Would you put your life on hold for a pet?

[singleinthe city]

My BIL has a dog that is getting very old. He won't leave the dog with anyone and it is fine most of the time since he can bring the dog to most family events to my parent's house when in town for family events. However, my elderly parents have requested that we have a family vacation at the beach. Parents won't go to the actual beach but they want a balcony where they can see the grandkids from the sand. I have done days and hours of research trying to find a suitable vacation rental that allows dogs and is handicapped wheelchair accessible for the parents. The two just don't exist in the town we are researching.

So now the question is who wins: handicapped Dad or elderly dog? Personally I think it is pitiful that BIL is denying his kids the chance to spend time with a grandfather who won't be around forever due to health problems because of a dog.

 

[focusondisney]

Doesn't it make you wonder why someone digs these up?

Especially a new members first post? Like they couldn't find anything else of interest on the community board?

 

[Aisling]

Especially a new members first post? Like they couldn't find anything else of interest on the community board?

Maybe it interested them. I like when people dig up old threads. It gives me a chance to comment in case I missed it the first time around. And it allows the newer Dis members to add their 2 cents.

Why the angst over old threads??


Questions like yours, "couldn't they find anything else of interest on the CB?" make me almost want to respond by saying "why don't you write a list of old CB threads that would be ok with you to have brought back to life so no one will take the chance of making you " But I won't say it.

 

[Nancyg56]

So now the question is who wins: handicapped Dad or elderly dog? Personally I think it is pitiful that BIL is denying his kids the chance to spend time with a grandfather who won't be around forever due to health problems because of a dog.

I think that there can usually be a compromise. And there is sometimes more to the story than anyone else can know. For instance, you have implied that the children will not be joining the rest of the family at the beach. Is there a reason why the BIL stay home but they children must as well? Does BIL's relationship with your parents have anyathing to do with his decision to stay home? Does your BIL really not want to go for financial reasons?

I am not saying that the dog is not factoring into the decision, but if your sister and teh children are not going on the trip there is most likely more tot eh story that you may not be privy to.

 

[singleinthe city]

I think that there can usually be a compromise. And there is sometimes more to the story than anyone else can know. For instance, you have implied that the children will not be joining the rest of the family at the beach. Is there a reason why the BIL stay home but they children must as well? Does BIL's relationship with your parents have anyathing to do with his decision to stay home? Does your BIL really not want to go for financial reasons?

I am not saying that the dog is not factoring into the decision, but if your sister and teh children are not going on the trip there is most likely more tot eh story that you may not be privy to.

No, the dog is the total problem. He won't go to events for his side of the family either unless the dog can go too. It isn't financial, the grandparents are paying the entire bill. Sure BIL can stay home, but the point was the grandparents wanted the entire family to come. We bend over backwards at every turn for the dog and I have honestly searched high and low for beach front handicapped accessible property that is pet friendly and frankly it just doesn't exist.

 

[Nancyg56]

No, the dog is the total problem. He won't go to events for his side of the family either unless the dog can go too. It isn't financial, the grandparents are paying the entire bill. Sure BIL can stay home, but the point was the grandparents wanted the entire family to come. We bend over backwards at every turn for the dog and I have honestly searched high and low for beach front handicapped accessible property that is pet friendly and frankly it just doesn't exist.

I see. I believe that your sister can take the kids and your BIL can stay home. Your parents will have to compromise. I don't know what else can be done, your BIL is not going to leave the dog, the dog cannot stay at your hotel. Now if your sister and the kids stay home the issue is not the dog.............it is in her home.

 

[singleinthe city]

I see. I believe that your sister can take the kids and your BIL can stay home. Your parents will have to compromise. I don't know what else can be done, your BIL is not going to leave the dog, the dog cannot stay at your hotel. Now if your sister and the kids stay home the issue is not the dog.............it is in her home.

I know it is easy for you to say on the other end of a computer that the choice is simple "leave BIL and dog at home" but frankly BIL needs to compromise, we have all rearranged our lives for this dog time and time again, he needs to compromise this time. Yes, sister CAN come alone and will, but then problem becomes mine. It means I now have to fly to her and drive with her and the kids because she can't drive 10 hours and care for a backwards facing kid in a car seat.

When is it BIL's time to compromise? Maybe I should just say sorry Dad, you have to stay home so the dog can come? Is that a compromise? The sad fact is now we won't have a family vacation because of this dog. BIL is part of the family and he will gladly go anywhere as long as the dog can come, but just once the parents want to go to the beach and why should they have to keep being the one who compromises?

