Yet another MIL vent.

[Marseeya]

I know I've talked about this before, but I'm going to explode. A while back, MIL asked DH if we would all go on a cruise with them. I thought it was settled that we wouldn't go, but DH keeps bringing it up and bringing it up. I do NOT want to go and I can't be any more clear on that! My MIL was flat out mean to DS when he was little, and then she just didn't seem to know or care that she had grandkids at all. She just wasn't at the "right" stage in her life, I guess, whatever the heck that means. But TOUGH. DH and I have been married for 13 years, and we're finally in a good financial position where we can take vacations and do all the things WE want to do. Well, now she's interested in a relationship with the grandkids. It's too late for DS. It's not quite too late for DD, but she totally burned that bridge with me. As far as I'm concerned, she blew it.

We'd planned on taking a WDW trip again next year and buying a house. But now DH is bringing up the cruise again and he's really pushing it.



Why should I give up Disney for a woman who couldn't give us the time of day for 13 years? Not to mention, her DH is a mean drunk, so why on earth would I want to go on a ship with them???

I'm also kind of mad at DH for not having the cahones to just say no. She just gives him that whiney baby voice guilt trip and he can't say no.

Feel free to flame me for my feelings, but you'd have to be a saint to put up with the kinds of things she's done and then give up a whole vacation for her.

 

[Christine]

Marseeya,

I think since you were on my "family" thread, you know you will get no flames from me.

To do my "public service" I guess I should say "Oh, but it means so much to your husband to be with his mother. Maybe you can rekindle a family relationship." There done (she says dripping with sarcasm).

Personally, I wouldn't go. Not feeling that way. But I'm a monster!!

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

Sorry that you have to go through this. Your family already told her "no", but she apparently just can't take "no" for an answer. Have you tried talking to your husband and letting him know how strongly you feel against going? Hope it all works out in your favor.

 

[disykat]

While I think visiting with her occasionally and being polite is called for, going on vacation with her is a different thing. Even if she was paying you could just say no. For her to want to dictate how and when you spend your vacation time is just wrong. Then add that she wants you to spend your money on an expensive trip because she wants you there. That's really gutsy of her.

 

[Dory's Twin]

Tell your DH he can go....he just can't make you go!

 

[OhMari]

We distanced ourselves so much from my husbands parents that I think my husband forgets sometimes all the mean things that happened when our kids were little. We made both our parents grandparents in their 40's. They were not ready to be grandparents either-we had some really wicked and mean things happen when my kids were small. Now that my kids are all older and they are in their 60's, now they want to be grandparents.

It is really sad, because my kids are past the stage of hanging out and staying over nite at their house. We all just went out to eat with them for Father's Day and we couldn't believe how rude they were to us, to the waitress, to just everything in general. We all forgot. But we decided to go with them anyways.

Maybe your husband just really wants to do this and he doesn't remember the bad times, he just wants to make some good memories with his parents. I do think you are right with your decision, but I don't think it is mutual at this time.

 

[SandraVB79]

Being in the same situation with one of my grandmothers (she never ever cared about us, never asked about us, ...) I understand what you're going through, and I wouldn't go.

My mom once told my dad that he could go, but that she was staying at home with the kids. The thing never ever came up again.



And if you really really HAVE to go, go on a Disney Cruise, that way, you'll have pixie dust to help you through it!

 

[froglady]

Next week I'll be attending DH's family reunion. We all rent individual (or sometimes double up) condos in the mountains, and get together for dinner every evening. During the day, different groups engage in various activities (golfing, tennis, biking, etc) but not all of us together.

I really like my in-laws a lot (more than my own family) but I know I would not be able to spend a week on a cruise ship with any of them! I can't imagine doing it with someone I don't really like. That would be torture.

 

[LoveWDW]

We all make mistakes that we regret. Maybe we don't even apologize down the road. Wouldn't it be a shame if people we wronged in the past would never forgive us? What if we wanted to make a fresh start, to try to make good, to rekindle a relationship with family that we treated badly in the past. So my vote is to consider it.

Maybe it would mean a lot to your husband. He may be remembering happy events and love when he was a child. He may be realizing his parents' mortality. I'd recommend asking him, sincerely and not in an accusing or angry way, why he wants to go. He is your husband, after all, and his feelings count. Perhaps to make him happy you could swallow your own bad memories?

 

[ceiligh1]

From personal experience I would not go. They want a relationship but only on their terms, if they wanted to get to know the grandkids they could do it in other ways as well but they dont want to put forth the effort.

