WWYD? Thanksgiving

[phred52]

Here's the situation.

My youngest DD bought a house 2 months ago. She's all excited to "do" Thanksgiving this year. It's 1000 square feet, not so small, but not very big, either. Already coming are 12 people, Grandma, cousins, aunts & uncles. This is okay, she'll set up several folding tables in the living room.

2 days ago, from the other side of the family, she hosted a dinner for 9. Basically wanting to show her new home to her Grandpa, and the aunt/uncle/cousins who drove him..... While there, the aunt/uncle invited her, other DD, DH and myself to Thanksgiving at their home. Nice to be wanted, but, she felt awkard saying no, sensing they all would like to be invited to DD's Thanksgiving.

She's asked me what to do?? Adding 9 people would bring the count to 21 for dinner in a 1000 square foot house. I can't quite see smushing that many in her living room. I'm thinking for that # we'd need to move it to my much bigger home, but doing that would obviously mean it wouldn't be at DD's new home. Both sides of the family are very nice, pitch in to help, bring whatever is requested AND help immensely with set up and clean up.

WWYD?

 

[golfgal]

I would not invite them, the house just can't hold that many people. They have plans already so just leave it at that and maybe next year she can have that side for Thanksgiving.

 

[minkydog]

I would not invite them, the house just can't hold that many people. They have plans already so just leave it at that and maybe next year she can have that side for Thanksgiving.

I agree with this. She wants to show off her house and its going to be very hard to enjoy the day with 21 people packed in there. I'm assuming only 2 bathrooms. Maybe she can host the others at Christmas? Or perhaps have a holiday dinner party between Thanksgiving and Christmas?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would tell her to work it out with her dh and let me know what the decision is. I would not touch that with a 10ft pole.

As far as space and Thanksgiving that is a non-issue to me. I will be setting up tables in my sister's garage for this Thanksgiving this yr.

My mom and I are cooking. My sister has her MIL living with her who is dying of cancer. She is doing well right now however I am sure everyone known to man is going to come and my sister has a small house. We will be setting up tables everywhere.

 

[Scurvy]

Here's the situation.

My youngest DD bought a house 2 months ago. She's all excited to "do" Thanksgiving this year. It's 1000 square feet, not so small, but not very big, either. Already coming are 12 people, Grandma, cousins, aunts & uncles. This is okay, she'll set up several folding tables in the living room.

2 days ago, from the other side of the family, she hosted a dinner for 9. Basically wanting to show her new home to her Grandpa, and the aunt/uncle/cousins who drove him..... While there, the aunt/uncle invited her, other DD, DH and myself to Thanksgiving at their home. Nice to be wanted, but, she felt awkard saying no, sensing they all would like to be invited to DD's Thanksgiving.

She's asked me what to do?? Adding 9 people would bring the count to 21 for dinner in a 1000 square foot house. I can't quite see smushing that many in her living room. I'm thinking for that # we'd need to move it to my much bigger home, but doing that would obviously mean it wouldn't be at DD's new home. Both sides of the family are very nice, pitch in to help, bring whatever is requested AND help immensely with set up and clean up.

WWYD?

So the aunt and uncle invited your daughter and the rest of you to their Thanksgiving dinner, and when your daughter declined the invitation she got the impression that the aunt and uncle wanted her to then invite them to her house for Thanksgiving? I assume they didn't flat out say they wanted to be invited, because that would be rude. If they didn't, then your daughter shouldn't do anything. She just shouldn't invite them or mention it again. If they did actually try to invite themselves, then she needs to tell them that she already has prior plans and that it won't be possible for them to come, but she'd love to have them over again soon. She shouldn't feel bad about not including them - and she should not feel obligated to include more guests than she feels comfortable hosting. It isn't fair to her, and it also isn't fair to her other guests.

 

[lovetoscrap]

She should have just said "That is so sweet of you to ask but my plans are already set for this year. " All the truth and all that needs to be said.

 

[monkeyboy]

I would go to Disney

 

[happygirl]

I would say let her do it. You can always find space.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd have everybody at my house, 1000SF or not.
She could do it buffet style and just let people sit around where they want. She could just set up a big table that stretches throughout the house It could end up being a lot fo fun.....

 

[RitaZ.]

So the aunt and uncle invited your sister and the rest of you to their Thanksgiving dinner, and when your sister declined the invitation she got the impression that the aunt and uncle wanted her to then invite them to her house for Thanksgiving? I assume they didn't flat out say they wanted to be invited, because that would be rude. If they didn't, then your sister shouldn't do anything. She just shouldn't invite them or mention it again. If they did actually try to invite themselves, then she needs to tell them that she already has prior plans and that it won't be possible for them to come, but she'd love to have them over again soon. She shouldn't feel bad about not including them - and she should not feel obligated to include more guests than she feels comfortable hosting. It isn't fair to her, and it also isn't fair to her other guests.

