Yet another WWYD?

[WDWBarb]

This is just buggin' me.

DH and I had a TV that we wanted to sell at Christmas time. We didn't want a lot for it ($400 - it was a huge TV) and a friend of DH's (a very good and close friend of his) asked us if he could buy it. Sure! Not a problem. He wanted to know if he could make payments on it ($50 every two weeks). Ok, that's fine. He wanted it for his parents as their Christmas gift. All was well.

I know you know where this is going...

Ok, so it's almost July and we've only seen $50. He said when the second payment was due that he was having difficulty getting his brothers and sisters to give him their $$ since they all chipped in on the gift (didn't know this, but is it really my problem?)?

I have been fussing at DH about it and he told me to just drop it. This person is a REALLY good friend of his and has been there for him many, many times. DH keeps telling me that money is just too tight for everyone and we should just move on without expecting any more money from his friend.

And I know it's not a ton of money, but I sure was counting on having it.

I guess what's getting to me most is that DH just told me that his friend is on vacation and staying at a very nice hotel.

WWYD?

Am I being a nag and should let friendship trump monetary concerns?

 

[MushyMushy]

I think you should drop it and let it be a lesson learned. I think friendships are so much more important than money, and it's obvious this friendship means a lot to your DH. Maybe consider it a present to your DH to let it drop.

But you can still vent to your DIS friends. I think it was sucky of the friend to do that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would chalk it up to a life lesson. Don't let people make payments, esp. friends and family. Or if you are going with a layaway program, you keep the item till they have it paid for.

I mean what would they say when they pay you 100 and then won't pay for the rest and you keep their money.

If anything I would ask for the TV back and give them 50. However since your DH wants to let it slide, I would give him a pass.

 

[DawnCt1]

Gotta let it go.

 

[MariDisney]

Put my vote in the let it go and move on column.

 

[RadioNate]

In February of 2008 my DH loaned a friend about $500. This was a VERY good friend of ours who was going through a divorce and needed the money for something for his daughters. In truth, I don't remember the reason exactly but it was between DH and our friend.

As you can guess, it is now (nearly) July of 2009 and we haven't seen a dime.

Over the last year and a half we have heard every excuse in the book as to why his friend can't send any money. Yet on his Facebook page there is postings about his iPhone, gym membership, personal trainer, trips to NYC, and so on and so on.

Now $500 isn't going to make or break us, but it isn't an insignificant sum either.

I've pretty much written off the guy as a friend. I asked DH why he hadn't done the same thing and what he said made sense. He told me "if I cut him out completely I have NO chance of ever seeing the money. If we maintain a friendship maybe I'll get lucky and he'll pay back something."

Now I just let DH deal with it and him. I do know that every so often DH does make an effort to say something. This is my advice to you.

I don't consider him MY friend any more. I am polite, haven't deleted him from Facebook (but I'm considering it since seeing all his "adventures" annoy me) and I'm letting DH deal with the money part.

It was an expensive lesson and I don't think I'll ever lend a friend money again but what's done is done.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think you should drop it and let it be a lesson learned. I think friendships are so much more important than money, and it's obvious this friendship means a lot to your DH. Maybe consider it a present to your DH to let it drop.

But you can still vent to your DIS friends. I think it was sucky of the friend to do that.

I agree with the bolded (mine). It's especially sucky knowing the guy is on an expensive vacation, but can't afford to pay you. That's the kicker. If it were my friend, I'd re-evaluate the friendship since it seems a one way street. But he is your DH friend so that isn't an option.

Anyway, I would honor my husband's request, if he promised that he would enter no more deals involving money with his friend . I wouldn't like it, but I'd get over it. Lesson learned as pps stated.

 

[MrsPete]

Tough situation. You'd have looked like a jerk if you'd said, "Nah, I'm not going to sell it to you", but now you're in a fix. Perhaps -- if you'd thought of it -- it would've been wise to have said, "We're planning to use the money from the sale for ______, and I really can't do the payments thing." Of course, I wouldn't have thought of that in time!

 

[Handbag Lady]

You had me on your side until here:

I have been fussing at DH about it and he told me to just drop it. This person is a REALLY good friend of his and has been there for him many, many times. DH keeps telling me that money is just too tight for everyone and we should just move on without expecting any more money from his friend.

If thsi good friend has been there for your DH many, many times, drop it. You have a Good Friend on your hands and he deserves repayment of sorts. His repayment could be not having you or DH mention the TV again.

 

[tinah159]

I think you should follow you DH advice and drop it.

