Wwyd ? Updated

[MaryAnnDVC]

Healthy families make decisions together. If it is important to your husband and isn't important to you, you have issues that go beyond a 3 hour road trip (not suggesting that the OP does, but some other posters in this thread might).

/rant /hijack

Are you serious? They have "issues" because one spouse feels differently than the other about the level of importance of ONE event? Wow.

Oh...welcome to the DIS.

 

[chisnpeke]

Healthy families make decisions together. If it is important to your husband and isn't important to you, you have issues that go beyond a 3 hour road trip (not suggesting that the OP does, but some other posters in this thread might).

/rant /hijack

Wow. Sounds just like a disagreement to me. I don't understand why it would constitute marriage counseling.

OP, I think you should consider booking a hotel. Give the kids motion sickness medication and gingerale. You would not enjoy yourself at the wedding if you had to think about the 3 hour drive later that night.

 

[minniecarousel]

Our younger DS & DDIL got married 3 hours away. They had the wedding in the college town where they met. Everything was less expensive than here in the Bay Area, too.

I think nearly everyone stayed the night of the wedding.

I can't imagine driving up and back when it's a 3 hour drive. But that's just me.

 

[ROIE01581]

Sounds like you people live in Rhode Island. They never go any where over an hour without luggage and a food plan. My husband has the need to drive all the time. He thinks nothing of going to Maine for the day and driving home. I have gone to the point of cape cod and stopping to pee then driving home, just for the ride. Of course I sleep 5 minutes in the car. So any ride is fine with me.

 

[clh2]

We did a day-trip to a wedding 4.5 hours away. IT WAS AWFUL!

The wedding was about one o'clock. We left about 6:30 am. Got to the wedding town about 11:00 or a little after that. Since we didn't have a hotel, we changed into our "wedding clothes" at the fast-food place we ate lunch at. The wedding ended about 2, there was punch and desserts at the church, followed by an early dinner. My aunt (mother of the bride) told me me the reception would be done about 5. After the dinner, we changed clothes, and headed home. We stopped at my BIL's town on the way home to say "hi" and had a soda. Then continued home. We got home about 10.

This was an awful day. It was long, and I really regret not staying overnight at the wedding city, or at least in the city where BIL lives (heck...we could have stayed at their house.) The reason we didn't stay overnight was because our 12 year old DD was not with us (she had prior commitments that were important to her, and she really doesn't know my cousin.) And, I really didn't want to be gone that long.

I would never do that long of a day with a wedding again. FWIW - we knew the wedding would not be serving alcohol, so no worries about driving home

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Sounds like you people live in Rhode Island. They never go any where over an hour without luggage and a food plan.

I have relatives in NYC and NJ, and we've done roundtrip in a day (3 - 3.5 hours each way) several times over the years. Never a wedding, but 50th anniversary parties and several graduation parties, at least one when my kids were 10, 8, and 6. (And one when my kids were almost 4 and 2 and I thought I was having a miscarriage, so I went but just wanted to get home after the party...just in case.) At times it was because we had other things going on, or the party was on a Sunday afternoon and DH had to work the next day and/or the kids had school. There were also times when we didn't have anyone to watch the kids because the people who we did trust were also at the event, or otherwise unavailable, so I would leave the kids home with DH and go alone.

I'm still working on talking DH into attending his nephew's wedding (an hour away) the day after he gets home from a 3+ week trip to China. He says he's going to be too tired. I think he should sleep as much as he can before and after attending the wedding. Years ago, I stepped back and stopped pushing him to do things for his family that he found inconvenient and left it up to him...his family is very into not inconveniencing themselves ...but I think this wedding is important. It's still up to him tho...his family...but I'm not going if he doesn't go.

 

[C.Ann]

Healthy families make decisions together. If it is important to your husband and isn't important to you, you have issues that go beyond a 3 hour road trip (not suggesting that the OP does, but some other posters in this thread might).

/rant /hijack

----------------------

You're kidding - right?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Healthy families make decisions together. If it is important to your husband and isn't important to you, you have issues that go beyond a 3 hour road trip (not suggesting that the OP does, but some other posters in this thread might).

/rant /hijack

I am over 40 and if I had to drive 3 hrs after a reception, someone would be murdered.

On top of which throw in a puking child. Oh hell no.

Has nothing to do with "issues" and more to do with knowing yourself and your limits. One of the benefits of aging.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

I personally wouldn't want to drive 3 hours in wedding attire. I would drive in the night before and come home the day after. Anything to make a mini vacation


As aside, this thread is in complete contrast with the my kids are not invited thread. I guess all the brides are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

As aside, this thread is in complete contrast with the my kids are not invited thread. I guess all the brides are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

I am SO not going near that thread. I was on a prior one. It wasn't pretty!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

----------------------

You're kidding - right?

