Would you let DS and girlfriend go on trip together?

[perd]

I'm wondering how they have the money to pay for this. I certainly wouldn't pay one penny for it. I agree that if they are 18 you can't really do anything about it EXCEPT like someone said, if you are supporting your son you certainly can forbid it. If you are paying they bills you have every right to say what he can and can't do. And if that's the case, I would say no.

About the grandma thing, you could be a grandma whether they go on a vacation together or not..

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=green>I'm with SeaSpray and Ranatra. I have strict morals, and if my child were still dependent on me, then yes, I do have a say so. When that child becomes an adult who supports him/herself, then no, I won't have a say in his/her decision. However, I would hope that their upbringing would help them make the right decision.

 

[Snow White]

I wouldn't condone it, but if they are not living at home anymore, it's a little hard to stop them. I always hope the huge guilt trip I'd put on my kids might slow them down a little! but...after all the years you spend teaching them morals and right/wrong...I guess there is a point you have to let them go and make their own decisions and just pray that they use good judgement. Hard to do that as a parent tho!

 

[epcotfan]

Obviously it comes down to two issues. One being you are fearful of them being away from home. The other that they are having sex.
Just because you forbid them not to travel or chaperone doesn't mean they haven't already had sex. Short of jailing each of them seperately it will be difficult to prevent them from doing it sooner or later. If they are both 18 I don't see how you can stop them.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

My parents wouldnt even let me leave my town with my ex boyfriend let alone go on a trip with him..and I'm the same age as your son.
That would be a definite no from my parents.
Maybe a trip with my girl friends but never my boyfriend or even my guy friends.

 

[Wendy]

Wow. I'm surprised by all the negative responses. I really don't see the big deal if they're over 18 and have graduated from high school. If it's the sex that everyone is concerned about, whether they go on a trip together or not is going to have no bearing at all on whether they're sleeping together. I think at 18, it's time to let our kids grow up and start treating them like adults. I'm very strict with my kids, much stricter than any other of their friends' parents, but I think if one of them had saved up their own money to do this trip, I'd probably let them do it. (Assuming they were responsible kids and I didn't have any reason not to trust them to stay out of trouble)

DH and I started dating in high school, so maybe that's why I see it differently than a lot of you. Heck, even my ultra strict parents let the two of us go on a ski trip together when we were freshmen in college. I had just turned 18 at the time. We were both very responsible and used to traveling a lot. We didn't get into any trouble, had a great time, and I didn't come home pregnant.

 

[Planogirl]

After I graduated, my parents kept on trying to tell me what to do so I moved out. I'm not saying that this is a good idea for everyone but it certainly worked out well for us.

Good luck with your decision, I know that it's a hard one.

 

[disykat]

My child would already know I disapprove. Whether I had any say in it would depend on whether he was still receiving any kind of financial help from me. I assume at 18 I would probably still be involved in living or school expenses in some way and would have the ability to pull out the funding.

None of my siblings or I would have dared to even suggest such a thing (not even the luxury of a trip with a same-sex friend - even if we paid with our own money!) while we were still taking money from our folks.

 

[tiggerlover]

Wow! This is a tough one. The mother in me would not allow them to go on an unchaperoned trip, yet the 18 year old girl I once was would rebel if told I couldn't go.

When I was 18 I was planning to marry my BF (who is now my DH, we married when I was 19) and my future MIL forbidded us to marry, she said we were too young and that she wouldn't sign for us to marry (she didn't realize the laws changed and you can marry at 18). DH and I were adament and hurt by her reaction, so we put distance between us and her. Eventually my future FIL fixed everything and MIL came around (we are very good friends now btw) and DH and I have been married for over 16 years. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you protest too much you may drive them away. And I have to agree with some of the others, if you are worried about the sex part and not being a grandmother, you don't have to be on a vacation to have sex.

Personally, I would talk openly with them and see if you can compromise with a chaperoned trip. I am curious too as to how they would be paying for the trip and what their plans were for the future after graduation.

More parental pixie dust coming your way.....good luck.

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

NO

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

Seaspray, that was just how I was thinking but still tired from getting up at 5am. I wrote a post but your post is exactly how I feel. Yu're a smart woman, seaspray

 

[disneyjunkie]

Wow, some of you sound just like my mother.(that's a good thing)

I'm 34, when I was a teen my parents were very strict. Many of my friends could not understand how/why my parents could keep my sister and I from doing the things they were doing. They were able to get away with so many things, they all thought I was crazy for not even trying to do half the things they did.

When my friends and I were making "plans" to go to a club or whatever, I knew during the planning stages that I would not be able to go. I knew what my parents would and would not let my sister and I do. Most times I wouldn't even ask.


