You & SO: do you have combined or separate finances??

[ducklite]

We have three checking accounts between us. Both names are on all three. One is pretty inactive. Both our checks go into my account and I transfer money to DH's account. He doesn't ever touch my account without asking first, because I pay all the bills, and just because it shows that there is money there doesn't mean there really is. If he ever needs more money I'll transfer it into his account, no problem.

We've tried it several ways, and this works best fo us.

Anne

 

[binny]

joint, has been that way since we were engaged.


I have my business account but thats the only seperation in finances. He has access to that as well in case of emergency ( and since he is a silent partner in the business)


Works the best for us.

 

[JVL1018]

Everything we have is joint..been that way since we married 14 years ago.
When I was working we both had our paychecks direct deposited into our joint checking and all bills were paid form that..didn't matter who put however much in there.

Now I don't work(haven't since I had our first child), so it's a good thing he doesn't expect me to pay my share.
Works great for us, we've never fought over money.

 

[ktink]

Joint

We combined our money when we became engaged and it's worked for us for almost 12 years now. We have a checking, savings, and a couple of CD's that are all in both of our names.

 

[Michelle2]

Everything we have is joint..been that way since we married 14 years ago.
When I was working we both had our paychecks direct deposited into our joint checking and all bills were paid form that..didn't matter who put however much in there.

Now I don't work(haven't since I had our first child), so it's a good thing he doesn't expect me to pay my share.
Works great for us, we've never fought over money.

Same with us (even the 14 years of marriage)...always was combined, and even when I do go back to work eventually, we will still keep it combined.

 

[KarenAylwood]

Thanks for all of the replies!!

Bottom line, I don't think there's one right or wrong way to do it. Go with whatever makes you feel more comfortable and is easier to manage.

Yeah, I know - I was wondering what everyone else did just to see what worked for others... I'm still on the fence about what is even right for us!!

We're very focused on being equal in the relationship in every way (it's always been this way since we started dating- everything split down the middle). This is by far the best relationship I've ever had- and I think partly because of that.

I was originally saying- no, only 1 combined (w/ a % of each income deposited) and then each our own money to do with it what we want... but then I got to thinking that it could get messy this way- like if I wanted to buy something for the house and he didn't- would I use my acct or ours? My parents sometimes have this problem I think. Or when I wasn't working- I'd have to ask for money from him, and I'd hate to do that. It'd be like we aren't a "team" (comment from one of my friends).

I also don't like the idea of spending "his" money (this is if we're combined) to buy gifts FOR him, or gifts for MY friends. Or the idea of him spending "our" money to buy a kayak or other sporting equipment ( that I know he wants to do eventually). Or me wanting to go on a shopping spree at some point (I LOVE clothes)- I'd feel like I was spending HIS money.

I still just can't decide- I know we have time, but it's been on my mind more and more recently.

I also came up with the idea of having it all combined and then we each get "fun money" out of the ATM each week to do what we wish with it (I saw someone did this on the budget board). But he's going to be the primary breadwinner once he becomes a doctor in ~8 years- and if he wants to buy a kayak or spend big bucks on something else- by all means- he's the one making most of the money, right?
[Edited to add:] And another thing that wouldn't necessarily work- I plan on taking vacations w/ my mom to Disney each year or every few years- I know he wouldn't be OK w/ me spending HIS money for a whole vacation without him!! Or what if I wanted to take our kids on vacation? He'll be working a lot and might not always be able to go (or want to go if it's Disney).

I hate money.

 

[Kitty 34]

Separate. We've been together since '84 and so it's worked for us.

 

[jodifla]

Mostly separate. We have some combined accounts, but we each keep separate money, too.

I've heard too many stories of one partner or the other cleaning out the accounts. Seems way too dangerous for me.

Every woman should have some money put aside IN HER NAME ONLY. Any way else is courting disaster.

 

[froglady]

DH's paycheck is deposited into a joint checking account. Then, money is transferred to my account, our children's accounts, and his annuity. Money from my savings account is used to make deposits into both of our IRAs on a yearly basis. I have my own checking account which I rarely use. (except to make IRA deposits)

DH has money automatically deposited into his 403b.

All savings and CDs, etc are in my name only. This is so 1. I have my own assets if he "walks" 2. He has less assets when he gets sued.

I pay all of the bills out of the joint account, including our separate credit cards. (I had my own credit card, checking account, etc when we married)

It's worked for almost 30 years, so I have no intention of changing things.

 

[Amapola]

I also don't like the idea of spending "his" money (this is if we're combined) to buy gifts FOR him, or gifts for MY friends. Or the idea of him spending "our" money to buy a kayak or other sporting equipment ( that I know he wants to do eventually). Or me wanting to go on a shopping spree at some point (I LOVE clothes)- I'd feel like I was spending HIS money.

Just my 2 cents again... but the only way having all the money together works out is if both of you can see it as OUR money, and not MY money and HIS money. I buy anything that I want, DH buys anything he wants (within reason, of course ). Clothes, shoes, presents for friends & relatives, treats, whatever, it comes out of OUR money. I've gone on women-only trips (retreats) and when I travel on business (which I do several times a year, without him) I sometimes add on an extra day to visit friends in the area. All this without either one of us thinking that I'm spending money that isn't mine to spend. He's really into clothes and shoes, and he can come home with 5 new shirts and 3 slacks, and when he does I don't go thinking "Hmm, now I get to buy 5 new outfits too" KWIM?