LOL - sorta - I was over-reacting the same way that some others have in this thread.

Seriously, some of the posts are hysterical. "I would tell DH that if he wants me to attend he is going to ..." Seriously? I have never told my wife what to do, nor has she told me what to do. I certainly don't draw lines in the sand, and I wouldn't begin this behavior over a 3 hour drive.

Who wouldn't drive 3 hours to see their spouse when they were dating? If you would do it then, to win their love, why wouldn't you do it to keep them happy? If it matters that much to him/her, you find a way to make it happen. There is really no other option in my life...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

LOL - sorta - I was over-reacting the same way that some others have in this thread.

Seriously, some of the posts are hysterical. "I would tell DH that if he wants me to attend he is going to ..." Seriously? I have never told my wife what to do, nor has she told me what to do. I certainly don't draw lines in the sand, and I wouldn't begin this behavior over a 3 hour drive.

Who wouldn't drive 3 hours to see their spouse when they were dating? If you would do it then, to win their love, why wouldn't you do it to keep them happy? If it matters that much to him/her, you find a way to make it happen. There is really no other option in my life...

For starters she asked WWYD? So I was answering her question as if my DH was asking.

However, my DH would understand if I could not go or would accommodate my needs. I would do the same for him.

We are honest with each other and work it out based on our needs.

The situation the OP described is something I could not deal with and stay sane. I would need to spend the night in a hotel.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Who wouldn't drive 3 hours to see their spouse when they were dating? If you would do it then, to win their love, why wouldn't you do it to keep them happy? If it matters that much to him/her, you find a way to make it happen. There is really no other option in my life...

Maybe this is just me , but our children were born AFTER we got married, not while we were dating; therefore, no antsy children making the trip to worry about, never mind puking children. And I didn't do things to "win" DH's love...we fell in love with each other.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

For starters she asked WWYD? So I was answering her question as if my DH was asking.

However, my DH would understand if I could not go or would accommodate my needs. I would do the same for him.

We are honest with each other and work it out based on our needs.

The situation the OP described is something I could not deal with and stay sane. I would need to spend the night in a hotel.

Please do not take offense at anything that I might post, as no offense will ever be intended...

 

[C.Ann]

LOL - sorta - I was over-reacting the same way that some others have in this thread.

Seriously, some of the posts are hysterical. "I would tell DH that if he wants me to attend he is going to ..." Seriously? I have never told my wife what to do, nor has she told me what to do. I certainly don't draw lines in the sand, and I wouldn't begin this behavior over a 3 hour drive.

Who wouldn't drive 3 hours to see their spouse when they were dating? If you would do it then, to win their love, why wouldn't you do it to keep them happy? If it matters that much to him/her, you find a way to make it happen. There is really no other option in my life...

-------------------------

Okay..

I understand what you're saying - about wanting to please the one you love - but where is the DH's consideration for his children in all of this? That seems to be one of the biggest issues - one child who gets car sick very easily - and the other children having to sit still in the car for 3 hours over and 3 hours back, all in the same day..

Wanting to please and being considerate is a two-way street..

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Maybe this is just me , but our children were born AFTER we got married, not while we were dating; therefore, no antsy children making the trip to worry about, never mind puking children.

That is beside the point.

And I didn't do things to "win" DH's love...we fell in love with each other.

Come on - nothing?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...I understand what you're saying - about wanting to please the one you love - but where is the DH's consideration for his children in all of this? That seems to be one of the biggest issues - one child who gets car sick very easily - and the other children having to sit still in the car for 3 hours over and 3 hours back, all in the same day..

Wanting to please and being considerate is a two-way street..

No doubt, but the OP did not indicate that he was being heartless in his request, simply that he felt it an imperative that they attend. There are many options, as listed by so many posters in this thread, that mitigate EVERY reasonable excuse. That being the case, I see no option. IMO, she has to find a way to meet his need...

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

That is beside the point.
Come on - nothing?

That is beside the point.

No it isn't. You equated driving 3 hours to be with one's girlfriend/boyfriend, to driving 3 hours (6 hours roundtrip) to an event with young kids in the car, at least one who gets carsick. Very different.

I can't say I did anything to "WIN" his love, as if I was trying to "win" a man, like a prize. We did, and do, things out of love, respect and consideration for each other, but that doesn't mean everything asked of the other, especially if there are other people involved (ie, the kids).

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

I am SO not going near that thread. I was on a prior one. It wasn't pretty!

That one isn't too pretty either.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

My brother and sister would never forgive me if I skipped their kids weddings. Plus, I would never want to miss them. Your husband really does belong there. If you don't have a sitter to hire or family nearby he should go alone.