Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

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Originally Posted by kdibattista
Because it must really suck to go through life that skeptical and heartless.

what a hugely nasty thing to say about somebody that you really don't know anything about.

Heck, now I might have to buy her a cup of Starbucks just to help her get over the trauma of the insult.
 
kdibattista said:
Because it must really suck to go through life that skeptical and heartless. But, hey, whatever gets you through the day (and I do hope you have a good one today, by the way :) )

Boy was that out of line. How about answering the questions asked of you rather than spitting out insults.
 
Toby'sFriend said:
what a hugely nasty thing to say about somebody that you really don't know anything about.

Heck, now I might have to buy her a cup of Starbucks just to help her get over the trauma of the insult.

Lets all chip in and get her a grande and a cookie. :thumbsup2
 
BuckNaked said:
And pray tell, why? Because I think it is tacky to have a fundraiser to help pay for your adoption expenses? Or because I'm pointing out that this isn't solely about helping a child?

What you seem to be missing is that no one has said that you shouldn't be adopting this child, or that there is anything wrong with going for such an expensive adoption. It's your money, your life, your choice, and you should do what is right for you and your family. But to couch in terms of having a fundraiser because this really is all about saving a child, well, sorry, but I'm just not falling for that.

ITA. The OP asked for and got honest opinions but she seems very defensive. In her OP she stated that she didn't feel the fundraiser is a good idea herself and asked others for their opinion. I have a feeling she really was considering a fundraiser and was hoping to get more on her side.
 

kdibattista said:
Because it must really suck to go through life that skeptical and heartless. But, hey, whatever gets you through the day (and I do hope you have a good one today, by the way :) )


Nice, real nice. :rolleyes: Attacking someone who is calmly and rationally expressing her point of view because you don't agree with her... :sad2:
 
skiwee1 said:
ITA. The OP asked for and got honest opinions but she seems very defensive. In her OP she stated that she didn't feel the fundraiser is a good idea herself and asked others for their opinion. I have a feeling she really was considering a fundraiser and was hoping to get more on her side.

I have this friend with a embarrassing problem... remember that it's my friend... did I mention that it's not me, but my friend. :rotfl2:
 
skiwee1 said:
ITA. The OP asked for and got honest opinions but she seems very defensive. In her OP she stated that she didn't feel the fundraiser is a good idea herself and asked others for their opinion. I have a feeling she really was considering a fundraiser and was hoping to get more on her side.

OP here again... actually I have said many times that I do appreciate the honest answers. Obviously, I had some reservations or why would I have posted the question? What I don't appreciate is insinuation that I am trying to get over on someone. When someone comments to me that they are not "falling for it being about the child", I tend to to think they are skeptical. As for the insinuation that this is not my child, I tend to feel that is heartless. You don't, your perrogative. That's what makes the world go round.
 
cardaway said:
I have this friend with a embarrassing problem... remember that it's my friend... did I mention that it's not me, but my friend. :rotfl2:

Yeah, that's it :rolleyes2
 
I'm gonna ignore all the other posts (eekk!) and go back to the original question. Would I have a problem with this type of fundraiser? My heart says no, but my head says yes. Something about it just feels not right. I know it really isn't about this, but my head is saying I would be helping someone buy a baby. Sounds bad when it's typed out I know, but that's what jumps into my head I'm sorry to say. I'm not a horrible or insensitive person and I know many people who have had IF problems and were forced to adopt in order to have a child to love. I donate money to childrens causes inside the US and outside the US. My friends who have adopted have gone with adoption routes that fit them financially and emotionaly. There is no way they could afford to adopt babies that were not yet born. The costs associated with that because of the healthcare and delivery costs for the mother, as well as the fact that the unborn babies are in the highest demand, made it a non-choice in their circumstances. These are decisions they had to make and they made the ones that worked for them. Showers were held after the adoptions and many donations were given(both monetary and other needed items) and this felt completely normal but before hand the donation of money would have felt odd. Maybe it makes no sense but it's how I would feel about it.
 
BuckNaked said:
:rotfl2:

Skeptical and heartless because I'm not falling for the "I'm only doing this to save a helpless child" line? :rotfl2:

you obviously have never been in this situation to make such a crass statement. I am in a similar situation to the OP. Do I want a child? Yes. But my dh and I also are happy in the knowledge that we will be saving a child who otherwise may just go through the system and be a forgotten part of life. There are way too many children who are forgotten and do not have a good life. I am taking classes towards certification and the premier thing they advise is that a family and child has to be in crisis for me and my dh to adopt a child. So, yes, when my dh and I do adopt, we are saving a helpless child. and the fact that you cannot see that makes me very sad for you.

Further, I know the OP expected objections and opinions, I just don't think she expected the horrific remarks made by some of the posters here. And I too would respond if I was being attacked. It is VERY simple to state your objections in a nice and polite manner without being rude and attack her.
 
disney4us2002 said:
I would really like to know where you're getting these "facts" - aside from being wrong and offensive (why is it any more PC to choose the country than the race of an adopted child?). I saw the statistics for MD adoptions just last week. In the three So. Md counties I work with there were only 27 public agency adoptions in 2005 and of those only 3 were for children under age 1 - regardless of race. One of the couples I mentioned are actually an AA couple. The reason for the wait is that they only want to consider "legally free" children under age 2 for fear of a disrupted adoption. That is actually uncommon with public agencies. If you know where they can adopt w/o a wait, please post the agency or pm the name and I will pass it on to them.
I think the difference is between public and private agencies. I've always heard the same thing about public agencies -- babies and toddlers in general are very hard to adopt through the state, because they're giving the birthparents a chance to get their act together. The birthparents are not choosing adoption, they are having their rights terminated by the state and the state needs to make darn sure that they are doing the right thing, before they go terminating people's parental rights against their will.

