Would You Sit at a Saved Table?

[Art 1]

I went to my DGD's and DGS's choir concert at the high school last night. DH wasn't able to go (planting corn) but I took my Mom and my DD with me. DGD and DGS saved a table for us, with their book bags, a drink, etc. When we got there we stopped to talk to them for a few minutes, then I glanced over at our table (we always sit at the same one) and there was an older woman sitting there. Nobody wanted to tell her to move, but when we walked over to the table I thanked the kids for saving the table for us. We started talking about how many seats we were going to need, so we just expected she would get up and move when she found out the table had been saved. But who would sit down at a table where stuff was already at anyway?

She didn't budge. Even though there were other empty tables where she could have sat. As we were talking about how many seats we needed she said "well, how many do you need?" real crabby like and said she "only needed one more." I wasn't positive at that point, as DS and his fiance hadn't gotten there yet, and I wasn't sure if his fiance was bringing her two daughters. But when DS got there they didn't have the girls with them. The grandchildren's Mom had planned on sitting with us as well, but in not knowing for sure if there would be enough seats she sat at the table beside us instead. In the end the woman's friend/relative she was saving a second seat for never showed up, so there were still three empty chairs so it ended up being okay but it just seemd very odd, and rude, to me that she stayed put even when she found out the table was saved. I could never do that, had I been in her shoes. I would have gotten up and moved immediately, well, no....I just never would have sat down at a table that had bags, etc. already on it.

I wonder what she would have done, had I told her when she asked how many seats we needed that we needed the entire table and would have to add a chair or two as it was. I wonder if she would have moved then, or kept her butt parked there anyway.

Would you sit at a saved table at a school function?

Since I don't believe in saving seats for people who are not there yet or who may not come I would sit there if I wanted that seat, yes. And I have in the past.

 

[kelma]

Thank you for schooling me on internet safety protocol with your internet use lecture? Rest assured I am a grown woman who can figure that out for herself.

In regards to the personal details shared in PM, it was nothing of an identifying nature. I'm not one who likes to get into many of the nitty gritty details out in public. Whatever the information I had to share, I felt more comfortable saying in a PM. I really wasn't concerned about the person re-broadcasting it out into cyberspace because, even if I don't remember the exact details, I can assure you they weren't even close enough to salacious for anyone else to be interested.

Then I misunderstood. I thought you said you didn't agree with people posting PM's and then gave the example of you sending PM's you didn't want shared because they were of a more personal nature than what you would want shared with a group. I apologize if I offended you.

Kelma

 

[Aisling]

I am not a PM poster, forwarder, sharerer.

Sorry, I thought it was you who shared the OPs PM.

 

[Ceila]

I've sent PMs in the past to people I've been talking with in threads, at least once to someone I was disagreeing with in a thread. I wanted to communicate directly with each person for different reasons. I can't remember the situation on contacting one of them, but I know it involved some personal details that I didn't think belonged in the general conversation -- not negative, just something that pertained to that person specifically in the conversation. In the situation of talking to someone I was disagreeing with on the thread I thought they may have been offended by something I "said" so I PMd to let them know, hey, I think potato, you think potahto, by expressing my disagreement I'm not ripping on you, I just disagree & that's A-OK in my book.

I don't think that falls into the same category, although since we don't know what the full PM contained I can't really say for sure. In general, I would never, ever, post the contents of a PM, even if someone is just disagreeing with me. And I think it is wrong on every level if someone ever posted a PM that contained personal info (not saying that happened, just giving an example). However, if someone uses hiding behind a PM to be rude to another poster, then I think the sender has lost any right to keep his/her words secret.

 

[RunningGirl]

I just slogged through the entire 12 pages of the sordid thread.

Having three older kids, I have been to my fair share of events. And since some of it has involved travel teams, I have experienced "saving" all over the country.

General consensus:
If you want to save seats, you must save each individual seat. Be it by tipping the chair, placing a jacket, shoe, napkin, etc on the seat, each seat must be individually saved.

On a table that sat 10, especially one in an apparently prime location such as the OP's, a backpack on a table would absolutely not indicate that the whole table was saved.

If I came to an event and there was a table front and center with a backpack on it and no other indication that other seats were occupied, you bet I would be sitting at the "open" seats. That backpack was saving a single seat, the drink a second seat. That left 8 open seats to be claimed by the next group of people that wanted a good seat.

If there were napkins removed and placed at the seats, chairs were tipped or there were personal items at each place, then no, I would not sit at a seat that is obviously occupied.

The lady that was sitting there had more rights to the seat and the one she was saving for her friend as she was actually sitting at the table.

It is beyond rude to save seats for people that "might" show up. I have no problems saving a table for relatives if you know for certain they are coming. But to take up prime spots "just in case" somebody may show up is plain old boorish behavior.

