"You guys are going to Disney? WHEN?? . . "

[joshsmom]

. . . Wow, that's SO cool!!! Maybe we can go with you guys!!!!

Ok, so I've heard this twice in the last month. Anyone that knows me knows that me, my mom, and Josh are Disney addicts and that we go each May. In May 2005 we took another family with us that had never been to Disney before and I promised myself and my family that I would NEVER EVER do it again because it was pretty uncomfortable (totally different touring styles, totally different ideas about when to get up, one kid didn't like to go on rides , you get the picture). Same friend said to me yesterday that she and her family want to go with us AGAIN in May because they know what to expect now. I don't care if they are there, but I am trying to tactfully find a way to tell them that I am not going to be their tour guide and I'm not planning anything. They made it quite clear they were unhappy with the way things went last time and I don't want to subject myself to that again.

So my son's best little buddy in the world wants to go with us too and he tells his mom we're going in May 07. Her boys are 11, 9, and 4 and she calls me and says that she, her husband and 3 boys want to go with us. What in the HECK do I say?? So I said "not sure when, etc." Then we find out that by coincidence, both are families are going to be in another vacation spot at the same time so I thought it would be a really good time to decide if we could make it work. Well, it just didn't. DS10's friend enjoyed riding rides, his 9 year old brother HATES rides, and the 4 year old talks in whines ALL THE TIME. Mom got frustrated with the kids very easily, complained about the price of food, souveniers, etc. She actually bought ONE chicken strip meal and made all three boys split it--each getting one chicken strip--FOR LUNCH!!! The boys were all hungry after their meal and wanted more food and she said they couldn't afford it. I felt bad for them and then they were in bad moods after that. I shared all our snacks with them, but she wouldn't let me buy them anything. She was angry at the suggestion. This was ONE DAY that we were together. I decided then that a 10 day Disney vacation was not in the cards. Mom must have decided the same thing and said "oh well, I'll just send XXX with you to Florida and we'll stay home." Uh, no, I don't feel comfortable with that. I took this friend to Six Flags last year (which is 45 minutes away from home) and he was homesick by 2pm. I don't think taking him several states away would be a good idea.

So how do you tactfully uninvite people that invite themselves, or their children, on your vacation? I've tried explaining things to both families nicely, but both are still pushing it and insisting that this is how its going to be. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but gee whiz, this is my vacation and I really don't want to be responsible for anyone else but my family. I'm exasperated.

 

[cleo]

Just say No. It really is as simple as that.

 

[Cmbar]

It is hard! But you could just say that "we have learned that we have certain ways we like to go around Disney and it works best with just our family" Or we really look forward to this time with "just us".

I feel your pain. I am going as a tour guide for my sister and her family of six, but I figure as long as I don't have my kids and DH with me, I can move to their flow. But putting the two families together is torture! Lets face it, Disney is expensive and going and having a lousy time is really dissappointing and you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no. If you are just planning on your immediate family, I would just say that. Good Luck!

 

[thunderbird1]

I'd just explain to these boorish, clueless people that this is your annual (or biannual, or quarterly) FAMILY vacation, and you really just want to have some FAMILY time. You work hard all year, everyone is really busy all the time, and you just want some time together as a FAMILY. Josh loves hanging out with XXX, but the Disney trip is a chance for him to get to spend some quality time with his grandma, and she's really looking forward to some FAMILY time with you and Josh.

If they still insist that they're going down there the same time you are, I'd say "Great! Maybe we'll run into you!" or (if you're feeling really generous) "Maybe we could get together for ONE DINNER," or something else to that effect. Then, when you're down there, tell them you have plans (ADR's, maybe for an expensive restaurant even if you don't, or show tickets, or something that doesn't include them).

I totally sympathize with you on how every family has a different idea of how to do the parks. My dad wants to do a big family trip with my brother, SIL and their 2 ds's, and he keeps saying Disney since he knows how much we love it. They would want to do the parks totally different from how we do the parks, so I finally started telling him that WDW is just too big and too impractical to try and organize a big family gathering (just don't let him see the Grand Gatherings dvd, lol).

 

[Suedrews]

You wouldn't be fibbing if you said you wanted some good quality time with just your family....no one could be mad about that.....a few years ago my best friend & her husband met us in disney for the first few days of our vacation....they have no kids and we have 2....her husband is very thrifty & never wanted to eat! I was a nervous wreck because I wanted them to enjoy the disney experience as much as we do....they also stayed at a different hotel so it was always a project to meet up with them at the appointed time....they couldn't believe the price of everything & they only use coupons at home so it killed them to pay full price for a dinner....needless to say, they have no desire to ever go to disney again....it was disappointing but a learning experience for sure!

