Would you "let" your child go to college 700+ miles from home- and UA

[RitaE]

In a perfect world, maybe. For my kid, it's going to have to be a joint decision if my husband and I are footing the bill. There is no way we can afford tuition to a private school or out of state, unless my DS works his tail off for scholarship money. Even then, money talks...where he applies is up to him, but where he goes is going to depend on cost.

sounds quite reasonable marcy. As I said - my kids have a choice of several universities. Some are close, some are far. Some are big campuses, some are small. Budget counts but I'm willing to listen to your reasoning for choosing what you do. If they want something else, then they are going to have to want it bad enough to find a way come up with the funds. And no, me co-signing a loan for them is not a way to come up with the funds.

I don't feel one bit of guilt over setting limits. Many students get no help at all from their parents. It is hardly child abuse. Mine have it pretty good in comparison and if they can't appreciate my limitations then they are welcome to turn the assistance down and work it out on their own.

 

[marcyinPA]

Which is completely reasonable, you only have so much money--BUT, don't automatically assume you can't afford tuition at private schools or out of state schools because you don't know what they will offer. Private schools have huge endowments and lots of money to give and often end up LESS then what you would get and pay at a state school, especially if your child is a good student, 3.6 and above will qualify them for a LOT of money at most private schools.

So far, he hasn't been that awesome of a student. He's average, but not near a 3.6. So when I say he will need to work his tail off to be considered for scholarship money, I mean that! In fact, he will have to work his tail off to be accepted at some schools we are looking at, too. I've already had the "talk" with him. This year (his jr. year) is worth a lot of money. No pressure.

 

[LukenDC]

In a perfect world, maybe. For my kid, it's going to have to be a joint decision if my husband and I are footing the bill. There is no way we can afford tuition to a private school or out of state, unless my DS works his tail off for scholarship money. Even then, money talks...where he applies is up to him, but where he goes is going to depend on cost.

I certainly did not mean that parents should pay what they cannot afford. My post was in opposition to parents using their financial contribution as leverage to force their offspring to attend a college of the parents' choice. I think that some parents try to sway their children to attend a particular college out of insecurity or a desire for the child to live the parents' dreams. When it comes to selecting a college, I believe that the student's opinions and criteria should be paramount.

 

[Robinrs]

There is a lot of information out there that says the frontal lobes do not fully develop in human beings until their early twenties, so I pretty much agree with you. Without that pivotal piece, logic and reasoning go straight out the window at times. Some teens (like your son I bet) function much better than others. I gave my dad a hard time from abot 15-17, which I regret now. I always joke with my Dad that I thought I knew everything when I was a teenager. One day around age 20, I woke up and realized I knew nothing. Now, I'd like to think that while I still have a lot to learn, (and will hopefully never stop learning) that I am finally confident that I know what I am talking about.

We joke about the "frontal lobes" a lot at my office. It explains a LOT!!

 

[DarbyB]

After reading this post, I feel good about my decision to send my child to "Hamburger University".

 

[Robinrs]

After reading this post, I feel good about my decision to send my child to "Hamburger University".

I had the best time showing some of this thread to my dept, there was a lot of in the room!

 

[mom0299]

My DD is considering the University of Alabama for college based on a very generous scholarship she could get there. It is a 12 hour ride by car from our home. Yes, I know she'll be 18 and it should be her choice but it is hard for me to even think of her being that far away. Does you student attend college far from home? How do you make it work? Do you ever worry that if there is some kind of emergency for your child they'd be hard to get to? The scholarship almost makes the school too hard to pass up, but I still worry.

Yes. I want my kids to go away to college and get the whole experience. I left my parents in Idaho and went to college in Tennessee. The only times I went home were Christmas and Summer breaks.

 

[Robinrs]

I certainly did not mean that parents should pay what they cannot afford. My post was in opposition to parents using their financial contribution as leverage to force their offspring to attend a college of the parents' choice. I think that some parents try to sway their children to attend a particular college out of insecurity or a desire for the child to live the parents' dreams. When it comes to selecting a college, I believe that the student's opinions and criteria should be paramount.

I'm glad you explained this.

Intention is such a huge criteria, it's used in criminal cases! So it motive.

If your intentions are to make YOU feel better than the person who is truly involved... well, it's time to take heed of your motive. If it IS financial and there is no other choice, your motive makes sense but if it's driven by status and insecurity, which I am SAD to say I see A LOT on these boards, it's time to step back.