 

[EllenFrasier]

My SIL is driving my brother crazy. She has an older dog that she will not leave at the kennel since he is on meds. She will not be coming to our family reunion because it would require an overnight stay. I love my pets but I am not sure I would sacrifice so much for them. She made my brother cancel a cruise due to the condition of the dog. I guess I feel that humans are more important than animals.

I would not necessarily put my life on "hold", but I would make special arrangements because of a pet and have done it before.
I've had an older dog and we did not put him in a kennel when we went on vacation the last time, we took him with us. Drove from NY to NC and spent a week on the Outer Banks. We had our kids and our other dog with us too. The ride was a bit furry, but we had a great time and I will never regret that decision. He died that Fall.
Your SIL has several options. She could bring the dog with them to the family reunion and if he is not welcome at the party, she could stay in a nearby motel and make random visits to see how he's doing, get him his meds, take him for walk, etc. Leaving the TV on in the motel room would keep him company.
She could leave him at his vets office. If he's on meds, she must see the vet and trust him for the dogs care. The vet could see that he is taken care of medically, but I still think taking him with them is a better idea!
Perhaps she doesn't want to go to the family reunion and is using the dog as an excuse?

 

[Nancyg56]

I know it is easy for you to say on the other end of a computer that the choice is simple "leave BIL and dog at home" but frankly BIL needs to compromise, we have all rearranged our lives for this dog time and time again, he needs to compromise this time. Yes, sister CAN come alone and will, but then problem becomes mine. It means I now have to fly to her and drive with her and the kids because she can't drive 10 hours and care for a backwards facing kid in a car seat.

When is it BIL's time to compromise? Maybe I should just say sorry Dad, you have to stay home so the dog can come? Is that a compromise? The sad fact is now we won't have a family vacation because of this dog. BIL is part of the family and he will gladly go anywhere as long as the dog can come, but just once the parents want to go to the beach and why should they have to keep being the one who compromises?

Actually, it was not easy for me to say. I can understand that your family is frustrated and wonder why there is no compromise on your BIL's part. The bottom line is that this is an issue that your sister and BIL have, he refuses to have someone care for the dog while he accompanies the rest of his family on a vacation.

You cannot solve their problem. I love my pets but I would have a trusted person care for them in this situation. Apparently your BIL will not. So the question is not when will BIL compromise. He will not. The question becomes how does the rest of the family react to this.

If I was making these plans I would try to find a hotel somewhere closer to the handicapped hotel the rest of you are staying at. Then BIL could take the dog and drive with his wife and kids, saving you a plane trip. BIL and the dog stay in one place, kids and sister with you and the rest of the family.You are not going to have all of the family under the same roof so IMO, this is the next best thing. He will be in teh area, you do not need to fly out to travel with sister adn the kids.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I adore my pets and treasure them as wonderful additions to our family but I value the human relatives more. The only way I'd skip a major family event for a pet is if it were truly the pet's last days.

We put our dog in a kennel for the first time this December when we went to Disney. We left the cats at home while my mom stopped in each day to feed them and play with them. I stressed about it and missed them terribly but I wouldn't trade that Disney experience with my kids for ANYTHING. They took great care of my big boy at the kennel and he is just as happy and lovable as ever. No trauma, no side effects. The earth kept spinning and the animals survived.

This is how I feel too.

I've never had a pet on meds (other than a brief period for an infection or something) or needing special care, so I don't know how I would handle it then. I imagine I would have to put my life somewhat "on hold" for a short period, but if it were to be a long-term thing I think I would have to find some other arrangement (not sure what). Our dog somewhere between 15 and 17 years old now, is still continent, is on no meds (though she may need some relief from her growing arthritis soon) and needs no special care yet. But the day is coming. We'll play it by ear and see how we can best manage her last days.

 

[Hannathy]

I know it is easy for you to say on the other end of a computer that the choice is simple "leave BIL and dog at home" but frankly BIL needs to compromise, we have all rearranged our lives for this dog time and time again, he needs to compromise this time. Yes, sister CAN come alone and will, but then problem becomes mine. It means I now have to fly to her and drive with her and the kids because she can't drive 10 hours and care for a backwards facing kid in a car seat.

When is it BIL's time to compromise? Maybe I should just say sorry Dad, you have to stay home so the dog can come? Is that a compromise? The sad fact is now we won't have a family vacation because of this dog. BIL is part of the family and he will gladly go anywhere as long as the dog can come, but just once the parents want to go to the beach and why should they have to keep being the one who compromises?

