Yelling - is it child abuse?

[cabanafrau]

Human genes comprise only 1% of the genome and hence to look at links between genes and behavior you only need that 1% of the genome so in fact you were wrong in stating 23and me had insufficient data to study these links since only 1% there. In fact 1% is all you need.

Then what is the enormous benefit in paying much more to map beyond the 1%? So far I've seen nothing to suggest that the information from 23 and Me and their competitors are being used for the purposes you suggest. Your links suggest that the studies are being conducted with data drawn from other sources and not 23 and Me and the ancestry sites as you originally stated and I questioned.

 

[pahoben]

I've already answered this above in post 137 as I could not quote what you wrote in 136.

No, I don't want the link to any papers. I don't think I can explain what I have said any clearer for you and I have no desire to keep repeating my answers when you move the goalposts yet again.

I didn’t move any goal posts. You stated that 1% was insufficient to study the links between genes and behavior. I pointed out just above that this is incorrect. It is sufficient and the goal posts have been and will be 1%.

You were just wrong and nothing can be done about it.

 

[cabanafrau]

I didn’t move any goal posts. You stated that 1% was insufficient to study the links between genes and behavior. I pointed out just above that this is incorrect. It is sufficient and the goal posts have been and will be 1%.

You were just wrong and nothing can be done about it.

I said that they are not looking at the locations on the profile relating to that data. They're not examining every location in the 1% because it's not germane to what they're trying to answer. Therefore the information is not in their databases. I stand by my statements. You're free to characterize it any way you wish. I'm quite comfortable with what I've stated.

 

[pahoben]

I said that they are not looking at the locations on the profile relating to that data. They're not examining every location in the 1% because it's not germane to what they're trying to answer. Therefore the information is not in their databases. I stand by my statements. You're free to characterize it any way you wish. I'm quite comfortable with what I've stated.

They are not trying to answer anything. They have all the base pairs for the gene locations in the data base. They are a service that sequences my base pairs at my direction over the coding genome. Nothing more and nothing less. This shows the precise variant of each gene that I have.

 

[Floridaman999]

Thought I slipped into Reddit there for a minute.

 

[amberpi]

Thought I slipped into Reddit there for a minute.

 

[pahoben]

Thought I slipped into Reddit there for a minute.

I feel more like i’m on the stand in a Perry Mason episode.

 

[torene03]

This popped up on my feed today...

https://www.kmbc.com/article/man-lo...ledding-team-who-then-refuse-to-move/26798528

 

[pahoben]

What current expert based parenting looks like on average

 

[jrmasm]

This popped up on my feed today...

https://www.kmbc.com/article/man-lo...ledding-team-who-then-refuse-to-move/26798528

If one of my dogs fights with another, I'm going to yell at them too. Luckily they're used to the abuse and go about their merry way.

 

[torene03]

If one of my dogs fights with another, I'm going to yell at them too. Luckily they're used to the abuse and go about their merry way.

I can yell at the dog in my avatar all day long and he thinks we're playing fun games...my other one freezes like a deer in the headlights and if I want him to do anything again I have to use a happy voice.

 

[sailorstitch]

I think it is. My father was a yeller, not a spanker, but yelled all the time. Didn't name call or anything but was always yelling. To this day I hate raised voices of any kind, it makes me feel shaky and nervous inside.

Mine too. I did get spanked a few times, but the yelling was almost daily.

My dad got mad and yelled at me about the stupidest things.

Example 1: I started taking swim lessons when I was 5. The lessons were at a family friend's home because they had an indoor pool. They also had one of those couches that shaped like an L. I had new seen one before. Being only 5, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was telling my dad about it when I made the comment "I wish we could have a couch like that." My dad started screaming at me about how we can't afford a couch like that and how we have no where to put it. I never expected my parents to run out and buy one. My mom had to intervene to get him to stop screaming.

Example 2: I don't like showers. I prefer to take a bath. When I became a teenager, my dad was furious that I was still taking baths. According to him, baths are for kids. Adults only take showers. One night my dad forced me to take a shower instead of a bath. The next morning I was woken up by him screaming at me because I moved the shower head. I never took a shower again. If he was going to scream at me no matter what I did, I was going to do what I wanted.

