WWYD: My daughter's college professor is constantly cancelling class

[Marlyn]

If your daughter is 18 or over, the college shouldn't be speaking to you at all about her courses. That's the rule at my boys' university. They have to deal with anything themselves as they are adults, even though I am paying. So, its not your place to call the college at all.

 

[Hikergirl]

Colleges are allowed to speak to parents as long as the student has given them permission, which may be the case for the OP. Yes calling the school to complain about cancelled classes is a bit over the top, but to say the school isn't allowed to speak to her may not be true.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Yes, I have permission and access to my daughter's school account and I can speak to anyone with questions. I'm not sure why this seems out of the norm, but it was something we signed up for when registering. We have a blocked home phone number so the school had no idea who I even was.

Another e-mail just came that class is cancelled for this upcoming week. No information other than, "I regret to inform you." Less than 24 hours notice-again. No, I will not be contacting the school, but I sure hope I can try to empower my daughter to speak with him or leave a less than positive review at the end of the semester. This is a large university with over 20 professors in this one department. A substitute of some kind should be expected. My daughter has to physically get on a bus from her dorm and travel to another campus to attend this particular class. This is also why it is so upsetting. The last notice wasn't received in time so she wasted a trip! That set me over the edge.

 

[aaarcher86]

Yes, I have permission and access to my daughter's school account and I can speak to anyone with questions. I'm not sure why this seems out of the norm, but it was something we signed up for when registering. We have a blocked home phone number so the school had no idea who I even was.

Another e-mail just came that class is cancelled for this upcoming week. No information other than, "I regret to inform you." Less than 24 hours notice-again. No, I will not be contacting the school, but I sure hope I can try to empower my daughter to speak with him or leave a less than positive review at the end of the semester. This is a large university with over 20 professors in this one department. A substitute of some kind should be expected. My daughter has to physically get on a bus from her dorm and travel to another campus to attend this particular class. This is also why it is so upsetting. The last notice wasn't received in time so she wasted a trip! That set me over the edge.

Good god. This kid doesn't stand a chance.

 

[5kidsmommy]

Just out of curiosity, why are you so involved in your adult child's life? I have two adult children, both are young adults, and both fight their own battles and all that. Do you think this type of helicopter parenting is doing a service for your child? Because it's not, you are actually hindering her growth. As a mother I understand you want the best for her but it's time for you to step back, she is an adult.

 

[scrapquitler]

Yes, I have permission and access to my daughter's school account and I can speak to anyone with questions. I'm not sure why this seems out of the norm, but it was something we signed up for when registering. We have a blocked home phone number so the school had no idea who I even was.

Another e-mail just came that class is cancelled for this upcoming week. No information other than, "I regret to inform you." Less than 24 hours notice-again. No, I will not be contacting the school, but I sure hope I can try to empower my daughter to speak with him or leave a less than positive review at the end of the semester. This is a large university with over 20 professors in this one department. A substitute of some kind should be expected. My daughter has to physically get on a bus from her dorm and travel to another campus to attend this particular class. This is also why it is so upsetting. The last notice wasn't received in time so she wasted a trip! That set me over the edge.

Repeat after me "not my circus, not my monkey" breathe deeply and say it again. And again, and again until you calm down and realize that this is NOT your to stress over and be upset about. If your daughter won't take any action, then you should just let it go. Really. When she graduates and has a crappy boss, are you going to sit at home and fret over it? No....so now is the time to start backing off (actually the time to start backing off is already in the past, but if you didn't start then, now is a good time to start).

Last spring, my daughter had a Monday night class. Every winter storm that semester happened on a Monday. In the first 8 weeks of class, the class was cancelled SIX times due to weather. Had the issue been a sick or lazy professor, I would have said the same thing to my daughter that I said to her for weather cancellations: "Oh well, open the book and do the work anyway, you still need to be ready to take the test"

 

[nugov2]

Repeat after me "not my circus, not my monkey" breathe deeply and say it again. And again, and again until you calm down and realize that this is NOT your to stress over and be upset about. If your daughter won't take any action, then you should just let it go. Really. When she graduates and has a crappy boss, are you going to sit at home and fret over it? No....so now is the time to start backing off (actually the time to start backing off is already in the past, but if you didn't start then, now is a good time to start).

Last spring, my daughter had a Monday night class. Every winter storm that semester happened on a Monday. In the first 8 weeks of class, the class was cancelled SIX times due to weather. Had the issue been a sick or lazy professor, I would have said the same thing to my daughter that I said to her for weather cancellations: "Oh well, open the book and do the work anyway, you still need to be ready to take the test"

Well said.

