mother"

[becka]

I am feeling pretty upset right now. Today is the first Mother's Day for me since we had DS. Now obviously I don't expect DS to be aware but I guess I just held out some hope that DH would at least recognize the day in some positive way. Is that really too much to expect? Am I being unreasonable?

I know he had not really said anything about it so I just kind of asked if he remembered what today is and he said "Yes, but your not my mother." Not that that makes a difference. He didn't get a card or anything for his own mother either. That really hurt my feelings.

On Father's Day last year I got a card for him from me and I picked out a card from DS for him. I also got him a t-shirt from DS.

I really don't think I am being greedy or something but at least something like a card or even just a "Happy Mother's Day" would have been nice.

 

[jipsy]

Becka While technically he is right, cutiepie Nathan is not old enough to get you anything on his own yet so at this point it's up to your husband to do it. Since he didn't get his own mother anything either, try not to take it too personally. Just remember, Father's Day is right around the corner.... (where's that evil smiley when I need it?)

Happy Mother's Day from me. Funny, I was just about to do a post to you telling you that I love that pic of Nathan - he is such a cutie; makes me want to smother him with kisses. Since I can't, you do it for me, 'k?

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Ohhh Becka. Lots of {{{{HUGS}}}} You have every right to be upset. I don't think it's so much that you want a material thing, you just want some kind of recognition for being a mom and what that new title means to you and your family.

Also a for not doing anything for his own mom.

Happy Mother's Day

 

[kdibattista]

Oh yeah... I'd be pi$$ed!!!

 

[ripleysmom]

Yeah what they said. I know I would be hurt too.

 

[Serena]

Becka, {{{hugs}}}.
I wish I knew what to tell you. My h was/is the same way. He never did anything for me when the girls were tiny either. They had to get old enough to demand he take them shopping for me. I've always bought his mother her mother's day gift too.
It never changed. I suggest you two discuss this now and agree on something. It's better than being hurt year after year. Believe me.

I'm learning a lot of men feel this way, so try not to take it personally.

Happy Mother's day Becka.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

{{{hugs}}} to you and I echo what Serena said...

 

[CathyCanada]

Becka, remind him that if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be a mother, so he should assume some responsibility.

Hugs to you sweetie, you have a beautiful baby boy and rejoice in the knowledge that you ARE a mother and will have many years ahead of being one. When Nathan is big enough, he will do the things that really matter on Mother's Day (see wvjules Mother's Day eve post) because those things matter so much more than a card or a token gift.

From one Mom to another, Happy Mother's Day!!!!
CC

 

[Kitty 34]

Welcome to Motherhood, Becka!!! I think Mother's Day can be so awkward for hubbies/daddies. My DH, this year gave me a little gift "from the cats"......guess he thinks the boys are old enough and rich enough to get me something on their own!!!


Happy Mother's Day dear!

 

[Mamu]

True! True! True! but you are the Mother of his child. Seeing that child cannot go out to get a gift on his own, a card would be nice.

{{{HUGS}}} Becka always remember Nathan Loves his Mom.

 

[Pam]

I would definitely blow him off come Father's Day!!

And yes, sadly, I have seen way too many of my friends get shafted on Mother's Day because their DHs buy into the "But You're Not My Mother" excuse. If I were you, I'd take Nathan out, just the two of you, to the park or zoo and for a nice lunch somewhere and when your DH asks to come along, remind him that you are not HIS Mother.

Happy Mother's Day, honey. And I agree with jiipsy and CC - Nathan is just sooooo adorable and sweet that I would love kiss and cuddle him!!

 

[4greatboys]

I wouldnt be happy either . He knows you are a mother and Nathan is a tad young to eb out shopping for you so its daddy's job to by mommy stuff from the kids. I dont know why men act like that sometimes. For women Mothers Day is a celebration of all the mother you know--not just your own. I send a card to my aunt and used to get something for my Grandma too. But to them if you are not directly their mom then they dont think much of it.
They dont seem to understand its not about the gift but it is the recognition. I dont expect any big gifts but I do expect a card from my boys (via dad) and maybe lunch out (I'm NOT cooking!) lol
Happy Mothers Day Becka--and to ALL the moms!!