An 18 year old child living in his/her parents house, has to respect the wishes of the parents. When the time comes that you can't do this, then it time to get your own place and start taking care of yourself.

If my son wanted to do take this trip I would say NO, even if he was paying for it himself.

 

[believe]

I went on a weekend trip with DH before we were married. I was 20 and he was 24. We were engaged at the time and had a house which DH lived in, I think that made the difference for my parents. Are there plans for them to get engaged? If they can afford the cruise, are they paying for their own college? I would be a little upset if I was paying for their living expenses and all their college but they paid to go on a cruise. I think there is a lot to take into account and it depends on the individuals involved.

 

[Mamu]

The parent in me would say no. Having said no I would hope my child understood the reasoning behind the no. At this age they are much to young to be playing house.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am not sure I know what you are objecting too? Vacation, sex, GF (do you like her), immoral or the fact that your ds is spending alot of time on this girl instead of other things like graduating and moving out? Maybe alittle of some, eh?

Yes he is jumping the gun and pretending he is married. When they move in together are you going to be OK with that? I know that is probably in the back of your mind, right??? If you condone this, then what next???
Only you can decide what path you want to take. I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your son about his future. I would then talk to both of them. Living together, marriage, family, support, RELIGION etc....

Truly if you DO NOT want him to go and he chooses not to respect your wishes (he IS living with you afterall) then I would start charging him RENT(alot) if he wants to have you as a landlord and not a mom.

Good Luck on your situation!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I have different feelings on this. As a parent, I probably wouldn't be too thrilled. But looking back when I was that age...by age 17 I was in college pretty much doing my own thing. When I was 18 I went on trips with my then boyfriend. My mom never really said one way or the other how she felt, but she never seemed upset. This is tough, but anything they could do on a trip, they could do at home as well.

I heard on the radio this morning about learning to let go of your children, that even when they are still living with you, you need to start the release phase, this way they can start making their own decisions, but you are still there to help them if they make a bad one. Trust in your parenting. Perhaps a good heart to heart with your DS will shed more light on this.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would say let them go. My boyfriend and I went to WDW together when we were 19/20. My parents had no problem with it. To be blunt, if they are sleeping together, they are going to do it whether it is on vacation, or in your basement...

Let them go....life is short.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I am not sure I know what you are objecting too? Vacation, sex, GF (do you like her), immoral or the fact that your ds is spending alot of time on this girl instead of other things like graduating and moving out? Maybe alittle of some, eh?

BINGO on that one. I'd let them go. My boyfriend and I went on a cruise together when we were 19, in October of our Freshman year of college. Amusingly enough, the only cruise line that will allow unaccompanied minors like that is DISNEY, so we went for a seven-day trip (totally on our own dime).

You have a choice here - you can be "a little too permissive" and build an inroad with your child, or you can be "a little too strict" and come off looking like the bitter moral police. If they are going to get pregnant, more than likely they'll do it under your own roof. The presence or lack of a cruise ship never did much one way or the other to stop in-love 18 year olds from having sex, so I think you can safely move this concern back in the priority list.

I would also count my blessings that you have raised a child who is emotionally capable of loving a woman so soon. That's something of a testament to your parenting. With that in mind, you have to let him follow his own drummer eventually.

 

[Karel]

If you went on a cruise in October, did you miss seven days of college? And were you paying for college or your parents?


There's no way I would let my 18 go away with his GF. It's not just about sex either because as people have stated, location won't matter in that area. Are they ready to handle themselves in the adult world? Can they make proper decisions, handle emergencies etc? If they cruise, will they forget the proper time to be back at the ship and get left behind? Will they blow all their money on one dinner? Sometimes freedom can be an overwhelming rush that makes us forget how to act properly.

 

[CyranoJones]

Are they ready to handle themselves in the adult world? Can they make proper decisions, handle emergencies etc? If they cruise, will they forget the proper time to be back at the ship and get left behind? Will they blow all their money on one dinner? Sometimes freedom can be an overwhelming rush that makes us forget how to act properly.

You know what? When my daughter chose last year to go to college 1900 miles away from home, I had to ask myself the same questions....and knew that the right thing was to let her go. I think I did more growing up over that experience than she did. I don't know everything she does out there, nor do I want to know, and in reality, I have no absolute right to know every detail of her life anymore. She is an adult now, and although she is still living in a somewhat controlled environment, she has to make decisions for herself now. It would not be in her best interest for me to try to continue to do that for her.

Would I have let her go on vacation with a BF? Knowing the boys she has dated in the past, I would have. But not every parent is going to have the same opinion.