 

[RangerPooh]

Yes, I have permission and access to my daughter's school account and I can speak to anyone with questions. I'm not sure why this seems out of the norm, but it was something we signed up for when registering.

Be aware that even though your daughter signed a form granting you permission to inquire about her, it doesn't mean that all entities on campus will speak with you. At the schools where I have worked the student had to have a signed consent form specifically for our college. Otherwise we would only give parents general info that applied to anyone on campus. Parents would often be frustrated by this, but there was no one size fits all form. Especially as we did not have access to said forms signed at registration.

 

[5kidsmommy]

Be aware that even though your daughter signed a form granting you permission to inquire about her, it doesn't mean that all entities on campus will speak with you. At the schools where I have worked the student had to have a signed consent form specifically for our college. Otherwise we would only give parents general info that applied to anyone on campus. Parents would often be frustrated by this, but there was no one size fits all form. Especially as we did not have access to said forms signed at registration.

Is this really an issue? Are parents really calling? I do not remember signing any form for my son's school, except for an emergency notification form that he filled out when he was in the dorms. He is in off campus student housing now and I believe we are listed as emergencies contacts but we didn't sign anything. I would not even consider calling my son's school though and maybe that's why this idea is so foreign to me. I guess I'm old school, when my kids move out they are adults, if they need something they will ask for it but mostly it's just advice.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Last spring, my daughter had a Monday night class. Every winter storm that semester happened on a Monday. In the first 8 weeks of class, the class was cancelled SIX times due to weather. Had the issue been a sick or lazy professor, I would have said the same thing to my daughter that I said to er for weather cancellations: "Oh well, open the book and do the work anyway, you still need to be ready to take the test"

You must be in the northeast. Last spring, I had a college senior and freshman at different schools and they too, had classes canceled on 5-6 Mondays in a row!!! What a crazy winter with so many storms falling on Mondays! My boys loved it!! Ha, ha!!

I am with all of the parents that would never call my kids college. It has never crossed my mind in the 6 years that I have had kids in college.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I haven't read the whole thread, but it does seem strange that the class is being canceled so frequently. At this point since the professor is obviously experiencing some sort of personal emergency I would have expected that they would have found a replacement.

 

[Kriii]

I have not read through the replies but I do suggest that the parent NOT get involved. College professors are not expected to deal with parents. Your daughter is the one involved. Tough when the parent is used to being involved, but our adult children need to be treated like adults and handle their own problems.

 

[teller80]

They hold parent orientations now because so many parents needed to get every single detail about the college their adult child is going to. 99% of that information can be found online or simply isn't something a parent really needs to concern themselves with since their kids are now adults.

At my daughters orientation the schedule even said, "this concludes the parents part of the program" - as in, hint hint please go home now, lol.

 

[Aliceacc]

My oldest is only a high school senior, so I'm at the very bottom of the learning curve. And I have a tendency to fire up my rotors a bit more than I should; having him go away to school in the fall will probably teach us both a lot.

I think there are some times when it's appropriate for parents to get involved... when the young adult's health or welfare are at risk. So if her roommate contacts you and says she thinks your daughter has an eating disorder, it's time to get involved.

But this isn't about her health or welfare. It's about one class. Perhaps your daughter has already adapted, and her classmates have a study group formed when class doesn't meet. Perhaps the prof has the notes online, and your daughter has contacted him during his office hours with questions.

Perhaps she hasn't. And perhaps she'll have some backpedaling to do when she takes the next course and has to learn the information she missed in this course. If so, she won't be the first or the last, and she'll learn a lot from the experience.

That form you signed is a double edged sword. It gives you part of the information, but FERPA prevents you from getting the rest of the information. Your daughter is the only one who can give you the full picture, and apparently she has chosen to handle this herself.

Honestly, in this case, what I feel would be best is if mom contacts the school just one more time: to stop the alerts. Let your daughter learn to be an adult. You can still be there as a backup-- if and when she requests your help. But you're angry and upset over something that she isn't upset enough to do anything about-- and apparently neither are her classmates.

Give her the gift of independence.

 

[gwynne]

Yes, I have permission and access to my daughter's school account and I can speak to anyone with questions. I'm not sure why this seems out of the norm, but it was something we signed up for when registering. We have a blocked home phone number so the school had no idea who I even was.