After years of not doing much with us my grandparents (They were in their 60's when I was born but where not ready to be grandparents) tried to do a few trips to instantly bond the family. It did not work as my sister and I were not the perfect grandkids they had in mind and the vacations always ended badly.

You have not said how old the grandkids are or if they even want to have a relationship but if they are older than 12 or so I would ask them and keep their opinion in mind.

Send your DH on the cruise and let him remember how hateful his mom can be. It works wonders for me when my mother tries to get me to spend time with my grandparents. Usually after 3 days she is back on the phone with me crying over something they said or did and I remember why I dont talk to them.

Good luck and

 

[debster812]

Personally, I would think long and hard about going. These ships are HUGE these days, and you certainly would not have to spend every minute with them. And, if you cruise on Norwegian, you probably would not even have to eat with them all the time.

I just know if I were in the situation, and this was MIL's way of reaching out and trying to mend bridges, it would be a shame to just dismiss it out of turn. Of course, I don't know the entire situation, so who am I to offer advice?

 

[LoveWDW]

Personally, I would think long and hard about going. These ships are HUGE these days, and you certainly would not have to spend every minute with them. And, if you cruise on Norwegian, you probably would not even have to eat with them all the time.

I just know if I were in the situation, and this was MIL's way of reaching out and trying to mend bridges, it would be a shame to just dismiss it out of turn. Of course, I don't know the entire situation, so who am I to offer advice?

Debbie has several good points. I already mentioned about mending bridges, and it is true that you would not be spending every second of every day with them. You may be able to have a good time with your husband, and he could get his time in with his parents.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I do not for the life of me think that "mending bridges" is done on a week vacation!!!! That is like being held hostage...no way would I fall for that.

Mending comes before then and the vacation is the reward of hard work and effort.

I would tell your DH this and if he insists tell him he is more than welcome to go ALONE. Which I would not have an issue with since they are his parents.

 

[Sonya]

I do not for the life of me think that "mending bridges" is done on a week vacation!!!! That is like being held hostage...no way would I fall for that.

Mending comes before then and the vacation is the reward of hard work and effort.

I would tell your DH this and if he insists tell him he is more than welcome to go ALONE. Which I would not have an issue with since they are his parents.

Uh huh! If you can't get along at home there is NO WAY you will get along on a vacation where everyone wants to have fun THEIR way and you are stressed from being someplace new with a bunch of strangers. You have to be nice all the time and that puts a strain on most people.

My mom had this problem with my grandparents and there would have been NO WAY she would have ever travelled with them. And even at a very young age I knew what was going on and I can tell you I woulnd't have mane it any easier! She let my dad handle his parents, most of the time.

Have your DH stand firm, don't go unless you all can get along at home first. Then say you will think about it......

 

[JimFitz]

I think sending DH alone only creates a bigger divide. Maybe he feels obligated to go and wants you there with him for support? Maybe he wants everyone to get along now and he thinks this may be the way to start.

What is DH thinking?

 

[Wishing on a star]

No flames from me!!!

You have a right to your feelings. Everyone always has a right to their feelings!!!

I would NOT go.
I came to the determination the hard way that NO WAY, NO HOW, would I ever travel with my inlaws again. Traveling with somebody, especially inlaws, is just not the way to mend fences.

And, as I have said many many times on the DIS here. This is not an Inlaw issue. It is a Marriage issue. Your husband should respect your feelings. If he can not give this up and respect your feelings and your boundaries on this. Well, no way is going to respect your feelings and your boundaries on this cruise. I see very rough waters ahead!!!

Find a time to sit down calmly and have a really serious talk with your DH about this.

Tell him he is free to spend time with his parents whenever he wishes. No problem whatsoever. But, that this cruise is just not something that you, personally, can do.

If I am remembering right, your DH has not respected your wishes and your boundaries in the past on different issues. So, good luck!!!

 

[daisyduck123]

I have not read all the replies but since you are planning a WDW vacation again, I'd tell her that also taking a cruise is not in your budget. Now, the cruise might be a possibility if she were going to foot the entire bill. Hmmm...
if she wants you guys there, let her pay for it. You wouldn't have to spend every waking moment with her. And if she can't treat you, then she has her answer...."No".

 

[lindakmonty]

That is what I would say as well, if they want you guys to go so bad... let them pay for it!

 

[LBAK]

No way would I go! Why put your kids in a position where they could be hurt again. I have huge in-law issues but my DH supports me. We will not put our kids with them again for fear they will be hurt (emotionally not physically). If fences need mending I think it should be on home territory a little at a time.

Disney all the way!

 

[T1130]

I would not go either.