 

[AEGault]

Ya know, there's nothing wrong as well as saying they are free to visit the parks during the same time you are there, but while in the parks themselves, you prefer to stay together as a family because it is too hard/stressful to try to please everyone in a big group. Then you could meet up a few times during the vacation for meals, seeing the fireworks.

Otherwise, just say no as the folks above have suggested.

 

[TheZeppo]

The best suggestion on how to tactfully tell them you don't want them to come would be to say that you want some family time alone. There is no way they're going to argue with you on it, and you don't even have to lie to them.

 

[tinawv]

JUST SAY NO; NADA, NO WAY HOSE, AIN'T GONNA DO IT, ETC., ETC., ETC., Seriously, I understand your situation and the other posters have given some great advice. I would reinforce that this is a "family trip only" and leave it at that. It is not easy to be forceful, but it will save a great deal of heartache later.

 

[hollyb]

Vacation is for family only. Dh goes one step further and says only our family of 4.


We are going in May maybe we'll see you there!!!!

 

[DizGeek]

When somebody says to me that they are going the same week as we are, I always say "great, maybe we'll see ya there!"

 

[DawnM]

I am reading replies here as we are in a similar situation. In fact, the mother of the other family said, "I don't even LIKE Disney so this trip is just for the kids. I don't do rides much, I hate roller coasters and fast rides, etc...."

UGH! We LOVE fast rides, we are disney people and the last thing I need is a negative nelly telling me she "didn't like such a such!" She has an overbearing personality too so it scares me to spend a whole week with her!

They want to go next year (2007) so we are little ways away.

DH has already said that I could use him as an excuse (his work schedule gets nuts during that time of year), but I would rather just either set certain times to meet them for short visits in the park OR just explain that we don't mind meeting them for meals and a ride or two, but we would like some quality family time as well as DH doesn't get off of work that often.

Dawn

 

[Chap7]

... this is my vacation and I really don't want to be responsible for anyone else but my family.

You've already said it. Now tell them.

 

[mamacatnv]

We have some friends from here at home who will be in the world the same time as us, our dates are not exact but we overlap for 6 days.

They are DVC members and staying at SSP we are at POFQ. We are very good friends and our kids are similar ages, however these are our family vacations. We decided 1 fun dinner together - we are all going to RainForest Cafe and we are still discussing 1 park or pool day, we may do it all on the dinner day.

We are taking our daughters to BBB but on different days since this is a mother/daughter thing we wanted to do.

We figure our teenage boys will meet up in the eves for DQ, but that is about it.

My in-laws will join us for our last 2 days. They like the shows and we tend to meet up and separate, then meet up again, plus we stay at the same resort and get together in the eve's to visit.

The most important thing is to let everyone know in advance, this is your vacation, glad they will get to experience the World and hope they have a great time. "Maybe we can all do dinner!"

 

[PolyAddict]

I just had to do this to my sister. It was supposed to be her and her DH coming. They were going to go their own way as far as touring and the only thing was that we would be in the same hotel and eat some meals together. Now he has an issue with work and she wanted to ride with us. I said nicely there is no way she would fit comfortably in our van and she was ok with that. As far as being a tour guide, I let her know from the beginning that this is our family time and that was not an option. She was ok with that too.

 

[Pig Pen]

This happens to us all the time. DH and I get picked on about our Disney obsession, but as soon as I start planning another trip, various relatives try to leech right onto us (we have DVC so they are under the MISTAKEN impression that all vacations are free for us).

Anyway, our upcoming December trip started out with just the two of us. Then my sister and mom decided they wanted to join us for a couple days. I lied and told them BWV had no more availability and we had only one bed (we are actually in a one bedroom). So they booked a room at the Dolphin. Now my daughter wants to come along. AND my son and his fiance!

I get aggravated because then I am expected to coordinate and organize itineraries, etc...

I know I should say no, but I get so excited whenever someone expresses some interest in Disney, I just can't!

 

[kgkmom]

My DD and I visit each year. One year we went with my mom and my brother as well. NIGHTMARE! We shared a room with my mom (mistake #1), didn't really plan or discuss our 'must see's' (mistake #2), and didn't plan for any time alone for DD and me (mistake #3).

My mom brought way too many clothes, and wanted to 'change for dinner' (at the food court??? ). She's a world class, suck the air out of the room, snorer. It's been many years since I lived in my parents' house, so the memory of the volume had faded. I had brought ear plugs for me and DD, but they did nothing! We didn't sleep for 5 days! Believe me, the next time we take mom, she's getting her own room!

