Would you let your 9 year old ride the New York subway alone?

[tedhowe]

we have so many threads like this and I always feel like only a parent knows their child but this is crazy. you can't trust strangers. Even if you really know the subways your child could get off at the wrong stop. No I just wouldn't see any way of allowing this. At age 12 I'd let her start going with a small group of friends. Gradually I'd let her do it alone with a cell phone. I want my dd to be independent but I also don't want her to be stupid or unsafe. My dd is in fact very independent.

But that's part of the whole point of threads like this (and one of the reasons I specifically started this thread).

Statistically you CAN trust strangers... the overwhelming majority of them. "Strangers" are just (for the most part) good people that you haven't gotten to know yet.

The safest thing to teach a child - even a very young child - when you are trying to prepare them for the situation where they might get seperated from their parents and lost is to go up to the nearest "stranger" on the street and ask for help. Would it be better to find a police officer? Sure, but barring that, find the nearest mother with kids of her own. Should a mother not present herself, then find the closest person of any type and ask for help.

Do bad things happen? Sure, but we have gotten a distorted image of the amount of danger out there because of the constant 24x7 news cycle and the resulting over exposure of the rare, sensational cases.

 

[HelenePA]

Nope, no way. I do let my kids play outside alone in the yard and on the front porch. I need more lights in my back yard (we had a bear visit at midnight the other night) and right now the kids have to come in when its dark because of that. They also have a few friends that live up the street. I'm sure in the summer I'll allow them to walk up there to meet them alone. But I do NOT live in NYC.

 

[Took]

But that's part of the whole point of threads like this (and one of the reasons I specifically started this thread).

Statistically you CAN trust strangers... the overwhelming majority of them. "Strangers" are just (for the most part) good people that you haven't gotten to know yet.

The safest thing to teach a child - even a very young child - when you are trying to prepare them for the situation where they might get seperated from their parents and lost is to go up to the nearest "stranger" on the street and ask for help. Would it be better to find a police officer? Sure, but barring that, find the nearest mother with kids of her own. Should a mother not present herself, then find the closest person of any type and ask for help.

Do bad things happen? Sure, but we have gotten a distorted image of the amount of danger out there because of the constant 24x7 news cycle and the resulting over exposure of the rare, sensational cases.

I agree whole-heartedly. News makes up thinks things are really bad. As a person who reads a great deal of history (particularly social history), I can vouch for the fact that things were ALWAYS "this bad" (and no worse). Most folks, statistically, are very good and will help those in need, especially kids.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I wouldn't let a 19 year old ride alone much less a 9 year old!

Luckily for the 19 year old, you wouldn't have any say, at that point!
I lived and worked and went to school in NYC when I was 20 years old, and cannot imagine my parents not thinking me capable of doing so, at that age. Then again, it really wouldn't have been any of their business, either.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

NO way in hell!!! MAYBE at 14 or so, but not 9! We went to NYC a couple summers ago, and I remember seeing a group of kids on the subway that appeared to be in some sort of summer day camp, with counselors that appeared to be teenagers, and I was shocked at that.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

No way!

I let my son ride the DC subway alone when he was 15. He hadn't ridden it a lot before, but needed to get to a camp. My husband rode it with him the first day and he was on his own after that. He had to transfer lines, also. I was very nervous about him doing even that, but he was fine. He's ridden it by himself quite a few times (he's 17yo now)

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't ride the NYC subway system alone, and I'm middle aged. No way would I let my child ride it alone.

 

[DaParkers]

Why is abuction by some "crazy" the only bad thing that could happen. What about an accident or emotional breakdown if child gets lost? A nine year old is a child that can be easily distracted. It's a safety issue, not just a missing child one. And enough with the statistics. “The statistics show that this is an incredibly rare event, and you can’t protect people from very rare events." BS! Yes, you can. Winning the lottery is a rare event. I can't win if I don't play. Your child can't be abducted from the Subway if he doesn't ride. That may be too extreme, but I'm just disputing that claim.
If no kid ever got abducted, it's still a bad idea because of the emotional maturity(or lack of)of a 9 year old is just not there most of the time.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Why is abuction by some "crazy" the only bad thing that could happen. What about an accident or emotional breakdown if child gets lost? A nine year old is a child that can be easily distracted. It's a safety issue, not just a missing child one. And enough with the statistics. “The statistics show that this is an incredibly rare event, and you can’t protect people from very rare events." BS! Yes, you can. Winning the lottery is a rare event. I can't win if I don't play. Your child can't be abducted from the Subway if he doesn't ride. That may be too extreme, but I'm just disputing that claim.
If no kid ever got abducted, it's still a bad idea because of the emotional maturity(or lack of)of a 9 year old is just not there most of the time.

