You & SO: do you have combined or separate finances??

[JennaTX]

[Edited to add:] And another thing that wouldn't necessarily work- I plan on taking vacations w/ my mom to Disney each year or every few years- I know he wouldn't be OK w/ me spending HIS money for a whole vacation without him!! Or what if I wanted to take our kids on vacation? He'll be working a lot and might not always be able to go (or want to go if it's Disney).

I hate money.

First, let me say that by thinking of this now, before you get married is great!!

We have always had a joint account. I have friends who have separate accounts, for one set of friends it works great, for the other it is always a problem.

The fact that you are already thinking about using "his" money to go on a trip, or "him" buying some major purchase without talking to you, shows what some of my friends who have separate accounts complain about.

If it is a joint account, you can't go crazy buying something major without the other person knowing it. I agree with the other poster, you have to stop thinking about it being your money or his money, it is both of yours money!

One plus, in my opinion, about having joint accounts is that it keeps the dialogue open about money. You both know where you stand financially. You discuss purchases, vacations, etc.

I have been a SAHM the last 6 years, since we had children, DH has never said "what are you spending my money for". He gets paid for his job that is for our family, I don't get paid for my job, but it is still for our family.

This is just my opinion, and I am sure a lot of people who have separate accounts it works great for.

Like I said, the fact that you and your DBF are already discussing this puts you way ahead of a lot of people who are already married!

 

[Kimberly]

My boyfriend and I live together and he makes a lot more money than I do. As a medical student, I get approxmately 24,000 dollars a year from my school to cover basic living expenses, and his salary far exceeds that. For a variety of reasons, we've decided to keep our finances separate, even when I'm done with school. When we do plan to get married (not for a few years, but we've talked about it a few times), we will open up a joint savings account only in both of our names. Just helps keep our overly complicated relationship that much more simple.

 

[Planogirl]

We did have joint accounts and it was such a disaster that we have separate accounts now. I'm very budget focused and let's just say that my DH doesn't consider charging something the same as spending money. I handle the bills and he only has access to one account and it's not easy to withdraw from it. He prefers it that way and while I don't as much, it does work.

 

[KarenAylwood]

The fact that you are already thinking about using "his" money to go on a trip, or "him" buying some major purchase without talking to you, shows what some of my friends who have separate accounts complain about.

If it is a joint account, you can't go crazy buying something major without the other person knowing it. I agree with the other poster, you have to stop thinking about it being your money or his money, it is both of yours money!

It's not necessarily spending money without him knowing or discussing it- I'd just feel bad spending "our" money on a vacation for only me. And I know that he would definitely discuss any major purchases with me (heck, he called me three times the other week from a store asking if I thought he should purchase a raincoat that was on sale for $120! ). I just would feel like since he was the primary breadwinner, he should be able to spend more than me and I'd feel guilty spending the money that was primarily earned by him. I don't know, I think I'm still just getting used to this thing (I was an only child... I guess the "share" characteristic didn't sit as hard with me ).

It really is funny- he's going to be making at least 4 times what I make and I'm the one worried about someone spending someone else's money!

One plus, in my opinion, about having joint accounts is that it keeps the dialogue open about money. You both know where you stand financially. You discuss purchases, vacations, etc.

We both talked about this as well. We are very open with everything- even our bank accounts now when they aren't combined and we aren't married. It's a good point and is one of the reasons I'm thinking more about totally joint finances.

 

[JennaTX]

It really is funny- he's going to be making at least 4 times what I make and I'm the one worried about someone spending someone else's money!

Don't worry you will get over that quickly!

 

[disykat]

When we married, everything became "ours". We do have some things seperate like retirement accounts, some investments, credit cards, etc., but even those are considered ours. The name on them doesn't really matter. The way we live now and what would happen if we died or even divorced - they're considered joint assets.

 

[lulubelle]

All separate, except our mortgage which is in both names.
We are like your parents in that we had bad first marriages and did not want to pay the price for someone else's financial screw ups (again). As DH has always made over twice as much as me, the bills are split accordingly, therefore leaving about the same amount of "mad $$" for each of us. He fishes, I am a Disney freak

We have "borrowed" from each other a few times

Good luck deciding, but I have always felt a sense of independence and pride having my own checking/saving/retirement accounts. Just my opinion.

 

[mamacatnv]

We have been married for 18 years and things have always been joint. It is not his or mine, it is our money. This relationship is a 100% partnership and that is how we function. The Retirement funds depending on how they are structured are both separate and joint, but we have never considered them his/hers they are ours.

We do however, have joint and our own individually established credit. The house and vehicle loan is joint. I have my own CC's and so does he. We both have excellent credit, but my score is 7 points higher than his

We pay just about everything automatically. I don't ask to spend and neither does he when it comes to the small stuff. Large household or luxury purchases are discussed and then how and when to purchase is decided.

I take a more active role in our finances but that is just because I am better at it. I am very frugal and DH likes ebay. I monitor our accounts and always know where things are at.

Since we have a teenager, it is not unusual for us to have family pow-wows on spending habits. We don't have cc debt, 3 of the 4 vehicles are completely paid for and we like it that way.

Occassionally I have to float a large unexpected expense on the cc (usually a major appliance goes and one of the cats racks up a large vet bill all at the same time) but I take care of it from the slush fund usually within a month, hence the occassional family pow-wows.

I think whatever you do it is something you both need to discuss and agree on. If it isn't working for one of you there needs to be the option to re-negotiate until you come to something that works.

Good for you for thinking ahead, so many people don't and IMHO that is where a lot of couples run into trouble.

