Would you let DS and girlfriend go on trip together?

[CamColt]

Depending on how mature they are, I would let them go.
I went to Bermuda when I was 17, during my HS spring break,with some friends. From what I saw going on there, I would much rather my child go on vacation with someone they knew, loved, and were safe with, instead of just hooking up with God knows who.
I also started going away for weekends with my then BF at 18. Nothing terrible ever happened. We were responsible enough to handle ourselves.
And like the others said, if they are going to be doing anything, they dont need to go on vacation to do it.

 

[Buz]

Here goes....

I am of the belief that if someone is 18 and can be sent to war for their country, they are old enough to make these decisions for themselves. You can only trust that you have done a good job of teaching them and sharing your values with them. You can remind them of these, but they will do what they want.

That said, our DS18 says he will do something because he is legal, but usually does not. He is testing the water to see if he is really an adult and to get our reactions. We do have rules in that we are paying for college and he is using a family car. He understands these and does not question them.

I entered the Air Force when I was 17, met my soulmate, proposed a few days after my 18th birthday so I would not have to get my mother to sign and we were married 4 months later. That was 25 years ago. I guess Mom did an OK job raising me. Trust yourself and that you have raised your son well.

An 18 year old man has his own ideas, hopefully born from your values. If they are different, decide if you care enough about this to drive him away. Talk with your son and let him know about your misgivings. You may be surprised with his responses.

Good luck.

Buz

 

[Kitty 34]

My oldest when he was a Senior (18) and madly in love with his GF would probably have loved to go on a trip with GF.......however that would never have happened, nor would have been thought of as GF's parents were real strict. The whole 2 years those two dated, the GF's parents were really funny about their DD even coming over to our house!!

So I was lucky.....I never had to make that kind of decision.


Now on the other hand, I have two more sons (13 & 15).........

 

[mum4jenn]

I was in this same situation when I was that age MANY MANY years ago!!!! Boyfriend and I wanted to go to WDW after graduation. We were both 18 and had saved some money and had all kinds of plans to go by ourselves. We did not really ask permission. My mom though went with us. We really did not want her to go but I think she was really more concerned with us having enough money and what would we do if our car broke down or something. It was a big help money wise for her to go since she paid for the hotel and some of the food. I think we really would not have had enough money if she had not gone. Neither of us had a credit card at that age. Also I am sure she did not want any "funny business" going on and I know there would have been id she had not been there!!!


The "past" in me says let them go but the MOM in me says go along to be there in case any problems arise but give them their space.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by Karel
If you went on a cruise in October, did you miss seven days of college? And were you paying for college or your parents?

Fall break, last week of October. And both my parents and I contributed to the costs, though that really shouldn't affect the decision at hand.

 

[luvindisneyworld]

i dont think you will have to say yes or no about the cruise, because you have to have a person over the age of 21 in the room with you. i had to go on a cruise with my cousin and 2 of her friends when they graduated from high school because they would not let them book the cruise otherwise. i would not say anything to them and let them try and book the cruise.
MIsty

 

[ead79]

If I were a parent, I would not let them go. I am 23, engaged, and just graduated from college this past May. My parents would still not "let" me go on a trip with my fiance, though I would not ask. The only places we have gone together have been to visit his family members that live in other states. As far as their age goes, my parents have always said that as long as I am not 100% financially independent (no free lodging at home, no school money, etc.) then I must obey their rules. Fortunately, I have no problem obeying their rules, as I have the same personal standards for myself that my parents want me/taught me to have. I do still live at home even though I have graduated in order to save enough for my WDW wedding and honeymoon next December. Therefore, I choose to respect them and their wishes despite my being "old enough" to go on trips with my fiance. However, as I said earlier, I am not forbidden to go on trips with him, I simply choose not to. I agree that not allowing them to go on a trip will not stop them from having sex, but as a parent I would not condone sharing a bedroom/bed before marriage. Ultimately the decision to have sex is up to them, but I don't believe that a parent must allow them to go on a trip.

 

[Beth]

Just thought I'd throw this out there as an "FYI..."

My niece and her best (girl)friend wanted a cruise for their high school graduation presents.

I (of course) consulted Dreams Unlimited, and the only cruise line which would allow them to sail under 21 years of age was ... DISNEY! They're sailing in June.... (She's getting Disney Dollars from me for her graduation present!!)

 

[Rock'n Robin]

First off, I met my DH at 17--we dated 5 1/2 years before we were married--my parents paid for my college and would stop if I married which was fine with me. He went to Michigan with us for a week when we were 18--with me AND MY PARENTS--he and my dad had twin beds in one room, mom and I in another. We did take a weekend trip to Detroit/Windsor when we were 21 and I was a senior in college. His parents were even stricter--we stayed with them 9 days before our wedding when BIL graduated HS, and we had to have separate rooms!
Are the kids having sex? However painful, you should know the answer. If you haven't already, you need to talk to him about all the consequences that can happen. That said, just because they are doesn't mean you have to make it easy for them! No matter how cute a couple they are, they are NOT married--and people should not act as if they are. No, you won't be a Grandma right away just because they have sex--but he needs to understand things like STDs as well. I teach at a HS and I can't tell you how many good kids have made stupid mistakes--"it was our first time"--and ended up ruining their lives. Even when we decided it was time to "go all the way", I never EVER let it happen without protection until we were long married and ready for kids, since pregnancy was always in the back of my mind.
If Disney will allow it, that is an out you won't have--so you will have to decide whether or not you will--will they still go if it is two separate cabins with Mom along?
And I agree with some other posters--if you are contributing to a child's welfare--housing, food, college--they should follow your rules even if they are 18. As one poster said, her parents had too many rules and she moved out--hey, don't let the screen door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. And don't expect $$$$ support in that case.
Robin M.