Example 3: My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I had no choice but to continue to live at home as an adult because my mom needed help caring for him. Much to my dad's dismay, I'm an adult toy collector. One of my collections is American Girl dolls. On the day one of my orders came in the mail, I was sitting there taking the outfits and accessories out of their boxes. Dad was sitting in his chair watching some science show on tv. We were both minding our own business. I was changing one of my dolls into her new dress when, out of nowhere, my dad screams "I wish you'd start acting like a 30 year old!" By the age of 30 I was done with his unreasonable anger. All I could do was ignore him.

The screaming did affect me. When I was little, I cried a lot. There were a few times when all dad had to do was look at me and I'd start bawling. He had this scowl on his face and I assumed he was going to start yelling. He hadn't been planning on yelling at me, he was just tried. I know it hurt my dad's feelings when I did that. But by then he had trained me to expect the yelling. I eventually grew out of it.

When I became a teenager I started yelling back when he was being unreasonable. But then when I was in high school, my dad remembered my crying. He declared that I would never be able to hold down a job. The first time my boss yelled at me, I would start bawling and then I would get fired. He never said it, but I think my dad saw me as weak. If I can't take being screamed at daily, it's because I'm too weak.

So, you tell me. Was my dad's yelling abuse?

 

[LSUmiss]

Mine too. I did get spanked a few times, but the yelling was almost daily.

My dad got mad and yelled at me about the stupidest things.

Example 1: I started taking swim lessons when I was 5. The lessons were at a family friend's home because they had an indoor pool. They also had one of those couches that shaped like an L. I had new seen one before. Being only 5, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was telling my dad about it when I made the comment "I wish we could have a couch like that." My dad started screaming at me about how we can't afford a couch like that and how we have no where to put it. I never expected my parents to run out and buy one. My mom had to intervene to get him to stop screaming.

Example 2: I don't like showers. I prefer to take a bath. When I became a teenager, my dad was furious that I was still taking baths. According to him, baths are for kids. Adults only take showers. One night my dad forced me to take a shower instead of a bath. The next morning I was woken up by him screaming at me because I moved the shower head. I never took a shower again. If he was going to scream at me no matter what I did, I was going to do what I wanted.

Example 3: My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I had no choice but to continue to live at home as an adult because my mom needed help caring for him. Much to my dad's dismay, I'm an adult toy collector. One of my collections is American Girl dolls. On the day one of my orders came in the mail, I was sitting there taking the outfits and accessories out of their boxes. Dad was sitting in his chair watching some science show on tv. We were both minding our own business. I was changing one of my dolls into her new dress when, out of nowhere, my dad screams "I wish you'd start acting like a 30 year old!" By the age of 30 I was done with his unreasonable anger. All I could do was ignore him.

The screaming did affect me. When I was little, I cried a lot. There were a few times when all dad had to do was look at me and I'd start bawling. He had this scowl on his face and I assumed he was going to start yelling. He hadn't been planning on yelling at me, he was just tried. I know it hurt my dad's feelings when I did that. But by then he had trained me to expect the yelling. I eventually grew out of it.

When I became a teenager I started yelling back when he was being unreasonable. But then when I was in high school, my dad remembered my crying. He declared that I would never be able to hold down a job. The first time my boss yelled at me, I would start bawling and then I would get fired. He never said it, but I think my dad saw me as weak. If I can't take being screamed at daily, it's because I'm too weak.

So, you tell me. Was my dad's yelling abuse?

I’m sorry you went through that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Mine too. I did get spanked a few times, but the yelling was almost daily.

My dad got mad and yelled at me about the stupidest things.

Example 1: I started taking swim lessons when I was 5. The lessons were at a family friend's home because they had an indoor pool. They also had one of those couches that shaped like an L. I had new seen one before. Being only 5, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was telling my dad about it when I made the comment "I wish we could have a couch like that." My dad started screaming at me about how we can't afford a couch like that and how we have no where to put it. I never expected my parents to run out and buy one. My mom had to intervene to get him to stop screaming.