I agree! Subway. Nine years old. No.

 

[tedhowe]

Why is abuction by some "crazy" the only bad thing that could happen. What about an accident or emotional breakdown if child gets lost? A nine year old is a child that can be easily distracted. It's a safety issue, not just a missing child one. And enough with the statistics. “The statistics show that this is an incredibly rare event, and you can’t protect people from very rare events." BS! Yes, you can. Winning the lottery is a rare event. I can't win if I don't play. Your child can't be abducted from the Subway if he doesn't ride. That may be too extreme, but I'm just disputing that claim.
If no kid ever got abducted, it's still a bad idea because of the emotional maturity(or lack of)of a 9 year old is just not there most of the time.

Protecting your child is all about trade-offs.

It's true that they can't be abducted from the subway if they don't ride.
It's true that you can protect them from that specific danger if you don't allow them to ride alone.

But it is just as true that you CANNOT protect ANYONE from ALL dangers.

It is a fool's errand to try, and it is that fool's errand that is causing far too many parents to be over protective to such a degree that they are actually inhibiting their children's normal emotional and intellectual development.

I believe that there is a very serious danger to the next generation because today's parents don't let them be alone and independent in the world until far later then my generation (I'm 39) and older generations.

Look at the problem of childhood obesity - obesity and the maladies that go along with it (heart disease, diabetes, etc) are likely to kill far more of those children who are not allowed to be free and roam their neighborhoods (even urban neighborhoods in NYC) than gun violence, childhood abductors and even getting hit by a car.

The problem is that the dangers from lifestyle diseases, as real as they are, are not imminent. By the time the consequences of overprotectiveness (is that a word) hit, the children have grown and are likely on their own - but those consequences are no less real than being abducted or hit by a car.

My point is - and the point made in the original article - that EVERY choice that a parent makes regarding the raising of a child has both positive and negative consequences.

Riding a subway alone at 9 is fairly extreme on the side of being underprotective - the child would have to really have exhibited readiness in a lot of ways before I would consider doing it myself - but the strong reaction that has been shown by many posters on this thread should not be considred purely a good thing - there are very real downsides to being overprotective and parents should be aware of those before they wear the label of "overprotective parent" like a badge of honor.

 

[DISUNC]

Hey wait a minute! When I was 9 my parents use too put me on the subway ALONE!

 

[fan_of_small_world]

Hey wait a minute! When I was 9 my parents use too put me on the subway ALONE!

Well, then, that explains everything!

 

[DaParkers]

Protecting your child is all about trade-offs.

It's true that they can't be abducted from the subway if they don't ride.
It's true that you can protect them from that specific danger if you don't allow them to ride alone.

But it is just as true that you CANNOT protect ANYONE from ALL dangers.

It is a fool's errand to try, and it is that fool's errand that is causing far too many parents to be over protective to such a degree that they are actually inhibiting their children's normal emotional and intellectual development.

I believe that there is a very serious danger to the next generation because today's parents don't let them be alone and independent in the world until far later then my generation (I'm 39) and older generations.

Look at the problem of childhood obesity - obesity and the maladies that go along with it (heart disease, diabetes, etc) are likely to kill far more of those children who are not allowed to be free and roam their neighborhoods (even urban neighborhoods in NYC) than gun violence, childhood abductors and even getting hit by a car.

The problem is that the dangers from lifestyle diseases, as real as they are, are not imminent. By the time the consequences of overprotectiveness (is that a word) hit, the children have grown and are likely on their own - but those consequences are no less real than being abducted or hit by a car.

My point is - and the point made in the original article - that EVERY choice that a parent makes regarding the raising of a child has both positive and negative consequences.

Riding a subway alone at 9 is fairly extreme on the side of being underprotective - the child would have to really have exhibited readiness in a lot of ways before I would consider doing it myself - but the strong reaction that has been shown by many posters on this thread should not be considred purely a good thing - there are very real downsides to being overprotective and parents should be aware of those before they wear the label of "overprotective parent" like a badge of honor.

