Wow!

[mickeyboat]

Another vote for you and your daughter was are in the wrong here. I have spent a lot of time teaching my children to respect authority. If they ever grow cahunas big enought to do what your daughter did, they would be in so much trouble, they would never get out.

As a society we have accepted certain limitations on our freedoms for the good (ie safety) and well-being of the whole. You might not agree with them, you may think you are above them, but you have to abide by them.

What if your daughter pulled this at an airport security station. She would certinly have been arrested, and possibly even shot. TSA people are rent-a-cops, too.

Another point - there are a lot of smart, honor students in the world. But the ones who go far are the ones who respect authority.

I really think you should have a chat with your daughter. Tell her you made a mistake in taking this situation so lightly, and reminding her how important it is to respect authority.

Denae

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

You use terms like "rent-a-cop" and "power trip". No. That is just wrong. What was the power trip? Your daughter seemed combative. Did she actually cuss at a security guard? Please teach her that is wrong. Please do not take her side on this. Please do not teach her disrespect by using words like "rent-a-cop" and "power trip".

Children have been murdered this week. Too many of them. In schools. In the USA. Not third world, crime ridden, out of control countries (although I am starting question if we are one of those lately). In the United States of America. If only there were lowly rent-a-cops to stop the intruders before it happened

How will you be punishing your daughter?


ETA--Aren't you mortified that your teenaged daughter told an adult to "Calm the "BLEEP" down?" You seemed to breeze through that comment like it was nothing. Is it the fact that she said it to a "rent-a-cop" that makes it ok?

This really has me bothered.

I love this post.

 

[JunieJay]

well I don't think she laughed it off - just put it into perspective using the common sense the first officers lacked.

1 - I like that she handled it with humor instead of anger..or going off the deep end with attitude..

2- I like how she, again, put it in perspective - reasonably - as I stated above

3 - she assured the officer that now that they knew the proper procedure , her DD WOULD be following it in the future

4 - I already stated I thought the daughter could have handled herself better and that I , in no way, condoned the language used....

and, really, the last officer (much more reasoned than the others) had no problem with how the mom handled it - so I don't see what the big deal is?

I guess I'm in the minority because I agree with this post. Yup, the DD could have handled herself better, but its not like she did some terrible thing. I agree that the security officer lacked common sense. And while I know its typical DIS fashion I don't think its necessary we lynch the Mom. Sounds to me like the people involved came to an agreement that was satisfactory to everyone, so far be it for me to tell this Mom she is in the wrong.

And since the Mom has not returned to this thread yet, let me be the first to say I think its way cool that your DD is a big sister. That is a program that I was involved with when I was younger and its a really rewarding experience for both the "big" and "little" sisters. Good luck to her, and I hope she has no more run-ins with security at her school!

 

[TLHB70]

My DS just started HS and I can already see way too many kids and parents, like the OP, who think that they are above the rules. I always tell my DS that we may not agree with them but while on their property we have to abide by them. While cussing may not be illegal, it is really disrespectful and boy do we have enough disrespectful kids out there already...

so true

 

[palmtreegirl]

I think your DD handled the situation poorly, cursing, yelling and being disrespectful is not the way to solve things.

 

[D3sdoll]

I would have been very upset if any of my children would have acted like that. We have always told our children that, whether they agree or not, there are rules for a reason. We have also told them to respect others even if they don't agree. We will always go in and do the fighting for them.

However, I am a firm believer that the way any of us acts in public, represents our whole family.

Your daughter should have complided. However, after the fact, she should have asked them to call you and let you do the fighting for her.

Just my .02

 

[JPN4265]

[Sounds to me like the people involved came to an agreement that was satisfactory to everyone]


Since we only heard one side of the story, I doubt that the school administrators would agree with the mothers conclusion to this sad story. I would be more willing to believe that the administrators told her, one more time and your daughter can find another school to attend.

 

[Robinrs]

I can still feel the sting of my mother's disappointment 4 years after her death and I would rather die than to let her know that I'd used a word like that to ANYONE and it was just passed over on the OPs post like it was nothing.

Disrespect for people who are doing a job should be taught as small children. It's obvious who she learned the disrespect from.

My cousin was a RENT A COP part time while she was studying to be a cardiac nurse. She was there to follow orders and make sure orders were followed, just like this man was. That's no reason for disrespect like that, ever.

I repeat, WOW!!

 

[CheshireVal]

Funny thing is (or not so funny, really), if an actual dangerous intruder came to the school and the security guard had just let him or her through with no hassle, you'd probably be mad that your daughter was endangered.

Which is more important?

 

[hentob]

I guess I'm in the minority because I agree with this post. Yup, the DD could have handled herself better, but its not like she did some terrible thing.

