Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

[cardaway]

Nevermind.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

---------------------------------

And maybe if the poster didn't feel the need to insert these - - every time she comes across a topic that doesn't meet her standards, the OP wouldn't have become defensive.. It's possible to discuss this situation as mature adults without the veiled "I'm talking to an idiot" smilies..

right.

I thought all of us terrible people were on your ignore list?

 

[C.Ann]

right.

I thought all of us terrible people were on your ignore list?

-----------------------

Where did I say you were terrible - or that you were on my ignore list? I don't recall listing the names here..

If you think attempting to humiliate people is fun - then go for it - but don't act all indignant (or defensive of others who do) when they're called on it..

 

[Amlee]

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I can see you have not a clue as to what you are talking about.


All of your examples are cost laid out over time. Not a lump sum price that you have to pay out at once.

 

[Micheme]

All I can say is wow...

As I read thru this thread I was trying to collect my thoughts so I could reply in a calm and rational manner. But then I thought no matter what I said would probably not change a lot of posters opinions. I was quite disheartened to see a lot of posters debate the definition of "infertility" and posters commenting on the fact that the OP should consider domestic adoption as opposed to international.

All I want to say to Kim is ... she is your daughter, i know you feel it in your heart. Only those of us who have been through it really know how you feel and know that you would do anything to bring your family together.

Ignore all the other comments, do what you need to do or feel comfortable with. I wish you all the best of luck on bringing your "forever family" together and hope that you have not been hurt by some of the comments on this thread.

Just one little comment.. unless you have been through something like this please don't make wide sweeping comments. You never know how your comments could really be hurting someone. Infertility and adoption are very sensitive issues and deal with a lot of hurt and disappointment, although the poster did ask for your opinion on a specific topic, the off shoots of discussing infertility and adoption issues brought up a lot of differing comement but those comments may be hurtful to those dealing with those issues.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but sometimes we have to think how our opinion could have a lasting and hurtful effect on others.

 

[Amlee]

All I can say is wow...

As I read thru this thread I was trying to collect my thoughts so I could reply in a calm and rational manner. But then I thought no matter what I said would probably not change a lot of posters opinions. I was quite disheartened to see a lot of posters debate the definition of "infertility" and posters commenting on the fact that the OP should consider domestic adoption as opposed to international.

All I want to say to Kim is ... she is your daughter, i know you feel it in your heart. Only those of us who have been through it really know how you feel and know that you would do anything to bring your family together.

Ignore all the other comments, do what you need to do or feel comfortable with. I wish you all the best of luck on bringing your "forever family" together and hope that you have not been hurt by some of the comments on this thread.

Just one little comment.. unless you have been through something like this please don't make wide sweeping comments. You never know how your comments could really be hurting someone. Infertility and adoption are very sensitive issues and deal with a lot of hurt and disappointment, although the poster did ask for your opinion on a specific topic, the off shoots of discussing infertility and adoption issues brought up a lot of differing comement but those comments may be hurtful to those dealing with those issues.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but sometimes we have to think how our opinion could have a lasting and hurtful effect on others.

I couldn't bring myself to read this whole thread. I saw right quick people voiced their opinions with out ever having to experiance adoption or infertility.

 

[cardaway]

Just one little comment.. unless you have been through something like this please don't make wide sweeping comments. You never know how your comments could really be hurting someone. Infertility and adoption are very sensitive issues and deal with a lot of hurt and disappointment, although the poster did ask for your opinion on a specific topic, the off shoots of discussing infertility and adoption issues brought up a lot of differing comement but those comments may be hurtful to those dealing with those issues.

And you are assuming that people making the comments haven't been through it, we have. The cost of IF treatment is quite high, but no way would I ever ask anybody other than family to help us out, if we were to ask for any help at all.

We know the feeling alright, 8 years and counting with nothing but the same negative result.

 

[Disney Doll]

I tend to judge my donations to causes on the merits of the cause.

With that in mind I probably would go to a fundraiser for this, especially if the OP was my friend. I understand the emotional pain of not being able to bear children & the desire to become a parent. I understand that needing to come up with $30K in a lump sum is a lot different than spending money on a child over the course of a lifetime. I kind of go by the "Starfish Theory" when it comes to giving:

A young boy was walking along the beach, and when he would come upon a starfish that was stuck on the shore, he would pick it up and toss back into the water. An older man came upon the boy and asked him what he was doing. "I am helping the starfish" replied the boy. "How silly!" the old man scoffed, "You are never going to be able to help all the starfish in the world."
The little boy picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, looked at the old man and said "But I helped that one".

And it would make me feel good to help. Even if only in a small way. Even if only for a single person.

I may not be able to save the world, but I can help save my little piece of it.