We (my kid's team) has been known to save seats at competitions. However, we know that we cannot save more than 1 or 2 per person (for our kid that is competing and coming back after the performance) AND that we have to have a backpack or a coat on the seat to physically indicate it is saved. Nothing on the seat, it is open for anybody to sit in. Unless you are sitting there and can verbally explain that the seat belongs to your child, husband, etc.

I agree with the above post, especially the bolded. If that particular table was that important, you should have been there as soon as the doors opened. Having program participants "save" your place by throwing something down is not cool.

 

[cabanafrau]

Then I misunderstood. I thought you said you didn't agree with people posting PM's and then gave the example of you sending PM's you didn't want shared because they were of a more personal nature than what you would want shared with a group. I apologize if I offended you.

Kelma

Thanks. No, I didn't say anything about posting PM's. I merely offered up my reasons for taking the discussion into PM in the past since the sole focus of that bit of this thread made it seem people only did so for some nefarious purpose, cowardly purpose, bullying, whatever.

In one situation I offered up some information I thought a poster could use that I just felt was just TMI for general board discussion. In the other I PM'd w/ someone whose viewpoint I disagreed with because I couldn't read whether or not they felt my opposing viewpoint was directed at them in a nasty way. I just wanted to say, hey, I still disagree w/ you about this, but I'm not trying to stomp all over you personally.

For me it's just fine to discuss & disagree. Even if I end the conversation still disagreeing w/ someone, maybe I still learned something. I'm surprised quite regularly that people have a completely opposite view on some pretty benign topics that I honestly never ever in a million years would have thought there was more than one viewpoint about, ie I never had the slightest clue I was annoying anybody by using the vacant restroom stall next to them. As I said, I'm all about the TP and the clean. Guess that makes me self-centered and rude to some people. I never knew.

 

[SookieStackhouse]

We once took somebody's reserved table. Some people named "Tripplehorn" had a reservation, but they did not come when called. So we told the staff we were the Tripplehorns and took the table, it turned out to be quite an evening.

 

[Goofyluver]

We once took somebody's reserved table. Some people named "Tripplehorn" had a reservation, but they did not come when called. So we told the staff we were the Tripplehorns and took the table, it turned out to be quite an evening.

 

[phorsenuf]

We once took somebody's reserved table. Some people named "Tripplehorn" had a reservation, but they did not come when called. So we told the staff we were the Tripplehorns and took the table, it turned out to be quite an evening.

 

[DisneyChula]

We once took somebody's reserved table. Some people named "Tripplehorn" had a reservation, but they did not come when called. So we told the staff we were the Tripplehorns and took the table, it turned out to be quite an evening.

Amazing!

 

[darlak]

I went to my DGD's and DGS's choir concert at the high school last night. DH wasn't able to go (planting corn) but I took my Mom and my DD with me. DGD and DGS saved a table for us, with their book bags, a drink, etc. When we got there we stopped to talk to them for a few minutes, then I glanced over at our table (we always sit at the same one) and there was an older woman sitting there. Nobody wanted to tell her to move, but when we walked over to the table I thanked the kids for saving the table for us. We started talking about how many seats we were going to need, so we just expected she would get up and move when she found out the table had been saved. But who would sit down at a table where stuff was already at anyway?

She didn't budge. Even though there were other empty tables where she could have sat.

I admit I haven't read all 12 pages, but I think the two highlighted sentences say a lot. The fact that you have a table where you always sit at a school function suggests that you were irritated that someone took 'your table'. Secondly, as many others have suggested, you could have easily just moved to one of the many other empty tables.

 

[Swan4Me]

We once took somebody's reserved table. Some people named "Tripplehorn" had a reservation, but they did not come when called. So we told the staff we were the Tripplehorns and took the table, it turned out to be quite an evening.

"Date Night"

 

[Aisling]

We once took somebody's reserved table. Some people named "Tripplehorn" had a reservation, but they did not come when called. So we told the staff we were the Tripplehorns and took the table, it turned out to be quite an evening.

We did that once, too! At Cinderella's Royal Table!!! My husband was mortified when I did that, but we had a great time and the other family didn't show up at all.

 

[Tink888]

I went to my DGD's and DGS's choir concert at the high school last night. DH wasn't able to go (planting corn) but I took my Mom and my DD with me. DGD and DGS saved a table for us, with their book bags, a drink, etc. When we got there we stopped to talk to them for a few minutes, then I glanced over at our table (we always sit at the same one) and there was an older woman sitting there. Nobody wanted to tell her to move, but when we walked over to the table I thanked the kids for saving the table for us. We started talking about how many seats we were going to need, so we just expected she would get up and move when she found out the table had been saved. But who would sit down at a table where stuff was already at anyway?