Ummm--She used the F word on an adult. An adult that was telling her to obey the rules. That is pretty terrible as far as I am concerned.

And, I don't want to lynch the OP. She is probably a very nice woman

BUT-She posted something on a public forum. People gave their opinions. I don't think they are lynching....just stating the VERY obvious. Her daughter was disrespectful. The mother doesn't seem to understand this and is basically blaming it on "rent-a-cops" with "power trips".

Personally, I think the original post should have been about a potty mouthed little girl whose mother was mortified. She would have received many hugs and pixie dust type responses if she would have realized that her daughter was wrong and came to share the woes of raising teenagers that don't respect adults.

I am hoping that she rethinks her stance on this issue after reading everyone's posts.

 

[hydster]

WOW is all I can say as well.

I have 3 kids and if I EVER heard of them telling ANYONE to F off they wouldn't see the light of day for quite some time! Using the F word and asking to get the *amn paper were uncalled for. I don't know about other places but here it is against school rules to swear INSIDE the school or on the grounds. It can prove to be grounds for expultion here.

The fact that your actions CONDONE your daughter telling someone to F off speaks volumes in that you were fine with it and made light of it all in the office.

My dd *13* would have been home writing an apology to ALL adults involved and she would be spending some of her own money to give the "rent a cop" as you call them a gift certificate for somewhere.

I am sorry but I see NO humor in any of this. It was wrong and it's really sad that your dd is allowed to break the rules and you laugh them off.

I have no idea if the police officer was being a jerk or what but they are STILL an authority figure in that school and your dd would be wise to learn that if they are in charge she should shut up and listen not tell them to F off.

It's just sad...need a jaw drop smilie here instead of the hair raising one.

 

[JunieJay]

I think the daughter was probably uncomfortable and embarrassed and that is why she used the F word. People aren't perfect, least of all teenagers.

As far as the lynching, I think the Mom probably got the message that the majority thinks she set a bad example for her daughter and her daughter was in the wrong a few pages ago. Its common here on the DIS, and I guess as you said she opened herself up for this when she started the post. It might be why people have shied away from these sort of "venting" posts over the years, which is what I think was really the intent of the OP when she started the thread. Sometimes I guess you just want to sound off without consequences. JMO, of course, and since I really have no stake in this, I'll bow out now.

 

[VioltePrincess]

I have two girls in high school.

our school attendance office is located right near the main entrance. after the kids know that after the school day starts, if they arrive late they must go to the attendance office and sign in immediately upon entering the building.

if either of my daughters challenged the adult enforcing the rules, or used langugae such as the OP's daughter apparently did, I would be mortified. and if either dd behaved like that, I would not be arguing with the school when they announced a punishment of detention or in school suspension.

basically the OP's dd decided that the rules didn't apply to her, and because she's an honor student she feels she can get away with such behavior.

 

[Nancy]

You use terms like "rent-a-cop" and "power trip". No. That is just wrong. What was the power trip? Your daughter seemed combative. Did she actually cuss at a security guard? Please teach her that is wrong. Please do not take her side on this. Please do not teach her disrespect by using words like "rent-a-cop" and "power trip".

Children have been murdered this week. Too many of them. In schools. In the USA. Not third world, crime ridden, out of control countries (although I am starting question if we are one of those lately). In the United States of America. If only there were lowly rent-a-cops to stop the intruders before it happened

How will you be punishing your daughter?


ETA--Aren't you mortified that your teenaged daughter told an adult to "Calm the "BLEEP" down?" You seemed to breeze through that comment like it was nothing. Is it the fact that she said it to a "rent-a-cop" that makes it ok?

This really has me bothered.

Me too! My soon to be 17 year old takes the same things your DD does and if she ever swore at a security person I would be livid. I don't know why your daughter couldn't have just signed in and then went to the restroom and got her paper. At our highschool you can only enter through one door, that is where the security people are and you have to sign in immediately. I'm sorry but swearing is not illegal but it is not allowed in any school that I know of, especially the F word.

To the OP, if you are fine with what your DD did, then that is all that matters, you obviously know her better than the rest of us and know what she is like all the time, not just this one instant. I can see where it would take a sense of humor too, cause getting upset over it wasn't go to help matters.

 

[mytwotinks]

well I don't think she laughed it off - just put it into perspective using the common sense the first officers lacked.

1 - I like that she handled it with humor instead of anger..or going off the deep end with attitude..

2- I like how she, again, put it in perspective - reasonably - as I stated above

3 - she assured the officer that now that they knew the proper procedure , her DD WOULD be following it in the future

4 - I already stated I thought the daughter could have handled herself better and that I , in no way, condoned the language used....

and, really, the last officer (much more reasoned than the others) had no problem with how the mom handled it - so I don't see what the big deal is?