 

[kdibattista]

We know the feeling alright, 8 years and counting with nothing but the same negative result.

I truly wish you the best with your pursuit to complete your family

 

[Crankyshank]

I think it's pretty presumptuous to assume those who are voicing dissent have no experience with infertility or adoption and for the record your assumption is incorrect.

 

[BuckNaked]

---------------------------------

And maybe if the poster didn't feel the need to insert these - - every time she comes across a topic that doesn't meet her standards, the OP wouldn't have become defensive.. It's possible to discuss this situation as mature adults without the veiled "I'm talking to an idiot" smilies..

It has nothing to do with a topic not meeting my standards, it has to do with finding something very funny, such as the notion that I'm skeptical and heartless simply because I think it's tacky to have an adoption fundraiser.

When I find something funny, I laugh.

 

[cardaway]

I saw right quick people voiced their opinions with out ever having to experiance adoption or infertility.

And you know that how?

 

[tiggersmom2]

We know the feeling alright, 8 years and counting with nothing but the same negative result.

 

[C.Ann]

I think the OP has gotten the message loud and clear that the initial idea was not a good one.. She asked for opinions - got them - and is now attempting to find other more appropriate ways of funding this adoption..

At this point, wouldn't it be more productive to try to come up with suggestions of how she and her DH could come up with additional funds - just the same as people who come on here and ask, "How can I make extra money for a trip to Disney?" - rather than rehashing all of the ugly points that have already been discussed over and over and over again?

If not, perhaps the OP should start a new thread - asking for those types of ideas only.. Staying here will only result in further criticism at this point..

 

[Sandy22]

from the vantage point of working within the u.s. public adoption system and seeing many wonderful parents opt out of the system because they cannot "pick and choose" children or do not wish to be subject to the intensive background checks that are required of them (not in any way to insinuate this is the case of the o.p.) this IS the reality. if you or anyone your are aware of has adopted a u.s. child through a public agency in "a week" the law has been circumvented and the best of interests of the child have in no way, shape or form been considered.

I don't know in what area of adoption you work??? The vast majority of international adoptions are not instances where parents "pick and choose" a child. You get a referral and you're lucky if you get a picture (I didn't) or a medical background. There are photolistings on the internet but those are mostly hard-to-place children.

And if you think that those adopting internationally are not subject to intense scrutiny then you are gravely mistaken. Not only do you have to meet all the criteria/tests/evaluations in the U.S. (the same criteria used for domestic adoption) but you also have to meet the criteria of the country you're adopting in.

I've never said you could finalize an adoption of a child in the US in a week. I said you could have one placed with you for adoption in a week (assuming you have a valid homestudy). Of course to finalize the adoption, it's going to take time - you have to go through all the legal proceedings.

 

[Micheme]

I think it's pretty presumptuous to assume those who are voicing dissent have no experience with infertility or adoption and for the record your assumption is incorrect.

I assumed nothing, at no point did i say anything like that, I just asked if you haven't experienced infertility you might be a little sensitive to comments made about infertility and how that could affect those going thru it.

 

[sleepyone]

I haven't read all of the replies here but, just wanted to give you another idea.

Is there an auction house nearby? If so, you could auction off some of your things. You could go to local businesses and see if they will donate something for the auction.

This is something that is done in the neighboring county quite a bit. Lots of people love going to an auction to try to get a bargain.

I know the Wal-Mart (in the neighboring county), for example donated a diamond ring to a local auction.

Just an idea.

 

[HoneyPooh]

The original question wasn't about infertility or adoption, it was about a fundraiser for an adoption. Why would we have to have adopted or been infertile to have an opinion about a fundraiser? Not to mention, some have posted that they are in fact adoptive parents and they would find the fundraising idea a problem. I have opinions about lots of things that I haven't personally been through. Plus, nobody on here that I saw ever said anything was wrong with adopting or having fertility problems. The discussion is about whether someone feels it's the right thing to do to hold a fundraiser to finance an adoption. The OP herself had reservations about it. I think everyone agrees that the OP should do whatever she feels necessary to adopt the child that she already feels is her daughter. I can understand her need to be a mom.

To the OP, good luck and I hope that you get your daughter soon!

 

[Crankyshank]

I assumed nothing, at no point did i say anything like that, I just asked if you haven't experienced infertility you might be a little sensitive to comments made about infertility and how that could affect those going thru it.

I wasn't refering to your comments. But about the insensitive comments- it's been on both sides. There's been some pretty nasty things said outright and insinuated against those who don't agree with the OP.

 

[C.Ann]

When I find something funny, I laugh.

------------------------

Sure you do.. You must have a great sense of humor - even if it does appear to be warped at times.. I guess I'm just reading you all wrong..............