Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

[BuckNaked]

the end result of a treatment does not always mean a cure
very often it is making the current situation more bearable

Tell me, in detail please, exactly how an adoption changes, in any way, the physiological state of infertility.

Thanks.

Adoption is an alternative to infertility, not a treatment of it.

 

[scubamouse]

Wow. I don't think she was trying to be insulting at all..

you're right - cruel and insensitive would be better adjectives

I'm trying my best--but when I read posts like this it makes me really really sad..

makes me sad to post it. BTW - again not directed at you

We are not evil people. .

agreed but some are unnecessarily cruel and uninformed.

We are all moms who want our babies in however way we may get them..

true but it'd be nice if people would recognize that some moms struggle more to bring children into our lives.

Some of us (p/g and adoptive moms alike) just don't feel that doing a "fundaiser" is appropriate when trying to grow your family in whatever way your are *able* to grow it.

and I was one of those mothers who offered non fundraiser options on page 1 or 2.

and endometriosis, PCOS, and autoimmune oophoryitis(sp) among others are all diseases that can cause IF w/o an underlying other disorder. i wish some posters (not you, to be clear ) would get their facts straight before spouting off medical information they clearly know nothing about

 

[poohandwendy]

I think it is very shaky ground to be getting into the 'worthiness' of the cause when deciding whether or not other people should be helping you wth something that is not life threatening.

Would we have the same conversation if someone posted that they were having trouble affording Viagra that really improve their sex life and if they should have a fundraiser asking friends and family to donate to help them?

Both situations are very near and dear to the hearts of those affected, but the real issue is whether or not it is appropriate to ask others to help fund something that would improve your life situation.

 

[huey duey & luey]

Prescribed by whom?

alot of Re's

Would you hold fundraisers to finance fertility treatments or IVF? Those are treatments.

I was lucky enough that I did not have too, but I would never judge someone else, especially since I HAVE walked a mile in their shoes

 

[huey duey & luey]

Tell me, in detail please, exactly how an adoption changes, in any way, the physiological state of infertility.

Thanks.

Adoption is an alternative to infertility, not a treatment of it.

do you want me to start with the physiological aspects of depression ?

 

[kdibattista]

Would we have the same conversation if someone posted that they were having trouble affording Viagra that really improve their sex life and if they should have a fundraiser asking friends and family to donate to help them?

Are you serious? Wow.

 

[poohandwendy]

Are you serious? Wow.

Yes, I am absolutely serious. I was pointing out that it should not be about how worthy your cause is. Because the above scenario is just as important to the people involved as your situation is to you. As would be a situation where people wanted money to help buy a home.

This should be about what is and is not appropriate. And what would and would not make the people around you uncomfortable. If you feel that you would not offend the people you know, go for it. But if there is doubt, I would not do it.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

My problem with a fundraiser to raise money for adoption costs is this - why should anyone donate money for a private adoption, when with a little more work and patience, you can adopt a child for free through the state? Sure there are risks - but as a fost/adopt mom, it's well worth it. Thousands of people have become families through the state/county adoption and fost/adopt systems. If you don't have the money for a private adoption, than you should look into other options. There are thousands of children of all ages right here in our own counties, waiting for their forever family.

 

[disykat]

I don't see foreign adoption as a way to rescue children, that is just a side benefit. Everyone I know has gained a wonderful child to love through their adoption. If the main benefit is gain (a child to love) as opposed to a charitable act (rescuing children), a fundraiser is of questionable taste. I suppose if it was really all about rescuing the children it would be okay, but I have yet to meet an adoptive family that felt that way.

 

[cardaway]

This should be about what is and is not appropriate. And what would and would not make the people around you uncomfortable. If you feel that you would not offend the people you know, go for it. But if there is doubt, I would not do it.

Well said.

Another day, another thread where the OP goes off about the "attitude" of people that disagree. Sure to be locked soon by the request of the OP I'm sure.

Taking on the debt in this case is a personal choice. The details are only details about this particular choice. As others noted, the cost can be far less and there there are far more children that need "saving" right in everybody's back yard. Not saying somebody is wrong for choosing what they do, only pointing out that the details don't make it any less tacky.

 

[MrsKreamer]

do you want me to start with the physiological aspects of depression ?