She didn't budge. Even though there were other empty tables where she could have sat. As we were talking about how many seats we needed she said "well, how many do you need?" real crabby like and said she "only needed one more." I wasn't positive at that point, as DS and his fiance hadn't gotten there yet, and I wasn't sure if his fiance was bringing her two daughters. But when DS got there they didn't have the girls with them. The grandchildren's Mom had planned on sitting with us as well, but in not knowing for sure if there would be enough seats she sat at the table beside us instead. In the end the woman's friend/relative she was saving a second seat for never showed up, so there were still three empty chairs so it ended up being okay but it just seemd very odd, and rude, to me that she stayed put even when she found out the table was saved. I could never do that, had I been in her shoes. I would have gotten up and moved immediately, well, no....I just never would have sat down at a table that had bags, etc. already on it.

I wonder what she would have done, had I told her when she asked how many seats we needed that we needed the entire table and would have to add a chair or two as it was. I wonder if she would have moved then, or kept her butt parked there anyway.

Would you sit at a saved table at a school function?

Only read the OP's post. No I wouldn't have sat at a table that appeared to be saved.

That said, if I had been you I would've just moved everything to another table once I saw someone sitting there since you stated there were other empty tables available.

It wouldn't have been worth getting riled up about to me.

 

[NHdisneylover]

To me, it's refusing to allow someone to hide behind PMs. If they get away with it, what's to stop them from sending snarky PMs to other posters? People say all the time on the Dis that bullies keep bullying because nobody ever stops them. I'm not quite ready to call the OP a bully based on one known incident, although sending snarky PMs is along those lines, but I do see this as a similar kind of situation.

I tend to lean this way. OF COURSE there are very good reasons for PMs sometimes and PMs sent which are clearly meant to be helpful or polite would probably not ever cause someone to repost them in this way. The PM in question is not something like that (like the OP giving a little more info to clear things up for that one poster which is info of a personal nature she may not want shared board wide, etc).

I mean, at what point IS it okay to share a PM? I have one saved in my inbox from about a year ago. I was on a thread, that wasn't even very contentious (so far as I could see) but I disagreed with someone (and I truly thought it was a mild thread and no big deal AT ALL). She sent me a PM full of 4 letter words and a couple of mild threats. In that case I decided the best thing to do was not to take the bait, not respond to it at all in public or private and to save it in case that person did something similar again. Had it happened twice I would have had NO PROBLEM sharing her "private" message to me with board moderators and administrators and possibly calling her out on her behaviour publicly. If someone is sharing sensitive public information I think it is uncalled for to ever make that public, but if someone is just going after you--then they should not be allowed to get away with the behaviour (IMO anyway).

 

[Nancyg56]

Okay, I should have said "potential whole table full of people to move", since everyone wasn't there yet and I didn't know if DS's fiance was bringing her girls too, sorry.



There was no butt to put into a chair when the table was saved. The grandkids put their things on the table to save it, then they had other duties to tend to before the concert started. My Mom, DD and I got there at 6:30 (concert started at 7:00). There were maybe a dozen cars in the parking lot at that time, very few people in the actual auditorium (thus the reason for many open tables still) and we stopped to hug the grandkids and speak to their Mother first, then I happened to notice the woman sitting at the table and we went over after that to sit down.

From your title I thought that someone had taken a seat that had been physically saved. At that point I would respond that I would not sit at a reserved seat. After reading this post, I cannot even understand how you expected to woman to know an entire table had been saved. I would nto have moved from my spot under these circumstances an feel that you should have simply removed the few articles that were placeholders to one of those open tables. This potentially whole table to be moved was in reality an empty table with two backpacks dropped on it. I am sorry but I think that you were wrong to try to intimidate the woman into changing her seat when not one person in your party plopped their "butt" into any chair.

So you put backpacks at a table you claim is yours and then all the people leave. How was it rude for her to sit there. For all she new the backpacks had not more backpacks joining them. If you wanted it so bad they you needed to put your butts in the seats.

Since there were other tables why did you not just move to one of them.

Seems like you were being petty. The seat(s) was open and she took it/them.

This.

I love how people don't read (and not just this thread, I've seen it so often before) what the OP says.

Acklander: I already said everyone couldn't show up early. My Mom, DD and I got there at 6:30 (concert started at 7:00) but DS and his fiance couldn't get there early because they had to work. DS barely had time to take a shower before they left to come to the concert, and they didn't stop to eat dinner either.

ilovemk: No, there were not two teenagers of the three at the table at first. I said, it was myself, my Mom and my DD. The teenagers were my DGD and DGS, that saved the table, that were involved in the concert.

Maybe people should actually read and comprehend before they pass judgment.

