your funeral

[KristaTX]

There is a thread around here for non-religious types about what kind of service they want when they die. It's kind of a depressing thing to think about, but all of us will eventually die. So I thought I'd open up a thread for anyone. Maybe no one else wants to think about it, but I'll start.

I am a Christian, and I want my spriritual life to be central to any sort of memorial service, but I don't want a traditional American funeral. It is sort of a "do unto others" thing. I don't like going to most funerals, so I don't want to be the reason that other people have to endure one.

I want my loved ones to have a relaxed come-as-you-are get together in order to say their goodbyes and to celebrate the fact that I have moved on to be with God. Music is important to me, so play some songs that I liked (some spiritual, some not). NO organ music. Maybe have some words spoken by whoever feels like saying anything. Then everyone just hang out, eat pizza and ice cream (my favorites), and talk about whatever.

As far as my body goes - I don't care if I am cremated or buried. What I really want is to NOT be buried in an outrageously expensive frilly airtight casket which is then placed inside of a vault. Just put me in a pine box and let me and the box biodegrade. And transport it in a Suburban - please don't make my family see my dead body being driven in a hearse because I hate hearses. On second thought, maybe I do want to be cremated.

If I was terminally ill and knew that I was going to die soon, I would rather the out-of-towners come before I died so that I could see them again .

BTW - I have known at least 2 people who have written out how they wanted their funeral to be, and the family was very grateful and comforted to have something to go by.

And I have just knocked on wood .

 

[browneyes]

I don't want to be cremated and I'd really rather no tears be shed. I'd rather my friends and family celebrated my life, and not dwell on my demise. I'd rather have a party instead of a funeral, but I know none of my family will carry out those wishes. I'm also not to be buried in my SO's family cemetery. I told my SO if I die before he does and he buries me there, I will come back and haunt him.

 

[goofy4tink]

My mother and I used to discuss funerals all the time. That could have been because we 'worked' so many in our duties on our church's altar guild. But, Mom used to say.."Oh, when I go, I want this or that." I always knew exactly what she would have wanted. So, when the time came a year ago, we had a truly beautiful comtemporary type service. Lots of uplifting music...more praise type than churchy. She had had some favorites and they were there. It was much more a celebration of a well-spent life. That's what I want for myself. In fact, dh and I just visited the cemetary where his dad buried and we discussed this very thing. His dad was cremated and then buried. My mom is still sitting in my living room in a beautiful cherry wood box. I talk to her all the time. Our town will be opening up a new cemetary that my dh was instrumental in getting. We'll buy several 'ashes' plots for the whole family. I know some may find it gruesome to discuss, but it's going to happen to everyone and it sure is nice to know what someone wants beforehand.

 

[monkeyboy]

Dress me up in me oilskin and jumper
No more on the docks I'll be seen
Just tell me old shipmates
I'm taking a trip, mates
And I'll see them someday in Fiddler's Green

 

[luvwinnie]

After trying to pick out a headstone for my mom and agonizing over it, I decided I will definitely let everyone know my "taste" for such things. I showed DH the cross and rose I want...there are some who buy their headstone and put everything on it except the date of death. That's not a bad idea.

 

[Mskanga]

First take every single organ that can possibly be donated to save someone else, then cremate me.
After that I want my ashes to be thrown in the ocean and for my family and friends to have a party celebrating my new life.
I don't want anyone crying for me.

 

[binny]

my wishes are simple, donate everything you can of me. Take whatever is left and cremate it. Put me in an urn and lay me to rest in Oregon at the old Lighthouse.


Take what you can of me, I wont need it where Im going!




As far as service goes, come to the ocean and remember all the times we spent playing in the surf and loving life and being together. Know that I will never leave you for I will always be in your hearts. Think of me when you hear the waterfalls and
waves and know that I am happy and at peace and want you to be the same. Think of me when you see the Northern Lights and know that I am now dancing on the stars. Have a drink in my honour, say a prayer but most of all be happy. I know where Im going and there is nothing but joy there. We will meet again.

 

[goofy4tink]

Absolutely second the organ donations!!!! Wish I could have done that with my mom but that wasn't an option for us. Too much time had passed. But, it's what I want for myself.

 

[KristaTX]

Originally posted by Mskanga
First take every single organ that can possibly be donated to save someone else. . .

Yeah - that, too

 

[lilallybean]

I have warned my hubby that when I die there had better not be Amazing Grace played at my funeral! I told him I would haunt him every moment of his life if it was played! I have to share this story too, My mom died of cancer 10 years ago, when she knew she was terminal she planned her own funeral. At the funeral home she was 'shopping' for her casket...there was one that was purple. I can still hear Mom laughing and saying "I wouldn't be caught dead in that thing!" Goodness...wouldn't be caught DEAD!?!?! We actually laughed about that all the way up to her death. Her planning helped us so very much! Mom wanted it to be her last party that SHE planned and it was just that. Sure there were tears but also many smiles as we remembered her and the last gift she gave us. Knowing that she 'went out' in the exact fashion that she wanted to.