Example 2: I don't like showers. I prefer to take a bath. When I became a teenager, my dad was furious that I was still taking baths. According to him, baths are for kids. Adults only take showers. One night my dad forced me to take a shower instead of a bath. The next morning I was woken up by him screaming at me because I moved the shower head. I never took a shower again. If he was going to scream at me no matter what I did, I was going to do what I wanted.

Example 3: My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I had no choice but to continue to live at home as an adult because my mom needed help caring for him. Much to my dad's dismay, I'm an adult toy collector. One of my collections is American Girl dolls. On the day one of my orders came in the mail, I was sitting there taking the outfits and accessories out of their boxes. Dad was sitting in his chair watching some science show on tv. We were both minding our own business. I was changing one of my dolls into her new dress when, out of nowhere, my dad screams "I wish you'd start acting like a 30 year old!" By the age of 30 I was done with his unreasonable anger. All I could do was ignore him.

The screaming did affect me. When I was little, I cried a lot. There were a few times when all dad had to do was look at me and I'd start bawling. He had this scowl on his face and I assumed he was going to start yelling. He hadn't been planning on yelling at me, he was just tried. I know it hurt my dad's feelings when I did that. But by then he had trained me to expect the yelling. I eventually grew out of it.

When I became a teenager I started yelling back when he was being unreasonable. But then when I was in high school, my dad remembered my crying. He declared that I would never be able to hold down a job. The first time my boss yelled at me, I would start bawling and then I would get fired. He never said it, but I think my dad saw me as weak. If I can't take being screamed at daily, it's because I'm too weak.

So, you tell me. Was my dad's yelling abuse?

Sounds like your dad was what I mentioned before--someone using it with ill intent, intimidation, yelling for all sorts of things, and had anger issues (and I'm just using your post to glean that).

That's different in my book than someone who used it in a completely different manner which is what I feel some other posters are talking about.

 

[LSUmiss]

Sounds like your dad was what I mentioned before--someone using it with ill intent, intimidation, yelling for all sorts of things, and had anger issues (and I'm just using your post to glean that).

That's different in my book than someone who used it in a completely different manner which is what I feel some other posters are talking about.

But would his/her dad have seen it that way or would/did he believe that there was something inherently difficult about his dtr/son (?) that “made” him yell? To me that’s the danger in believing it’s ever justified...perspective. Again, I have yelled. I’m not perfect, but I can admit it’s b/c I lost my patience or got frustrated not b/c it’s a tool (other than exceptions that have been noted).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

But would his/her dad have seen it that way or would/did he believe that there was something inherently difficult about his dtr/son (?) that “made” him yell? To me that’s the danger in believing it’s ever justified...perspective. Again, I have yelled. I’m not perfect, but I can admit it’s b/c I lost my patience or got frustrated not b/c it’s a tool (other than exceptions that have been noted).

I'm not going into psychoanalyzing the person's post. I'm just giving my observation. I do see what the PP experienced as different than yelling to clean your room once in a great while after the hundredth time of telling you to clean your room. But of course we may disagree on that

 

[LSUmiss]

I'm not going into psychoanalyzing the person's post. I'm just giving my observation. I do see what the PP experienced as different than yelling to clean your room once in a great while after the hundredth time of telling you to clean your room. But of course we may disagree on that

Perhaps it is. I was just using your post as an example that perspectives can be different. Maybe her dad thought he only yelled when he “had to” but that’s not how she saw it. That’s not psychoanalysis. It’s just fact that we all perceive things differently so I was only using your post to make that point.

 

[sailorstitch]

But would his/her dad have seen it that way or would/did he believe that there was something inherently difficult about his dtr/son (?) that “made” him yell? To me that’s the danger in believing it’s ever justified...perspective. Again, I have yelled. I’m not perfect, but I can admit it’s b/c I lost my patience or got frustrated not b/c it’s a tool (other than exceptions that have been noted).

Even I can't explain what my dad's motives were. Some of the things he got upset about still baffle me. As for the shower head example. The only thing I've ever come up with is that he couldn't get it back to the exact spot that he wanted it. And that was an inconvenience to him. As for the couch example, he probably thought I was demanding he buy that couch.

