Your RSVP is too late!!

[cheermom1]

What would I do?? I would not have a bowling party b/c I don;t have the money..

Now that op is in this spot, I would just call the mom and start out with "I can't pick up b/c I don;t have room" and see what she says. And if she says that is ok then she can't come, not a prob. but if she says that she can take her I would just tell her the truth and how much it would cost if she went and see what mom says. mom will most likely say no b/c of the money. I don;t think this is a big deal nor should it be made into a big a deal. as far as calling the mom before hand, how do we know she has her #??? I do know that when my kids were younger and having their parties I did NOT have the #s to any of their friends at school.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I know at the local bowling alley's in my area, the additional children are $9.00. I am sure that there wouldn't be a problem with the bowling alley adding to the count, but it would be an extra expense to the OP.

Sometimes it does happen that you need to bring your other child/children. That is understandable. When parents have brought siblings to any of our parties that we have to pay out of pocket, i do not pay for that child. This has happened to us twice. Both times the parents told us that they will pay for their own child. When it came time for the party bags, when the uninvited child has come for one, i simply have explained they were for party guests only, but I also have learned to bring with me coupon books that i have bought for $1.00 at Wendy's or McDonald's and give it to the child. You know I do not feel bad at all. I can't pay for everyone. When i have had to bring either of my daughter's to a party they were not invited to, I would call ahead and let the parent know that i would pay for my other child myself and my children are aware that the party bags are for invited guests only.

No one wants children to be disappointed, but disappointment is a part of life. They need to learn it while they are young or they are in for a rude awakening when they get older.

 

[Mermaid02]

If a parent didn't rsvp or a child couldn't come to a birthday party it would NEVER occur to me to choose and alternate....... am I the only one? We invite the kids we want to be there in the first place!

 

[JUJU814]

If a parent didn't rsvp or a child couldn't come to a birthday party it would NEVER occur to me to choose and alternate....... am I the only one? We invite the kids we want to be there in the first place!

no, you're not the only one. That's what got OP into this mess in the first place.

 

[taximomfor4]

OP, my thought: we don't know the whole situation. I DO know that many parents never get around to RSVP'ing at all so Mary's mom's faux pas was not as bad as some!

You invited a coworker's child (NOT a friend of your dd) to take Mary's spot at the party, because she's going through difficulties at this time, you stated. A very sweet gesture, imo (rude to b-list someone? Perhaps, but with good intentions). My question is how do you know that Mary's not going through just as difficult of times right now? Call the bowling alley, see if including her for a REASONABLE add-on fee is possible. If it is possible, tell them you will get back to them with the answer. Most of them have the emergency add-on per person available even the day of!

As for driving her there, don't parents always take 2 cars? We have one parent go ahead of time to set up, pick up cake, etc. Then the other parent brings the birthday child right before party time. But if you don't do it that way, call Mary's mom and just be honest that the ride thing won't work.

SOOOO many things could be factors, like WHEN Mary got the invitation, saw her mom, etc. For example, when I was in nursing school, I didn't see my kids except to say hi and bye, for 3 days straight every week. Yes, I RSVP'ed late a time or 2...apologized, and ASKED the parent if the child could still come, let them know that it's ok if they cannot include him/her.

Anyway, the point i intended to make is this: you gave away Mary's spot at the party out of empathy/compassion. Perhaps Mary needs the same.

 

[wdwfan16]

If a parent didn't rsvp or a child couldn't come to a birthday party it would NEVER occur to me to choose and alternate....... am I the only one? We invite the kids we want to be there in the first place!

Oh no you are not the only one. IMHO this was the cause of the problem. OP wanted the most presents for her buck and called a child who she admits hardly knows here daughters just to fill in the extra gift spot.

If the OP did not do this then she would have the balloon and goody bag for the other girl. Even if "Mary" could not come I would have my DD take the balloon and goody bad to her that I got for her.

 

[allison443]

As for driving her there, don't parents always take 2 cars? We have one parent go ahead of time to set up, pick up cake, etc. Then the other parent brings the birthday child right before party time. But if you don't do it that way, call Mary's mom and just be honest that the ride thing won't work.

SOOOO many things could be factors, like WHEN Mary got the invitation, saw her mom, etc. For example, when I was in nursing school, I didn't see my kids except to say hi and bye, for 3 days straight every week. Yes, I RSVP'ed late a time or 2...apologized, and ASKED the parent if the child could still come, let them know that it's ok if they cannot include him/her.

Anyway, the point i intended to make is this: you gave away Mary's spot at the party out of empathy/compassion. Perhaps Mary needs the same.

Thank you for saying you always take 2 cars!! I thought I was crazy because we do too-unless the bowling alley is 2 hours away or something, what's the big deal about two cars (people are saying, oh forget it then, that's a dealbreaker). Wouldn't it be easier for one car to pick up the cake and balloons and meet the other parent at the bowling alley? They are picking up 12 mylar balloons and a cake-how is that going to fit if their car is already full???
I also like the rest of your post about being nice.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We never take 2 cars. When I have a party out the place does the setup and cleanup. I make sure the cake is ready to go that morning - either I made it or I go and pick it up. Party Places here also provide balloons if you want them though most people don't bother with them.