I did read all of the posts and cannot understand why you were offended at all. Your family does not own a table by way of backpacks. THis makes no sense. I have attended a lot of events and while I would never take a saved seat I cannot begin to understand why you think that there was any real effort to save more than two seats at your "given" table. IMO, the woman who was sitting trumped your family's half hearted effort.

General consensus:
If you want to save seats, you must save each individual seat. Be it by tipping the chair, placing a jacket, shoe, napkin, etc on the seat, each seat must be individually saved.

On a table that sat 10, especially one in an apparently prime location such as the OP's, a backpack on a table would absolutely not indicate that the whole table was saved.

If I came to an event and there was a table front and center with a backpack on it and no other indication that other seats were occupied, you bet I would be sitting at the "open" seats. That backpack was saving a single seat, the drink a second seat. That left 8 open seats to be claimed by the next group of people that wanted a good seat.

If there were napkins removed and placed at the seats, chairs were tipped or there were personal items at each place, then no, I would not sit at a seat that is obviously occupied.

The lady that was sitting there had more rights to the seat and the one she was saving for her friend as she was actually sitting at the table.

It is beyond rude to save seats for people that "might" show up. I have no problems saving a table for relatives if you know for certain they are coming. But to take up prime spots "just in case" somebody may show up is plain old boorish behavior.

We (my kid's team) has been known to save seats at competitions. However, we know that we cannot save more than 1 or 2 per person (for our kid that is competing and coming back after the performance) AND that we have to have a backpack or a coat on the seat to physically indicate it is saved. Nothing on the seat, it is open for anybody to sit in. Unless you are sitting there and can verbally explain that the seat belongs to your child, husband, etc.

This is my experience as well and you echoed my thoughts much better than I could have ever stated.

 

[FireDancer]

Bully!

Only until the koala arrives

 

[palavra]

I hate that whole concept of leaving things on a chair or table makes it yours. If I go early to "reserve" myself and my group a certain table, then I also make sure that at least two or three of us are actively sitting there at all times. Then, if someone comes up, you can politely say, "I'm sorry all of these seats are taken." Otherwise, I'm with FireDancer, leaving things on a table and walking away doesn't "save it."

I agree with this. It may be an unspoken rule that leaving a book or bag "saves" a place, but not everyone agrees with this "rule". I would have just moved my family to another table.

 

[stashbin]

Thanks. No, I didn't say anything about posting PM's. I merely offered up my reasons for taking the discussion into PM in the past since the sole focus of that bit of this thread made it seem people only did so for some nefarious purpose, cowardly purpose, bullying, whatever.

In one situation I offered up some information I thought a poster could use that I just felt was just TMI for general board discussion. In the other I PM'd w/ someone whose viewpoint I disagreed with because I couldn't read whether or not they felt my opposing viewpoint was directed at them in a nasty way. I just wanted to say, hey, I still disagree w/ you about this, but I'm not trying to stomp all over you personally.

For me it's just fine to discuss & disagree. Even if I end the conversation still disagreeing w/ someone, maybe I still learned something. I'm surprised quite regularly that people have a completely opposite view on some pretty benign topics that I honestly never ever in a million years would have thought there was more than one viewpoint about, ie I never had the slightest clue I was annoying anybody by using the vacant restroom stall next to them. As I said, I'm all about the TP and the clean. Guess that makes me self-centered and rude to some people. I never knew.

Awe..now I feel bad! I'm sorry I used that as an example but let me explain without too much TMI: If a large bathroom is empty and I need to do #2 I will purposely go to the back corner (if clean with paper) to do my business. But it always seems someone comes and sits right next to me when there are like 15 to 20 empty stalls. Maybe it's just me, but if I go into a large bathroom with 15 empty stalls, and I see feet in the far corner, I know what they are doing and I avoid.
Hope this explains.

ETA: And I don't think this makes someone self centered and rude. Just like I don't think saving seats is self centered and rude. I just think some people don't think about things like that as bothering someone and it just happens.

 

[cabanafrau]

Awe..now I feel bad! I'm sorry I used that as an example but let me explain without too much TMI: If a large bathroom is empty and I need to do #2 I will purposely go to the back corner (if clean with paper) to do my business. But it always seems someone comes and sits right next to me when there are like 15 to 20 empty stalls. Maybe it's just me, but if I go into a large bathroom with 15 empty stalls, and I see feet in the far corner, I know what they are doing and I avoid.
Hope this explains.

No reason in the world to feel bad. You expressed a viewpoint I was completely clueless about. Now I know, but sadly I must tell you it probably won't stay in my brain long enough for me to recognize that situation next time. Forgive me & my fellow oblivious cohorts who don't factor that in, we're not bad, we're just viewed that way sometimes.