I think you're very smart to be thinking about this issue so thoroughly. So many couples have problems over money! I wish you well in finding the BEST option for the two of you, and a long and happy life together!

 

[pearlieq]

Completely joint. Everything goes into the community pool and all decisions are made together. We each get a certain amount of pocket money weekly that is ours to do with as we please.

I do all the bill paying and planning, but I keep DH in the loop. It works for us.

BTW, why is what your parent would think a factor? Are you or are you not an adult?

 

[Disney Doll]

We're pretty much combined.

Our checking account is joint. DH also has a separate checking account for his business expenses (makes it easier to keep track for income tax purposes) but my name is on it as well.

All our savings accounts are joint.

We each have a couple of retirement accounts, some of which are in my name with him as beneficiary and some of which are in his name with me as beneficiary. Some of them needed to be separated due to the nature of the type of accounts, and each of us has a 401K that is contributed directly from our paycheck...a portion of my paycheck goes to the one I have through my job and a portion of his paycheck goes to the one he has through his job. As I said though, each of us is beneficiary (or whatever you would call it) on all the accounts that are in the other's name.

FWIW, neither of us had been married before, there were no children from previous relationships. Sometimes people's past experiences color their perceptions about money, or if there are children, the parent of the child may want to keep some things separate to make sure the child is provided for.

We have friends who had never been married before, had no children, and they separate out every household expense. He pays A, B, and C bills, she pays X, Y, and Z bills. All checking accounts and savings accounts are separate. Works for them, but seems too confusing for me. My DH & I pretty much trust that the other isn't going to do something really wacky with the bills or our money, so having things joint has never been an issue. It has pretty much been joint since we got married. When we got home from the honeymoon, I added him to all my accounts, credit cards etc. and he did the same with me.

As far as cash flow, I take care of getting the money into the proper bank and accounts where it needs to be, and he actually organizes and pays the bills. Investments are mutual discussions/decisions.

 

[sweet angel]

Not married, but living together for several years. We have:
Our checking account
Our "emergency" fund
Our "vacation" fund
My checking
My savings
My Christmas club
His checking
His savings
His Christmas club

Each week, both paychecks are deposited in "our checking". I have that account set up to automatically transfer X amount to each of the other accounts every Sunday. "Our checking" pays all the bills.

I'm cautious with money, he spends what he's got. This way, I don't have to worry about not having money.

 

[KarenAylwood]

Just my 2 cents again... but the only way having all the money together works out is if both of you can see it as OUR money, and not MY money and HIS money. I buy anything that I want, DH buys anything he wants (within reason, of course ). Clothes, shoes, presents for friends & relatives, treats, whatever, it comes out of OUR money. I've gone on women-only trips (retreats) and when I travel on business (which I do several times a year, without him) I sometimes add on an extra day to visit friends in the area. All this without either one of us thinking that I'm spending money that isn't mine to spend. He's really into clothes and shoes, and he can come home with 5 new shirts and 3 slacks, and when he does I don't go thinking "Hmm, now I get to buy 5 new outfits too" KWIM?

I think you're very smart to be thinking about this issue so thoroughly. So many couples have problems over money! I wish you well in finding the BEST option for the two of you, and a long and happy life together!

Thanks for this! You definitely make a good point. I think it will take a little more talking over first, and a little time since I JUST got my first job and haven't even seen a paycheck yet (that will be Friday!). We're still in the transition from college student/dependent of our parents' and the "adult phase".

BTW, why is what your parent would think a factor? Are you or are you not an adult?

Well I think it has to do with a few things
A) I JUST got my first job and up until now have been at least partially dependent on my parents for health insurance, etc and help with bills if I couldn't completely cover them. It will take a bit for me to really FEEL like an adult
B) My mom and I are best friends- I think even until I'm 60 (God willing she's still alive) I'll still look to her for advice and guidance. I hate to think that I'd be disappointing in any way, but if DBF and I did end up deciding combined finances before marriage was the right thing to do, I'm sure she'd support me- even if she didn't totally agree with it. I just still value her opinion a lot and take that into consideration when making decisions about most things.

 

[LoraJ]

My boyfriend recently moved in. We're thinking about getting a joint account, as long as we can link our existing accounts to it.

 

[skuttle]

We made everything joint after we got married. It works for us and has never been a problem. We consider it all OUR money.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

DH and I have been married for a year and a half now. We have joint checking and savings, and he has a checking account for business expenses (keeps it easier in tax season).

We've never really looked at it as his money and my money. I don't have to ask him before I spend anything, but I generally do anyways. Not for his permission, but to let him know what I'm doing. The same is true for him.

I don't think either way is right or wrong. It's whatever feels comfortable to both of you.

Jen

 

[HaleyB]

My husband and I combined our finances about when we got engaged. I can not imagine doing it any other way. Of course we were both students and had very little money so all of it went to basic needs. He has always been the primary earner, although I had some assets when we married. I now stay home with our kids. I do sell on ebay to help pay for WDW, but even that account we share. I do know families that don't have everything mixed together, but it seems so redundant to me. I plan to share my life with you, but not my money?

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Our family's finances are complicated, but DH and I are in this together. We don't keep this for me and that for him. Everything is "ours." That works for us.

I have a friend who keeps His & Hers accounts, though. They are happy with that.

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

When we first got married (about 2 1/2 yrs. ago) we kept everything seperate. But now that I am a SAHM, we went to joint, and it is so much easier. I take care of all the bill paying (now everything gets paid on time LOL!), and now I have access to the money - before, I had to "ask" when I needed spending money - it was such a pain.

Jen