Your RSVP is too late!!

[hrh_disney_queen]

Wow! This thread is getting UGLY!

OMG, I have to steal this guy! I hope you don't mind, I am going to store him for a later purpose!


Well, I dropped out of this thread yesterday, and today I am lurking. I must say it has gotten rather ...... interesting..

 

[Dancemom03]

OP, could you and the co-worker and her DD share a lane next to the party lane/s, if an 11th child can't be added? She could still go in and have cake, and all the rest.

This is truly the kindest suggestion I've heard on this thread - both for Mary and for the B-list-last minute-let's-fill-that-empty-spot addition. In fact if it were my DD9, it'd help to make her feel less awkward before, during, and after the party too. This isn't about you or mary's mother - it's about your daughter celebrating with her friends.

These are girls - 1st, 2nd or 3rd grade girls, I'm guessing - that's a premium age for snarky, hurtful, snobby, and exclusionary behavior to be felt keenly. The B-list guest will know she doesn't belong in this click of friends and likely overhear other girls asking who she is and why is she there. Even the most tactful birthday girl might be challenged to answer the question if this is someone she's only met once or twice.

As far as poor Mary goes, no doubt she already knows her mom drops the ball sometimes. I'm guessing the other girls will soon too, if they don't already. That's rough. IMO, she shouldn't be punished or excluded for it - especially since she lives in the neighborhood. I'm assuming these are kids who ride the same bus, play on the same streets/playground - maybe even will be involved in the same extra-curricular activities for years to come. A playdate does not make up for not attending a party, especially when listening to the fun those who attended had while on the bus to school.

We never know what the future will hold. I live in a small town where kids who went to preschool together often end up sitting next to each other at their childrens' high school graduations. I would never deliberately exclude or hurt a child 's feelings over something that wasn't earth shattering. You just never know what the future holds and I want my kids, and those around them, to enter it with as little petty baggage as possible...

 

[cats mom]

I only read the first page, so I probably missed all the Dis drama.

Now what fun is that?

Her daughter is 6 years old

Not to be nit-picky, but since you've brought up the 6 years old thing several times now... on page 1 of this thread OP says:

She is 8. And I have been asked to pick her up and take her to the party.

And I have to agree with luvsJack, unfortunately 8 yr olds can be very snarky.

Perhaps not quite as snarky as people feel free to be on annonymous message boards though.

I hope the OP comes back and lets us know how this all works out, but since I don't think she has checked in for the last dozen or so pages, I'm afraid we may never know.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

Not to be nit-picky, but since you've brought up the 6 years old thing several times now... on page 1 of this thread OP says:

Better go back and read my post again. I was referring to the OP's daughter, who is 6 years old (if I'm reading her signature correctly) and how she shouldn't, at 6 years of age, be a decision maker in her household.

In no way was I referring to Mary's friend, who is 8.

 

[mjkacmom]

Better go back and read my post again. I was referring to the OP's daughter, who is 6 years old (if I'm reading her signature correctly) and how she shouldn't, at 6 years of age, be a decision maker in her household.

In no way was I referring to Mary's friend, who is 8.

Well, as someone with an outdated siggy, since hers states her twins are 6, and they have a birthday party coming up this weekend, I'm guessing they are at least 7.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

Well, as someone with an outdated siggy, since hers states her twins are 6, and they have a birthday party coming up this weekend, I'm guessing they are at least 7.

Okay, so they're 7 - still not old enough to have the authority to make a decision where mom has to spend more money.

Do we really have to argue over something so silly?

 

[Dancemom03]

To the bolded part: VERY I think little girls are just born that way, actually. I remember girls in my class of 4 year olds being very "cliquie" and not wanting to include any "outsiders" in anything.

ITA - Having DS first, then parenting two girls, there's no doubt in my mind - girls are born that way...

Put three boys together in a room and they'll play nicely. Even at two years old though when you add that third girl to a pair, two are going to immediately begin plotting to exclude someone. It isn't pretty, but sadly, it is often a reality... and threads like this make me wonder if perhaps it doesn't sometimes carry over into adulthood...

 

[turkeymama]

ITA - Having DS first, then parenting two girls, there's no doubt in my mind - girls are born that way...

Put three boys together in a room and they'll play nicely. Even at two years old though when you add that third girl to a pair, two are going to immediately begin plotting to exclude someone. It isn't pretty, but sadly, it is often a reality... and threads like this make me wonder if perhaps it doesn't sometimes carry over into adulthood...

