Wwyd

[shortbun]

My dad gave me this choice. You can have the wedding you want or I will give you XXX in cash. I took the cash and spent about 10% on a tiny, lovely wedding. Everyone was happy. I was 33. I think the age brought me clarity. We did have a heck of a honeymoon, lol!

 

[HelenePA]

My dad gave me this choice. You can have the wedding you want or I will give you XXX in cash. I took the cash and spent about 10% on a tiny, lovely wedding. Everyone was happy. I was 33. I think the age brought me clarity. We did have a heck of a honeymoon, lol!

my brother and my soon to be sil were the only ones at my wedding so I understand all about tiny! Now this is one big reason I'm willing to put up some $ for them.. its not what I wanted at all but in the end it was for the best... I do just wish they would make some decisions already!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No and honestly it bugs me! I think I know more of what they can afford than they do, but its their wedding. I just hope they come down from the clouds back to earth sometime soon.. I told them an exact number that's what I'm sticking with and that's why I asked about what I should do.. I dont want to hear tears of how they can't afford this or that in the end I think its my brother who's pushing for some of the more elaborate stuff.. I wanna smack him upside the head but all he says is, its my wedding I want what I want.. is there a groomzilla? I think I've found him! I also found them a photographer for free!

Are you joking? OP, this does not bode well.

If my brother said 'it is my wedding and I want what I want' I would tell him to stick it and I would withdrawal my offer of help.

That is just wrong.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would put the money you are willing to chip in on a reloadable debit card or the such. And when the time comes, hand that to them and tell them "When it's gone, my involvement is over". That way it's with a trackable card, in their responsibility, but you initiated it...

 

[HelenePA]

I dont wanna turn this into anything other than should I wait for them to have someplace to put a deposit down and make a payment for them vs anything else type of thread.. I'm going to give them money, they know how much. I just didn't know if it would be bad for me to hold on to it until they have someplace to pay for... nothing else nothing more.. I want them to have a nice wedding and this is what I can do to help them.. I didn't get it.. I want them to have it.

 

[Kellydelly]

I just didn't know if it would be bad for me to hold on to it until they have someplace to pay for... nothing else nothing more.. I want them to have a nice wedding and this is what I can do to help them.. I didn't get it.. I want them to have it.

The answer is NO. If you know they are bad with money, they will most likely just blow the few thousand it sounds like you are overly anxious to hand over to them. Why would you tempt them like that ?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I dont wanna turn this into anything other than should I wait for them to have someplace to put a deposit down and make a payment for them vs anything else type of thread.. I'm going to give them money, they know how much. I just didn't know if it would be bad for me to hold on to it until they have someplace to pay for... nothing else nothing more.. I want them to have a nice wedding and this is what I can do to help them.. I didn't get it.. I want them to have it.

I would not give them a dime. I would pay the venue directly, with a credit card so if they try and "cancel" they cannot "cash out" your money. The company will be forced to credit your card instead. (I would hope, ask about that upfront before you pay.)

Setting yourself up for a nasty mess surrounding a wedding is something to avoid.

Your intent is for a nice wedding. Then pay near the end and not the beginning otherwise you know what they say about good intentions.

 

[DMickey28]

I think it's awesome what you wan to do to help your brother. Is he younger?

You already stated the amount. That's it. I would wait until there is something to pay for before giving the money or paying someone/someplace directly. No need to temp and money flows fast!

 

[Disney Doll]

I would not give them a dime. I would pay the venue directly, with a credit card so if they try and "cancel" they cannot "cash out" your money. The company will be forced to credit your card instead. (I would hope, ask about that upfront before you pay.)

Setting yourself up for a nasty mess surrounding a wedding is something to avoid.

Your intent is for a nice wedding. Then pay near the end and not the beginning otherwise you know what they say about good intentions.

I agree with this.

 

[Agri]

Honestly, if you can't pay a lot and her parents are paying for the wedding too and haven't given them a budget AND her relatives are the majority of the guests...why not offer to pay for their honeymoon instead? You'd be able to stretch your dollars further since you could do the planning and the payments - not them.

If not, I'd either offer to reimburse them for their payments or remind them of the budget and offer to pay what you can afford. You probably need to talk to HER parents about this, too, so you can be on the same page as them.

 

[HelenePA]

I'm gonna answer some questions all in one post he is just 3 yrs younger than me he'll be 30 this year. I'd love to write a check out to the venue itself if they would just pick one I've given them my opinion of what they should do but it's not my wedding or decision in the end. Their dream honeymoon is Amsterdam sorry I can't afford that either! At least I do t think I can I've never priced it out because I have no desire to go there. So the consensus is hold on to the money until they get their asses in gear and pick some Place I'm fine with that as long as it doesn't seem I'm holding onto it to get "my way"

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm gonna answer some questions all in one post he is just 3 yrs younger than me he'll be 30 this year. I'd love to write a check out to the venue itself if they would just pick one I've given them my opinion of what they should do but it's not my wedding or decision in the end. Their dream honeymoon is Amsterdam sorry I can't afford that either! At least I do t think I can I've never priced it out because I have no desire to go there. So the consensus is hold on to the money until they get their asses in gear and pick some Place I'm fine with that as long as it doesn't seem I'm holding onto it to get "my way"

You need to charge it to a credit card to CYA in case the wedding venue changes, someone dies, or the wedding gets cancelled.

Giving them cash is not a smart idea no matter if they were CPA's and watched every penny. It is insurance on your end.

You are paying for a wedding, not giving them a cash gift amount. There is a difference.

Now if you absolutely just want to write a check then WAIT until the end, when final payments are due.

 

[okeydokey]

No and honestly it bugs me! I think I know more of what they can afford than they do, but its their wedding. I just hope they come down from the clouds back to earth sometime soon.. I told them an exact number that's what I'm sticking with and that's why I asked about what I should do.. I dont want to hear tears of how they can't afford this or that in the end I think its my brother who's pushing for some of the more elaborate stuff.. I wanna smack him upside the head but all he says is, its my wedding I want what I want.. is there a groomzilla? I think I've found him! I also found them a photographer for free!

There is and I think you helped create it.

 

[HelenePA]

There is and I think you helped create it.

how? I'm not marrying him! Its not my wedding.. its not like I can just go put a deposit on a place and tell them too bad.. wth? whatever.. thanks for your "help" and this is why I hate posting here thanks for the reminder why I should have kept my mouth shut.. most people only do this once. I dont blame him for wanting his/her wedding how they want it if they can afford it.. I'm just willing to help where I can... lesson learned

 

[tlbwriter]

You need to charge it to a credit card to CYA in case the wedding venue changes, someone dies, or the wedding gets cancelled.

Giving them cash is not a smart idea no matter if they were CPA's and watched every penny. It is insurance on your end.

You are paying for a wedding, not giving them a cash gift amount. There is a difference.

Now if you absolutely just want to write a check then WAIT until the end, when final payments are due.

This is some very good advice, no matter who's paying. What if the venue burns down? What if the photographer goes out of business? Deposits should always be paid by credit card.

I think you've done the right thing so far, by offering them a set amount and encouraging them to come up with a budget. You can only lead them to water; you can't make them drink.

In answer to your first question, I absolutely wouldn't give them any money now. Wait until they make some decisions and have to come up with some money.