 

[mtomlin66]

OP - since you asked what would I do I'm going to be honest. Knowing myself I would have to say something to him myself. Although he is DH's friend, he bought the tv from both of you. Also, you mentioned that you could use that money. Do I think that this will necessarily make a difference in the repayment? Probably not. But, knowing myself I would feel better and be more able to let it go knowing I had at least addressed it and let the "friend" know that I hadn't forgotten about the money he owed us for the tv he bought from us and gave to his parents as a gift.

BTW, I read your post to DH and asked him what he thought I would do. He repeated almost verbatim what I just typed. He said he would probably just ignore it, since that's how most guys are but that he knew I'd never be able to without having "discussed" the situation with the friend since that is how I deal with all situations. According to DH, that would be punishment enough for the guy and he may cough up the balance to avoid any chance of future talks

Again, my response only addresses how I would respond. What is right for you really depends on your own personality and comfort level with the situation, as well as how you and DH have decided to deal with it.

 

[WDWBarb]

Thanks all for the replies!! I knew I should just let it go, but I was just so disappointed in the situation that it was getting to me. I sold the TV to buy a bigger one for DH, planning on having that $400 to help me with the cost of it (otherwise I would have kept it and used it in another room). It is true that good and loyal friends are hard to come by and that should come way before any financial issues.

And yes, I have totally learned my lesson! I knew someone else who wanted the TV and had cash-in-hand, but DH wanted his friend to have it. In the end, I should have just let him have it and there would have been no hard feelings.

I guess when I heard that the friend was on a nice vacation, something ugly in me reared it's head.

I knew my DIS peeps would be able to reason with me!

 

[Disney Doll]

Frankly, I'd question how much of a "friend" he considers you guys if he could screw you out of $400, which is essentially what he did.

I might "let it go" meaning that I'd never bring it up again, but my opinion of my "friend" would be forever changed. I really wouldn't trust him 100% anymore. And frankly, whatever wonderful things he's done for you in the past...well, presumably he did them because he wanted to and not because he was expecting you to give him a $400 TV.

 

[sunnyday123]

Thanks all for the replies!! I knew I should just let it go, but I was just so disappointed in the situation that it was getting to me. I sold the TV to buy a bigger one for DH, planning on having that $400 to help me with the cost of it (otherwise I would have kept it and used it in another room). It is true that good and loyal friends are hard to come by and that should come way before any financial issues.

And yes, I have totally learned my lesson! I knew someone else who wanted the TV and had cash-in-hand, but DH wanted his friend to have it. In the end, I should have just let him have it and there would have been no hard feelings.

I guess when I heard that the friend was on a nice vacation, something ugly in me reared it's head.

I knew my DIS peeps would be able to reason with me!

But I don't see him as a "good and loyal" friend. I probably would drop it, but I don't have a poker face, and I know my annoyance would be on display for everyone. He took advantage of you both. That isn't a good friend.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Oh I can totally relate OP. DH sold a 20' camper/trailer to a "friend" for $800. The deal was that in lieu of paying the full $800 he was going to help DH put a large carport up. Well he showed up for about 4 or 5 hours and that was it. I think DH got about $300 out of him plus his 5 hours of work. DH never gave the friend the title to the trailer so I guess if we ever wanted to repo it we could try. I've just written it off. Although if I saw that he was taking expensive vacations I'd be really tempted to email him and "remind" him that he hadn't finished paying us off.

 

[rainy~daze]

did he definitely give it to his parents?
I would have a really hard time letting it go, becuse he asked to BUY it not HAVE it plus it wasn't like he asked for it because of hard times and they have no TV, he got a free Christmas gift for his parents....okay a $50 TV Christmas gift for them.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Frankly, I'd question how much of a "friend" he considers you guys if he could screw you out of $400, which is essentially what he did.

I might "let it go" meaning that I'd never bring it up again, but my opinion of my "friend" would be forever changed. I really wouldn't trust him 100% anymore. And frankly, whatever wonderful things he's done for you in the past...well, presumably he did them because he wanted to and not because he was expecting you to give him a $400 TV.

Yes. And for whatever wonderful things he did for your DH, I'm sure your DH did the same for him. That's usually what a friendship is about, being there for each other. But this wasn't like that. It was set up and understood as a sale, and it should have been honored as such.

I too would wonder how much he valued the friendship. He has the means to pay you for the sale but doesn't. Friends don't walk on friends. I would let it go (to honor DH request), but I'd remember the footprints left behind.