The third example is part of a longer story that is 100% abuse. When I was 12 my dad declared that there was something "mentally wrong" with me because I was in middle school and I still watched cartoons. Every time I hit one of those growing up milestones that girls have in middle school, he tried to force me to give up my toys. He was more excited about me turning 13 than I was because he thought that would make me give up my toys/cartoons. Needless to say it didn't work. When I was little we would go see Disney movies as a family. Pocahontas was the last one we saw as a family. After that dad tried to tell me I couldn't see them, but mom took me anyway.

My dad was very controlling. He was never formally diagnosed, but I believe he might have had narcissistic personality disorder. Even after I became an adult he tried to control what tv shows I watched and what clothes I wore. He of course didn't approve of my collection of Disney shirts. He was constantly threatening me that if I didn't do as he said, I was going to get fired from my job. And, no, I did not work with my dad. The ironic thing is, I actually get a lot of compliments about my clothes at work.

I have many, many more stories, but I'm starting to get a headache.

 

[LSUmiss]

Even I can't explain what my dad's motives were. Some of the things he got upset about still baffle me. As for the shower head example. The only thing I've ever come up with is that he couldn't get it back to the exact spot that he wanted it. And that was an inconvenience to him. As for the couch example, he probably thought I was demanding he buy that couch.

The third example is part of a longer story that is 100% abuse. When I was 12 my dad declared that there was something "mentally wrong" with me because I was in middle school and I still watched cartoons. Every time I hit one of those growing up milestones that girls have in middle school, he tried to force me to give up my toys. He was more excited about me turning 13 than I was because he thought that would make me give up my toys/cartoons. Needless to say it didn't work. When I was little we would go see Disney movies as a family. Pocahontas was the last one we saw as a family. After that dad tried to tell me I couldn't see them, but mom took me anyway.

My dad was very controlling. He was never formally diagnosed, but I believe he might have had narcissistic personality disorder. Even after I became an adult he tried to control what tv shows I watched and what clothes I wore. He of course didn't approve of my collection of Disney shirts. He was constantly threatening me that if I didn't do as he said, I was going to get fired from my job. And, no, I did not work with my dad. The ironic thing is, I actually get a lot of compliments about my clothes at work.

I have many, many more stories, but I'm starting to get a headache.

I hope you know I wasn’t saying any of your was your fault. I was just using your example to make a point. I have done family therapy & it’s very interesting to see the huge differences in perspectives especially in parent & child dynamics.

 

[amberpi]

Even I can't explain what my dad's motives were. Some of the things he got upset about still baffle me. As for the shower head example. The only thing I've ever come up with is that he couldn't get it back to the exact spot that he wanted it. And that was an inconvenience to him. As for the couch example, he probably thought I was demanding he buy that couch.

The third example is part of a longer story that is 100% abuse. When I was 12 my dad declared that there was something "mentally wrong" with me because I was in middle school and I still watched cartoons. Every time I hit one of those growing up milestones that girls have in middle school, he tried to force me to give up my toys. He was more excited about me turning 13 than I was because he thought that would make me give up my toys/cartoons. Needless to say it didn't work. When I was little we would go see Disney movies as a family. Pocahontas was the last one we saw as a family. After that dad tried to tell me I couldn't see them, but mom took me anyway.

My dad was very controlling. He was never formally diagnosed, but I believe he might have had narcissistic personality disorder. Even after I became an adult he tried to control what tv shows I watched and what clothes I wore. He of course didn't approve of my collection of Disney shirts. He was constantly threatening me that if I didn't do as he said, I was going to get fired from my job. And, no, I did not work with my dad. The ironic thing is, I actually get a lot of compliments about my clothes at work.

I have many, many more stories, but I'm starting to get a headache.

I'm very sorry you experienced that, but that is WAY beyond what I was thinking of. I was at the park with the kids today and the moms yelling for their kids to pay attention, or tie their shoes, or that it was time to go home...that's what I was thinking of in my original OP. I don't think anyone would disagree that what you experienced was abusive, both in delivery and content.