(and as for rent-a-cops...I know there are all types (have a great deal of respect for the retired cops that take these positions) but the sad reality is - this job also attracts a certain "element". I have heard horror story after horror story about them abusing their authority in malls, etc. A rent-a-cop at my DH's business murdered a little girl and hid her in the cooling tanks at the business. He was hired despite a bad record at school and being on the record as confessing to a murder to his friends - someone else was convicted...after the murder of the little girl some are not sure they got the right person. A rent-a-cop is NOT a policeman. Nothing is black and white - respect for authority is not absolute - if the authority is abusing their power especially. Teaching our children complete and absolute respect for elders and authority figures leaves them open to abuse. I am teaching my DD respect - but not unconditional.)

Sorry, but I don't see anywhere in the op that the security guard abused his power. He asked her to follow the rules. I guess that I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a certain level of behavior from the students at a public school. In fact, I think it is great that this guard was on top of the situation enough to have noticed her in the hall without a pass. What would you have a teacher/security gaurd/school secretary do when a student blatantly disobeys? Should he have just shrugged his shoulders and said "Oh well, I tried." If this kid is smart enough to be an honor student, she is smart enough to know how to stay out of trouble.

 

[RitaZ.]

Your daughter was out of line. Signing in and having a pass is standard in most (if not all) high schools, all the students know this. The security guard may have been on a "power trip" (though it doesn't sound like it to me), but your daughter became the bigger jerk when she used the words that she did.

When I went to pick up my son at his high school, I witnessed a similar incident. There was a girl in the office and the security guard asked her where her pass was. She told him she didn't have one, then he asked her why she was there. She was there to find out where to serve a detention and walked out of the office after telling him this. He raised his voice as she was leaving the office, he was telling her that she couldn't leave. The girl was dismissive and her body language was totally disrespectful. He had to run after her to get her to comply. Frankly, if it had been my daughter or son doing that, I would have been . I can't imagine reacting with humor to them using curse words. Each parent reacts differently, but come on!

Just because a student is an honor student doesn't mean that the rules don't apply to them. There is a positive way to assert oneself, there is no need to be subservient and meek, but you want to do it in a respectful way.

Schools will never be able to do the "right" thing. If they have rules in place for all the students, some think the rules don't apply to them and should be challenged. Then, parents complain when there isn't "enough" protection and guidelines for safety. They just can't win!

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

well, he was going to have her arrested for merely asking to use the restroom and getting her paper first. She was clearly agreeable to signing in.....He clearly was in the wrong to some extent here as well and is responsible for helping to escalate the situation. To me, this person was not only abusing their power, but also unprofessionally out of control. I would expect a professional and an adult to handle themselves better.

A person in this position should be capable of keeping it under control (even if the other person - here a teenager - can't). .....If this person can't use a modicum of common sense, flexibility, or control..... and let's his authority go to his head this way - then I would not want them around my kids in a position of authority - that can be equally as scary as the potential threat of some dangerous kid getting in past them......

and I would also like to know where exactly this so called guard was when she got in - sounds to me she was already well inside the school.....shouldn't she have been stopped AT the door. Seems to me if someone dangerous had gotten in - it would be the fault of the guards who not watching the door.

also, I may have missed something - but no where did I get the idea the girl thought she was above the rules "because she was a honor student" - the last officer decided to cut her a break because this was her "first offence" and had no history of being a trouble maker.

 

[lowie]

and if this 'power tripping rent-a-cop' would have let her in and, in a rage, she killed a bunch of kids the 'f' word wouldn't seem so bad. even good kids lose it and the security had no way of knowing what her real intentions were. and lastly, i'm not so sure that cursing needs to be illegal to be wrong to do in school.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

well, he was going to have her arrested for merely asking to use the restroom and getting her paper first. She was clearly agreeable to signing in.....He clearly was in the wrong to some extent here as well and is responsible for helping to escalate the situation. To me, this person was not only abusing their power, but also unprofessionally out of control. I would expect a professional and an adult to handle themselves better.

He was clearly in the wrong? The security guard???


The only place he was "clearly" in the wrong was in not escorting an authorized person out of the school hallways and up to the front office where she belonged - IMMEDIATELY. Full bladder and foul mouth not withstanding.

 

[hentob]

- the last officer decided to cut her a break because this was her "first offence" and had no history of being a trouble maker.

As a parent, this would actually concern me more. My otherwise obedient, law abiding child has just been accused of flipping out on a school security guard and using the F word on him. I would be wondering how this could come out of my child's mouth. But instead, the OP told the school authorities to check into the rules, as cursing isn't illegal, had a laugh and went on her merry way.