Writing will-who to appoint for guardian?

[me again]

I work for an estate planning lawyer and it is money well spent to hire one to prepare your estate planning docments ... wills, advance medical directives and financial powers of attorney.

If a will is prepared or executed incorrectly it can be judged invalid and the intestate (no will) laws of your state will decide what happens to your assets and your children. A properly prepared will can help you avoid paying more estate taxes than necessary too.

So spend the money and get documents prepared that will allow YOUR wishes to be carried out.

Unfortunately I think your advice, while the most expensive, is the best. OUr finances are tight right now, but we could swing it.

How do we go about finding a competent estate-planning lawyer? Just looking in the phone book isn't the best route. Is there some sort of certifing body that estate lawyers join, sort of like a referral place? Please don;t suggest the lawyers referral in the phone book, they just suggest whoever is on the list in a rotating fashion. Is there some way to screen for credentials, etc.

How much do you think we should be prepared to pay for such a will? We were thinking anywhere from $500--$2000, our situation might not be as uncomplicated as we think, there's few other sticky points to consider.

 

[me again]

I just know my parenst will was a farce. It gave them peace of mind, but we just threw it out and probated their estate intestate. Simple enough since I was the only child, but a shame they wasted so much money on what amounted to a worthless piece of paper.

I did learn a few things from that experience, though. However, I was an adult when my parents died. With 2 minor children we need something to provide for them. Best look into it. DH is currently laid off and money'e tight, but we should consider dipping into our retirement assets for this important matter. We can't do anything from the other side

Also, we thought of leaving the will and any other important documents along with contact information with a trusted neighbor. What if, Heaven forbid, something happened to both of us at once? The children need a touch point to go to, someone to set wheels in motion, etc. The last place to leave a will is the safe deposit box, often times its sealed until the estate is probated, just how do you get the will in the meantime At least keep notarized copies in an accessible place.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

did you say before that one of your children is a special needs situation?


If so, you almost definately need a lawyer to set up a Special Needs trust. If you pass money to your child by a regular inheritance, you could disqualify him from Medicaid, Disability, or other Assistance programs.

 

[me again]

did you say before that one of your children is a special needs situation?


If so, you almost definately need a lawyer to set up a Special Needs trust. If you pass money to your child by a regular inheritance, you could disqualify him from Medicaid, Disability, or other Assistance programs.

Good point, we will consider this matter an acceptable reason to break our piggy bank.

i think I asked this before, but are the animals in your photo your pets? Cuties!

Made me think of a sad story I heard about, don't remember what state, but a lady had a monkey for a pet, took real good care of him, had him for awhile, had a seperate room set up just for him with all sorts of little toys, etc., got him regular vet care, fed him well, he was her baby!

Then some do-gooder group decided she couldn't keep an exotic pet and had him taken away, think he was put in a zoo. It just broke the lady's heart, not to mention what it did to the poor animal. How could he get better care at a zoo? So sad, it was like her child...............just hope it those are your pets all goes well for them.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

goodness no! Life is crazy enough around here without exotic animal pets.


Those animals were 2 sets of twins that were rejected by their mothers at a zoo - I think it was the Shanghai Zoo - I can't really remember.

The staff was having a hard time with the babies because of the abandonment. They finally out of desperation stuck them all in the same bassinet, the way the nurses at a hospital will do with twins. The animals all attached to each other and began to thrive.

I just thought it was a cute picture.

 

[mexican-mouseketeers]

Wow! Definetly your legal system is way different from ours (Mexico - Roman tradition, not Common Law).

Here a will has to be drawn through a notary public (also way different from a notary in the US), and it is a lot less expensive, around $ 200, and there is a "National Will Month" in september when it costs less than $ 100.

Definetly money spent in a will is money well spent.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Wow...I guess NJ is not so bad after all (although we do get robbed blind on most things), but our wills only cost us $70 each to draw up and that included power of attorney, so $140 total. To set up the irrevocable trusts, I think that was around $200 for each child and that was because that is what the court charges to set up the trust, not the attorney. We could have gotten away with paying nothing (except for the trusts) because a very good friend of ours is an attorney, but sometimes you just don't want your friends in your business quite like that.

 

[bigbabyblues]

We made our choices right after DS1 was born. My main goal was to make sure that my parents did not get my children or any money/trusts/etc that were meant to care for them, and I didn't want them to end up in foster care of course.

 

[flying_babyb]

If i would write a will and apoint my best freind garudian would this work? Just wondering for the future.

 

[disneymom3]

I'm in the same situation. I have 2 kids and the person who is on our will when we originally prepared it, 14 years ago is no longer capable. Unfortuanetly I would not leave a dog I liked with my brother let alone my kids so we're raking our brains trying to find a suitable guardian. Luckily my kids are 16 & 13 so even if we had to appoint a grandparent (which would not be our first choice. we love them but raising teenagers is hard enough for us in our late 40's can't imagine doing it in my 70's) it would be for a short period of time.
We sadly joke that we are not allowed to die at the same time.

We asked my sis and BIL to be guardians to our kids several years ago. When our third child was born BIL sent flowers that had a note saying "From now on you two take seperate planes when you travel." That is his sense of humor and we knew he was kidding. At this point though, Dsis has cancer and BIL is out of the picture so we have to come up with someone else for the kids. There are a few families at church, but other than that I am at a loss too. My closest friend has a disaster of a marriage, my next closest friend, my kids don't get along with hers, another close friend already has 6 kids of her own and a foster child. My sisters are all a lot older than I am and one of DHs would work okay but the other one never in a million years. It is a hard decision. Good luck OP.

 

[darlak]

Not sure what to tell you. We have people willing but the problem is who to choose. My SIL and her DH are wonderful with DS. Would love them like their own. They are in their early 30's. And very financially stable. On the other hand we have my Mom. She's 58 but she would give up everything to care for my DS. She loves him so much. While she would be great with DS - she's not getting any younger. If we choose my Mom - others will be hurt. If we choose SIL - my Mom would be crushed. So we haven't made a choice.

Have you considered making them joint custodians, with your mother having primary physical custody as long as she is physically able to do so? That way if she becomes unable, due to health reasons, to care for your child, it would be a relatively simple matter to shift primary custody to you SIL/and or her DH. I would think that everyone should be okay with this arrangement and that both parties would understand your reasoning behind this decision.

 

[suffolkprincess]

Not sure what to tell you. We have people willing but the problem is who to choose. My SIL and her DH are wonderful with DS. Would love them like their own. They are in their early 30's. And very financially stable. On the other hand we have my Mom. She's 58 but she would give up everything to care for my DS. She loves him so much. While she would be great with DS - she's not getting any younger. If we choose my Mom - others will be hurt. If we choose SIL - my Mom would be crushed. So we haven't made a choice.

We have that same situation-- who to choose.

When DD was a baby, we chose my brother who had a little girl 10 months older because that would be a nice family arrangement for our DD, everybody liked and respected everybody else in the equation, etc. We made my MIL and my Uncle the trustees of the financials.

Then brother had another child and we started thinking that 3 kids would be a lot for them. Before we got around to changing anything, they had twins! So, great parents though they are, we wouldn't want to put them in that position. My DH's sister has two children and we decided not to go there, either. Right now my youngest brother is very happily married and they don't have children yet, so they are the current designated guardians. We figure that if something happens before they start their family, then our DD would factor into their family planning.

They are also designated as the guardians for my brother's 4 children, with my spouse and I as the financial trustees for that family.

My little brother has joked that we myself, DH, and my other brother and his wife) are not allowed to travel together without our children... he'd have 5 kids under 6!