It's her daughter, not her sister.

I agree with Disney Doll. Since the OP said that the other side of the family is accommodating and helpful, this gathering could be a lot of fun.

 

[Scurvy]

It's her daughter, not her sister.

I agree with Disney Doll. Since the OP said that the other side of the family is accommodating and helpful, this gathering could be a lot of fun.

Ack - sorry, shouldn't have been posting with this headache, apparently! I'll go fix that.

 

[RitaZ.]

Ack - sorry, shouldn't have been posting with this headache, apparently! I'll go fix that.

 

[msmayor]

My sister has a house that is 'maybe' 1200 s.f. and every year for the past 20 she has had at least 25 for dinner.

Last year we set a new record: 36 for dinner, and we all sat at one long table!

She actually puts a tent up in her back yard for the table and chairs. She has two radiant heaters so its NICE and toasty inside.

Dinner is buffet style, with all the food set up in the kitchen/dining room. She cooks two turkeys (one in her oven, the other in a neighbor's...who eats with her!) and does the stuffing. Everyone else who comes is asked to bring a side dish and/or dessert. The food is amazing, and the company even better.

She has a fire pit in the back yard as well, and she puts a pot of hot cider outside to enjoy by the fire. Marshmallow roasting is available.

Its without a doubt the greatest way to celebrate Thanksgiving. We'll be there again this year...so far 29 expected.

 

[JLTraveling]

I would encourage her to have everyone over. For a variety of reasons, after my parents retired and I moved to New Orleans, they sold the big house in Florida and followed me to the French Quarter. They had a tiny 400 sf apartment with one bathroom.

When they had the house, my parents hosted most family holidays. So their second Christmas in New Orleans, they wanted to have a get-together with friends. What started as four people coming over for snacks turned into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings for 13. The kitchen was tiny, so we spent two days cooking and everyone brought something. We set up a buffet table in the dining area, which had French doors leading to the courtyard. We kept drinks and desserts on the table in the courtyard. The plan was to have a sort of flow through the house, with people using all the available space inside plus the courtyard. Instead, for some reason everyone wanted to stay together. So we all visited the buffet table and drink table, then piled into the living room. We did a white elephant exchange for presents.

What was really cool was that it was a motley crew of tarot readers, musicians and homeless teens. All were dirt poor. Most were atheist, agnostic or pagan, and none had celebrated Christmas in many years. Yet that was in 2002, and to this day every one of them says it was the best night of their lives. And you know what? I've had the huge Christmases with piles of presents, a massive Christmas tree and 40 relatives spread through the huge house...but that Christmas in New Orleans was my favorite.

If everyone wants to be together, then that's what really matters, not the size of the house. You will all find a way.

 

[teacherlisa1978]

I would encourage her to have everyone over. For a variety of reasons, after my parents retired and I moved to New Orleans, they sold the big house in Florida and followed me to the French Quarter. They had a tiny 400 sf apartment with one bathroom.

When they had the house, my parents hosted most family holidays. So their second Christmas in New Orleans, they wanted to have a get-together with friends. What started as four people coming over for snacks turned into a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings for 13. The kitchen was tiny, so we spent two days cooking and everyone brought something. We set up a buffet table in the dining area, which had French doors leading to the courtyard. We kept drinks and desserts on the table in the courtyard. The plan was to have a sort of flow through the house, with people using all the available space inside plus the courtyard. Instead, for some reason everyone wanted to stay together. So we all visited the buffet table and drink table, then piled into the living room. We did a white elephant exchange for presents.

What was really cool was that it was a motley crew of tarot readers, musicians and homeless teens. All were dirt poor. Most were atheist, agnostic or pagan, and none had celebrated Christmas in many years. Yet that was in 2002, and to this day every one of them says it was the best night of their lives. And you know what? I've had the huge Christmases with piles of presents, a massive Christmas tree and 40 relatives spread through the huge house...but that Christmas in New Orleans was my favorite.

If everyone wants to be together, then that's what really matters, not the size of the house. You will all find a way.

This is great and I totally agree-if it's people that get along and would enjoy being together, don't miss an opportunity to do so. You never know what the future's going to bring. If it's people that love each other they'll cram in and see the fun of it. I also agree with the buffet idea, put folding chairs wherever you can and it should work fine. I have a 1300 square foot 3 br 3 bath townhouse style home (but it's detached, it's the tall skinny kind of house that looks like a townhouse) and hosted a baby shower for 30. The groundfloor is just kitchen dining living and a tiny bathroom along with the garage-we had chairs in a tight circle, had 5 on the couch and it was fine-set up a buffet on the dining table and it was fine. If there are elderly people you might want a few tv trays or something as they could find it hard to eat on their laps but I think most people would be just fine. Being together is what matters.

