Would You Move Your Kids?

[4theloveofdisney]

I want to stress how fortunate and blessed we feel to have this problem so I hope you don't think we sound petty.

Here's the story: Our neighborhood's home prices have gone substantially upwards and if we sell our house, we could make some decent money, pay some bills and move to a bigger house and keep just about the same mortgage payment. Our nighborhood used to be nestled by woods but is now being surrounded by commercial things in the front half - the back of it and pool area are not bad at all. Unfortunately, we live in the front. : (

Here's the but...We are struggling with moving the kids just for the sake of a bigger/better home. We found two homes that we love and both could work for us. I have to say that we love our neighbors, we love our neighborhood and we love our school. But the new neighborhood is also a great neighborhood and the school is actually better rated school than ours.

So, our choices are:

1) Move to a another house in the back of our neighborhood with an unfinished basement that would give us more space - a pretty nice deal though it needs updating.

2). Move to our dream house that is on a huge lake and is a beautiful home in a peaceful setting but the house needs works and it pushing our budget limits but not breaking them - Kids would have to change schools.

We want our kids to be happy first and foremost but we are so confused!!!

We can't make up our minds. The Lake house is more than we could ever have dreamed of owning. The basement home in our neighborhood is all that we ever imagined we could want and they are both within our means.

What do you do???!!!!

I think I know the answer but just want to see what you would say.

TIA!!

 

[Hannathy]

It is hard to answer or give opinions without knowing the ages of your kids? I would never move a High schooler without an extremely good reason. How do your kids feel about this? You will still have final say but I would want to know there opinions. Do your kids make friends easily? are they outgoing or more quiet and have had a few friends only but the same friends all their life? Do you like your neighbors? Not all neighbors are equal. I would talk it over with your family and go from there. Sometimes a bigger house doesn't necessarily mean a happier family.

 

[momrek06]

Ok, I am not all that great at answers to questions like this...but I will say, do the kids want to change schools..? That can be a big adjustment WITHIN a move having to deal with a new school, all new teachers and last BUT certainly not least losing friends and meeting all new ones!!

It sounds like the house with the unfinished basement and keeping the kids in their current school and having extra money for family vacations is the direction I would personally go in.

 

[kimmikayb]

Without knowing the age of the kids, I don't know what to say. Younger kids adjust fairly well but I know it's harder on older kids. My DD is 13 and she would never want to change schools. Some kids also do better with change. Have you asked them?

Both changes sound positive for you.

 

[autumnbaby9]

Ask your children what they would perfer.

When I was a kid I would have loved to move to a different area and start all over. I didn't particulary care for the people I went to school with and had no desire to make friends with backstabbers. A new school could have been better. I would also have liked the idea of a bigger home in a better district.

However some kids like were they are at and it can cause some major trauma to have to start all over and meet new friends.

 

[minkydog]

Hmmm, I'm not sure. The easy answer is move to the lake. It just seems so right. But then i think about my own family--my almost 14yo DD who would have to give up friends, high school, and activities; my 11yo DS who is thriving in his special ed class....it's not so easy, after all

 

[iloveboardwalk]

Well, obviously everyone is different. But personally, I would never move to a house that "pushed" my budget just to have more space. Heh, and I'm a Realtor. I always educate my clients to think long and hard about size vs. long term financial strain. Money stress is tough on your health long term, and I'm not kidding about that, it can hurt your marriage as well, in little ways that end up being big. I'm not opposed to big houses (my pay checks big houses) but I personally feel that living below the "recommended" percentage of your income for housing is your best bet. You never know when something "big" will happen that will push that "pushing it" budget right off the edge.

If you love your neighborhood and your school, why change that? If you buy the less expensive house that needs upgrading, you can upgrade it to suit your tastes. Think of the beautiful home you can make in a neighborhood you already know you love.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

 

[aprilgail2]

My big thing is not making my daughter change schools until she goes to college, I don't want her to ever be the new kid in school. I am retiring when she is 12 and I want to move to Florida but I am going to put off moving until she is out of high school unless she says she doesnt mind being the new kid, otherwise we stay put. Why not ask your kids if they want to move, maybe they wouldn't mind it though....

 

[shirleyb]

I have been offered many job offers within my company, all that I've had to turn down, I'm sure to the detriment of my career, because I haven't wanted to uproot my kids. I have two high schoolers that would just about kill me if I made them move.

I realize that's a slightly different situation, but we have still not chosen to move for the kids' sake. All that being said, lots of people pick up and move their kids everyday, and the kids do just fine.

 

[MushyMushy]

I agree with others that it's hard to say without knowing your kids' ages. My opinion is, not if the kids are middle school or above. We're looking at houses right now too, and with DS being in high school, there's no way we can leave this school district -- and that means smaller and not quite as nice houses for the money.

Anyway, as long as the move isn't a necessity, I wouldn't do it unless the kids were okay with changing schools.

 

[Darcy03231]

Keep in mind that eventually your children will be leaving home. When they do will the house on the lake be too much house? If they're in high school you won't need the extra room that much longer. We're in that situation now. When we bought our home we had 4 kids living at home. We're now down to 2 at home and its already too much house.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We would move. However we have moved a few times already.

I would not live by "commercial stuff"....so that is a no brainer for me.

We also would choose the lake house, unless you think your kids would have trouble with adjusting.

