wwyd: teen burned at a sleepover

[twinklebug]

Recently there was a group sleepover in town involving a large group of teenage kids. My daughter (15) was one of them and I just discovered (two days later) that she had been burned by two others fooling around with a lighter while she slept. According to dd, they wanted to see what would happen. The burn isn't life threatening, but is raw, a bit larger than a silver dollar and will need professional medical attention in the morning.

The kids who did it involved the girl who was the host of the party... to me it sounds like the kids had been drinking (they were thowing up in the am), although DD says she never saw anyone drinking. To further complicate this, I understand the father is a police officer & very protective of his family.

I'm not looking for a fight - I just want to do what is right. It's not my intent to accuse anyone or to get payback -- kids can be dumb. However, I think the parents need to be aware that their party, including their own daughter, got out of hand and someone did get hurt. Would calling the parents to discuss the evening's ongoings come across as accusing?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

First off, I would take my dd's explanation with a grain of salt aka she may not be telling you the whole truth.

My guess is that you will say something and then they will say she was awake and playing some "game".

I would not scorch the earth on this one because your dd needed to speak up sooner so I suspect half truths here.

 

[twinklebug]

I agree with you MM, which is part of the reason I'm waffling on calling the family or not. I trust my dd, but she was hiding the burn for a reason. Although I can get the truth out of my boys in a heartbeat, dd is a different matter as she worries about everything.

Chances are I'll just let this go & prohibit dd from attending any overnighters unless they're with only one or two tried & true friends.

 

[trisha.teery]

I agree with thw two above me.

You may not have all the true facts, but then again, you don't want to accuse your daughter of lying.
I would call the parents and see if they have heard anything about it.

 

[PinkRhombus]

They wanted to see what would happen????????? How dumb is that?

Call the parents! Kids....whoever was really at fault...they need to be made embarassed about this kind of stuff so they don't do it again.

If someone DID do this as your daughter said, then their parents need to be picking up the medical costs.

 

[tiggger1]

I would call the parents and ask them if they knew how she got burned? Tell them your dd wont tell you because she doesnt want to get anyone in trouble. Do not blame anyone yet, see what they say. Then talk to your daughter again and tell her what you heard. If she is still staying she was asleep when it happened, then call back and let them know...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would call the parents and ask them if they knew how she got burned? Tell them your dd wont tell you because she doesnt want to get anyone in trouble. Do not blame anyone yet, see what they say. Then talk to your daughter again and tell her what you heard. If she is still staying she was asleep when it happened, then call back and let them know...

I think this is a great idea. It takes the heat off the kid and lets the other parents know what happened.

 

[gina2000]

Based on the info you've given us......

Your daughter is 15. If you don't like her explanation, take it up with her. She chose not to discuss this with you for 2 days and it suggests that there may be more to the story than she is revealing. She probably needs to be more careful about the friends she is spending time with. Hanging around with kids drinking at 15 (whether she was aware or not) is a recipe for trouble.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm not looking for a fight - I just want to do what is right. It's not my intent to accuse anyone or to get payback -- kids can be dumb. However, I think the parents need to be aware that their party, including their own daughter, got out of hand and someone did get hurt. Would calling the parents to discuss the evening's ongoings come across as accusing?

I am not sure what I would do, part of me says to call the parents. Be prepared to find that your DD was not only aware of the shenanigans, she was a participant. I am not sure how a kid sleeps through this kind of party, not know about drinking or lighter tricks that are so close that you get burnt. I am not saying that your DD is not telling the truth, just saying that teens so not always share their own antics when pressed.

As a parent, I would want to know what happened in my home and would appreciate the call. I would need to know that someone was hurt in my home and I would want to know how and why in order to prevent it from ever happening again.

 

[slo]

I would call, because what would happen if a fire started because of this.

Tell the parents that your DD got burned, but you don't know all the details due to lack of information, but you wanted to call, because you don't want to see a fire start in their home if something like this happened again. I would think they would be very happy that you thought to call them. I know I would want to know if kids were playing with fire in my house

Good luck!!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would figure out a way to communicate with the parents.

I'm a safety nut and I don't like that they kids were playing with fire period. I know lighters shut off once your thumb is released, but something more severe could have happened.

