Every one is quick today, or I am on slow-mode. Are you okay with how to set-up now?
I am going to stress that my son really enjoys the online aspect of the system, and yes the language is bad. But, have you walked in a school yard lately. I am really against cursing. Only curse in extreme circumstances, but some words have become part of the language to younger generations. Is is right, NO. But I have come to terms with it, and just ask DS to turn down his TV or put his headphones on. I will not let him speak that way in front of me.
My DS paid for all of his system, all of his games, and works off all the upgrades, maps, and yearly costs. This is the only thing he will work off for me. He has made a lot of great friends online and a majority of the boys he goes to school with are online with him. I have heard them discussing homework while playing the game, so all is not lost in his brain

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Finally, I actually took him to the MLG gaming tour for his 13th. birthday. He was just a spectator, but I found it very interesting. The kids were very well behaved and had manners to boot. I didn't see any tendencies of violence due to the games. My DS taught me a lot that weekend, including the fact that the top teams make more in a few years with sponsors than DH and I have in a lifetime. At one point, DS claimed that would be his "career" choice, but thankfully he outgrew it. Now he wants to be a physician.
My son has also bought all his other systems. We own them all. In the end though, he plays the 360 more than all the others combined.
Good luck with your choice, and no matter what you do, I am sure you will find the right gift for your DS.