I have depression. Can I hold a fund raiser to relieve my depression?

 

[kdibattista]

Well said.

Another day, another thread where the OP goes off about the "attitude" of people that disagree. Sure to be locked soon by the request of the OP I'm sure.

Taking on the debt in this case is a personal choice. The details are only details about this particular choice. As others noted, the cost can be far less and there there are far more children that need "saving" right in everybody's back yard. Not saying somebody is wrong for choosing what they do, only pointing out that the details don't make it any less tacky.

Actually, I can take the heat but thanks for your concern

 

[huey duey & luey]

I have depression. Can I hold a fund raiser to relieve my depression?

so are psychiatric illness less real/debilitating then medical ones?

 

[luvmydogs]

You know, Kim, my initial gut reaction to this thread (several hours ago!) was that no, I wouldn't attend, and no, I don't think it's appropritate. But after reading through this entire thread, I'm going to change my mind and go against popular opinion here. Although it is something I don't believe I'd personally do--yes, I'd donate. Not diving into all the peripheral issues discussed here--just focusing on the question, and giving my own deep down personal reaction as to how I'd feel about the request.

All my best to you, Kim.

 

[rigs32]

Warning: Tacky post ahead and I am not being 100% serious.

I think some of the issues people have is that at such a fundraiser, their donations would be benefitting you (as much as, if not more) than your child-to-be. YOU will have the child you want and all that goes with it.

Now let's look at the money (the tacky, not really serious part). If the total cost is $30,000. If I invest 10%, $3000, will you share your benefits from the child? I'll even settle for just the cash. If your tax benefit for adoption plus child credit for year one, 10% of that would be at least several hundred dollars, I'd guess. By the time they hit 18, I'd have made a nice little profit off my investment.

If the cost were more reasonable and you could not afford it, I think people would be more willing to assist financially.

 

[poohandwendy]

I am just reposting my earlier question because it sort of got lost in the shuffle and I think it isvery relevant to the feelings of people who may be invited to donate to a fundraiser like this. I think these are some of the issues that would cross my mind if I were in the position of those around you:

I just have one question regarding the main issue brought up by the OP. You asked if anyone here would be offended by the idea of this type of fundraiser. Many people have said yes, they would.

I am just wondering if you would be offended if any of your close family and friends decided not to participate? I ask because I think there is a very strong possibility for hurt feelings and damaged relationships when money is involved. I think that is what would be what I would find offensive. Because I would feel that I was being forced into an obligation and that I would be looked down upon if I did not participate.

(FWIW, I would privately give friends or family members money if I felt they were in need, without asking. no matter what the reason. I think the asking is what puts people in an uncomfortable position)

 

[MrsKreamer]

so are psychiatric illness less real/debilitating then medical ones?

I take my depression very seriously. If I let it, depression would take over my life. I appreciate the OP's need for a child. If money is a concern of hers then she may want to look into other avenues. Just don't say that because she is IF(which we don't even know) then she has to adopt to eleviate her depression(which we don't even know if she suffers from). GEESH!

 

[huey duey & luey]

I take my depression very seriously. If I let it, depression would take over my life. I appreciate the OP's need for a child. If money is a concern of hers then she may want to look into other avenues. Just don't say that because she is IF(which we don't even know) then she has to adopt to eleviate her depression(which we don't even know if she suffers from). GEESH!

I wasn't saying that at all, if you read my response was to a post that stated that adoption was not alleviating any psyiological aspects of infertility

 

[huey duey & luey]

Many women suffer from infertility as a direct result from treatments for cancer, would this make it a more acceptable medical condition?

 

[kdibattista]

I am just reposting my earlier question because it sort of got lost in the shuffle and I think it isvery relevant to the feelings of people who may be invited to donate to a fundraiser like this. I think these are some of the issues that would cross my mind if I were in the position of those around you:

DH is vice president of our local fire company. We always have beef n beer type fundraisers for different things as it is a very close knit group of people. These people are our extended family. No one would be "invited"... just a word of mouth type thing for close friends and family (of whom we have several hundred). Anyway, I would never be offended if people did not want to donate, nor would I expect them to.

I don't know... this whole thread seems to have taken such a nasty turn and it's not what was intended.