 

[wvjules]

I wonder how many people actually care about me enough to even show up at the darned thing.

 

[KristaTX]

Originally posted by wvjules
I wonder how many people actually care about me enough to even show up at the darned thing.

Feeling depressed, wv ?

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by wvjules
I wonder how many people actually care about me enough to even show up at the darned thing.

i'd be there for ya anytime..dead or alive

 

[froglady]

You might want to check out the funeral consumers alliance. They sell packets which you can fill out and leave in your freezer. It's called "Before I Go, You Should Know"

It's full of helpful information, and legal forms , such as Health care surrogate, that can filled out and kept. There's even a booklet on what to do if you die overseas (as my MIL did)

I was able to contact, and have all of my siblings, be here within 48 hours BEFORE my father died, so they could say good-bye. (Except for one brother, who had been down a couple of weeks earlier, and said his good-byes then)

The funeral home had been chosen beforehand, and we opted for direct cremation with no viewing, except by immediate family. No embalming, only one large basket, and a plain pine pine box. If it was good enough for Mother Theresa, it was good enough for dad. We were then able to take time to plan a Memorial service 2 weeks later, and my mother and I brought his ashes (which you can hand carry on the plane, as long as they are in a sealed urn or container) "home" to be placed in the family plot, along with my grandparents. All of their friends and relatives from their "home" state attendended a simple graveside service, and a small gathering afterwards. My mother will join him some day (same grave) as will any other children who choose so.

Everything, including urns (we bought matching ones), flowers, food, transportation, etc. for both services cost less than $5,000.

My father was very active in his church, so it wasn't difficult to plan the service he wanted.

 

[gr8tpanther]

Not sure that I can donate anything, but if I could, I would.

I just want a black box with a dim color lining, nothing bright. And to be buried in my jeans. Oh, my mother says that she is burying me with my laptop cause that is what I cling to in life!

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Well, if you think about it isn't the funeral more for the living, as opposed to the dead person? When your dead, who cares what they do to mourn you. Whatever makes them happy.

You know some people probably end up getting religious funerals even if they didn't want one.

Geesh, just sprinke me over one of the oceans and say goodbye with a poem or Buddhist saying. Why stand on ceremony?

 

[Lady Cluck]

I've talked with my husband at length about what I want and don't want. The one thing I absolutely do not want, is for anyone to take a photo of me in my casket. Take all the pics of you want while I'm still living and happy.

I'm into genealogy. I've heard of other genealogists and family researchers who have a 4 or 5 generation Ancestor Chart engraved on the back of their upright stone. My suggestion is for women to include their maiden name on their stone. In a hundred or more years from now, your descendants will be very grateful!

http://www.familytreemagazine.com/forms/research/ancestor.doc

Did you hear the funny story about the lady who was famous for her potato salad? She would bring it to potlucks and cook outs. When asked for the recipe, her response was "over my dead body". Guess what her family had engraved on the back side of her stone???

 

[Towncrier]

Originally posted by Mskanga
First take every single organ that can possibly be donated to save someone else, then cremate me.
After that I want my ashes to be thrown in the ocean and for my family and friends to have a party celebrating my new life.
I don't want anyone crying for me.

Sounds like a good plan for me as well.

 

[KristaTX]

Originally posted by Towncrier
Sounds like a good plan for me as well.

Sorry to disappoint you, but if you die before me I will cry .

 

[bsnyder]

Originally posted by KristaTX

If I was terminally ill and knew that I was going to die soon, I would rather the out-of-towners come before I died so that I could see them again .

BTW - I have known at least 2 people who have written out how they wanted their funeral to be, and the family was very grateful and comforted to have something to go by.

My mother was just given the news 2 1/2 weeks ago that she is terminal, with an extremely agressive form of cancer (Small Cell Lung Cancer). She's taking the treatments the doctors have recommended but we all realize that's going to buy us time, not a cure. We're taking the approach that we will fight the cancer, and fight hard, but we will not fight God's plan for her, or us.

My mom's calendar is rapidly filling up over the next few months with the people who mean the most to her to come spend some time visiting with her.

And the funeral is being planned. We've already met, as a family, with the priest from the church. My mom wants her funeral to be an expression of her faith, as opposed to a celebration of her, the person.

I'm very grateful that we'll have no questions about what she would or wouldn't want.