Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

[Nana Annie]

I agree with the posters that said that infertility is not a choice. And that adoption, from whatever country, may be the only option for some for the gift of children in their lives. And it would be benefitting a child doomed to an institution otherwise.

However, I have mixed feelings about the fundraiser you described. As somebody else mentioned, I would be very uncomfortable attending if you were the organizer of your own fundraiser. Kind of akin to holding your own shower, asking for money on wedding invitations, etc. How many threads have we had on this board saying how tacky it was for one to ask for money for themselves?

That said, I would have no problems attending and contributing if the fundraiser was sponsored by an organization that helps. For instance - your church was holding a spaghetti dinner. A local restaurant was donating proceeds to the cause, etc. The girl scouts were holding the barbecue. The difference is subtle I know, but that is just me. I am uncomfortable giving money to people who ask for it for themselves, for any cause.

Maybe you could find a group to sponsor your fundraiser? Perhaps one of the groups that your husband has helped?

 

[lulugirl]

Maintaining decorum...give me a break. The OP had every right to be offended by the rude comments here. I suspect she is having a good cry at this point. You obviously had no problems conceiving. Good for you. Believe it or not, it isn't so easy for some others.

It is nice that you have raised money for a disease. Yes, people die, I've lost two sons, but here was someone wanting to make something good happen. your overreaction and insult were totally rude, IMO.

I would be thrilled to help someone do something good and positive. Hopefully the people in her real life are one hell of a lot nicer and supportive than those here.

IMO yours is the only rude post on this thread. I found all others to be respectful and direct.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Maintaining decorum...give me a break. The OP had every right to be offended by the rude comments here. I suspect she is having a good cry at this point. You obviously had no problems conceiving. Good for you. Believe it or not, it isn't so easy for some others.

It is nice that you have raised money for a disease. Yes, people die, I've lost two sons, but here was someone wanting to make something good happen. your overreaction and insult were totally rude, IMO.

I would be thrilled to help someone do something good and positive. Hopefully the people in her real life are one hell of a lot nicer and supportive than those here.

She asked for an honest opinion.

I wasn't trying to be mean or rude here.

 

[Beth76]

Yes, infertility is not a choice. Adoption is, whether it's in the USA or in a different country. And I fail to see how infertility is an illness. Like Lisa loves Pooh said, you can't die from infertility.

OP, I did notice your mention of lukemia in your original post. I didn't really think you were comparing the two. To answer your question, no I wouldn't attend a "fundraiser" like this. But, good luck to you still!

 

[barkley]

Golfgal, Ummmm, no, I do not think that most companies give adoption grants...
Also, yes most people DO get money to cover the costs of childbearing... it's called insurance. (there is medicare coverage for those who do not have insurance.) The Family Leave act also guarantees time off for childbearing.

I see this as another post that is the product of misinformation and misunderstanding.

not to start a medicare debate, just to claify-medicare and the majority of the state medicare programs (like medical in california) do not provide routine medical coverage for uninsured pregnant women. they must already have linkage to the program (generaly an adult only does by virtue of an existing disability or by having other children who link them to eligibility). this is why far too many uninsured pregnant women fo without prenatal care and wait until they are in the late stages of labor to necessitate e/r admission (if it's an emergency the hospital can get provide the treatment with a hope of medicare covering a portion or at least getting a partial tax write off).

sad but true.

as for "money" from insurance-i paid high premiums for years to have the coverage for my births, my insurance company was not giving me anything i had'nt given the 10 times over. and family leave act also guarantees time off for the adoption of a child (as do some state disability insurance programs-financial benefits for adopting parents mirror those for "birthing" parents.

 

[SC Minnie]

Wow, this thread got out of control in a hurry.

OP-- good luck to you on your adoption.

 

[scubamouse]

And I fail to see how infertility is an illness. Like Lisa loves Pooh said, you can't die from infertility.

Are you for real? Please give me the non-medical reason for my 5 miscarriages in 2 years. Gee I always went to the Doctor but if you have an other way to treat pregnancy losses I'd be happy to hear about it! Seriously, tell all of us who have had trouble conceiving and/or maintaing pregnancies how to cure that without a doctor. There aren't enough to show how insulting that is. A disease/disorder doesn't have to be fatal to be an illness.

Adoption cures childlessness, it doesn't cure inferility!

