"You're Not My Mother"

[Karel]

Sometimes husbands just don 't get it. It took a long while for me to train my husband but it's starting to sink in. He still uses the same line but he got me something too. No card from the kids but from him, which is interesting. Christmas, my birthday, anniversary - it's always a surprise, because I never know if he's taken the time or not.

 

[JohnTBap]

Originally posted by Kitty 34
Welcome to Motherhood, Becka!!!

Ditto.

Men suck sometimes, don't they?

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[becka]

I just wanted to take the time here to thank everyone who has PM'd me and written such nice things here! You really helped brighten my day.

I am feeling better and I am certainly not letting his comments ruin my 1st Mother's Day! I discussed it a little with him earlier but I still think he does not really "get" why I was a little disappointed.

DS has been just super-duper wonderful today so he must know that it is Mother's Day and he is doing a great job! DS is so sweet that he really does make everyday Mother's Day for me and that is what really counts. He is taking his nap now but we have a playdate set for this afternoon to play with his new blocks

Thanks again!

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Becka.... use this day to start a special tradition for you and DS. Go somewhere you both enjoy. Spend the day enjoying each other's company. Next year, maybe your DH will wake up and join in. If not, you still have a special tradition started from your very first Mother's Day.... one that you can make special for a few years and then Nathan will take over... he will enjoy it as much as you do!

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't understand the logic behind, "You're not my mother". Is it really that hard to wish someone, whether she is your mom or not, a special day?

Your post is so timely... About an hour ago, I went to my neighbor/friend's house to borrow a sale flyer from today's paper. The garage door was open and her husband was in there, I asked him if she was in the house. He said no, she was sleeping because she had a headache. She gets migraine headaches, so I asked him if that's what it was. He said that she left work early and that he didn't know what her problem was. He then went on to say that he couldn't understand why she has to be in bed over a headache. I told him that he better not say anything bad about her to me. Then he went on with how he doesn't let a headache get him down. I told him that everyone is different. Then I asked him if he had anything planned for his DW for Mother's Day, his response, "She's not my mother!" Wrong answer!!!!! I told him that SHE is HIS children's mother and that he better do something to make her day better. He said the kids could do it because (again) she wasn't HIS mother. I told him that he better do something for his DW and that I was leaving. (We are really close with these neighbors, so he wasn't surprised by my words). I really hope that he takes my advice.

BTW, I like Suite Disney's suggestion!!!!!! I was ROTFLMBO over that one.

Happy Mother's Day, Becka!

 

[Kirby]

I am so glad to come across this thread. While you can't include me in this, I received a phone call from my sister this afternoon and her husband said the same thing to her yesterday in front of his mother, who (his mother) by the way told him that it didn't make a difference because she (my sister) was the mother of his children.

Even though your son is young you can teach him differently so that one day he will treat his wife special on Mother's Day.

 

[mhopset]

Sorry this happend to you Becka! I know you think I am a Jerk, but happy Mothers Day.

 

[susy]

WHAT????? I think someone needs a night in the doghouse!!!!! I don't have the most romatic DH in the world, but he and DS(age 5) did make a big production of having a "boys day out" yesterday and I couldn't know where they were going. They bought me a small box of truffles. Nothing big, but at least it was something. Maybe he is going through postpartum resentment because he's not the baby and all that. I tend to analyze too much.. that psychology degree and all....

 

[disykat]

Join the club! I usually plan my own special days - tell them where I want to go etc. It's usually very nice because it's just want I wanted - we go to the beach, visit a garden etc. This year we just didn't get around to planning because we've had a lot going on.

Some would say I've been very fortunate - dh got me a gift. Once again, he bought me lingerie - I won't get specific, but trust me I won't be telling this to my friends. If anyone asks, I will say "nothing" rather than admit what he bought me. I have told dh over and over again that I do not want these kind of gifts for gift giving occasions - but he doesn't hear me. Of course the kids also think he got me nothing.

After church the big question was what to do about lunch. Since we had made no plans and I wasn't cooking, I suggested how about if we just eat both meals out today and have sub sandwiches for lunch and pizza for dinner (two of my favorites). That way I would have no mess all day. Dh went out to get the sub sandwiches to bring home. He came home with Burger King food, which he knows I hate - so he didn't bring me anything. ????

We are in the middle of dealing with a tent catapiller infestation, prepping the kitchen for me to paint tomorrow, and have a sick child. I wasn't expecting much, but geez!!

My children did make me lovely things at school. They are really sweet, but depressed me. The love me because... I cook, I clean, I feed the dog so they don't have to..... My friends and I at church were all laughing about our children's tributes to us (I wasn't the only mom who got this) and decided that next year we're all going to spend the two weeks before Mother's Day doing extra special things with our children - and hopefully their cards will reflect this!

 

[believe]

Becka...I am glad to hear that you and your DH did talk about this and that he seems to be a little better with it.

DH and I have exchanged Father's Day and Mother's Day gifts before we even had children. I felt that when I left my parents' home he become my protector and provider and deserved to be recognized for it. He felt the same way about me taking care of him in a motherly way.

I really hope that you have enjoyed your first Mother's Day. I am sure Nathan gave you his present a kisses, hugs and smiles all day long!!!!!!!!

 

[Poohnatic]

Becka,

Happy Mother's Day! Sounds like Nathan needs to take you on a shopping trip to me!

