Would you press charges against... UPDATE 11/4!

[Keli]

The only reason to even hesitate to press charges (IMHO) would be because of possible ramifications to your dd. If I thought them severe enough I might hesitate but otherwise I see no reason to allow this kid to go on stealing other's property.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

You need to press charges. If I recall, you stated earlier that he has been in trouble before. Not only did he steal your camera, he brazenly posted pictures on the internet of himself with your camera. The other crime they now have evidence of (on your camera) is icing on the cake. It shows that this man is clearly not capable of rational thought. He only called you to save his own ***, not out of any kind of remorse (if he had remorse he would not have posted the pics in the first place). You are doing him a favor. Maybe he can be scared straight now, instead of ending up in much more trouble later.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

For your daughter's sake, I would not press charges until you talked to her about it... especially with a new school year right around the corner (or maybe even started already). PLEASE talk to your daughter before you do anything. I agree with those who say pressing charges might be the catalyst to helping this kid, but you don't want to do that at your daughter's expense. High school is a TOUGH age. Almost twenty years later, I still have the proverbial scars If she is dead-set against it, I would honor her wishes, especially if you have a good relationship with her.

And just to play devil's advocate for a second to the people commenting on the other crime... just because there are pics of vandalism on the camera does not necessarily mean that the person who stole the camera also did the vandalism. Jumping to conclusions helps nobody.

Now I can seriously say that youth of today are too absorbed in themselves.. Taking picture of themselves in mirrors... (my kids do this all the time also).

This I disagree with. Maybe in some cases it's true, but sometimes it's just easier to do that than to find someone to take your picture... and a lot of times the mirror pics turn out better than the "flip the camera around and do a self portrait" option. Trust me Obviously it worked out really well in this case.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Press charges. Do not feel guilty about doing so.

The boy had a choice--take the camera or not take the camera. He is not a toddler taking some pretty, shiny thing that he sees and want s for a few moments. He is a teen, old enough to know right from wrong.

He CHOSE to take the camera, knowing it was theft, and now he must face the consequences. You will not be doing him any favors by letting him off the hook. He won't learn from it. He will laugh and tell his friends what he did and what he got away with.

Do not talk about it to anyone and it will be a "storm in a teacup" and die down for you. Sounds like he has other, more serious charges to contend with as well. But don't let the other charges make you decide to not press charges for the theft he CHOSE to do. The judge and/or his probation officer need to have the full. complete picture.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I did all of the above this evening....

I gave the young man the choice to tell his parents before I did. Which he did and his parents called me. I made sure they were both going to be home and DH and I went over. The young man will be sending DD an apology letter, he will be doing community service with me 1 Saturday night a month for a year, and he will repay the amount we had to purchase the new camera so DD could finish her photography class. We will also be pressing charges. The boys Dad totally understands but the Mom is in denial about what her son did. I spoke with the Detective and he was pretty confident that the young man would be getting off with just a warning in his opinion and with working on these cases so much in our county. I called in a favor from a friend who is a judge here and this was confirmed. I really wanted to the stress the community service aspect and working with me directly hopefully he will get a sense of how hard our family works for what we have. The money that I re-coup will go towards DD's college class tuitions this year.

The family was made well aware of the fact if there is any retaliation towards my daughter that all bets would be off and we would hire an attorney.

The young mans father was very understanding to DH and I. He felt our discomfort and I could tell that he would be handling the rest of this on his part. He is in the National Guard and hasn't been around much and now he understands that he needs to make his son a priority...

As for the other case that the police are building, we kept quiet. If they take him away on those charges, then I guess the other offense will be taken more seriously.

I know that a few have asked why I gave DD an expensive camera to take to a party. First, it is the only camera I have. Second, she was in a photography class and the subject of the evening fit within a project she was working on. The party was supervised as both parents were home. The camera's were on a shelf in the garage. The core group of friends have been together since kindergarten and the inner edge of circle friends have been around all of HS. The outer edge (where this boy fits in) is around once in a while and has caused no problems for anyone in our group. It would have never crossed my daughters mind that he would steal from her. Hard lesson learned for her.