Mom has trouble walking, but didn't want to rent an ECV, so the trip was much, much slower. For better or worse, DD and I are blitzers, so this was very stressful for us. This year, I've said to Katie, 'we really should try to slow down and smell the roses! (smell the pixie dust?)' .'

On our last night of the nightmare trip, I told mom that I needed some time with DD just by myself, so mom decided to shop at DTD, and Katie and I blitzed our favorite rides (gotta love the park hoppers!). We came home less refreshed than when we left. DH said, 'you are never again sharing a room with your mother!' So, sadly, I keep our trips secret from mom, because it's our only vacation during the year, and we haven't found a good way for it to not be so stressful taking her with us. I'm sure there are other reasons it's stressful for me, but I'd need to have loads of therapy to sort that out!

My brother, on the other hand, is tons of fun. He is the classic laid-back, whatever we do is fine, kind of guy. He loves all the same stuff we do, will eat at any restaurant, etc. His only consideration is a clunky back, so DD and I make sure that we check in with him throughout the day to make sure he's still OK. We've taken three trips together, and I always let him know when we're going, because he's so much fun.

I guess it all depends on the traveling style of the people you are with. The main reason that DD and I go to WDW without DH is that he's not a Disney person (I really should have asked before we wed! ), he hates to fly, and hates the heat. He also likes the 'guy time' he gets by getting us girls out of the house! It's a win-win.

 

[Tink-n-Belle]

I have friends who keep asking me to go with them and I tell them NO!!! We don't have the same touring style. I tell them that I'm a commando and that we would end up hating each other after the trip and we wouldn't be together that much anyways.

However, This past Feb we met up with my DD8 friends family one day and it was a little inconvenient but not too bad because we were both flexible and willing to separate and meet back up when we could.

This coming November we are going with Friends (different ones from above) and I hope I don't regret it. However, I planned the trip the way I wanted and told them that we tour early and if they aren't ready then we will meet up with them at a later time, but we are not going to change our plans or wait for them. Also, during the week I planned 2 whole days that we are on our own (Sat & Tues) & said that we will need to take a break in the afternoon from each other and go back to our own resorts. We are staying at the BWV & they are staying at CSR. I told them that this was both of our vacations and Disney is just too expensive and if its not working then we will need to separate more often. (for example if her kids don't like to ride the thrill rides). We have traveled with this family before (for only 2 days) and they were cool with doing things on their own without us so I hope that Disney works out too.

The thing about your situation is that you HAVE to tell them because you have traveled with them before and didn't enjoy it. If they insist on going the same time as you tell them to call you on your cell to determine when to meet up and then change your number . No seriously, you have to tell them that this is YOUR FAMILY VACATION and that you don't want anyone joining in this year. GOOD LUCK !!

 

[newchic99]

Aug 2005 trip --friend with DH and I , same room, same plans. I was miserable.

May 2006 trip-- DH and I --I had a great time.

Planning May 2007 trip-- Same friend going with us. She is bringing a friend with her. They will have a seperate room and I am making seperate plans for us.

 

[Took]

I'm so glad to read this thread! I thought I was the only "ogre" who didn't want to share precious time away from it all at Disney.

I am having a similar issue with family who want to "leech" onto our 10-day trip in December (16-25). They knew we didn't want company as they had already hinted about joining us and we said "no thanks, this is our time." Then, they just said they were going anyway but "wouldn't bother us" but immediately began asking us to plan things for them and asking where we'd be, etc, etc. They kept saying, "we're only coming for a few days," but have already extended their trip from 3 days to 6. Fortunately, they aren't able to afford the Poly so we'll be by ourselves there, but these folks are relentless, trust me! LOL

I also realize that we'll be there a long time (to them, anyway) and that they will leave by Dec. 21. However, the days they want to come are going to be our prime touring days as the parks will get more crowded by the time they leave, so we really don't want to tour with them (whiney kids, indecisive adults, ugh!). At any rate, I told DH "This is your family. Please find a way to deal with this." He says he will tell them "no co-touring but yes to occasional meals" if they actually end up going. We'll see.

 

[scraptoons]

We had talked about going with some good friends of ours.

But the more I learned about WDW opportunities from DISboards, the more I found out that it would be very difficult to please two different families. Especially our two families since we have such opposite tastes (opposites attract sometimes, ya know) Therefore, we decided that we would really prefer to go by ourselves.

That's exactly what I told our friends, and they totally understood. Since then they decided to do a grand gathering with some 20 family members.