 

[allison443]

If a parent didn't rsvp or a child couldn't come to a birthday party it would NEVER occur to me to choose and alternate....... am I the only one? We invite the kids we want to be there in the first place!

Yes, that one puzzled me too...why invite someone who's only met your kids twice? The little girl won't really know anyone, and the co-worker will only know the mom/host, is the mom/host going to have time to chat during the party? Sounds kind of awkward for the co-worker's little girl. Will this co-worker feel obligated to bring two gifts for the birthday twins?

However, I think OP invited the coworker to be nice. But imo I think she jumped the gun.

 

[Jennabeth]

Wow, I didn't realize I was such a rude **** before reading these posts. I would have done the exact same thing as the OP and not thought twice about it. I can't believe you guys forgive (and make excuses for) Mary's mom for not having a "spare second" to RSVP but are flaming the OP because she didn't take the time to call Mary's mom. It takes a lot more time for someone to track down a phone number then it does for a mom to see the number right on the invitation and make the call.

If I were having a party at a venue and paid for a minimum, you can be darn sure that I am going to fill all the spots I can to get my money's worth. Sorry, I work hard for a living and like to money to go as far as it can. I certainly would have added another person to fill a spot I was paying for, especially after the RSVP deadline passed and there is NO way I would pay $50 extra for another child. If Mary's mom called I would have called back and explained that there was only so much room and when we didn't hear we invited someone else. End of story, Mary's mom should have called sooner. Will Mary be disappointed, yes and I would feel bad (for a minute), but that's life. Kids have to learn to deal with disappointment, it's something they will face as adults. Maybe next time Mary's mom will RSVP sooner. Sounds like Mary's mom has had exceptions made for her before so she just expects it. This way maybe Mary won't turn out like her mom.

 

[allison443]

We never take 2 cars. When I have a party out the place does the setup and cleanup. I make sure the cake is ready to go that morning - either I made it or I go and pick it up. Party Places here also provide balloons if you want them though most people don't bother with them.

Oh I get that! I just didn't think it's such a big deal to take two cars if people have two cars and both drive and both are going. (Unless someone is like this mom in my dd's class, she just refuses to drive on highways-hmmm, we live in New Jersey so that's a tough one!)

OP said they have to pick up the cake and 12 "big" mylar balloons on the way so in that case I don't see the big deal about taking two cars. Maybe I'm missing something, she didn't say how far it is or anything.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Wow, I didn't realize I was such a rude **** before reading these posts. I would have done the exact same thing as the OP and not thought twice about it. I can't believe you guys forgive (and make excuses for) Mary's mom for not having a "spare second" to RSVP but are flaming the OP because she didn't take the time to call Mary's mom. It takes a lot more time for someone to track down a phone number then it does for a mom to see the number right on the invitation and make the call.

If I were having a party at a venue and paid for a minimum, you can be darn sure that I am going to fill all the spots I can to get my money's worth. Sorry, I work hard for a living and like to money to go as far as it can. I certainly would have added another person to fill a spot I was paying for, especially after the RSVP deadline passed and there is NO way I would pay $50 extra for another child. If Mary's mom called I would have called back and explained that there was only so much room and when we didn't hear we invited someone else. End of story, Mary's mom should have called sooner. Will Mary be disappointed, yes and I would feel bad (for a minute), but that's life. Kids have to learn to deal with disappointment, it's something they will face as adults. Maybe next time Mary's mom will RSVP sooner. Sounds like Mary's mom has had exceptions made for her before so she just expects it. This way maybe Mary won't turn out like her mom.

You do want to fill up the spots that are paid for. I've had people say they were coming and were a no show. Sometimes you can't win throwing these parties.

 

[taximomfor4]

there is NO way I would pay $50 extra for another child.

What about an extra $10? OP, AFAIK, hasn't checked with the bowling alley. Chances are, they DO have a per-child emergency add-on...most do, that I've seen.

OP, just be prepared...the RSVP issue will come up at every party you ever have. I don't do parties for my kids generally, but DO help friends/family members who do.

 

[jemmouse]

I understand your annoyance. But this is a little girl who is excited to go to her friends party. About the Mylar balloon go to the Dollar Store and get one more, most of them have them now, and rummage through your cabinets or brand new old toys your children have never played with I am quite sure you will find something. Bottom line is have you ever misplaced something or lost it only to have it resurface at a later date? Well perhaps that was the deal with the mom, I mean wouldn't your girls be sad if that happened to them? Driving two cars, three cars who cares, its for your little girls special day, it will all work out.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I can't believe you guys forgive (and make excuses for) Mary's mom for not having a "spare second" to RSVP

but are flaming the OP because she didn't take the time to call Mary's mom.

Ummm, sorry, but nobody is excusing the lame parent..... That is just not the point!!!!