Teenagers do stupid things--but fire isn't one of the ones that I would let slide as stupidity. Then again, my child had 2nd degree burns on her toes at 18 months due to a freak accident with scalding hot water. It isn't something that I'd like to see happen again or wish on anyone.

And maybe it is b/c my kids are still young. But my child would be restricted from these friends.

And I have to say if drinking is involved, you are now in the know and *personally* I would feel obligated to communicate it to the family. I'm surprised everyone is focused just on the fire. Underage drinking is a very serious accusation and that needs to be told to dad the police officer.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

And I have to say if drinking is involved, you are now in the know and *personally* I would feel obligated to communicate it to the family. I'm surprised everyone is focused just on the fire. Underage drinking is a very serious accusation and that needs to be told to dad the police officer.

I have to agree there however it too late. It will be her word against their's.

Then they will throw her dd under the bus and make up whatever they want.

You will never get the real truth.

 

[Lanshark]

I am sure the Dr who examines the burn will have questions also. You might get more information when she has to explain the burn to him/her. I would let her do the talking.

 

[Ohiodislover]

I am sure the Dr who examines the burn will have questions also. You might get more information when she has to explain the burn to him/her. I would let her do the talking.

Very good point.

 

[M&N]

I have to agree there however it too late. It will be her word against their's.

Then they will throw her dd under the bus and make up whatever they want.

You will never get the real truth.

You might never get the truth but talking to the parents seems to be necessary. No blaming but stating the fact she was burned. How? Who knows? But a dangerous situation occurred in their house. As for the drinking, there's no proof of that.

 

[trip]

Where, on her body, was she burned?

 

[Nancyg56]

And maybe it is b/c my kids are still young. But my child would be restricted from these friends.

And I have to say if drinking is involved, you are now in the know and *personally* I would feel obligated to communicate it to the family. I'm surprised everyone is focused just on the fire. Underage drinking is a very serious accusation and that needs to be told to dad the police officer.

I am not sure we all are avoiding the drinking, it was probably because of the drinking the "games" were played. The entire thing is touchy, the DD did not really want Mom to know what had happened to her and her story is that it was the others. Mom is no fool, she knows that DD hid the burn for a reason and is probably hoping that DD did indeed sleep though the fire thing but that really is not likely. The Dad, the Police Officer should know that when teens get together in a home there are shenanigans but for some reason missed this little mishap....he may not like the call and as MM points out the OP's DD is going to get tossed under the bus. Next thing is that the other parents will be restricting their kids from the OP's DD.

There is no good way to handle this one. Again, as a parent I would want to know that a kid got hurt in my home, and then I would question why. That is when the drinking will be brought up. I am not at all sure that conversation is going to be pleasant for any of them.

As the parent of this child, I would worry about my DD. Yes, I would call the other parent but then my priority would be with my own child. I would be dismayed that she got hurt and did not tell me, I would wonder how much she was keeping from me to keep from getting in trouble and I would not be letting her go on any more sleepovers for a long time. Whether sh lacked a judgment in friends or judgment in how to handle the party when it got out of hand or judgment in talking to her Mom she clearly made an error.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You might never get the truth but talking to the parents seems to be necessary. No blaming but stating the fact she was burned. How? Who knows? But a dangerous situation occurred in their house. As for the drinking, there's no proof of that.

And there you go....

The mom can call and then they can make up whatever they want.

Which part of her body was burned? For example if she is right handed is she burned on her left? That would suggest that she did it herself.

 

[luvsJack]

I am a bit confused by your dd's story. Is she saying she slept through being burned like that? Or woke up and was already burned that bad? I mean if a hot lighter was laid on your skin, normally you are going to wake up suddenly enough to prevent the burn from getting too bad.

If you do go to the parent's, be prepared to hear that they knew they were drinking. I would hope that is not the case, but it happens. One of ds's classmates lived down the road from us and had big parties for the kids all the time. His father was a cop and his mother a college instructor; very nice people that I thought I knew. Lots of drinking was going on at the parties and the parents knew the whole time (were even buying part of it).

 

[N&B'smom]

Perhaps she hid the burn because she was worried you'd call the parents and it would cause problems. That being said, I'd call the parent's in a heartbeat.