You make excellent points and I appreciate you sharing them. As a matter of fact, I agree with most of your comments. Overprotection can cause major problems for your child including rebellion later in life. Especially if they go away to college(i.e. drinking, excessive partying, promiscuous behavior,etc). I just believe that this particular situation calls for being a little overprotective. Playing outside and running around the neighborhood is on another level from being alone in one of the largest metropolitan cities in the world.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I voted yes. However, I would not put my own kids on it. Why? Because they are country kids who are totally unfamiliar with the system having only spent 3 days of their lives in NYC. But, if we lived there and they knew their way around the system and were very mature and responsible kids then I think I probably would (but they would have their cell phones!). 9 is still on the young edge for this amount of freedom for me though. By 11 or 12 I think nearly any kid who grew up in the area ought to be able to handle it. I am in the camp that thinks we do our kids (and society as a whole) more harm than good by stiffling their budding independence in the name of protection.

A realted story: our nighbors went to California for vacation last year (from New Hampshire). Their two oldest kids were joining them half way thorugh a two week trip (they were spending that first week at their mom's house). The kids were 14 and 18 at the time (the 18 year old being a high school graduate). They were booked on a direct flight (and both kids have flown before---neither has a fear of flying). The dad was so convinced the kids could not handle the flight that he spent nearly a thousand dollars to fly back home so he could accompany them on the direct flight! (money the nieghbors themselve repeatedly said they did not have to spend)My then 10 and 8 year olds were appallled. They kept asking WHY the neighbors couldn't handle a flight? Well, because they have never been given any chance to do things on their own I guess. I don't really know.

 

[Art Vandalay]

Hey wait a minute! When I was 9 my parents use too put me on the subway ALONE!

And look what happened to your hair!

 

[ilisao]

I wouldn't let a 19 year old ride alone much less a 9 year old!

Are you serious about that?

When I was young (until I was 8.5) I lived in NY, in Queens. While I didn't ride the subway alone, I did walk to school without adult supervision. My mother also let me play at the playground across the street by myself and walk to the corner store.

When I was 16, I did spend 6 weeks in NYC at a program at Parsons School of Design (I thought I was creative) and rode the subways, buses, etc. completely alone.

I went to college in Washington, DC and was indeed riding the metro by myself at the tender age of 18.

Now, I live in suburbia and am far removed from my city living days. So, it's hard for me to say what I would do as I have become more insular, though there are certain freedoms I do allow of course. I do know kids riding subways/metro to and from school is certainly nothing new.

 

[JessicaR]

I ride the NYC subway every day and I don't think I've ever seen anyone under the age of 12 riding alone. And even 12 is pushing it.

I agree. Not that I was looking for it specifically but I'm sure I would have noticed also. Not a common occurance for sure.

 

[Aneille]

I do not live in NYC but if I did, I would not drop my 9 year old off somewhere to find their way home. I would expect that they could navigate the subway. I would practive with them, and have them tell me what I should do to get where I want. And by 11 I would expect them to be able to handle it alone and if give them the confidence to find someone to ask if they were not sure.

I didn't live in a major city but at 11 (6th) grade, I was expected to ride a public transportation bus and walk 1/2 mile to school. Some kids rode the subway. I got dropped off at the subway station. In 6th grade I had at least rode the subway in my city to get to other parts of the city. By the time I was in high school I rode when I had to without any thought.

My kids and I rode the subway 2 weeks ago, and I was telling my 6 year old what to do if she got lost on it. We agreed that if she got left on the train and the rest of the family got off that she needed to get off at the very next stop and we would come find her. And when she got off she had to find a "safe" adult to help her until we got there. I'd feel alot better if I knew she was capable of navigating herself home on it. Then I could confidently know she would get off the next stop and she would just need to wait and wouldn't need to ask anyone for any help.

 

[Todd&Copper]

I am not familiar with the NYC subway system, but I'd let a 12 year old ride the DC metro without parental supervision (provided s/he was well aware that eating on the trains is strictly FORBIDDEN - a teen girl was arrested for eating on a train a couple of years ago). Unless, of course, the child had exhibited a deficit of common sense. . . .

I know when I was an elementary school kid in Hawaii in the late 70's/early 80's, a couple of my friends rode the public transportation to school. I don't think we had regular school buses so that was their only option. They were 8 or 9 years old.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

We don't even let our 10 year old play in the backyard unless we have an eye on him. Too many crazies out there anymore.

Wow - where do you live? I cannot imagine. My block is filled with kids playing all the time.

Here in Chicago, there are no school buses (unless you have a special need). So kids walk (usually alone - no parents) or take a bus. I used to take public transportation all the time starting at around 10.

Now granted most kids have taken public transportation with an adult since they were infants, so they are used to it. It really is not a big deal.