Would you leave extended family for Christmas?- Update Page 3

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That is very sweet. One of my sons is here by himself right now. I miss his girlfriend, but it is also really nice to just have him here. I recently saw my older son without his wife for the first time in 6 years. That was nice too. I'd love to have some time with just DH and the two boys!

I always instinctively knew to make sure DH had some time with just his parents or just his sister when we visited them. It's important and it's always a surprise to me when people don't recognize this! I also try to make sure DH has time without ME there with our grown sons. When you don't live really close to family, you really do have to intentionally create these moments.

I wouldn't instinctively do anything with respects to someone else's family aside from just be considerate towards them. What that ends up meaning is different for each family. For some that means they always include others and for others it means they have hobbies they do without others, some it's just interest levels.

My mother-in-law really loves her son but has also always wanted me there every time even if I don't always go golfing with them or moving furniture I'm always welcomed and she would honestly pout if I declined going to dinner with them or just to come over and I often would spend time with her when my husband was away on assignment for Taco Tuesdays and game night.

On the flip side my mom loved to have a dinner or two with just her and I every now and then. She loves my husband but also liked to see me without him.

My father-in-law does more things with just his daughter than he does with my husband primarily because they have different interests. Sister-in-law and father-in-law have basketball and football season tickets to our alma mater and that is an activity that generally they do together. Sister-in-law was also much closer than my husband was with the step-siblings so there's a whole other joint activities brought on by that.

I think it's about recognizing the family dynamics as the important thing. I can understand the OP's dilemma but don't quite think it's the same here as they are talking about feeling guilt about not taking a family vacation because it's on Christmas.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I would go. You may not have an opportunity like this again. (And booking a last minute cruise now will probably get you a good deal.) After checking with your kids first, I’d tell the extended family ASAP so they can make alternate plans for Christmas Eve. Frankly, since you’ve been hosting for years, you deserve a break from that.

In some ways, having a large family that all live in close proximity makes it easier. As long as no one is left alone. (I’m one of 6 siblings, so can relate.) In the future, it will only get more complicated as the younger generation move and/or couple off and marry, with more in-laws involved. Maybe have a get-together when you get back, or at least have your older kids see your Dad before heading back to college.

 

[Pooh2]

I would ask the kids and go from there.
Since they are away at school, they may want to spend Christmas with grandpa since he is nearly 90.
Maybe spend the holidays with the extended family then go on the cruise for New year's weekend?

 

[snowwite]

I have a husband and 3 kids, ages 21, 20 and 16. The 21-year-old old is graduating college this year and may or may not move home. We haven't been on a family vacation with all 5 of us in years as no one ever has the same breaks and everyone works over the summer to make $$ for college. Both older kids are in college very far from home. We are thinking of going on a cruise for Christmas this year (a surprise for the kids). The problem is that both my husband and I are from large families. Usually we host Christmas Eve for my family and his brother hosts Christmas Day for my husband's family. My dad is 89 and healthy but not sure how many Christmases he has left. Also have a SIL who is quite ill. We do see our extended families every couple of weeks in our day-to-day lives and we will spend Thanksgiving with everyone. Just having a hard time being selfish and saying we just want to spend Christmas doing something else. I sort of feel like it's now or never for this family trip although it most likely really isn't. Any thoughts?

Take the trip! Spending time with your own family is just as important and it’s not as if you are not seeing them.

 

[JLTraveling]

My family actually faced this exact question when I was in my later teens. We lived very close to all the extended family and saw them all the time, but Christmas Day was sacrosanct. The only thing that changed each year was who hosted it. But we got an incredible deal on a trip we really wanted to take over Christmas, and we decided to go for it. Turned out to be a great decision on many fronts:

First, the trip was amazing. We created memories that became even more important when my mom passed away unexpectedly at the age of 50.

Second, it turned out that most of the family had also had times of wanting to travel over Christmas, but were too scared to be the first. Once we did it, other people starting doing it. And eventually we all realized that it's a lot better to get together during the season, whenever the most people are available, than on the day itself. Small groups do still get together on the day as it makes sense, but overall the holidays are soooo much less stressful than they used to be.

I say go for it, 100%.

 

[jtopp]

Take the trip, and don't let anyone shame you from spending time with your children. As you said, as they get older time together is harder as life intrudes. Enjoy!!

 

[disneychrista]

YES! I took my daughters to Disneyland one year for Christmas/New Years. Go for it. You only have some much more time with your children before they will have their own lives & own families.

 

[dvcgirl67]

I'd 100% go. There is so much pressure and stress around the holidays with respect to attendance. It's not selfish to want to spend a holiday on vacation with your family, especially before the older kids go off into the world. It just gets harder and harder tto get everyone together. Book it....and have a great time.

 

[Disneylover99]

I love my extended family to bits but I’d leave them for a Christmas vacation.
And I’d hope they’d do the same.

 

[Hopscotch]

OP here. Thanks for all of the encouragement. We just booked. Told my sister who I thought would be the one that would be most upset but she handled it really well. Telling the kids once they are all home from college before Thanksgiving. Fingers crossed they are happy! Also spending a day at Universal before we get on the ship and spending 2 days with my brother and SIL who we never get to see at Christmas time. So it all seems to be working out!

 

[princesscinderella]

OP here. Thanks for all of the encouragement. We just booked. Told my sister who I thought would be the one that would be most upset but she handled it really well. Telling the kids once they are all home from college before Thanksgiving. Fingers crossed they are happy! Also spending a day at Universal before we get on the ship and spending 2 days with my brother and SIL who we never get to see at Christmas time. So it all seems to be working out!

Yay!! Have a wonderful time with your family.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Do Christmas a few days before! People may be happy to spread the gatherings up so they aren't one after the other.

Go on the cruise. Most kids can only (or want) vacation with their parents for so long before life, marriage, jobs, kids, etc gets in the way.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

We totally were going to go on a Christmas Cruise. Things took a slight turn for the worse when we went to get a Suntan.