Lame parents are out there...
And, even with parents who are not always lame "LIFE" happens...
IMHO, these days... unfortunately, one will NEVER be able to count 100% on RSVPs.
I can't see how anybody would even go by that assumption.

The point is that the OP is having a freaking coronary because of a kids birthday party.... It is just an unbelievable burden to her to maybe have planned to be prepared for all of the children whom were invited...

This was not an open (to the whole class) invitation...
This was a PERSONAL invitation.
The OP's daughter chose to invite Mary.
And, in this case, friendship and common courtesy should dictate that Mary is welcome to come to the party, RSVP or not.

Yes, this mother may be clueless.
The whole "can you pick her up and bring her home" is just totally and incredibly over the top...

However, we are not discussing this with that mother.
She is not here.
I will refrain from comment about this other mother.

I will say that, no matter how lame or clueless this other mother is... The OP and her daughter issued a personal invitation to 'Mary'.... And, there is no way that I would have been so quick to exclude this child.

Like everybody else has said.
It is a freaking child's birthday party.
Not a $10,000.00 wedding.

The OP is very obviously going to continue to give herself a coronary over this little party.

She is going to continue to justify the whole thing by pinning it on how bad this other mother must be...

But, really... I am like... look in the mirror.

 

[Jennabeth]

You do want to fill up the spots that are paid for. I've had people say they were coming and were a no show. Sometimes you can't win throwing these parties.

I completely agree, which is why we parties at home. Don't you hate it when everyone else isn't as perfect as us

 

[OceanAnnie]

I completely agree, which is why we parties at home. Don't you hate it when everyone else isn't as perfect as us

You said it! We stopped doing those type of parties, and that's one of the reasons. We did the inflatable/gymnastic/kids museum (and more I can't think of) when they were very young. Now we do something special with just the family, the birthday child gets to pick, and they are happy. I know I'm happy!

 

[DeniseinNS]

I would be irritated that they didn't RSVP in time but it happens all the time when you have parties. I have had at least one child show up to a few of our parties that have not RSVP'd, when I don't hear from them I still prepare treat bags, etc.. as if they were coming because you never know. Mary's mother may have many reasons for not calling before now (sick kids, out of town, Mary didn't give the invite to her until now, etc.....) I would call the bowling alley and ask for the price to add on 1 child, I can't see them charging $50 more for that. It's not Mary's fault that the RSVP was not earlier and you filled the spot, she is just a child so I would definatly still include her. I would call her mom and let her know that you are only taking one car so you will unable to drive her, it is a bit rude to RSVP to a party and assume that the people having the party will drive her.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Wow, I didn't realize I was such a rude **** before reading these posts. I would have done the exact same thing as the OP and not thought twice about it. I can't believe you guys forgive (and make excuses for) Mary's mom for not having a "spare second" to RSVP but are flaming the OP because she didn't take the time to call Mary's mom. It takes a lot more time for someone to track down a phone number then it does for a mom to see the number right on the invitation and make the call.

If I were having a party at a venue and paid for a minimum, you can be darn sure that I am going to fill all the spots I can to get my money's worth. Sorry, I work hard for a living and like to money to go as far as it can. I certainly would have added another person to fill a spot I was paying for, especially after the RSVP deadline passed and there is NO way I would pay $50 extra for another child. If Mary's mom called I would have called back and explained that there was only so much room and when we didn't hear we invited someone else. End of story, Mary's mom should have called sooner. Will Mary be disappointed, yes and I would feel bad (for a minute), but that's life. Kids have to learn to deal with disappointment, it's something they will face as adults. Maybe next time Mary's mom will RSVP sooner. Sounds like Mary's mom has had exceptions made for her before so she just expects it. This way maybe Mary won't turn out like her mom.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents who would "forgive" are likely those who are guilty of not RSVP-ing, showing up anyway, and probably bringing uninvited siblings as well.

 

[luvmy3]

I understand your annoyance. But this is a little girl who is excited to go to her friends party. About the Mylar balloon go to the Dollar Store and get one more, most of them have them now, and rummage through your cabinets or brand new old toys your children have never played with I am quite sure you will find something. Bottom line is have you ever misplaced something or lost it only to have it resurface at a later date? Well perhaps that was the deal with the mom, I mean wouldn't your girls be sad if that happened to them? Driving two cars, three cars who cares, its for your little girls special day, it will all work out.

Then her mother should have called ON TIME!!!!!!!
I can't believe the people telling the OP that she should go out of her way to accomodate Mary when her own mother didn't bother to. Mindboggling The reason you have an RSVP date is so that you can give a headcount to the establishment and get all the stuff you need to in order (goodie bags, ballonon, etc) in advance of the party. RSVPing late is rude and inconsiderate, and asking the party mom to drive your kid is beyond rude because that mom obviously didn't think that it mattered.

OP you are no longer under any obligation to Mary and her mother. You gave them a date and they didn't get back to you. You decided to make other arrangements, and you had every right to.