Do I feel better? No not really. It saddens me that we have had to deal with this. We leave for Disney on Friday and we are all a bit uneasy and a bit of fighting has been going on in the family. The kids were worried what would happen if I pressed charges and DH is worried that the stress will upset me (I am disabled and stress is a big no-no with my condition). So Friday can't come soon enough for me. Nothing like a world of Pixie Dust and see no evil to make us feel better.

Finally, thank you everyone for all your answers. In the end, I actually went with both sides. I hope that for the sake of the young man, he learned his lesson and that his sentence fits the crime. I am sure I will have to testify that he is working community service with me and compensated us for the loss we had.

 

[lila]

ETA - cross-posted! I am glad you came to a decision and best wishes to all.

 

[MineMail]

Nicely done. I hope your trip goes well and you get to take lots of photos, lol.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do I feel better? No not really. It saddens me that we have had to deal with this. We leave for Disney on Friday and we are all a bit uneasy and a bit of fighting has been going on in the family. The kids were worried what would happen if I pressed charges and DH is worried that the stress will upset me (I am disabled and stress is a big no-no with my condition). So Friday can't come soon enough for me. Nothing like a world of Pixie Dust and see no evil to make us feel better.

Not to be a worry wart however make sure you have someone come by your house daily and tell the police to patrol your house.

It is not a great time to leave your house unattended.

 

[BelleWDW]

Not to be a worry wart however make sure you have someone come by your house daily and tell the police to patrol your house.

It is not a great time to leave your house unattended.

That kid would be really stupid to do something like that!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That kid would be really stupid to do something like that!

Of course it would be stupid however it is reality. And it doesn't have to be "the kid". His friends can take it upon themselves to go and do something stupid.

I recall another poster here a couple of yrs. ago which had a simliar issue and she came back to her house trashed.

Shrugging your shoulders is not useful. Being proactive is, considering the circumstances.

 

[Scurvy]

That kid would be really stupid to do something like that!

Given his behavior so far, I think it's clear he's not a rocket scientist. If he was stupid enough to take a picture of himself holding stolen property and then post it online for all the world to see, I don't think anyone should be overestimating his higher reasoning skills. But hopefully he does at least have the sense to know that he would be the first suspect should something happen to the OP's house or property.

OP, you probably should ask someone to check in on your house just in case, and then go enjoy your vacation. Have a great time!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Given his behavior so far, I think it's clear he's not a rocket scientist. If he was stupid enough to take a picture of himself holding stolen property and then post it online for all the world to see, I don't think anyone should be overestimating his higher reasoning skills. But hopefully he does at least have the sense to know that he would be the first suspect should something happen to the OP's house or property.

OP, you probably should ask someone to check in on your house just in case, and then go enjoy your vacation. Have a great time!

Not to mention the fact his other crime is vandalism & other charges may be pending. I am sure he did not do it alone.

I would certainly err on the side of caution going on your trip and leaving your house empty.

 

[hegsag]

I think you did the right thing. Have a wonderful vacation

 

[Scooby3x1y]

I did all of the above this evening....

I gave the young man the choice to tell his parents before I did. Which he did and his parents called me. I made sure they were both going to be home and DH and I went over. The young man will be sending DD an apology letter, he will be doing community service with me 1 Saturday night a month for a year, and he will repay the amount we had to purchase the new camera so DD could finish her photography class. We will also be pressing charges. The boys Dad totally understands but the Mom is in denial about what her son did. I spoke with the Detective and he was pretty confident that the young man would be getting off with just a warning in his opinion and with working on these cases so much in our county. I called in a favor from a friend who is a judge here and this was confirmed. I really wanted to the stress the community service aspect and working with me directly hopefully he will get a sense of how hard our family works for what we have. The money that I re-coup will go towards DD's college class tuitions this year.

The family was made well aware of the fact if there is any retaliation towards my daughter that all bets would be off and we would hire an attorney.

The young mans father was very understanding to DH and I. He felt our discomfort and I could tell that he would be handling the rest of this on his part. He is in the National Guard and hasn't been around much and now he understands that he needs to make his son a priority...

As for the other case that the police are building, we kept quiet. If they take him away on those charges, then I guess the other offense will be taken more seriously.