Oh how I wish this wasn't true, but it is. My little girl is almost 10 and I'm almost to the point that I want to ban all sleep-overs and parties forever, lol.

I can't say for certain if it carries over into adulthood in all cases, but I know this is the reason that most of my "friends" growing up were boys. It was so much easier.

I hope OP gets this worked out. I tried to keep my one other comment as non-judgmental as possible and to not be snarky.

 

[lillygator]

Ugh!! I am so annoyed right now. We invited 10 little girls to a bowling party for my DDs' b-day. 9 RSVP'd as yes. The 10th (Mary) never responded. This morning (4 days after the RSVP date) I invited a co-worker's DD to fill the spot.

An hour ago, the "Mary's" mom called and left a VM stating that she knew she was responding late, but "Mary" would like to come to the party.

I've already ordered the balloons (big, mylar ones that each girl can have), finished the goodie bags, and paid for the cake and food. The bowling party was for 10 guests. I really don't have extra money or the time to add in Mary at the last minute.

Would I be a real ***** to say "I'm so sorry. Your response came to late. Can we invite Mary over for a playdate next week?"

That is the way our bowling parties work here. We have our limit and to add another child means serious bucks.

I would talk with the bowling alley, most if not all, have an emergency add on for those guests who unexpectedly show up.

This is the exact reason we don't do big birthday parties with DS 's class. We only invite our very close friends, thank goodness DS is good friends with all of my best friends kids. LOL they all have several children, one has 5. I think in total that is about 16 kids between all the girls.

Add me to the ***** group as well but for two reasons.

1- I would not tell the kid she couldn't come. Maybe the invitation got misplaced etc. It's not that big a deal to add another kid.

2- I think it is even ruder to offer someone a second rate inivite like you did with the co-worker's kid. She wasn't good enough to make the first cut? IMO that is super rude.
I would however tell the Mom that I cannot pickup or drop off her child. That there simply is no room in your car. If she can't make it because of that then oh well. It is not anyone's job to provide transportation for everyone.
YMMV.

I too would not do pick up and drop off but I would include Mary.

Seriously! You would give a little girl a "lesser" goodie bag because of something that was completely out of her control? On top of it, you would intentionally single her out in front of her friends? That is horrible, vindictive and just plain mean!

I agree, that is terrible. It isn't the childs fault.



Mary's mom screwed up, but it sounds like you have it in for the girl anyway. I would include her and make sure she has the same goddie bag as everyone else. How much extra can a balloon and goodie bag be. my goodness. How hurtful would it have been for a 7 year old to be singled out like that.

 

[ilovepcot]

Would seriously love to leave a reply here, but believe I better look instead for that thread titled, "Things you want to say on another thread."

 

[luvsJack]

Okay, so they're 7 - still not old enough to have the authority to make a decision where mom has to spend more money.

Do we really have to argue over something so silly?

There are ways to do what the child having the birthday wants without making if a "financial decision".

I only meant that she could find out how important it is to her child if the little girl is there before the OP hurts the child's feelings.

 

[Heidict]

If someone doesn't RSVP, then you need to call them. Yes, it was bad manners on her part not to respond to your invite, but it was also bad manners for you to not at least attempt to reach her. I ALWAYS call people who don't respond on time. Things come up, there are a hundred different reasons why someone doesn't get back to you in time. Some of them are good reasons but most of them are stupid. To not do so is just inviting a world of problems, as the OP can apparently tell.

She is going to hurt some poor child's feelings all because she couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone and waste 2 minutes of her time before inviting someone that her DD has met once in her life. It may be Mary who gets hurt or it may be her co-workers child. Not a good situation either way she chooses.

I'm sure you daughter would rather have her friend, not what is essentially a stranger, at her party. If you are so concerned about your coworker and the difficult time they are going through, why not get together with them some other time and do something?

You spoke before you thought things through and now you are panicking. If you had taken the time to make a call then you would not find yourself in this position.

 

[JUJU814]

Wondering if hanging out on the Dis puts us all on a similar "cycle" and we all are just starting PMS or something?

Because I don't know about the rest of you, but I've never given so much thought to a birthday party in my life as I have this one for a kid I don't know!

 

[luvsJack]

ITA - Having DS first, then parenting two girls, there's no doubt in my mind - girls are born that way...

Put three boys together in a room and they'll play nicely. Even at two years old though when you add that third girl to a pair, two are going to immediately begin plotting to exclude someone. It isn't pretty, but sadly, it is often a reality... and threads like this make me wonder if perhaps it doesn't sometimes carry over into adulthood...