I can relate to the first mother's day letdown. 4 week old, colicy, no sleep and DH didn't even get out to get a card. He sure made up for it the following year!

Enjoy your son's love-it shows in those pictures!

Suzanne

 

[Tulirose]

Becka - Sending you my wishes for a belated (it's after midnight and I can't sleep )happy Mother's Day. Love the picture of Nathan, God bless him and God bless you!

 

[damo]

Originally posted by browneyes
If my SO told me that, I'd have to remind him I'm not his mother everytime I washed his dishes, cooked his food, washed his clothes, etc. I'd also him since I'm not his mommy, he might as well consider himself bottlefed.

LOL browneyes. That's the best response yet!!!

I'd also throw the total guilt trip on him on Father's day with the card, the gift, the special dinner, etc. It is amazing what guilt can do.

 

[aprincessmom]

Sorry this happened to you Becki. I feel your pain.

My ex did that to me, too, the first year and every year since. However, I was able to gain some satisfaction the next year when the day before Mother's Day he asked me what I bought for his mother. I said "She's not my mother. Good thing you asked me today. You have some time to go get her something." Man was he angry. Tough.

The other thing is my family and friends stepped in. Each year after that first, I got beautiful cards, flowers and gifts, all in DD's name from my mom and dad, my sister and her husband, my uncle and aunt, and my best friend and his wife, a group that I rode the train with, a friend from work. Each year he was mortified as they'd all call in to see if they could take DD to shop for my present or make sure no one else had gotten the thing they bought/made to give me in her name. Didn't change his behavior though because now he felt like they were just mocking him. Like they cared enough to

I have never forgotten Father's Day though. I have always either purchased something for her or, now that she's older, I give her a budget and let her buy what she'd like.

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} Becka, I got my feelings hurt yesterday, too.

When my son was a baby and a little boy, my husband always made sure that there was a card and gift for me from my son. I thought it was sweet that he was trying to help my son learn to be thoughtful.

I got a call from Travis yesterday but no card, didn't even expect a gift (I'm use to that now). He just doesn't see the need to actually inconvenience himself for something like Mother's Day

<b>Plus</b>, I got to cook 3 meals yesterday, didn't even get taken out to dinner.

I'm not my husbands mother, either. Thank goodness, wouldn't <i>that</i> be an icky situation?

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. When you aren't upset about this anymore, tell your husband that the only way that your son has a chance to learn to be thoughtful is for his parents to teach him how to be that way. Tell your husband that in the case of mother's day, you really aren't the parent to teach Nathan this skill. Tell him that you will teach Nathan to honor his father but that you need your husband to teach Nathan to honor his mother.

Sorry that you were sad yesterday. Are you smiling at all, today?

 

[DisneyMim]

You have every right to be upset. This is exactly what my Father used to say to my Mother. I hated it then and always went out of my way to do something extra special for my mom who I love so very much. My parents are now divorced (why was I not surprised!!), and I still try to make my mom feel special. Thankfully my husband is not of that thinking. He has always remembered me and I have always remenbered him. When his mother was alive he also rembered her, in fact he still does, taking some comfort in the memories. Your husband is making a mistake, but you don't have to. I would just go on a remember him on Father's day, probably nothing too big, but a little something. Eventually your kids will start to question this, kids are VERY VERY smart. He's wrong and he will make a fool of himself. Don't ever think your worth as a mother has anything to do with how your husband thinks. Maybe he had a father who did the same thing. My brother went just the opposite of our Dad. He treats his wife very well. There's hope yet.

Happy Mother's Day to You!!!! (Even though I am a little late!!)

 

[Pete's Mom]

Well, here's my two cents worth. I don't think that is important that they actually "get" you something, as much as if they honor you that day. You know, you are a fantastic mom, thanks for all that you do, etc. I hate how a lot of these special days have become so commericialized. Anyone can buy a card, I would rather have some genuine appreciation for what I do. JMHO.

Now with that said, I did buy my best friend two cookbooks for Mother's Day. She is older than I am and is just like a mom to me. I always get her something from me and Pete. She in turn, had "borrowed" Pete for a couple of hours last week and they made a picture tree with about 20 little miniature pics of Pete over the years that he picked out. Best present ever! That was from Pete. She gave me a homemade potpourri satchel and potpourri which meant the world to me because she took the time to make it herself.

The shock of the century came from my ex, who very uncharacteristically gave me a cubic zirconia necklace that says "Mom" on a sterling silver chain and a ceramic rose in a vase that is also a jewelry box from "Pete"! I normally just get a card and a candle, if anything at all. I think since Pete is older now, he is really doing the shopping.

 

[CookieGVB]

Ugh! MEN!

I'd take the credit card and go out and pick my OWN gift - guarantee you, the price tag would make sure he'd be thinking about getting it HIMSELF next year!

 

[goofygirl]

I'm going to stick up for the men here (as I put on a flame-retardant suit!)

Really, if you are not his mother than WHY SHOULD HE buy you a gift?
He SHOULD buy HIS MOTHER a gift, or at least send a card or call.

Same goes for Fathers Day. I don't think the wife has to get the husband anything.

Your spouse gives you gifts on other days- Valentines Day, Christmas, Anniversary day, Birthday. Cripes, isn't that enough???

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

This thread has really made me realize how blessed I truly am . I am so sorry for all of you that don't have the wonderful DH and children that I take for granted. I think they will get extra hugs tonight.