Okay.....another one:
Same office, different lawyer. This was one of the guys I was friends with and I used to hang out in his office or he in mine, we were just friends....He had a cousin and he used to talk on the phone with him all the time at work. They had the same name and they were the same age so they were very close...
I'll call him John because his real name is very distinct & ethnic....
Anyway,
He says, you know me, you know him, you've heard me on the phone with him, you're both single, why don't you guys go out?
Now by this time, I had broken up with

and was seeing my BF's (best friends) boyfriend's BF. But I was newly single and I just wanted to have some fun, so I said, All right.
John (not my lawyer friend, the cousin John) picks me up...He comes upstairs and meets my Gramma and Grampa and then we're on our way.
While driving into Manhattan, John is just going on and on about this French restaurant and how fancy and expensive it is, which celebrities he's seen while dining there, etc. We get there, I think it was either in the Village or SoHo, it was Very Nice... and we sit down...he orders wine...we talk....or....
He talks.....
He talks and talks and talks about how rich is family is....
Then the waiter comes over to take our entree order....
HE ORDERS FOR ME....
No One Orders For Me!!
I like to eat....No, I Love to eat!!
I ask the waiter, what did he just order for me? and the waiter proceeds to describe something very disgusting that I wouldn't serve to my poodle.
I say to the guy, I'll take the steak, and do you have French Fries?
This IS a French restaurant, right?
(I was pretty tactless back then)
Then the waiter leaves and John is back to yadda yadda yadda.....
He was Italian/American, but he considered himself European...
Oh, how I love to Holiday in Europe....I just LOVE skiing the Alps.....
Europe this, Europe that...Blah Blah Blah, I should have been European...
Did you know that Europeans do this? Europeans do that.....Whatever...
Dinner comes and he's still yappin about how he wants to be reincarnated as a European......
After dinner I excuse myself to the ladies room, and THANK GOD there's a payphone right next to it! YES!!I've got a quarter!!!
I call my BF and she's at her apartment in The Bronx with her boyfriend...Is so-and-so there, too (boyfriend's best friend) No? Okay, I'll call him, bye.
I call BF's boyfriends' BF....He's home in Brooklyn...Hi, do you want to see me tonight? All right, can you meet me at my house in an hour? We'll go over and hang out with Eileen and Mike...All right, see you then...
Back over to you know who....He wants to order dessert..I tell him I'm not feeling well, please take me home. We get into the car and hey, wait a minute, this isn't the FDR, we're on the opposite end of the island...Battery Park City? You have an apartment here? Do I want to come up??? Didn't you hear me, guy? Or were you too busy listening to yourself yap about your European AlterIdentity???
Can you believe the guy actually walked over to my door after my repeatedly and adamantly exclaiming I wanted to go home - he opened my car door and begged me to get out and to come upstairs with him. I finally told him if he didn't close my door and take me home, I would get out and run and find a cop..So he took me home.
He realized he was getting nowhere when he walked me to my door, which I insisted he shouldn't do. He tells me his Throat is PARCHED,
can I please come upstairs for a sip of water????? UUGGGGG!!! Okay.....He gets a glass of water
(Thank God my grandparents were still awake and in the next room)
and he takes his time drinking it.
I'm watching the clock, Mike is going to be here any minute, how the heck am I going to get John out of here????
I finally tell him that I think I'm going to explode, I needed to get to the bathroom and the he HAD to go....I walk him downstairs to the door...
I open the door, then the storm door and back him out of both so now he's standing outside and I have my body inside with one hand on the door jamb and the other on the front door, ready to close it.
Suddenly, he gets realllllllll close to me...He leans over to kiss me and then...
As he starts to pucker and come in for the kill, I quickly kiss first the left, then the right cheek and proclaim,
Is THAT European enough for ya!!!!
and I slam the door!!!!!
Monday morning, my lawyer friend, John's cousin, had A LOT of 'Splainin' to do! and I never let him live that down.....