Then don't send your kids over to my house, because I'm not enforcing your rules on my kids in my own home. If your kids will self enforce the rules (my mom doesn't let me eat more than one cookie) fine - we have all sorts of kids in my home that do just that. But it isn't fair that my kids would be restricted to one cookie instead of two because your kid is over - particularly if your kid is over on as often as the OPs nephew. I'd resent my cousin as well if I were her daughter - sounds like the nephew over means she has a much more restrictive set of rules and isn't able to play with her own friends. Nor would someone with more permissive rules be able to override our household rules (we restrict sweets and soda, TV and internet.)
I would never expect YOU to enforce MY rules on YOUR children, in your own home. Never. Perhaps I should have added, my son's friend has a third option of riding his dirt bike while my son watches. That would be just fine with me, however, since this boy wanted my son to come over to play, I would think he would choose an activity they could both participate in and interact with one another.
I stand by what I've said, MY children have to go by our rules wherever they are, your children do not. My children also have to respect your rules while in your home, as well. If my children do not follow our rules, while visiting others, I would not hold the other adults responsible.
We have friends that are big time hunters, we are not, don't and never have own a gun. Their son has his own hunting rifle, (of some sort) and just because my son is a guest in his home, does not mean he can suddenly live by their rules and handle a gun.
We also have other friends who allow their son to play ball in their house. My children aren't allowed to play ball in anyone's house. She's always saying... "It's fine, they're fine." It's not fine with me... It's one thing when your own child breaks something expensive or dear to you, and a completely different thing when someone's kid breaks it. That child becomes labeled a brat or unruly, etc.
AS for the
OP, here's my take on it...
- She makes the decision to invite her nephew over. (For kind and loving reasons, but still, this boy's mother isn't asking her to care for him and her daughter isn't doing the inviting, either.)
- Her nephew benefits from this. (Again, it's not for his mother or for her daughter.)
- She knows his mother's expectations, but continues to invite him for the boy's sake.
The OP has a confilct with this, so does her daughter. She doesn't want to disappoint either of the children.
The OP needs to decide if he is her guest or her daughter's guest, and how they handle company, in general. Is the daughter expected to hang around the house when they have company, is it her responsibility to entertain her cousin, is it the OP's job to entertain her nephew?
The OP also needs to decide if it is more of a priority to have her nephew over, or that her daughter play with the neighborhood kids.
The OP has choices, so does her daughter, but in my opinion, challenging his mother's parenting, is not one of them. She can explain the situation, and allow
his mother to decide whether he continues to come over or not.
You said,
"I'd resent my cousin as well if I were her daughter - sounds like the nephew over means she has a much more restrictive set of rules and isn't able to play with her own friends."
The restrictions on her daughter have been placed there by the OP, not the boy's mother. The OP has choices.
OP -sorry, don't mean to talk about you like your not here/reading this.
Since you nephew comes over twice a week, would you consider having your daughter play with him one of those days, but allowing her to play with her friends on the other day he is there? Or, possibly cut the visits down to once a week?