I know that a few have asked why I gave DD an expensive camera to take to a party. First, it is the only camera I have. Second, she was in a photography class and the subject of the evening fit within a project she was working on. The party was supervised as both parents were home. The camera's were on a shelf in the garage. The core group of friends have been together since kindergarten and the inner edge of circle friends have been around all of HS. The outer edge (where this boy fits in) is around once in a while and has caused no problems for anyone in our group. It would have never crossed my daughters mind that he would steal from her. Hard lesson learned for her.

Do I feel better? No not really. It saddens me that we have had to deal with this. We leave for Disney on Friday and we are all a bit uneasy and a bit of fighting has been going on in the family. The kids were worried what would happen if I pressed charges and DH is worried that the stress will upset me (I am disabled and stress is a big no-no with my condition). So Friday can't come soon enough for me. Nothing like a world of Pixie Dust and see no evil to make us feel better.

Finally, thank you everyone for all your answers. In the end, I actually went with both sides. I hope that for the sake of the young man, he learned his lesson and that his sentence fits the crime. I am sure I will have to testify that he is working community service with me and compensated us for the loss we had.

Good for you. You sound wise, and like things are working out for you. Have a great time on vacation and take the time to heal from this.

 

[lillygator]

wow - good for you, I know you really struggled with this. Hopefully this gives the boy a reality check.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I brought my camera home today. It is a bit banged up but so far it is working okay.

For those who were worried about the house with us gone, I have that taken care of. I too was concerned. Our next door neighbor is a retired corrections officer who is very close with the police dept. He will be checking the house and bringing in the mail each day in the evening. My mom lives down the street and she will be feeding the fish during the day. As some have stated, this young man is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but some of his friends are pretty hardcore. So I am taking it serious.

For the other posters who wanted information re: the other crime, here ya go...

I must admit it was very hard going through the pictures on my camera. Mine are all gone and replaced with his. When we spoke with his dad, the young mans told his parents that he was using his girlfriends camera and that is why they never questioned it. As I sorted through the pictures I have come across pictures of his little brother's birthday and their family camping trip this summer. I couldn't help but cry when I saw them. My memories are gone and here I am burning a copy to give to his father so their memories can be restored.

On the flip side, there are tons of pictures from a large concert that he went to. My DD went to the same concerts sans camera because of this. I have not copied these pics to give back to the boy and may not. DD asked that is he shows up for the community service if we could give him a couple pictures each time. Sounds good to me.

The news is traveling fast in her little friend community. So I am sure her back is covered for now. Once school starts she won't be seeing most of the kids as I send her to a private school and she tends to hang with those girls during the school year.

Once again, thanks to everyone for their advice. I appreciate it and feel blessed that this thread stayed on topic and was a voice of reason for me. I'll be around for another day or so, but then I am off for some much needed rest, relaxation, and pixie dust.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Good job, mom.


The only thing I can add is that you should make sure your daughter is armed with pleasant retorts in case any of the kids say or do anything to make her feel bad about the pressed charges. Such as:

1. If he didn't steal the camera, we wouldn't have had to press charges.
2. I see. It wasn't your camera stolen, however.
3. Yes, and we did have to buy another camera.
etc.

I would also instruct her to not say anything about the second crime.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Good job, mom.


The only thing I can add is that you should make sure your daughter is armed with pleasant retorts in case any of the kids say or do anything to make her feel bad about the pressed charges. Such as:

1. If he didn't steal the camera, we wouldn't have had to press charges.
2. I see. It wasn't your camera stolen, however.
3. Yes, and we did have to buy another camera.
etc.

I would also instruct her to not say anything about the second crime.

So far no one has said anything to her. She is pretty witty, so I am confident she will be fine. I will pass along the comebacks though. We haven't said anything about the grafitti. The police can investigate that one on their own. We have names for them if they ask.

 

[MICKEY88]

if the memory card is the same one that was in the camera when stolen

before using your camera download http://www.z-a-recovery.com/

it is excellent photo recovery software, I've used it to recover photos from a memory card that had been wiped clean and formatted..

you will have to connect the card to your pc using a card reader, rather than connecting the camera directly..

 

[MICKEY88]

Yes, a type of vandalism. I guess if the pics are there when I get the camera back, I would be free to post them?

technically although the pics were taken with your camera, the person who took the pics is the legal copyright holder, therefore usage of the pics by you, would be copyright infringement..