 

[Karel]

Originally posted by danacara
Fall break, last week of October. And both my parents and I contributed to the costs, though that really shouldn't affect the decision at hand.

Sorry, I was just interested, that's all, I know it has nothing to do with the topic on hand. Don't mean to offend. We didn't get Fall Break when I was in college, and I know if I was paying for my child to go to college, they wouldn't be missing classes for a vacation.

 

[sandramaac]

I have a friend whose daughter is way out of line right now with a how she is conducting herself with her BF. She keeps throwing in her moms face that she is 18 now, of legal age, and therefore can do anything she wants.

Well, my thought on the issue is this. If you a self-sufficient 18 year old with a job that supports your living circunstances--as in your own apartment, able to pay your bills, clothes and feed your self, pay car and medical insurance. Well, hey then go where ever you want.

HOWEVER, if you are a dependant 18 year old, relying on parents to pay in full or even in partial for your education, living circumstances, clothes, food, insurance-if you have to rely on any loans to pay for your education---well then NO WAY to do you get to go away with a boyfriend.

The issue becomes to is that it becomes a slippery slope. If you start at 18 letting them go on a cruise, what do you do of they what to move in together.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Wow, what an interesting post! My perspective is a little bit diferent. After high school graduation, I went to Bermuda...on my HONEYMOON! I was maried 6 weeks after graduation. I got married young for many reasons, primarily because I did not want to live with him (not a prude, but my choice) and it was the right time for us. It is now 19 years later and I am still married to my best friend. (no kids, in case you wondered )

Graduation is still 6 months away. If they are serious, and you are considering it, then start talking. Talk about it to death. Buy books on where they are going. Get information! Plan the trip with them and through these discussions, you will become more comfortable with their readiness level to handle a trip like this.

If I was them, I would want to take this trip to celebrate the relationship, the milestone (graduation) and to go somewhere romantic and be in love.

18 is a very different level of maturity for different people. Some 'kids' aren;t prepared for the real world and others are ready to make their way in the world. And at college, they are faced with adult decisions and dangers every day.

Let us know how this works out and I hope they have a blast!

 

[disykat]

Maybe money is just not an issue for many of the posters here. I just can't imagine an 18 year old having the money for a cruise and still being able to pay for college, living expenses etc. It took me until I was about 23 to be able to afford any kind of vacation - and it wasn't a cruise! I'm curious...

Heck, a friend (same sex) and I were going to Europe when I was 27 and I called my parents to make sure they wouldn't be upset since I still owed them some money from college which I delayed paying off by a few months. It was paid off by 28 as planned, but I just couldn't be the kind of person who spent freely while owing money.

For me it has nothing to do with permission or approval, but everything to do with money.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think it is interesting that the question was posed the way it was..."would you let DS and GF ...". If your son is still 'young' enough for you, and/or he, to think he needs permission (regardless of his age) then, IMO, the answer would be no. Not mature enough yet. Just my opinion of what I would say. When you are a mature, responsible adult, you don't need permission. But then again, I wouldn't expect my children to living under my roof when they feel adult enough to take a cruise with their BF/GF. JMHO.

 

[shortbun]

IF they will listen to you, a careful answer is appropriate.
I certainly would not support them with money for this
trip. I would also have one last discussion with both of them
about how to prevent being parents at age
18/19 and what changes to life that would bring
about. If they are taking a vacation
together-conventional wisdom says they are
sexually active. A great vacation is not a reason to become
parents-I don't have to tell you that do I?
What do her parents think? Is there parental solidarity?
Most parents who were preparing to pay for college
would debate the wisdom of this big expense. The big
trip/celebration should come when college is done-not
high school, eh? Oh well, that's my 2 cents!

 

[montessori]

I have let my daughter go on trips with her boyfriend since she was 18, she's 21 now.
She would have abided by our decision had we said she couldn't go, but we could see no reason to say "No".

I moved in with my boyfriend when I was 17!

We've been happily married for 23 years.

YOU know your son and his girlfriend. Her parents KNOW her and if you all decide it's okay, then it's okay!

 

[Tuffcookie]

Have them talk to you minister!
Seriously, it is true they can have sex anywhere but if both are living at home it shows a blatant disrespect for their parents values and morals to take a trip together. Notice I said, "If they are living at home". Once they leave the nest, it's a whole different ballgame!

TC

 

[montessori]

Originally posted by Tuffcookie
Have them talk to you minister!
Seriously, it is true they can have sex anywhere but if both are living at home it shows a blatant disrespect for their parents values and morals to take a trip together. Notice I said, "If they are living at home". Once they leave the nest, it's a whole different ballgame!

TC

Did the original post-er mention that they have a minister?
Maybe they are not religious people. It happens!

Did the original post-er say that the idea of the trip went against the parents values and morals?
Maybe I missed something.

 

[NurseKim]

Some very interesting replies here...

When I was 18, my parents let me and my now DH take their trailer camping. At 19, we took our first road trip to New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
We were very responisble and had been dating for 2 yrs. My mom was married at 18 and had me when she was 19.
I would let them go, but that's me. Of course I have no idea about your whole situation and how mature your son and his GF are.
As for the sex thing, they could be having sex right underneath your nose and you wouldn't know. Sorry if that sounds mean, but it is true. The only thing you can hope for is that your son and his GF are being smart and safe if they are having sex.

And, Danacara, your post was right on the money.