Many private agencies, however, have trouble finding parents to adopt healthy AA or biracial newborns whose birthparents are choosing an adoption plan for them. The agency we used, for example, where potential birthparents look at profiles of potential adoptive families and choose the family for thier child. While white mothers carrying full caucasion babies generally have 12-15 profiles from which to choose, mothers carrying AA or biracial babies have maybe one or two. We have friends that adopted through this agency as well, and they first waited probably 15 months for a white baby, until they decided that color didn't matter. Within two weeks of notifying the agency that they were open to all races, they got the call that a potential birthmom had chosen them, and she was due the next week! (Usually, matches are made a month or two before the due date). That particular match fell through, as the mother decided to parent the baby, but not more than a month after that, they were chosen again, and this time the baby was placed in their home and adopted.

Our social worker told me that private agencies have such trouble finding homes for these babies that the agencies join forces when they have an AA baby to place, they often have to call the other agencies to find profiles to present to the potential birthmom. Many agencies even reduce their fees for AA/biracial babies, in order to widen the pool of couples who have the ability to adopt them.

Now, these adoptions certainly aren't without any wait, but generally have a much shorter wait that for healthy white babies. It is sad, but at the same time, IMO, couples need to bring children into their families whom they feel qualified to parent. Some white families living in 99.8% white communities may not feel up to the challenge of parenting a child who may face discrimination and prejudice throughout his life. This doesn't make them bad or racist people, heck, if adoptive parents are supposed to ignore those factors and adopt without regard to race or ethnicity, why aren't bio parents held to the same standard? I mean, they could just has easily forgo fertility treatments or use birth control and adopt those "hard-to-place" (whether due to age, race or health) children too.

OK, back to my original point... Really, if anyone is having trouble finding an AA baby to adopt, they should try some private agencies. If you really want to know which one we used, PM me. They are in Colorado, but work with out-of-state families as well.
 
So, yes, when my dh and I do adopt, we are saving a helpless child. and the fact that you cannot see that makes me very sad for you.

That is really twisting her words around. And I don't think anybody can deny that their is a strong personal desire to be a Mom involved here. There is definately some personal gain going on. That isn't a bad thing.

BuckNaked (and most dissenters here) NEVER said that adopting a child is not a good thing to do -- they only said that if they were going to give money to help "save" children, they would want to give to a cause that would save as many children as possible for the money spent.

I don't have a problem with anybody adopting Internationally. But it has been freely admitted here that a good portion of the money spent goes NOT toward the children or the orphanages, but toward bribes of Public Officials, paperwork, and other Admninistrative costs.

So as a charity, it is not what I would consider a good use of my money and I would not donate.

That doesn't mean I don't think you shouldn't go and "get" what you consider to be your child, go get them. I think that is great.
 
Toby'sFriend said:
That doesn't mean I don't think you shouldn't go and "get" what you consider to be your child, go get them. I think that is great.

:guilty:
 
poohandwendy said:
IWould we have the same conversation if someone posted that they were having trouble affording Viagra that really improve their sex life and if they should have a fundraiser asking friends and family to donate to help them?
The difference is, medical insurance usually covers Viagra, doesn't it? ;)

(Just a joke, folks, I know there are other, big differences!)
 
To the OP, use the triangle below you name to ask for the thread to be closed if you want it to be.
 
Toby'sFriend said:
That is really twisting her words around. And I don't think anybody can deny that their is a strong personal desire to be a Mom involved here. There is definately some personal gain going on. That isn't a bad thing.

BuckNaked (and most dissenters here) NEVER said that adopting a child is not a good thing to do -- they only said that if they were going to give money to help "save" children, they would want to give to a cause that would save as many children as possible for the money spent.

I don't have a problem with anybody adopting Internationally. But it has been freely admitted here that a good portion of the money spent goes NOT toward the children or the orphanages, but toward bribes of Public Officials, paperwork, and other Admninistrative costs.

So as a charity, it is not what I would consider a good use of my money and I would not donate.

That doesn't mean I don't think you shouldn't go and "get" what you consider to be your child, go get them. I think that is great.


To add on--I limit my donations to not-for-profit organizations. Even efforts for a young woman who needed a bone marrow transplant--her fundraiser was set up through a not-for-profit. I KNOW my donations go to the source.

In this instance, not that the OP has bad intentions--but there is no confirmation of that. And as someone else posted--there is just a stigma attached to getting donations for personal gain no matter how well intentioned.
 
Toby'sFriend said:
That is really twisting her words around. QUOTE]

did you not see what I quoted? I'm stating bucknakeds' words exactly.
 
and you are also taking them totally out of context.
 
Toby'sFriend said:
and you are also taking them totally out of context.
---------------------------------

And maybe if the poster didn't feel the need to insert these - :rotfl2: - every time she comes across a topic that doesn't meet her standards, the OP wouldn't have become defensive.. It's possible to discuss this situation as mature adults without the veiled "I'm talking to an idiot" smilies..
 
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