 

[Angelhalo]

I'd have everybody at my house, 1000SF or not.
She could do it buffet style and just let people sit around where they want. She could just set up a big table that stretches throughout the house It could end up being a lot fo fun.....

I agree. It can be done. The more the merrier, especially if they're all willing to help out. We've definitely done it before in relative's smaller homes.

 

[phred52]

thanks to everyone for giving us a LOT to think about. good to get unbiased opinions....

I'm assuming only 2 bathrooms. ?

one bathroom

I would tell her to work it out with her dh and let me know what the decision is..

She's not married, is a single gal in her first home.

She should have just said "That is so sweet of you to ask but my plans are already set for this year. " All the truth and all that needs to be said.

I LIKE this response..... Unfortunately DD is like me and comes up with the "good" responses after the fact, usually in the middle of the night

My sister has a house that is 'maybe' 1200 s.f. and every year for the past 20 she has had at least 25 for dinner.

Last year we set a new record: 36 for dinner, and we all sat at one long table! She actually puts a tent up in her back yard for the table and chairs. She has two radiant heaters so its NICE and toasty inside..

I like this idea, however outside is not an option between no equipment, garage or yard space and cold weather...

I agree. It can be done. The more the merrier, especially if they're all willing to help out. We've definitely done it before in relative's smaller homes.

I can definately see possibilities here, with TV trays and folding chairs added to the living room instead of a lot of folding tables.....


Thanks for all the ideas, I'm going to direct DD to this thread to read it for herself and let her decide. And I'll support her decision, whichever way she goes.

 

[anniemae]

If they invited you guys to Thanksgiving, it sounds like that side of the family has plans aleady, so they may say, "no" in if an invite is extended.

I think I would try to make it work, and go ahead and invite them. Boy will she have a story to tell "Remember that crazy thanksgiving when I had 21 people in my first home?"

If she is not comfortable with that many people though maybe she could have them come over for dessert? I have a friend who does this. She has the meal with just her family then extends an invitation to other family and friends for dessert in the evening. It turns into an open house at night with people coming and going and some folks bring dessert, so all she really has to do is keep the coffee flowing.

By the way, what was her response to them when they asked her to Thanksgiving?

 

[barkley]

i think your dd needs to figure out what kind of thanksgiving meal she wants to host, then figure out how many people she can AND WANTS to invite-then base her decision on that.

sounds like she already hosted the other side of the family the other night, and the thanksgiving group was'nt included so it's their turn. it just so happens their turn is occuring on the holiday.

tell your dd i feel for her-i dealt with this issue over and over again for years (until we moved FAR away from everyone), and it got to be a major pain. i would invite the number of people i knew my home could comfortably facilitate for different occasions and even non occasions, but if it was something mil was invited to she would inevitably ask why we did'nt invite "just" this family member or that. it was never a matter of not wanting to socialize with certain people over others (we would have the ones that were'nt invited for some things over when others were'nt invited) it came down to something mil could never get into her head esp. when it came to "holiday meals"-"just inviting" x, did'nt mean just adding 3 or 4 people (figure x, spouse, a couple of kids)-it inevitably meant adding those 4, their adult's kid's current significant others, the parents or grandparents they traditionaly hosted, and then because you included that "just" you started getting random "so what are you doing for the holiday dinner" calls from others in the family. adding "just" x could result in an additional 20 people, which might not bother some people but if you've budgeted and planned a menu that does'nt lend itself to buffett style or people bringing dishes can be a nightmare (and i think the hosts have the right to host the kind of holiday meal they want-if that's sitdown with certain food, it's awful to pressure them into doing differently, it's their holiday to enjoy as well).

 

[taximomfor4]

I have a few family members over for Thanksgiving dinner in my small house. Then afterward, it is open house for dessert. I never know who will show for dessert, or when...it can be nobody, or the whole entire extended family. It's crowded, but fun. I guess it helps that NOBODY in my entire extended family has a big house so we're used to being "close" lol.

A story of my best Thanksgiving dinner: my sister had a tiny one-bedroom apartment...the cheap-o kind. I was temporarily staying on her couch for a couple of weeks. We both knew many of the same people, quite a few not close friends but definitely acquaintances who for a variety of reasons had nowhere to go for T dinner (newly moved to town, in the middle of messy divorce, older with no family left, etc). So we invited them. All of them. My sis had no table/chairs yet (they were ordered but not delivered yet). We spread a picnic blanket on the living room floor, set the food as a buffet on the coffee table which was pushed to the far wall out of the way. Everyone had turkey dinner with all the fixings on their laps. Most people met each other that day. It was a blast and really, to us, felt like the truest meaning of the season.