 

[WilmaBud]

I feel so bad for you. You know, this attitude burns my butt! You're not HIS mother, but you ARE the mother of HIS son! As such, he should honor you on this day. You've given him the most precious gift of all, and he owes you his love and gratitude. I'd give him lots of grief for neglecting you AND his own mom - inexcusable IMHO. Men only behave this way when we accept it. DON'T accept it! {{{HUGS}}} to you, and Happy Mother's Day from me to you!

 

[allicat]

I agree with WilmaBud. Let him know exactly how upset and thoughtless you think that was. Theres a good chance if you take a stand, you may get a card next year!
I just think alot of men arent brought up or taught knowing those little things that mean so much to us. You have to give them a gentle hint(or maybe not so gentle) and then the thoughtfulness may become more routine.

 

[deirdrefitch]

I know that you are hurt, and rightly so. I don't know what kind of childhood your husband had, but find the fact that he does not honor as an interesting piece of the puzzle. I know it is going to be hard, but try to sit down with him rationally, and explain the meaning of Mother's Day to you. Also explain that part of being a father is teaching your children to honor their parents by example from you both. I know with experience that if the sentence starts with "You" should have, "You" could have, we are in for an arguement. Try to explain without accusing. Some guys and gals are just rotten at these things, but alot of times there are other issues. Sometimes it is just a lack of understanding that this is a new responsibility as a father or mother that needs to be undertaken. No matter what happens, just remember, your child will grow up someday and will be able to express his gratitude himself. I want to wish you a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! YOU DESERVE IT!

 

[Liz]

I'm sorry Becka, hon. I would feel bad too. I went through this same thing when my kids were younger. To make it worse when I tried to talk to my BEST FRIEND about how bad I was feeling SHE would be the one to say "well you're not his mother." I think that is such a cop out. Ugh! I feel so bad for you!!!

 

[d.kurz]

This is a perfect example of why I posted yesterday to say "I hate Mothers Day". And someone posted to that thread to mention how it sets people up for heartache.

Becka, I wish I could say some magic words to make you feel better. You should go to Circuit City and get that item you metioned in another thread!! A phone, wasn't it?? With our friend the Mouse on it?? Go for it!!

 

[isyne4u]

"A phone, wasn't it?? With our friend the Mouse on it?? Go for it!!"

I agree with d.kurz, shopping therapy and tell your husband that it was from your son!! I have heard this from plenty of men in my school, and unfortunately for them, they have said this to the wrong person. I have blasted more than one man for taking up the "not my mother" routine! Maybe he needs to be shown by example how Mother's/Father's day works.

As a single mom, I figured I would just have to wait until my son was old enough to think about mother's day, (because my ex wasn't going to think about it-even though I do it for him for his b-day, x-mas, and father's day). But lo and behold the wonderful family I was blessed with took it upon themselves that very first year to make sure my son had something to give his mommy for every holiday. Not only did my mom jump in but my SIL and little brother gave me something from my son. I wasn't looking for gifts, just the recognition of being mom.

Side note: This year my ex took our son to the store and let him pick out a card for mother's day. I almost fell over last night when he (the ex) gave it to our son to give to me!!

Good luck and go shopping and know that while a man may not appreciate you for everything you do, there are plenty of people around you (and in cyber space) that appreciate everything you do for your son and your other child! (read: hsuband).

Happy mother's day!
tara

 

[poohbears5]

Go out and get the phone and deal with talking it over later with cool head he will probably be in defense mode as they usually are and when we are mad that takes making them see the light even tougher and longer so go treat yourself and talk to dh later .

 

[CynJ]

I think this falls under the "husbands are twits" category!!!

Just wait - your DS will grow up quickly and someday when he's famous he will look into the TV camera and say "Hi Mom!"