This post has me totally confused? Why do you have to fly anywhere? Why can't she either drive or fly? what does the rear facing child have anything to do with it?

She and the kids can drive themselves or fly them selves why do you need to do either?

And yes this is easy for me to say because I have done it, believe it or not you can drive long distances with kids by your self. If she thinks the baby will be to fussy awake rear facing, drive thru the night. But her coming alone has nothing to do with you.

Let him stay home and she comes and you come and you all meet or whatever was going to happen, but don't blame the dog on you having to fly because that is totally YOURS and YOUR SISTER's fault because it isn't necessary.

 

[singleinthe city]

This post has me totally confused? Why do you have to fly anywhere? Why can't she either drive or fly? what does the rear facing child have anything to do with it?

She and the kids can drive themselves or fly them selves why do you need to do either?

And yes this is easy for me to say because I have done it, believe it or not you can drive long distances with kids by your self. If she thinks the baby will be to fussy awake rear facing, drive thru the night. But her coming alone has nothing to do with you.

Let him stay home and she comes and you come and you all meet or whatever was going to happen, but don't blame the dog on you having to fly because that is totally YOURS and YOUR SISTER's fault because it isn't necessary.

No the problem here is BIL, who is being a horse's patooty who is essentially saying "nope I love the dog the more that people and won't leave him alone" which is why we can only vacation in dog friendly locales. He won't do ANYTHING without the dog. Sure sister can come without BIL but that totally defeats the point of FAMILY vacation. My parents, who may not live as long as the dog have to sacrifice having the whole family vacation together because of a 4 legged pet.

Sorry people before pets in my book.

 

[Nancyg56]

But her coming alone has nothing to do with you.

Let him stay home and she comes and you come and you all meet or whatever was going to happen, but don't blame the dog on you having to fly because that is totally YOURS and YOUR SISTER's fault because it isn't necessary.

I agree that the sister has decisions to make and that the dog is not the issue. Is the issue that everyone needs to stay in the same hotel, the one that will not allow dogs? Is the issue that the sister does not want to travel alone with children? Is the issue that the sister really does nto want to go without her DH or chooses to stay in a pet friendly hotel with him and the rest of teh family want them all together? Who knows?

In any event, it is not reasonable to insist that every person in the family gather together if one person feels that he cannot participate under the conditions of that particulare gathering. Single needs to let her sister and her BIL determine what works for their family. If her sister has determined that she will not travel alone if her DH chooses to remain behind she then can decide if she wants to accompany her. It is not her "problem" it is her decision based on her own wishes. Her sister adn BIL will have already decided what works for them. Again, it is not the dog but how they are reacting to the way her BIL treats his dog and her sister's desire to go along with that.

 

[dngnb8]

I agree that the sister has decisions to make and that the dog is not the issue. Is the issue that everyone needs to stay in the same hotel, the one that will not allow dogs? Is the issue that the sister does not want to travel alone with children? Is the issue that the sister really does nto want to go without her DH or chooses to stay in a pet friendly hotel with him and the rest of teh family want them all together? Who knows?

In any event, it is not reasonable to insist that every person in the family gather together if one person feels that he cannot participate under the conditions of that particulare gathering. Single needs to let her sister and her BIL determine what works for their family. If her sister has determined that she will not travel alone if her DH chooses to remain behind she then can decide if she wants to accompany her. It is not her "problem" it is her decision based on her own wishes. Her sister adn BIL will have already decided what works for them. Again, it is not the dog but how they are reacting to the way her BIL treats his dog and her sister's desire to go along with that.

I get the feeling BIL is being forced to choose...... I also think there are other personal issues here that are contributing to the friction.

Just a feeling.....

 

[singleinthe city]

I agree that the sister has decisions to make and that the dog is not the issue. Is the issue that everyone needs to stay in the same hotel, the one that will not allow dogs? Is the issue that the sister does not want to travel alone with children? Is the issue that the sister really does nto want to go without her DH or chooses to stay in a pet friendly hotel with him and the rest of teh family want them all together? Who knows?

In any event, it is not reasonable to insist that every person in the family gather together if one person feels that he cannot participate under the conditions of that particulare gathering. Single needs to let her sister and her BIL determine what works for their family. If her sister has determined that she will not travel alone if her DH chooses to remain behind she then can decide if she wants to accompany her. It is not her "problem" it is her decision based on her own wishes. Her sister adn BIL will have already decided what works for them. Again, it is not the dog but how they are reacting to the way her BIL treats his dog and her sister's desire to go along with that.