My older dd has moved a few times. She is a sophmore in HS now. We know the reasons why we moved were important.

She moved here to Texas from MO at the end of 8th grade. Now that was pretty hard on her.
However, from a school standpoint it was better. This year she finally is making friends and fitting in.

My younger dd is happy we moved.

How old are your kids? If they are all elementary, then that is an easier decision for me.

 

[mickeysgal]

Due to job changes, we've had to move twice. I thought I'd never have to move my kids and I was one that said I'd NEVER make them move. Well, life happened and we had to move. I moved my kids when one was starting HS, one was starting middle school, one in grammar. Then we moved again when DS was a junior and DD was a freshman, and DS was starting middle school. Yes, it was tough on them. The first move was tougher than the second. The second was pretty easy. Why? Because they did it already and they knew they would survive it. I honestly think it made them stronger and able to cope better with life's changes. When they go to college it will be yet another change and hopefully will be able to adjust quicker since they've done it before.

So, therefore, I would opt for the lake house. I wouldn't want to hinge my property value on now being around a commercial area. I can't see that as being a good thing for resale.

 

[tuckerkeys]

we demolished our old house & built new on our lot b/c we love our neighborhood and schools. now i live at the beach, on an island and it is absolutely beautiful here! you'd never know it is nj here! we bought our home for very little and the building process was ok. we could still sell and make a lot of money. but we won't. we love it here and the quality of our lives was more important then selling & getting a much biger home.

i would go with what your heart tells you. you could always try the house in the back of the development. if you do not like it after a while then you can try something else again....good luck!!!

 

[Tinkim]

That's a really tough question. My parents moved me when I was 16 from NH to FL. I was not happy to say the least. I felt like I was ripped away from my home and my friends that had been my friends since we were 5 years old. I was never really happy there and I did end up moving back so I could graduate with my friends although they did move on without me and I felt a bit like an outsider when I got back. So I would say high school age would be very difficult for the kids. We really want to move to Florida but I know we will be waiting until the kids finish school. My DS is 14 and would be devestated to move away from his friends. I think my DS12 and DD9 would adjust but I don't really want my son to have to go through what I did. He would go from having a ton of friends to trying very hard to just find one person to connnect with. I guess I would say discuss it with your kids. They might surprise you and not be averse to the idea of moving and changing schools. My DD swears she would move to Florida tomorrow but she is 9 and I'm sure in a couple of years the thought of moving away from her friends would horrify her. Only you can decide what is best for your family and I know you'll make the right decision. Good luck with everything.

 

[4theloveofdisney]

It is hard to answer or give opinions without knowing the ages of your kids? I would never move a High schooler without an extremely good reason. How do your kids feel about this? You will still have final say but I would want to know there opinions. Do your kids make friends easily? are they outgoing or more quiet and have had a few friends only but the same friends all their life? Do you like your neighbors? Not all neighbors are equal. I would talk it over with your family and go from there. Sometimes a bigger house doesn't necessarily mean a happier family.

Our kids are 9, 7 and 4 and are in 3rd, 1st and Pre-K. They do make friends easily but my oldest is a bit shy. My youngest two don't care if we move. My oldest says he doesn't mind if we stay in this neighborhood.

 

[4theloveofdisney]

Ok, I am not all that great at answers to questions like this...but I will say, do the kids want to change schools..? That can be a big adjustment WITHIN a move having to deal with a new school, all new teachers and last BUT certainly not least losing friends and meeting all new ones!!

It sounds like the house with the unfinished basement and keeping the kids in their current school and having extra money for family vacations is the direction I would personally go in.

That's exactly what I am thinking but DH keeps going back to the other house.

 

[4theloveofdisney]

Well, obviously everyone is different. But personally, I would never move to a house that "pushed" my budget just to have more space. Heh, and I'm a Realtor. I always educate my clients to think long and hard about size vs. long term financial strain. Money stress is tough on your health long term, and I'm not kidding about that, it can hurt your marriage as well, in little ways that end up being big. I'm not opposed to big houses (my pay checks big houses) but I personally feel that living below the "recommended" percentage of your income for housing is your best bet. You never know when something "big" will happen that will push that "pushing it" budget right off the edge.

If you love your neighborhood and your school, why change that? If you buy the less expensive house that needs upgrading, you can upgrade it to suit your tastes. Think of the beautiful home you can make in a neighborhood you already know you love.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

All excellent points!!!! Thank you!

 

[4theloveofdisney]

I have been offered many job offers within my company, all that I've had to turn down, I'm sure to the detriment of my career, because I haven't wanted to uproot my kids. I have two high schoolers that would just about kill me if I made them move.

I realize that's a slightly different situation, but we have still not chosen to move for the kids' sake. All that being said, lots of people pick up and move their kids everyday, and the kids do just fine.

I feel like you but the later is what everyone keeps telling me - that the kids are young, they'll adjust and be just fine, etc., etc., So, it's good to hear that someone is on the same page as us - that moving the kids isn't the best idea unless we had issues with the school, which we don't.

Thanks!

 

[4theloveofdisney]

Keep in mind that eventually your children will be leaving home. When they do will the house on the lake be too much house? If they're in high school you won't need the extra room that much longer. We're in that situation now. When we bought our home we had 4 kids living at home. We're now down to 2 at home and its already too much house.

Very good point. The house would be waaaay too big for just the two of us.