 

[kdibattista]

It's the OP again

I just want to say that I really do appreciate the honesty. I, myself, obviously had some reservations and that is why I posted the question. While I do appreciate the honesty, I think that some of the comparisons are just ridiculous. I find it offensive that some would compare wanting to adopt a child from a third world orphanage with limited resources and a life doomed to prostitution or worse to buying a bigger house. Do you have the right to post it... absolutely, but it doesn't mean you should.

Again, thanks to everyone...

 

[inaminute]

I would not attend a fundraiser for adoption costs.

Usually, fundraisers are held for people who cannot afford medical care in life or death situations. Those are situations where I gladly open my wallet.

I, personally, do not consider infertility to be a life or death situation. It can be devastating, but (generally) not life-threatening.

OP--Whether you decide to go with a fundraiser, or some other means of collecting the adoption costs, I wish you good luck in your adoption. I sincerely hope it works out for you and that you'll have some good news to share in the not-too-distant future!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

i just want to answer the origianl question, i do find the idea of the fundraiser tacky and would not go. We have adopted and are very happy. we incurred debt, but the satisfaction of knowing we did it on our own is enough and we are a very happy family. good luck on your adoption it's a great feeling when it's all over

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Adoption cures childlessness, it doesn't cure inferility!

Now my comments have been taken out of context.

I have a friend who is a foster mom. Has had about 30 or so children in and out of her home. Their foster days are over almost as they will be relocating to Texas for Mission work. They are in process of adopting one of their foster children.

I have another friend with 4 adoptive children

And another with 3.

So while I do not personally know what it is like to experience the inability to have children--I didn't come on here to rub noses in it.

OP asked a question and asked for honest answers. I only defended myself after getting cyber-yelled at by her to which she later apologized as I took her post out of context. And I apologized as well for saying something that was offensive to her when it was not my intent.

I kept one b/c some said it's an illness and this is a cure. which by your quote above you disagree with as well.

While adoption gives you the child you very much wanted--it didn't save your life. It may have saved your heart though as you now can enjoy parenthood like all the others.

I may not understand personally--but I do empathize.

It is sad that those of us who disagree with the idea are considered rude for it and then have some comments thrown back in our faces.

In the end it will not matter--OP will have her baby--and when that happens..this thread will not mean squat when she meets her son or daughter for the first time. It won't mean anything when she takes him or her to school. It won't mean anything when the baby--all grown up graduates from high school.


Good luck to all!

 

[In a hurry]

as for "money" from insurance-i paid high premiums for years to have the coverage for my births, my insurance company was not giving me anything i had'nt given the 10 times over. and family leave act also guarantees time off for the adoption of a child (as do some state disability insurance programs-financial benefits for adopting parents mirror those for "birthing" parents.

It is not as though you have the option of buying adoption insurance, either. You had a way to deal with the situation you were dealt.

scubamouse I am sorry for your losses. How devestating. Sadly, a disease/disorder only means something if:

1. Someone they know has it

2. There are cute ribbons for it (my colon cancer just didn't cut it...)

3. A celeb endorces it.

4. There is something in it for them.

I've had cancer, I've lost 2 sons to a drunk driver, delivering prematurely (23 weeks) the next day. What I've learned is that helping people do good things is one of the ways of getting from day to day. I leave the judgements to those who have nothing better to do with their time.

 

[kdibattista]

Now my comments have been taken out of context.

I have a friend who is a foster mom. Has had about 30 or so children in and out of her home. Their foster days are over almost as they will be relocating to Texas for Mission work. They are in process of adopting one of their foster children.

I have another friend with 4 adoptive children

And another with 3.

So while I do not personally know what it is like to experience the inability to have children--I didn't come on here to rub noses in it.

OP asked a question and asked for honest answers. I only defended myself after getting cyber-yelled at by her to which she later apologized as I took her post out of context. And I apologized as well for saying something that was offensive to her when it was not my intent.

I kept one b/c some said it's an illness and this is a cure. which by your quote above you disagree with as well.

While adoption gives you the child you very much wanted--it didn't save your life. It may have saved your heart though as you now can enjoy parenthood like all the others.

I may not understand personally--but I do empathize.

It is sad that those of us who disagree with the idea are considered rude for it and then have some comments thrown back in our faces.