Sister wants to go to an all expenses paid trip to the beach. Sister think BIL is unreasonable. Rest of family is done planning life around someone else's pet. If sister's whole family doesn't go then it isn't a family vacation.

We left BIL/sister out on last family vacation to Disney because there are no pets allowed on Disney property. Not sure what I was supposed to do with that one. We said "here are 3 airline tickets, park tickets and hotel for your family, but the dog isn't allowed to stay on Disney property (accept kennel which he won't do) and hence they missed out on a wonderful family vacation.

 

[TanyaLovesPooh]

Yes, I have and yes, I would again. I think it boils down to whether you see your pets as just "pets" or as "family members".

Each person should do what they are comfortable with...and others should respect their decisions.

Well said.

Depending on the situation, I absolutely would put my life on hold for my dogs. They are family.

 

[Nancyg56]

Sister wants to go to an all expenses paid trip to the beach. Sister think BIL is unreasonable. Rest of family is done planning life around someone else's pet. If sister's whole family doesn't go then it isn't a family vacation.

We left BIL/sister out on last family vacation to Disney because there are no pets allowed on Disney property. Not sure what I was supposed to do with that one. We said "here are 3 airline tickets, park tickets and hotel for your family, but the dog isn't allowed to stay on Disney property (accept kennel which he won't do) and hence they missed out on a wonderful family vacation.

No the problem here is BIL, who is being a horse's patooty who is essentially saying "nope I love the dog the more that people and won't leave him alone" which is why we can only vacation in dog friendly locales. He won't do ANYTHING without the dog. Sure sister can come without BIL but that totally defeats the point of FAMILY vacation. My parents, who may not live as long as the dog have to sacrifice having the whole family vacation together because of a 4 legged pet.

Sorry people before pets in my book.

I understand your frustration but this is between your sister and her husband. As much as you and your parents want your sister's family to join all of you on vacations they are not going to unless the dog is included. She chose to decline the last trip for her own reasons. I am not sure I understand why you blame BIl for her decision?

My DH did not accompany us on many vacations, some of his reasons I totally agreed with and others not so much. That did not change my decision to take my children on a trip. We went. He stayed home. I had other family members who did not always agree with his decison but that was not their place. They were allowed to think what they wanted to but it ended there. I supported his decisions but made my own choices after that, it was all between the two of us. Your parents have every right to want all of the family together on this trip. The can provide the materials to ensure that all who want to or are able to attend may do so, but after that it is out of their hands.
It is a trip, not a command performance.


Now your sister is upset with her husbands choice to stay home, has declined to travel to WDW without him on you last vacation and seems to need you to support her as she travels with her children if she goes on this trip. What is the real problem?

Again, has anyone tried to find a pet friendly hotel that you BIL can stay at that is not beachside? Does he need to stay with all of you in order to satisfy the requirements of family vacation? I really am afraid I do not see the reason for all of the animosity directed at BIL, he gets to choose what he wants to do, your sister gets to choose what she wants to do and teh rest of your family as well. You do not have to agree with or understand your sisters family decisions, you just need to respect them.

 

[Hannathy]

Sister wants to go to an all expenses paid trip to the beach. Sister think BIL is unreasonable. Rest of family is done planning life around someone else's pet. If sister's whole family doesn't go then it isn't a family vacation.

We left BIL/sister out on last family vacation to Disney because there are no pets allowed on Disney property. Not sure what I was supposed to do with that one. We said "here are 3 airline tickets, park tickets and hotel for your family, but the dog isn't allowed to stay on Disney property (accept kennel which he won't do) and hence they missed out on a wonderful family vacation.

Then your sister has put either her husband or the dog above your family. There is no reason she couldn't have gone on that vacation or the one this year.
It is rare in families to be able to get all the children, grandchildren and spouses together at the same time. If we can get all the actual children and grandchildren together at the same time great! if all the spouses can make it then it is the icing on the cake.
What would you do if he was in the military and couldn't make it? cancel?, or what if it was work would that make any difference?

I think you need to quit trying for perfect and go with good. Cause perfect is rare and most of you is better than none of you.

 

[bicker]

Sorry, but I tend to place human life above animals.

That's fine, but I place animal life above human fun and human comfort.

 

[bicker]

And there is sometimes more to the story than anyone else can know.

That's surely almost always the case, online. Often, people go online because they don't want to face a balanced view of the situation, and instead want reinforcement for viewing it from strictly their own personal perspective.