Another e-mail just came that class is cancelled for this upcoming week. No information other than, "I regret to inform you." Less than 24 hours notice-again. No, I will not be contacting the school, but I sure hope I can try to empower my daughter to speak with him or leave a less than positive review at the end of the semester. This is a large university with over 20 professors in this one department. A substitute of some kind should be expected. My daughter has to physically get on a bus from her dorm and travel to another campus to attend this particular class. This is also why it is so upsetting. The last notice wasn't received in time so she wasted a trip! That set me over the edge.

JMO-I think this is a good time for you to take a minute and ponder what you want your daughter to receive out of her college experience. An education, yes. But college is a relatively safe place for students to start learning to solve their own problems and work out any issues they may have with others. By logging on, nosing around and having strong opinions about a situation you are not directly involved in you aren't helping your student at all. All you are doing is pot stirring with your student. It would be a gift to her if you'd just trust her to take care class/classwork issues herself. If she is unhappy about the travel issues with classes she signs up for, then she will learn to be mindful of those issues in the future. If she is unhappy with a professor, then that is her issue to work through.
Keep your comments brief like, "Gosh, that must be tough, but I know you will work through it." Then change the subject. You both will be happier.
And please don't think you have a boatload of privacy with your opinions, disagreements and disapproval. Colleges are like small towns. Eventually word gets around.

 

[Mkrop]

If my kid is complaining about it than I would tell them to do something about it, if they choose not to bc they are too timid or weak, I would tell them to stop complaining to me about it

 

[leebee]

Good god. This kid doesn't stand a chance.

Yup.

And for those who are wondering how frequently parents call colleges about their child (yes, child, because that's how the parents view these adults)… DH and I went to dinner at a friends' home last evening. They, DH, and the only other dinner guest besides me are all faculty. The host is actually an associate dean at the University where he works. I mentioned this thread. He told me that he spends about ¼ of his time fielding phone calls from Helicopter Mommies. It's not that uncommon. Two years ago, DH had a concerned parent call him. The student was having trouble making it to 10am classes. Since DH was his advisor, and in this case the professor for the 10am class, would DH please call the student at 9am to make sure he was awake and out of bed, so he could make it to class on time? NO, not a chance.

Regarding Bowdoin… I asked a neighbor about this. Her whole family are Bowdoin alums, going back to her grandfather. Her oldest son is an alum, her 2 other kids are currently students there. I asked her about this tuition refund thing. She says she's never heard of it for cancelled classes. If students drop a class, there is a refund policy on a sliding scale, so tuition is partially refunded depending on the date the student drops the class. Most colleges/universities have this kind of thing in place. However, Bowdoin also participates in an independently-operated tuition refund program, where, for a fee, if your kid drops a class the program will refund you the portion of the tuition payment that you'd be due (because most college drop policies apply to classes that are dropped VERY early in the semester). My neighbor says she's never heard of Bowdoin sending money back to tuition-payers for cancelled classes, regardless of the reason.

OP, back off and leave it alone. It's your daughter's life and her situation to worry/consider/resolve. You aren't going to receive much support here, and you definitely won't receive the response you are hoping for from the University.

 

[PlutoPony]

OP - have you asked your daughter what SHE has done about this cancellations? Sent an e-mail to the head of the dept, attended same class taught by another prof to get the material (my son actually did that when he got a bad prof), e-mailed the prof to see what she could do to move ahead in the class, things like that? If she hasn't done anything, perhaps the best thing you can do is talk with her about what steps SHE could take at this point, making clear you won't do these things for her. If you've been doing a lot of this type problem solving for her in the past, perhaps she doesn't know how to advocate for herself - which is a vital life skill.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, are you getting these emails yourself? It seems like you are too involved. The majority of parents with children away at school have no idea about the day to day of their kids classes.

 

[cabanafrau]

OP, are you getting these emails yourself? It seems like you are too involved. The majority of parents with children away at school have no idea about the day to day of their kids classes.

Truthfully, beyond semester one of freshman year, I can't tell you what classes DD has unless something comes up chit chatting about a particular item of interest regarding a particular class. We've heard about cool chemistry demos, arrogant professor who uses very offensive examples, clueless hipster student who openly insults professor and class subject matter, etc., all just what's going on in your world chit chat. Generally when it's winter time I'll ask if she has any really early classes -- one term was a big yes with sunrise yoga class.

Beyond that I couldn't tell you what classes, how many times a week they meet, what time they meet, etc. It doesn't happen in my world so I'm not on a need to know basis.