In the end it will not matter--OP will have her baby--and when that happens..this thread will not mean squat when she meets her son or daughter for the first time. It won't mean anything when she takes him or her to school. It won't mean anything when the baby--all grown up graduates from high school.


Good luck to all!

Hi Lisa... Now that we got our situation resolved, I really don't want to start again so know ahead of time that I am saying this without yelling . You are right, it will not save my life but do you not think that it would save the life of the child I want to adopt who will be living in a orphanage? I guess people are looking at it from my point of view and I'm viewing it from the eyes of my daughter... laying in a crib with 6 other babies and limited human contact.

Again, not trying to start something...

 

[scubamouse]

Lisa loves Pooh - that was in response to Beth76's comment not yours.

and you might be able to sympathize, unless you've seen a heart beat and then not seen a heartbeat or gotten a BFN after an IVF/IUI you can't begin to empathize.

ETA - the part you quote from me is something I say all the time to AP and non-APs. It wasn't directed at anyone here but my own POV about adoption and IF.

 

[C.Ann]

Just wanted to pop back in to second the motion of something a little more low key - or something sponsored by some other group that would like to help..

As an example - I love books.. If I saw an ad in the newspaper for some huge used book sale - with the proceeds going to a lovely couple who were raising costs to adopt - I would not hesitate for one minute - I'd be there in a heartbeat - and probably spend more than I would under normal circumstances.. But if I were asked to "purchase" a "ticket" to a fund raiser for a couple I didn't know, I have to be honest and say I would not.. For some reason that just comes across different to me..

Incidentally, I'm adopted myself - and I think it's a great thing that you are attempting to do..

Best of luck!

 

[happybratpack]

Chiming in late here...and only on the original post.

I would participate and help out, I would donate stuff if you were having a garage sale/Ebay sales or buy Avon/Tupperware/Pampered Chef or whatever if you were doing that to raise money. I would spend money going out to eat anyway so why not spend it on a good cause. IMO, giving a child a family and a home that does not have one is a good cause and benefits the child first.

Congratulations on your decision, I wish you great luck. If you do decide to do anything fundraising wise put me on your list and I'll help all I can. It's all about the kids.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Hi Lisa... Now that we got our situation resolved, I really don't want to start again so know ahead of time that I am saying this without yelling . You are right, it will not save my life but do you not think that it would save the life of the child I want to adopt who will be living in a orphanage? I guess people are looking at it from my point of view and I'm viewing it from the eyes of my daughter... laying in a crib with 6 other babies and limited human contact.

Again, not trying to start something...

I agree.

However--baby shower . Yard sale .

There are many parents just like you and I just cannot see it ever be proper for all of them to be hosting (or allowing an immediate family member to host) fundraising dinners and events.

If friends or extended family offered or insisted or your church--the only proper thing to do would be to accept graciously.

I don't dispute that you are doing a very wonderful thing--I'm just thinking solely from the logical financial aspect--and I am certain that is why others mentioned comparisons with home and cars (though the car mention I think had to do with forgoign getting a new vehicle and instead getting a loan for the adoption, but I don't remember).

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Just wanted to pop back in to second the motion of something a little more low key - or something sponsored by some other group that would like to help..

As an example - I love books.. If I saw an ad in the newspaper for some huge used book sale - with the proceeds going to a lovely couple who were raising costs to adopt - I would not hesitate for one minute - I'd be there in a heartbeat - and probably spend more than I would under normal circumstances.. But if I were asked to "purchase" a "ticket" to a fund raiser for a couple I didn't know, I have to be honest and say I would not.. For some reason that just comes across different to me..

Incidentally, I'm adopted myself - and I think it's a great thing that you are attempting to do..

Best of luck!

Words of wisdom!!!

This is what I have been *opening mouth to insert foot* to say this entire time!

 

[Vijoge]

As an adoptive mother of three children (all adopted as infants ranging from 10 weeks to 9 days old) I know first hand that one can adopt a child for much less than $30,000. We were charged about $1,200 for the first, $600 for the second, and about $1,500 for the third.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I think it is in bad taste. You are choosing to adopt not trying to fix an unexpected medical problem. Plus don't you get a tax rebate/credit for the federal government?

ETA We have 4 international adoptions in our family and all the parents paid for it themselves by sacraficing. BTW there are many kids in the US who need loving and caring parents, who are in bad situations and it will not cost 30K.