Ain't it the truth??

When dd was in preschool, she had two good friends. We were always there before the other two girls, so the whichever of the other two that got there first always made a b-line for dd and those two would be plotting ways to leave the other girl out by the time she arrived!

And you are right, some of these threads certainly bring those "catty" ways to mind!

 

[Mermaid02]

Wondering if hanging out on the Dis puts us all on a similar "cycle" and we all are just starting PMS or something?

Because I don't know about the rest of you, but I've never given so much thought to a birthday party in my life as I have this one for a kid I don't know!

LOL

 

[mumom95]

I live in Ohio. Not Columbus, but not too far south of it.

I don't think there is anyway possible that it is going to cost another $50 for the little girl to attend. Especially since it doesn't appear that the bowling alley is supplying the goody bags.

If I were to walk in off the street into any bowling alley in this country, it is not going to cost me $50 to rent shoes, bowl one or two games, and get a piece of pizza and a drink. It just isn't, I don't care where you are.

Which, makes me question how honest the OP is being. The part about her having to drive Mary was also conveniently added in after people started telling her she should allow Mary to come. Which, may be true, I don't know. But it seems convenient that some of these over the top type things are added after it was apparent some people thought she should let her come.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Wondering if hanging out on the Dis puts us all on a similar "cycle" and we all are just starting PMS or something?

Because I don't know about the rest of you, but I've never given so much thought to a birthday party in my life as I have this one for a kid I don't know!

I think you're right about the PMS thing. I'd also throw in a little cabin fever as well.

I don't know that it has anything to do with a birthday party anymore. Everyone's now more invested in proving (somehow)that they're right and the other poster is wrong; or that they are a better person than another poster because they'd let the little girl attend the party; or that they are more unselfish the other poster who doesn't agree with them.

This thread's become a grindstone.

 

[MELSMICE]

Oh, for heaven's sakes. No but from looking at this thread, it must be the norm to be snarky over a kid's birthday party.

If the party is so expensive that she couldn't add one kid, maybe the answer was in not having the party there to begin with. I just simply do not believe that the bowling alley cannot just add the cost for one kid to the party. That would be stupid on the alley's part. How many times does a sibling or sudden out of town guest show up? And if they "simply cannot", go in and say "I want to pay for one person to bowl" and when the hot dogs are served go to the concession stand and buy the kid a hot dog. And to even go into a goodie bag or cost of a balloon is just being cheap.

Maybe the time to have asked her daughter was before she invited a child who is not friends with her daughter? Maybe her daughter would have had the forethought to ASK Mary before filling her spot.

I offer children's birthday parties at my dance studio. I have packages that will allow a certain number of children and then I will provide a certain number of adult instructors to supervise the children. If someone wants more children to attend I have to get more help for the party, which will cost me more in payroll, therefore, they must choose another package and the cost will increase.

Could I "just add one more kid"........probably, but if you're paying for Package A that allows 10 children & I allow you to bring "just one more" then the next mom coming in will want to know why she can't have 11 when "her daughter's friend had 11 at her party & only paid for Package A" & the mom that had 11 children there & paid for the more expensive package will want to know why she had to pay for Package B when someone else didn't have to pay the more expensive rate.

The bowling alley is not at fault. They are running a business and must stick to their policies.

I stand by my first post................Mary's mom is at fault here. She disappointed her daughter. Could she have misplaced the invitation........ maybe, or maybe she is just organized. She also could be the type of person that just procrastinates & figures Mary will still be able to attend.

Is it disappointing that Mary will not be able to attend, yeah.........but she'll get over it - she's only 8 - life will be OK for her. Her mom should make a very special day for her to make up for her mistake.

 

[frtchr]

Well, this settles it. No birthday parties for DD3 in the near future. Actually, I might not even acknowledge her birthday from now on!

 

[lillygator]

I live in Ohio. Not Columbus, but not too far south of it.

I don't think there is anyway possible that it is going to cost another $50 for the little girl to attend. Especially since it doesn't appear that the bowling alley is supplying the goody bags.

If I were to walk in off the street into any bowling alley in this country, it is not going to cost me $50 to rent shoes, bowl one or two games, and get a piece of pizza and a drink. It just isn't, I don't care where you are.

Which, makes me question how honest the OP is being. The part about her having to drive Mary was also conveniently added in after people started telling her she should allow Mary to come. Which, may be true, I don't know. But it seems convenient that some of these over the top type things are added after it was apparent some people thought she should let her come.

bingo