 

[salmoneous]

I agree with everyone who said you have to do what works best for you. But I do want to address one point made by a few folks with combined accounts. Not trying to argue one way or the other, just to try and explain the "completely separate" option.

To folks who say you share everything, what do you do about your cars? Do you have his car and her car, or do you have two cars that you share and drive equally? When you have his and her cars, I think you realize that both cars are "yours", but from a day to day standpoint it just works out easier for each person to use and take care of their own car.

Separate finances can work the same way. DW and I both recognize that it's all our money. But from a day to day standpoint, it just works out best for each of us to manage our own account.

 

[smilie]

Dh and I have 1 account. My paycheck is his paycheck, and vice versa. It's been that way since we were engaged.

 

[suzannen]

Definitely separate. Once a month, we sit down and go through the bills. DH may pay mortgage, I might pay Cable, Phone, Electric... I may make the initial deposit on the hotel for a vacation, he'll pay the airfare and the final bill. We also each have separate credit cards and no debt issues. We do like to surprise each other with gifts and it's very hard to do that when you're always combined. We've been married 16 years and never fight about money. It's never been his money or my money. It's kept separate, but at the end of the day, everything we work for is for us together as one family.

 

[antmaril]

Karen we have both separate and joint accounts. We both have separate checking accounts and joint savings account. We also have separate brockerage accounts and some joint mutual funds. For us this has worked for 20 years. I have never had to "ask" for spending money which is very important to me. Plus I can honestly say that we have never had a fight over money and believe me that is rare. Good luck and happy finances no matter what you choose.

This is pretty much what my DH and I do, except it's been working for us for 32 years. We each have bills we are responsible for. When we take a vacation, we split the cost. When we eat out, I pay one time and he pays the next. We never have any problems involving our finances.

I can't imagine trying to keep track of one checking account, especially since I'm using the debit card several times a day and he's writing checks.

If one of us is making a big purchase (several hundred dollars or more), we usually discuss it first.

 

[ead79]

We are both join signers on each other’s accounts, so we both have equal access to the money. However, we both deposit our paychecks to my checking account since I’m the one that pays the bills. We run all our routine expenses through our credit card (for the perks), so he is joint on my credit card account as well. We want both of us to have equal access to money, but I’m the one who really handles the finances. He’s fine with this since I’m more organized, LOL. For us it would be a logistical nightmare to try to divide up who pays for what bill.

 

[Crankyshank]

We have a joint account and it's much easier for us.

To folks who say you share everything, what do you do about your cars? Do you have his car and her car, or do you have two cars that you share and drive equally? When you have his and her cars, I think you realize that both cars are "yours", but from a day to day standpoint it just works out easier for each person to use and take care of their own car.

DH drives his work vehicle and I drive both our car and our truck. We don't have a his car and a her car simply because DH has a work vehicle. I have never found it difficult to maintain the vehicles. I remind DH when maintenance is due and he brings it there (I detest dealing with the games mechanics like to play because I am a woman).

 

[sodaseller]

Combined. Couldn't imagine it any other way within our conception of marriage.

 

[chop456]

Combined finances since 1 year prior to getting married. That was 11 years ago. Works well for us...

 

[bimshire]

Been married for 15 years in July. Have not had an argument about money, finances because we have separate accounts. It was one of the best decisions we made at the outset. We have a HouseHold account that is combined and then all the other accounts(Mutual Funds, Individual Stocks, IRAs, personal checking, etc) are separate. My DW likes to spend, I like to save.
So this system workes real well. I have recommended it to many people when this type of discussion has come up.

I can say without a doubt that if it was the combined way, we might have fought everytime she bought something from Ann Taylor or Overstock.com

 

[DVC Sadie]

Mostly separate. We have some combined accounts, but we each keep separate money, too.

I've heard too many stories of one partner or the other cleaning out the accounts. Seems way too dangerous for me.

Every woman should have some money put aside IN HER NAME ONLY. Any way else is courting disaster.

ITA. My mother taught me years ago the importance of having some finances separate in case of the unthinkable happening and they were married 62 years before passing. I could not be content being 100% financially dependent to anyone.

ETA: We also have individual vehicles. He drives a truck and I have a mustang, but have a family SUV for trips and such. Our credit cards are separate so we can utilize the cash back and frequent flyer miles.

 

[Charade]

When I was married, it was combined and we really never fought over money. We each knew how much we could spend without consulting the other. Now that I'm divorced and living with my dgf who doesn't have a job, it's not combined. We really haven't discussed it but I would probably try the separate accounts in the beginning (when she gets a job!) and see how that goes. I like to spend, she's thrifty. Of course we would have either a general fund to pay for the household goods, utilities and mortgage or assign payment of certain bills to each based on income. However, seeing her track record on paying the bills she does get now (which are few), I think I'd be the one paying them as I pay them (or setup delayed payment) the day I get them in the mail.

 

[caitycaity]

we have completely joint finances. people need to do what is right for them. speaking only for myself, i could never be married to someone and have separate finances. we are a team - we're in it together. not to mention, it would be difficult for us to split everything 50/50 because dh makes more than 2x the amount that i do. also, we live in a state that considers proprty bought during a marriage communal. so if we were ever to divorce, separate finances wouldn't really shelter either of us. legally, we are married and our property is considered joint. additionally, if dh or i died, the other would be responsible for the other's debts. that reason alone is enough to make me leary of separate finances.

anyways, we both discussed finances before getting married, but it was still a little rocky once we actually merged everything together. just be sure that you can work out a plan that both people agree to 100%. set expectations for how much money the other can spend without discussing it together and stuff like that. not very romantic, but it will avoid a lot of grief in the long run.